Eds Practice Log

Im also involved in a right livelihood business and take part in dharma study groups with other Buddhists. I guess what im trying to say is that I feel that im probably more that a one practice Buddhist. It seems to me transformation has to happen on many levels of ones being. Maybe this all springs forth as insight develops but my own sense is that it just provide more fertile conditions for insight to sprout. Kinder, calmer, more concentrated, more insight and so on in a positive loop. In some ways I probably felt that I need to balance my practice a little more, now that I have, I feel empowered to re-engage with the progress of insight.

Anyway........im interested to see how it unfolds!

Glad to see you back on your thread. I hope things go well--keep us posted!

Hey Ed,
Was very glad to read your last two posts -was worried the Trirtna metta-bunnies had scared you off the hard stuff. I think you're approach of doing some of it all is very sound. When I talk to my friends in the Triratna I try and emphasise the posibility of insight, and direct seeing - that there should always be an element of this in their practice. As well as the other practices which are very helpful too. Don't let the others scare you off insight practices - their fear is often due to a lack of their own experience - they simply don't have any knowledge about it. The downer on noting is due to ************** having expereince with sadistic Burmese style teachers in the sixties - who's students became very alienated and has breakdowns etc
This has lead to a downer on the Burmese satipattana method in the Triratna culture over the years.
I have never detected any such sadism or alienation in the pragmatic dharma web community. Some wilfulness at times yes, but that normally resolves itself.
Ridzin Shikpo says something like if you're going to realise emptiness you are going to feel very wierd some of the time.
************** says intense feelings of fear are a sign of progress, of touching the edge of shunyata.
He also says strong practice should leave you feeling like you are hanging upside down naked in the void.

Cheers Folks,

Good to be back on board. Laurel I am really rooting for you. It sounds like you have been going through it, but admire your courage to keep sitting and keep noting. Richard, thanks it seems obvious now that some degree of fear will come up in the process of developing insight, but going back to back to basics definitely seemed to help me gather myself! I have really warmed to ************* (the one who shall remain nameless on this site!) over the last few months having read The Rainbow Road.....I found it really inspirational, funny and a really good read.

Anyway..today:

1 hr out loud noting.

The main themes were:

Tension, pressure, heaviness, expansivenss, anticipating, sadness, wanting, tension, hearing, pleasant, tension unpleasant, itches, light pressure on areas of forehead, dullness, neutrality, dissatisfaction, resolve, tightness, contentment, meditating thoughts, judging thoughts, anticipating, speculation, visual memory, self conscious thoughts, doubt, unease, speculation, hearing.....

introduced a good friend to ping pong noting.........amazing how deep I seemed to go, so quickly.

This eve 30mins..............very similar content to this morning..........an underlying stillness stating to emerge. Its like my normal mode of perception, life is solid and im spinning inside.......where as this, I remain still and the world flows past me (a bit like the generation game, where u remember the objects)

All in all, a rather distracted day today, all efforts at daily mindfulness seemed dispersed, on the other hand I was reasonably productive. I didnt get a chance to sit in the morning, which might have contributed.

1hr noting out lound.........noting in pairs and triplets.

Started off well, noting happiness, expansiveness, patient interest, among the usual material, hearing neutral, pressure unpleasant, anticipation, meditation thoughts etc. With arising of bodily pleasure, happiness, applied thought and sustained thought.........I would speculate that I was dipping into 1st Jhana. I was also taking a little longer to really make sure my notes were accurate and related to my experience. I always find mental states a bit tricky......but I was happy to discover patient interest as predominating state and thus a useful and accurate note. I found that really looking at my experience, in order to get the right note, far from agitating me seemed to be deepening my state (maybe strengthening applied thought).

As session developed, either I dropped out of first jhana, or started entering into 3rd nana. I started to experience significant pain and tension in the body, very tight around neck and shoulders which became the predominantfocus of the rest of my session. This also seemed to agitate my mind and I lost rhythm and started to anticipate the timer.........still all was noted and by cycling the 4 foundations seemed to quieten my mind if not easing physical discomfort.

I Have been practicing mindfulness of breathing over the last few days, as I am reading Mindfulness of breathing for the serious beginer by Buddhadasa, as preparation for my retreat on the same subject. It seems developing my concentration will be of great value on my journey to Stream Entry. Buddhadasa advocates that you can go the whole way with this practice and as the four tetrads are based around the four foundations it seems similar territory.

Anyway, enough justification =)

Begginers mind has contributed to some great progress already. Being mindful of the breath, then the body, then way one conditions the other has helped me systematically develop a degree of peace in the body that I have only previously stumbled on.

