Practice Journal: Arhat before January 1 2011

Omni,

Perhaps you could do it faster if you stick to the first foundation for a while till things get going (and then up it to pairs, and then up it to mindstates). itching, itching, pressure, hardness, pressure, seeing, hearing, tingling, pain, pain, etc.). You can also get the first one going fast, then do the same thing (noticing the same objects) but say whether it is positive, negative, or neutral (negative, negative, neutral, neutral, neutral, positive, etc.). Then maybe pairing them up would be able to be done more quickly.

That being said, pairing and tripling seem to really tax the mind (which is what Kenneth is going for).

Owen, Jackson: Gotcha.

Kenneth: Well Ooh-Kaay! I should add, and you'll be happy to know, that this is what I have been doing all along. I sit, things happen, and I note them, over, and over, and over again.

What comes up during meditation (the things I notice) is related to what has been going on in my mind, and yesterday it seemed that the centerpoint was playing a big role. Interestingly, today after reading Owen and Jackson's posts it wasn't so obsessively annoying anymore during meditation (although it still interrupts what I'm doing and gives me bad concentration), so I suppose all my theorizing influences what shows up in meditation, which is interesting.

So if only I had the right theory, I could go further faster I think the following sentence, which you wrote in someone else's practice notes, brought real (theoretical) understanding for me:

Kenneth --- "If you cannot note, it's because you are absorbed. Absorbed equals embeddedness. Embeddedness is the opposite of enlightenment."

I find my noting skills are improving a lot, by the way, it seems that I can travel into more "spaced-out" territory without loosing my focus.

Omni: Yeah, noting as fast as once per second causes you to trance (and embed) on the noting, which is not the point at all. I note once every 5-10 seconds. This can also cause me to trance, for instance, if I have to repeat "shaking" 50 times, but JUST TODAY I found a new awesome trick so that I do not NEVER trance on the noting: I just add a number. E.g. Shaking one, thinking two, thinking three, pain four, itch five, ...

(contd.)

Let's do a game: Every time I sit, I will count the number of notes, as well as divide it by the number of minutes, and post it here. I expect there to be around 10 notes per minute, so in one hour I should have 600 notes. Then we can extrapolate more or less the time I am "spacing out" completely, see progress over time, etc. How's that?

Kenneth, that should please even the most demanding of teachers, no?

Today's report: 4h meditation + 1h chi kung. Energy seems to flow more than before. More dissolutions. Shaking like an epileptic.

Tomorow, 6h30 AM for noting practice.

what do you man by "trance?"
THANKS

Hi Bruno,

Sorry to be such a wet blanket in the face of your obvious commitment and enthusiasm, but counting the notes is in the nature of "tweaking the recipe," which would void the warrantee. I don't recommend counting the notes. I would just note aloud at about something between .5 to 2 hz, with an average of about 1 hz. That's what I do when I note aloud. You and I have a session scheduled on Saturday and we can model and drill this a bit.

Hi Omni,

You are right that it would be counterproductive to lapse into a state where you are disconnected from the noting, so if noting at once per second causes this you should definitely slow down. Also, if forcing yourself to note at an uncomfortable pace is adding unnecessary anxiety, it's not a good idea. So, what I would do is find a comfortable pace that can be sustained while noting aloud. It has to be fast enough to use up the available bandwidth of the mind, while not being so fast that it causes you to miss the phenomena being noted. For me, this is about once per second, but it may vary from one individual to the next and the appropriate rate may be stage and state specific. I want to be careful not to buy into my own dogma here, so let's experiment with it some more and see what we can learn. Just keep in mind the criteria. The noting is:

1) aloud
2) fast enough to engage all of the available processing power of the mind, leaving nothing left over for wandering/speculating
3) slow enough to be sustained while breathing normally
4) slow enough to clearly notice each object being noted

Are there any other criteria that should be included?

