Fast or Slow, Untangling the Knot...

45 minute sit. I'm starting to see the dullness of pleasure, reminds me of "dissolution" stages in the past. Hmm. Not much more to say.

Did Earth Dakini meditation - being with instability eventually allows for stability as presence, sameness of awareness. First time I tried it, so can't really judge.

Sat 45 minutes. Lots of problem solving thoughts, but not oppressive, more creative. Not sticky either, like wisps of breeze. Something seems to rewiring almost pre-conscious, sense of something going on behind the scenes, but phenominologically, sense of jhana/blissful states, sense of quiet, wondering why thoughts poses such trouble, deep sadness when I thought of how a thought of being unenlightened can be so oppressive, feeling very thin, vision vibrating slightly, open eyed jhana, seeing itself felt syrup-like, lots of practice thoughts (where could an answer be found, what more is there than this), that's when the rewiring seemed to be going on, then a little grumpy, wanting to get up, looking at that, where is that grumpiness, kinda funny these preferences!, realizing the fantasy of "knowing what I want" -- it's just a hunch, end of sit.

Time to add more tokens into the practice log... (do people even load tokens into video games anymore? S^^t I'm old...)

Met with Beth on Weds, good practice of noting sensastions with "who is it that feels X" combined with doing nothing. Oh so funny to say these words: I'm trying to add more moments of doing nothing within a day.

Two formal sits over the last two days, one 45 minutes of open eyed doing nothing. Nice, easy, somewhat lazy but still "here". Just finished doing Hokai's guided meditation:



Other than that, letting myself enjoy all of these moments when stuff (including me) is happening. Nice, easy.

Note to self: don't be lazy, keep formally practicing, even if the formal practice is very informal.

45 minute sit yesterday, sorta a blur between #50 and #51 above. Off cushion, pretty grumpy all day. Had an espresso to see if that would help, nope. Body tired and achy.

"Talked with Beth last night. I'm always ashamed by how little I actually remember after I talk with teachers. I have a great 30+ minute conversation and then... "what did we just talk about?" "

Do you record the calls? There's very good free software on windows for recording skype calls as mp3s. I recorded nearly all of my skype conversations with Kenneth (with his consent, of course). There's some very useful stuff in those recordings that I've needed to listen to a few times over.

No, I don't record... not a bad idea, but I probably won't do it. In a big sense, I know that the only thing that matters is to keep practicing "straight ahead". Frankly, pretty much every conversation could boil down to: you're practicing? Good! You're hung up? Good, if you note "I'm hung up." I say this somewhat jokingly, but it's so true, too. It's so beyond direction or guidance. Except, I somehow think, when I blow it off...

Recording teaching sessions like that would concern me. Just because we can do some things doesn't mean we should.

YMMV

"I recorded nearly all of my skype conversations with Kenneth (with his consent, of course). "

Note: he gets Kenneths consent -- so I think it is okay for Jimesengye in his situation, right?

Last two days, two short sits and lots of sleep. Might be fighting some sickness or it's my body slowly adapting to being less busy and no coffee. Easy concentration, but dullness. Off cushion dullness. Also less of a distinction between on cushion mindfulness and off cushion mindfulness - or lack thereof.

As mentioned above, the previous couple sits have been very short. I was grumpy and negative and feeling really dull, like I couldn't notice or be objective about what I was experiencing. Forgetting to note after 10 or 15 seconds, lost for 30 seconds or more at at time, and I ended them after 25 minutes and crashed asleep. True fatigue? Avoidance or sickness? I don't know. Last night, I was feeling similarly, but went through the motions and got seated'¦ and then was hit with some pretty strong concentration states, including some that seemed new. Meanwhile, my body was falling asleep, I was doing head nods throughout the sit. I still only sat about 35 minutes, but it felt as if a little log jam had cleared. As much as I don't want to pin my sense of progress on the curiosities of the sit, this one was curious, and it does feel like progress.

Lately, during the day, it seems like there is a bunch of rewiring going on behind the scenes and attention is becoming more seamless'¦ witness like states more common, more relaxation, less stickiness... yet, leading to mental fatigue by the end of the day. Or I'm fighting illness. Who can know?

Some of the other yogi's posts about "wondering what else there is to do" and "not being in control of practice" resonates with me.

Man, do I ever relate to that "rewiring going on" feeling. It definitely feels weird but it's all good when it's done.

What were these new concentration states you talk about? What was different?

The rewiring in previous phases (previous paths) were much more energetic, with head aches, body tingles, chakra buzzing ---just obvious stuff. These days it feels more behind the scene, not obvious at all... a barely distinguishable something.

The "newness" of the states was mostly due to a greater sense of the lack of ground/lack of obvious characteristics. Could just be "deeper" in jhana, could weak versions of Nothingness/Neither perception nor non-perception - not clear at this time.

Missed friday and I think I missed Saturday, too. Sunday was a 45 minute sit, background of slow-burn bliss state, noting "lacking" mindstates until I gave up (in some way) on them. Then got into "who am I?" and "listening for ships in the harbor" stage. I'm realizing that part of me thinks/knows that sitting won't help awakening... part of me has mentally quit before I've begun. I need to re-dedicate myself.

