Nikolai's Practice notes, Phase .2.

Nicks disclaimer is important finish the damn thing before you loose yourself. In weird powers stuff... I am inspired, right after I finish diner I am going to buy a candle : )

"Followers of the way
The one right here
before your eyes and listening to the dharma
is the person who 'enters fire without being burned,
goes into water without being drowned,
and plays about in the three deepest hells,
as if in a fairground;
he enters the world of hungry spirits and dumb animals without being molested by them"
- from Rinzai Roku...

Made me think of you Nick...LOL!

Have you tried observing yourself in the mirror, or a friend (someone who can sit still) in a focused-defocused way (if you see what I mean)? It can get a bit weird, but sure is fun!

kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/40...r+mirror+on+the+wall
There's been a thread about it actually.

I think I get you. It is weird/fun. It's funny how the brain's facial recognition software kicks in and starts doing weird stuff. For me I would usually see, fairly close to the beginning of doing that with a mirror, the eyes and mouth (can't recall about the nose) becoming a lot more prevalent then the rest of the face to the point where it looked like those parts were cut out on squares and superimposed over the face (like someone had cut the eye individually out of a photo and stuck it on where the eye should go). Really nifty.

way cool!

Great reading that thread Mu Mu!
Nik, you've done it already then! When I did it I transformed into completely different beings (one was a white jaguar/woman - totally off the wall, but gave me the name for my record label!). I did it with my sister once too and she turned into a lioness/woman (thankfully didn't eat me). Anyways, I guess this is all by-the-by stuff really. I guess it just shows what the mind/imagination is capable of ....
Back to the practice.

I havent done it since then but I think I wll when I get home from work today just for sheets and giggles.

Thanks for the inspiration guys!

Life!!!!!!!

I don't know what to write??????

I just am.....or just is.......meh!

Maybe you should start writing poems...
That was a good start!

Weird. I just posted that because I thought I had something to say but whatever it was it just evaporated. I am amazed at this mind now. It is ...just is. Well, at the moment. And it might be because I've just worked all day teaching Business English...oof! So my brain power is low. But this makes it perfect to just let go and dwell in that ISness. Nothing but the moment. I am suffering..hehe...from a lack of desire these days. Like I have no desire to do much at all. No thoughts nor urges arising to do much. Thus this rambling no point post.

I am in my normal phase and listening to Kylie Minogue dance numbers. I probably shouldn't post when I'm in this phase because talking about awakening bores me or rather the desire just doesn't arise. I like these new phases. I love being kind of normal. Screw you insight disease. You defined me for too long.... but now what defines me? .......I am not sure anymore. Hmmmm.

Meh!

Oh wait, I had some interesting things happen to me yesterday. I had a fullblown happy fit. It was the most love and compassion I've ever felt pour forth from my whole body and mind. I think I was in high Eq and listening to House music. But I almost blew my head off with all the metta flowing forth as I walked the smoggy streets of Santiago. I really am having a lot of moments of 3rd gear at the moment and it is influencing my thought patterns. Hmmm, I guess this is what to expect from me when I have nothing good to say. Brain farts!!!!

**puts headphones on**
"Can't get you out of my head!!"

I love this stuff Nick. It reminds me of the way I was all the time as a kid. Somewhere along the way things got way too serious. It's wonderful to be getting back to that place more and more and it's wonderful to have reports like this from the top of the mountain (where they play Kylie and have Brain farts).

Very inspiring in the best possible way.

P.S.
(I also had a happy fit yesterday. I attempted to do NS. Although I got a lot of pleasant feelings in my head and felt quite relaxed, I really don't think I'm able to do it - but it's fun to try. I'm not sure where I fell asleep (I had a brief 10 minute of so nap) but when I woke up I did more laughing and had more fun than I have had in a long time. I was silly as heck.)