"Bruno, you are not grokking the essence of the instructions, which puzzles me for two reasons:

"

Here's me getting stuck on details... Heinlein!
Kewl!

About noting speed: Doesn't it vary from person to person?
edit: Actually, i just checked now and once per second, or a bit faster, is just about right
But usually, slower than that, i notice alot of "investigation"

"Hi Omni,

You are right that it would be counterproductive to lapse into a state where you are disconnected from the noting, so if noting at once per second causes this you should definitely slow down. Also, if forcing yourself to note at an uncomfortable pace is adding unnecessary anxiety, it's not a good idea. So, what I would do is find a comfortable pace that can be sustained while noting aloud. It has to be fast enough to use up the available bandwidth of the mind, while not being so fast that it causes you to miss the phenomena being noted. For me, this is about once per second, but it may vary from one individual to the next and the appropriate rate may be stage and state specific. I want to be careful not to buy into my own dogma here, so let's experiment with it some more and see what we can learn. Just keep in mind the criteria. The noting is:

1) aloud
2) fast enough to engage all of the available processing power of the mind, leaving nothing left over for wandering/speculating
3) slow enough to be sustained while breathing normally
4) slow enough to clearly notice each object being noted

Are there any other criteria that should be included?"

what about looking for endings? (this really helped me)
or, as well, being aware of the spaces between objects?

4h noting. Shaking moved to second after thinking, which was note number 1 today. Then it was sleepy, spaced out, angry, and hate. On the last session I also had a lot of not-caring and quitting.

Some people have a monkey mind. Mine is like a factory full of angry, obsessive-compulsive, depressed gorillas. I'm tired... Tomorrow, 6h30AM, and after work begins my first weekend retreat.

Man, I really feel ya, Bruno. I have always had quite the temper all my life. I still have to deal with little emotional charges which at the moment, the direct mode is helping me with. But I really felt those Gorillaz, hehe! 2nd path for me had the worst dark nights. I was a miserable angry prat during them. 3rd path was much better for me in that regards. More peace and tranquility compared to the onslaught at 2nd path. Keep going Bruno, it gets easier and easier. Then direct mode at 4th path really has reigned those negative emotions in and given me a good decent rest from such misery.

Hurry up!

2nd path had the worst dark night for me as well, just keep truckin'

"2nd path had the worst dark night for me as well, just keep truckin' "

Do you guys mean worst dark night was the one leading up to 2nd path or the one after you had attained 2nd path?

Eric

Hi Eric,

I'm talking the cycles leading up to 3rd path having already gotten 2nd path previously.

1st to 2nd path had the longest dark night for me. But yeah, 2nd path in general is a beast. It felt like I was being disassembled. Lots of hard emotional work. But it does end.

For various unrelated reasons could only do 2 hours of practice, and had to go to bed late. They were good reasons, but it is a shame I couldn't stick to the plan. Note of the day was "sleepiness". Tomorrow and after: 2 day retreat. Next week my brother comes to visit, and I won't be able to keep the tight schedule, or do a weekend retreat; the weekend after that won't do either . So let's make it count: I formally resolve to note every waking moment, starting tomorrow, saturday, 9h30 AM, until sunday, 8h00 PM. May I reach third path ASAP. Kenneth see you tomorrow 11h30AM EDT.

12h of practice brought me to high equanimity. I feel I could *pop* any minute now. Today's lesson with Kenneth was fun and fascinating

One result of our discussion is that in the meditation session afterwards I came to, once again, clearly perceiving that craving and aversion are painful movements in the mind. This is harder to do with ignorance (the phase-out), because of its very nature. As I saw this, what happened was that the mind started becoming more and more subtle, until craving and aversion became much less intense, and the associated pain diminished accordingly. Interesting.

I feel I am holding on a thin thread which I don't know how to let go of.

Tomorrow is day 2.

Go Bruno! Watching this thread...