2 experiences of note, yesterday note an arising of melancholy after the sit. It felt very physical and gave me the impression of the body letting go of something. This morning after about 30 mins or so, noted a sense of the body becoming very light and almost hollow, free of physical stress, which was encouraging and enjoyable.

With a bit of free time at the moment, I decided to really get stuck into my practice today and had several sits between 1hr and 40mins long. A variety of experiences that seemed to tie up to the 1st and defiantly 3rd nana.

At several points, I felt my mind become quite spacious and much more objective/witness like. I was simply aware of what came up, with no biases. Or even a friendly, interested attitude to it all pleasure and pain.

However last sits ended with massive physical pain. Reading MCTB this all seemed spot on for 3rd nana. Despite a degree of equanimity, I kept looking to see if there was a psychological basis for this tension....eg wanting, trying, resiting. But couldnt find anything. It might also have been extended sits and the body not being used to it. It involved massive pain in shoulders, neck and skull. After a while I remembered to look into it and try and see component sensations, which cause it to change, subside and then shift.

Its was tough though, wouldn't fancy a whole retreat with it.

1hr sit this morning and 1hr this eve.

Out loud noting, descending to whispers...however, I think this is the slippery slope as the quieter I got I found myself drifting. However when I made my notes a bit clearer, it seemed to snap me out of it.

Really just noting what comes up, would like to try four foundations in a more structured way. perhaps will experiment tomorrow with timer for pairs and triplets etc.

I know I have been a little all over the place, but I continue to find massive inspiration on this site, and having dusted myself off am back on track. I have found JLaurelC's unfolding progress, notes and the advice she has been getting really inspiring to my own practice.

"I know I have been a little all over the place, but I continue to find massive inspiration on this site, and having dusted myself off am back on track. I have found JLaurelC's unfolding progress, notes and the advice she has been getting really inspiring to my own practice. "

Thanks for the shout-out, Ed! Glad to be of help. Often I post stuff, including questions, that I might feel a little foolish about, but then I think that someone out there may benefit. Best of luck in your continuing progress.

No probs - your putting together a great record of your progress, which is really useful, especially as you seem to nudging your way past the DN stuff, everynow and again........so it seems like progress is happening.

Sat for 1hr or so this morning:

10mins metta to myself and all beings, 15mins noting body sensations, 10mins noting body sensations and vedena and then 20 mins noting triplets.

I have to say I really 'enjoyed' using this more structured approach to my noting. It added a bit of clarity as opposed to the usual scattergun approach, and it also meant that I had to note mind states, which I often struggle with. I felt like good practice from a technique stantdpoint, and I expreinced a real sense of space that seemed to open up. Towards the end I started to note things like concern, wariness, and fear. As I think i must have been chipping away at the sense of 'I'......as there were hardly any gaps for discursive thought.

50 min noting practice.

Just noting whatever seemed primary. Experienced a sense of solidity and stillness in the body. Several points where things brightened up and notes came a bit quicker and easier. Also moments of real grogginess, felt like i was entering hypnogogic phases before sleep. notes got quieter and lost my thread. Primarily noting body sensations, need more specific intention to look at mental states and thoughts.

'Every moment that you spend making love to ideas is a moment you could have been noting. '

I think thats me. Probably a manifestation of doubt...............I think for the while, less speculation and more practice & see what happens. I'll probably squeeze in 30mins metta before bed = )

40mins noting - this morning.

30mins noting this afternoon. Using a timer divided into 4...starting with body and then up to body, feelings, mental states on thoughts.

Very absorbed in noting, however occasional drifiting and reverting back to singles notes. Body and mind felt very stable and settled and I was noting things with a good degree of accuracy. Some itches, and at one point, my visual field exanded and I saw what appeared to be very vauge mandala style formations..........however too fuzzy to get excited about and they soon dispersed.

I have a real desire to drop the speculation and just practice at the moment. My noting off the cushion has become quite weak and without verbal notes find it hard not to get distracted...maybe more time on the cushion will help.

50 Minutes this eve.

Mindful of breathing at the abdomen and then entering a diffuse awareness of the whole body.

For first 30mins...expereinced a sense of static electricity over the skin, with itches at the nose. After a while, i think my investigation outstripped my concentration, as such I spent quite a while investigating pain in my shoulders and neck. On the whole though I felt mindfulness was good and although I felt very blocked, I could sense energy percolating through the system to a small degree, with a few glimpses of piti here and there.

Feeling inspired to start putting in the hours again and setting some goals for my practice. Re read the 4 reminders this eve. I am going to try and bring them to mind every day now....heres a link if anyones intersted madhyamavani.fwbo.org/8/reminders.html