'You need not make efforts to create non-conceptuality. You need not regard thoughts as a fault. And so that your practice does not succumb to famine, from the beginning have a bountiful crop. Not searching for a state that is calmly resting, vividly clear, and filled with bliss, bring into your experience whatever arises without taking it up or discarding it.' '“ Orgyenpa

Love this quote: From the latest Buddhist Geeks interview


www.buddhistgeeks.com/2010/09/bg-187-non...e-nature-of-thought/

What is this phase? There is definitely something going on post -awakening. It's like my mind just wants to rest. Just rest. I find there is a tendency to just be with whatever is in front of me in this very moment. Unpleasant or pleasant or neutral. It doesn't matter. It is getting harder to worry about things that used to worry me. Maybe that worry was a source of suffering but at least it got me to actually do stuff that needs to be done. But even though I don't have much worry arise to push me in the direction I should go, that is not a problem. Because I seem to manage...or life just seems to manage without me getting worried. I feel more inclined to just go with the flow. Not much planning going on in my head. It just is. Man, I would love to just have some machine that copies this mind and allow others to briefly experience it. I have no words that best describe it. It just is. And everything that comes in contact with it, just is too. What a frickn ride! Worth it? Yes indeed.

Could get better, could get worse, could stay the same. Thank you Mr Hamilton.


My sitting time seems not to differ from my daily life. Meditation is everywhere and anywhere. I guess I don't have much in the way of responsibilites...work is easy, relationship is easy , life is easy so i guess I am not having this thing tested by difficult situations. That will probably occur though in the future. But there really seems to be seemless connection between formal sitting and walking around. More 3rd gear moments. More peace ....ai caramba!

Repeat after me, could get better, could get worse, could stay the same!


But it is good to be free of insight disease. It is not a cure for all things, but it is all still oh so worth it, peoples!


**turns up volume listens to Thom yorke and watches funny or die videos**

More and more I am seeing that embracing the good and the bad and becoming intimately intimate with it all is freedom from suffering. It is not some permanent blissed out state. It is accepting that which was previously seen as nothing but suffering and accepting it without any struggle. When there is no struggle there is no suffering.

Today I took a very long trip across santiago via metro and bus to a class I thought I had to teach but in fact had been cancelled. I just didnt read the email properly. But it was not a wasted trip at all, far from it. All the way there I was aware of a heavy dark night erupting up and down my body. But there was something kind of newish to the way I approached it.

I became aware that that there was still the slightest habitual tendency to wish the dark night on its way and herald in the the calm of the 11th nana. The mind fell on that feeling of unease and saw that it was blocking being completely intimate with all the negativity flowing in my body.

Upon seeing this, that negativity was accepted as the moment and embraced. It was not avoided nor craved. The mind stayed with it like someone attending a wounded animal. The mind just was with it. No questions asked. Then it slowly dissipated and was seen to evaporate. The wounded animal healed and left to run off into the woods. Attend to all your crap, the pleasant, the unpleasant and the neutral like it were a wounded animal. Embrace it but know that is a wild animal and not "you" and will need to be released back into the wild.

I find that approaching everything that arises like this brings with it an immediate compassion for this body and mind and knowledge that it will pass. And there is no struggle and thus no real suffering there anymore..

I feel very 3rd gear today and it is influencing my weird arse thought patterns. Oolala!

"The mind stayed with it like someone attending a wounded animal. The mind just was with it. No questions asked. Then it slowly dissipated and was seen to evaporate. The wounded animal healed and left to run off into the woods. Attend to all your crap, the pleasant, the unpleasant and the neutral like it were a wounded animal. Embrace it but know that is a wild animal and not "you" and will need to be released back into the wild. "

I really like this phrasing. I'm reading it as a compassionate interest and full awareness with whatever is. Difficult as it is to maintain, given the habitual tendency to avoid or ignore what hurts, but it's helpful for me reflect upon right now.

Last night's 3rd gear rigpa NS experience has left me feeling very poetic. Hehe!

Embrace all that flow of negativity,
that thought of angst,
that state of crazy,
as you would a lover.

As you are intimate with a lover,
so be intimate with your despair and sorrow,
your happiness and calm.
And then let them go when they too have had enough.
Wave good bye and wave hello
As you welcome your new lover with open arms.


Prolonged third gear makes you very cheesy.

I have little to say about my practice these days. I have very little desire arise to even talk about the specifics. Suffice to say, what Kenneth has talked about concerning the "direct path" just happens to be what I seem to be focused on naturally these past few days. 100 % intimate with all sensations. It works.

I find that when I have a negative mind state or thought pattern arise it will be accompanied by some sensation or other on or within the body somewhere. I gather from my years practicing the Goenka sweeping method, the mind seems very naturally inclined to fall on those very sensations that correspond to whatever is going on in the mind in that moment.