Thanks Dadriance

Today 12h of practice. High equanimity all day, very easy to meditate. I got bored by the end, and didn't pop at all. I had a few periods when I tried just to stay with it (about 1h30 in total), but it was pointless, since I would just easily space out, so I noted most of the time. I was really hoping to get it done, since it'll be two weekends until I'm once again free to do weekend retreats, and this seems to have caused some anticipation.

Craving, aversion, ignorance were top 3 notes, as I was paying particular attention to those. Then there was spaced out, shaking, boredom, anticipation, amusement, curiosity. Particularly amusing were: (1) some incredible grumbling, tensing and releasing going on in my intestines, somehow related with anxiety and aversion, (2) seeing very detailedly how I can have aversion of aversion, aversion of craving, ignorance caused to get away from aversion, etc... What a waste of time heh? (3) several fantasies that showed up emphasized really silly aspects of my personality; I was laughing at myself with the really weird imaginations of me in various positions of superior knowledge and power, such as teaching meditation to my friends, making intelligent remarks to my students, or solving an important math problem in my area; incredible the amount of thinking-time I devote to mental masturbation!

Tomorrow, 6h30 AM.

This is good practice, Bruno. I like the way you are seeing the stacked aversion. That's what goes away with fourth path. After that, one layer of aversion is enough and the stacks don't form. Also, you are now practicing rather than thinking about practicing.

Notice also that it doesn't help to decide to get path in any given sitting because there is no way of forcing that. All you can do is continue to note and let nature take its course. It's similar to the way you can provide all the ideal conditions for a plant to grow but you cannot insist that it bear fruit on any given day; it will bear fruit when it's ready.

Thanks Kennth

4h meditation. Craving, Ignorance, Aversion. Mostly ignorance and aversion. The occasional amusement, curiosity, joy.

Soooo much less anticipation. When anticipation interrupts, it is followed by the thought "not 4th path," and after that it fizzles away.

Something is going on in my intestines. I was just plodding along, noting (when sleepiness is high, then I walk), and that aversion associated with belly tension showed up. I stopped, noting aversion aversion aversion, and then I spontaneously start shaking sideways. It is clear and obvious that this is the body magically producing a movement directly aiming at what is happening in the belly. This goes on for about 15 minutes, there is pain, and then a big release, with incredible grumbling activity in the intestines proper, which is still going on. Then the mind goes very silent for twenty minutes, and it was clear that there is a link third eye -> throat -> heart -> belly. I am sad to admit I didn't note very consistently during these 20 minutes; when I did note it was mostly "silence, silence, silence, jhana-like, jhana-like". I was super absorbed and embedded, jeez!

Tomorrow, 7h00 AM (going to bed a bit later than usual).

"Thanks Kennth

4h meditation. Craving, Ignorance, Aversion. Mostly ignorance and aversion. The occasional amusement, curiosity, joy.

Soooo much less anticipation. When anticipation interrupts, it is followed by the thought "not 4th path," and after that it fizzles away.

Something is going on in my intestines. I was just plodding along, noting (when sleepiness is high, then I walk), and that aversion associated with belly tension showed up. I stopped, noting aversion aversion aversion, and then I spontaneously start shaking sideways. It is clear and obvious that this is the body magically producing a movement directly aiming at what is happening in the belly. This goes on for about 15 minutes, there is pain, and then a big release, with incredible grumbling activity in the intestines proper, which is still going on. Then the mind goes very silent for twenty minutes, and it was clear that there is a link third eye -> throat -> heart -> belly. I am sad to admit I didn't note very consistently during these 20 minutes; when I did note it was mostly "silence, silence, silence, jhana-like, jhana-like". I was super absorbed and embedded, jeez!

Tomorrow, 7h00 AM (going to bed a bit later than usual)."

I was wondering if intense practice like yours might create some extremes both of bad and good, but especially really good pleasant states that would be hard to step back from and note/notice/observe.