So, right now I feel slightly agitated. The specific sensations associated with the 10th nana of the end of a dark night, if I am correct. Normally before, I would just watch the sensations, the mind just calmly paying attention to them. But along with this attention, there was the habitual tendency to "want" the unpleasantness to pass quickly and have the calm collectedness that I have come to expect of the 11th nana (equanimity of formations nana) take their place. So it would seem there was a splitting up of the attention with the mind giving 90 % of its attention to the sensation, and say 10% of the attention to the thought patterns of "aversion" and "desire" for something else.

Only recently have I been becoming ever so aware of this little fact. These days the 2nd arrow of clinging is no longer, but the first arrow still sets off the occasional burst of reaction. It doesn't last long as the mind easily discerns the reaction and negativity, and thus "lets it go" and it all evaporates back to where it came from (nothing). But, there still can occur that initial burst of reaction. The first arrow. The initial struggle to crave or avoid. Even though it still is easy to let go of post-4th.

Continued from above...


However, this "newish" way of approaching this fact has made it clear that there is a way of dealing with that 1st arrow , or so it would seem so far. Like Kenneth's recent instructions and descriptions to do with blocking up the leaking solar flare from the sun, you let the mind become aware of the whole physical body. You let it sense the whole body and all the sensations throughout it. Let the mind find a point on the body which seems perhaps to be the "trigger" or closely related to the thought pattern and mind state one is experiencing. Then gently let the mind fall on and stay with those sensations and just be with them 100%. Not 10% with the thoughts, nor mind state. The WHOLE of the mind's attention there on that solar flare leak. Give your full attention like you would your lover or a wounded animal you are caring for.

For some reason it works. I currently am sensing the mind state of agitation in my body as I type. I let the mind become aware of the whole entire body and all sensations/vibrations within it. I sense immediately that the "trigger" is a sensation at the chest, in the heart chakra spot. I let the mind fall on it and be with it and just it. Those thought patterns and mind state of agitation cease to be. It is now just vibrations within this body. Things become clearer. A sense of self seems to not take any prominence while this state becomes clearer. Things in the visual field, the television in front of me, my hands as I type this message, the shiny silver ring on my finger, they all become alive and increasingly interesting to watch and take in. THey take on a "never seen before" quality. The sound of a car horn outside is the most interesting sound to come across.

Continued from above...

Time seems to not be an issue, as it doesn't seem to mean anything. Just this moment, and a sensate clarity that seems so pure. And something quite obvious; no suffering and no struggle. The sensations that were triggering the agitated mind state are still arising and passing. But they no longer act as any trigger for a flow of struggle (thought patterns and mind states). The attention is acting like a lightning rod, as Kenneth describes. The solar flare leaking out energy is blocked and the sun feels whole. No struggle. No craving, no aversion, no suffering!

And without noticing exactly when, those sensations of agitation bubbled and spurt and have disappeared. No need to "want" them to leave. They left when they were ready, and I did not have to experience the intial suffering of the 1st arrow.

So it would appear 100% intimacy with sensations is freedom from misery in those moments of sensate clarity. (Emphasis on "would appear")

Edited to added: I have my Indiana Jones Fedora hat on and I am exploring and nothing is absolute. My opinion could change at the drop of mentioned hat.

I'm starting to see things that I wasn't aware of before. There really is some kind of attention wave which fluxes and flows. I am paying attention to the sweet spot, the third eye spot behind the eyes. There is some kind of distortion occurring there when I am in no particular state. I am aware of it when I stare at something, I notice how the attention on the observed object will shift and feel like it moves to something else on its own. This affects the eye focus as well. It feels like there are waves after waves of vibrations influencing where the mind's attention shifts to. I keep watching it intently shift back and forth, to and fro, making it hard to stay with one object. But if I pay attention to the waves themselves long enough moving in and out, they are seen to drop away suddenly and what is left is what I can only call what others are calling the PCE or direct mode. THat attention wave which seems to distort perception suddenly disappears. It feels like those vibrational waves drop downwards and everything in my vision suddenly takes on a clarity that wasn't there when the waves were distorting the vision. One can stare intently at any object and there is nothing that shifts the focus away from the object looked at. No distortions of any kind. If the mind is inclined to investigate the lack of waves then the waves start up again and perception gets distorted once more. When they drop away, with the visual clarity comes an amazing peace in the mind. That attention wave seems also to trigger thought patterns and mind states. When it drops away, there are no mind states nor streams of unwanted thoughts patterns.