"I was wondering if intense practice like yours might create some extremes both of bad and good, but especially really good pleasant states that would be hard to step back from and note/notice/observe. "

Yeah Mike, that could be the case. On the other hand, I suppose that it is this kind of state that one really needs to step back from, no? Although indeed, I can confirm that meditating is a lot more pleasant than it was just a week ago (something really changed with that intestine shift, and I'm getting more gut activity), and that it IS harder to stay on top of things, as my mind just tends to "slip away into OK".

Today 3 hours meditation + 1h Tai Chi. A lot of curiosity, fascination, bliss, and so on; good easy going mood overall with respect to everything in life (even the stuff that isn't turning out so good). Very spaced out and as intelligent as the average cow. Tremendous equanimity. Tomorrow my grace period ends, I have a friend visiting for a week and then I go to Portugal to visit family for a week. I will try to manage at least 2h meditation per week day, and 4h per day on weekends, but I know that will be hard to do, as I will want to enjoy the opportunity to be with friends and family.

A path-walker's sidenote: Interestingly, my brain is getting convinced that AF wouldn't be a bad thing at all... The fright that it will happen, which was there just four months ago, has all but disappeared, leaving only the faintest "but maybe...". And together with the incredible sharpening of the senses, and the wonderful playful joyful tripping that happens whenever I walk in nature, comes a growing sense of curiosity. Indeed no argument seems to stand in face of simply enjoying being alive as much as is utterly possible; that just seems like such a reasonable thing to do; but done as a practice it leads to AF, where there is no feeling whatsoever...

"I was wondering if intense practice like yours might create some extremes both of bad and good, but especially really good pleasant states that would be hard to step back from and note/notice/observe. "

It could certainly be the case, although I suppose disembeding from them will bring good progress.
---
The board has eaten my previous posts, so I will try again: I have meditated 4h on tuesday, 2h on wednesday, thursday and friday. I am spacing out very easily, and finding it hard not to slip away from noting. The stuff going on is so subtle or so encompassing that things don't have a decently short name (e.g. something which isn't thinking but is a sort of subtle propensity for the arising of thought, together with the focus itself surrounding that subtle propensity, both seen simultaneously). In one word: formations. These days I have been super equanimous, joyous, and utterly spaced out.
---
An interesting path-walker's note is that, after my forays in the direction of the PCE/direct mode, the concern that I might end up being stuck there has all but disappeared. I suspected something like this would happen, since it was very clear from reading Daniel's foray into this state that the allure of the PCE could exert a powerful pull. And how alluring and magical it is! How the beautiful world is revealed by paying attention in that special way!

A constant theme in my practice these years was: The more things dissolve inside, the clearer they look outside. I speculate that "actual freedom" could very well just be what is left when everything is dissolved.

Very busy with my brother's visit, and then with my visit to the family back home, I have meditated as little as 45 minutes some days.

There was a very unpleasant shift in the sensations surrounding my meditation and my mind in general. I am very distractible, aversion and ignorance are dominating the scene completely, to the point that during sits and daily life I am most of the time either distracted/dull/spaced out/disconnected or in pain. And yet I remain in a surprisingly good mood.

Noted: aversion aversion aversion, ignorance ignorance ignorance ... (actually spacing out to the point of not noting anything) ... ignorance ignorance, aversion aversion.

The shaking in my body, which had subsided, returned with a vengeance, and now induces violent tensing and releasing of the muscles surrounding my spine. Sometimes these movements are violent to the point of physical pain, and then I will purposefully stop 'em by relaxing. Also painful is the energetic movements induced during these strange fits, and the various energetic pressures that are present in the chakras, most notably in the ajna point in the middle of the brain; it is like the energy is trying to push through, which is very painful and unpleasant, and a bit like if my spine was trying to defecate a very large lump of glass. I admit I am a bit concerned, but I have felt meditation-related pain before, and know that intense pain is a possible temporary result of correct meditation, so I don't see any reason not to continue as usual.

This friday I'm back 4h-day, weekend-retreat mode.