Continued from above....

I have also come to the conclusion that ALL the jhanas are a result of that attention wave shifting into specific patterns. I experimented looking at the waves at the third eye spot from my default state of mind and then willing the mind to shift to each jhana. Clear as day, the vibrational waves move and get fixed into certain positions that correspond to how the jhanas feel. Amazing! This attention wave is now being objectified like all other things. And that attention wave seems to be what gives that sense of 3rd gear ISness as well. More exploring is needed. No absolutes. My opinion could change at the drop of a hat. I know nothing

"Continued from above....

I have also come to the conclusion that ALL the jhanas are a result of that attention waves shifting into specific patterns. I experimented looking at the waves at the third eye spot from my default state of mind and then willing the mind to shift to each jhana. Clear as day, the vibrational waves move and get fixed into certain positions that correspond to how the jhanas feel. Amazing! This attention wave is now being objectified like all other things. And that attention wave seems to be what gives that sense of 3rd gear ISness as well. More exploring is needed. No absolutes. My opinion could change at the drop of a hat. I know nothing "

Yes!

The absence of the attention wave is becoming a more and more common phenomenon for me. I wrote of it today in my notes.

I think mikes jugly tree experience is the same thing.

I first experienced this about two years ago (that I can recall) while practicing self inquiry in a park.

My practice at the moment continues to be the grounding lightning rod technique Kenneth has explained. It comes very natural and is effortless to do. I don't feel any pull to do anything else. I tried accessing jhanas today but when I did, I felt the manipulation and desire to experience them caused the subtlest of tensions which was ever so clear to be tanha and suffering. So I let go of it and let the mind settle back to what it now seems automatically pulled to and that is the direct perception mode. It feels like it is becoming my default state.

This morning though, I did test 3rd gear primordial awareness access, and its still there and it seems much easier to access now, like just another thing to be aware of. I have a lack of urge/push/desire to do much with meditation these days so most of my time is spent doing daily chores and work. I'm in and out of cycling and not cycling. And I have no urge to change that. Nothing arises to cause an action to do something different. So I seem to be posting less and less inclined to have any presence anywhere. Could get worse, stay the same or get better...

I have been reading a book called Quantum Consciousness: The Guide to Quantum Psychology by Stephen Wolinsky. I have been delighted to find that it is a very helpful book indeed. I have been practicing a little neat trick today and it seems like the tweak I was looking for concerning the lightning rod.

I have still at times been missing a slight mental resistance to sensations that seem to be triggers for emotions/mind states and thought patterns. In the book, Wolinsky talks about the emotions being just energy when the "stories" or mental reactions are not paid attention to. And even the stories themselves, the thoughts etc are just more energy. Seeing the emotions as just more "energy" is what I've been doing. This little semantic shift in the way I see the sensations and thought patterns seems to have made it easier to just let things be.

Wolinsky says to locate the emotion within the body, not paying attention to the mental reactions to the sensations and then "be" those sensations , "be" the energy. If stories arise, just see them as more energy. This way of terming the sensations as just "energy" seems to have made it easier for me to really just "be" the energy and to accept all other phenomena that arise as just more energy. And also to allow that energy to be there as nothing more than energy. I like this way of approaching the emotions. It is interesting to put into practice. For example, I have always had an aversion (developed during my hardcore theravada days) towards desiring the opposite sex. And I was slightly disappointed that it still popped up after 4th path. So today as I walked the street, sure enough up pops desire. But this time, I see it as just energy. The thought patterns are let go of and the energy of thats sexual passion is just seen as energy.

And the object (the woman) of that passion as just more energy too. I was pleasantly surprised to feel an immediate freedom from that subtle suffering. For some reason this has worked wonders for me and I feel so very grounded and at peace. No desires, no aversion, no suffering in this very moment. Nothing but energy. All of it.

I highly recommend reading this book. it has some very interesting excercises that relate to direct perception mode. Here's a link to a copy:

www.scribd.com/doc/2551218/Quantum-Consc...ogy-Stephen-Wolinsky