Ha, I post that the obvious rewiring has become subtle... and then it becomes obvious again. Was reading in the bathtub and mind started doing that "contracting" thing where eyes and "mind's eye" squeezes and then lets go. Reminds me of a kind of stretching motion. That happened for about 10 minutes, then I sat for another 30. Same sense of being on a ride, body and mind doing its thing. After 30 minutes though it tapered off and I was in that really tired state I described in earlier posts, head nods and no energy/motivation. In retrospect, I've been lifting weights again which might explain how tired I am. Leg exercises (esp. squats/deadlifts) does wears me out. One other thing, I remembered that twilight state where thoughts are thin and "other" - high EQ - and I seemed to be getting close. At one point I did the "I wonder what my next thought will be?" technique.

I once had a theory of deadlifts being the answer to everything (yup!), but I haven't done them in quite a while.
Perhaps you could report on any carry-over to spiritual practice?

Anyways, keep up the good work!

"a theory of deadlifts being the answer to everything"

Seems like deadlifts and squats might be the answer to my otherwise sitting 10+ hours a day at work. I'm amazed at how frozen all my joints (esp. lower back, hip, upper leg) are getting. Definitely makes meditation sits easier, more stable, because the low back/hips aren't as tight.

A couple of sits last night. First one about 45 minutes. About an hour break and then another 30 minute sit. Squeezy concentrations states and some of the time -- maybe more than 5-10 minutes in each sit, which is a lot to me -- spent at the edge of self, where thoughts/body sensations are seen to change moment my moment, sometimes with noting, sometimes just watching, thoughts which seem to be intentional are seen as another thought and so temporary it leaves me wondering where any "I" could be. (Yes, even that became seen as a auto-arising thought.) Practice thoughts are seen as maybe a habit that shows up. Body sensations as temporary acts that locate the self, but change in the next moment. Lots of eye flickering/strobing. Sense of eyes being rewired -- yeah, that was new, the sense of eyes being connected to concentration/thought and self, and the eyes themselves feeling like they were moving independent of thoughts of seeing. Hard to describe, but curious. Other kinds of proto emotions happening, like non-verbal freak outs/concerns that are releasing themselves. Sounds dramatic, but it wasn't. Just very fine scale observations of the same old dynamic of letting go of a solid self, I think.

You know, I got my weight-lifting partner into pragmatic dharma by comparing it with weight-lifting. Some of the comparisons I remember:

(1) Noting is the meditation equivalent of GOMAD. Everyone gets big drinking milk. Everyone gets stream-entry by noting.

(2) Hanging out at KFDh is like lifting in a gym where people are deadlifting 700 lbs. Hanging out in a typical American Buddhist scene is like doing Nautilus at the Y on Sunday mornings. It completely changes what you think is possible.

(3) Your cutting edge is like your PR on an exercise.

The metaphor started breaking down when I told him he had to just let the sensations come to him and pay attention and relax a bit. He felt it would motivate him better if I told him to man the **** up - which is not always inappropriate on the path but not always helpful either.

Why do I suddenly get images of Rippetoe in a lotus position and strange ideas of asking Wendler how to push past plateaus in practice?

It was Rip's interview with Marty Gallagher that gave me the idea about this being like a gym where it's considered normal to pull 700 lbs.

startingstrength.com/index.php/site/sss_mg3

I've heard a few people talk about 4th path now like it's baseline, like that's where the real work starts. That's a lot more inspiring than being in a community where 4th path only happens if you're an Asian hermit - or it's not even considered real.

No one is allowed to sit on the number one zafu platform unless they can do a 20 mind strata jhanic arc sit in 15 minutes or less.

(Edit: ooh that was obscure... in the link above they talk about how in the gym they worked out in, you had to be deadlifting 700+ pound if you were using the main platform in the gym)

I am loving these Rippetoe and Weight lifting references.

Best. Thread. Ever.

"(Edit: ooh that was obscure... in the link above they talk about how in the gym they worked out in, you had to be deadlifting 700+ pound if you were using the main platform in the gym)"

I'm diggin' it, broseph. We should start a new sport: Power Jhana.

Surprised by how busy work travel has been, so adapting as I can. Been doing "what does this mind look like?" to practice while working.

Was able to sit for a hour this AM. Feeling not very into sitting so I did Hokai's guided medtiation again. I actually like how it breaks off the different channels of experience for investigation and then harmonizes them at the end as a full experience. It's pretty clear to me that body sensations of self are pretty much seen through as long as there is attention... I seemed to have a little hook into seeing how there is an "I"-ness for thought, too. Hard to describe and maybe baloney sausage.

The "what does this mind look like?" practice is really blurring any distinction between sitting meditation and off the cushion life.

"Surprised by how busy work travel has been, so adapting as I can. Been doing "what does this mind look like?" to practice while working.

Was able to sit for a hour this AM. Feeling not very into sitting so I did Hokai's guided medtiation again. I actually like how it breaks off the different channels of experience for investigation and then harmonizes them at the end as a full experience. It's pretty clear to me that body sensations of self are pretty much seen through as long as there is attention... I seemed to have a little hook into seeing how there is an "I"-ness for thought, too. Hard to describe and maybe baloney sausage.

The "what does this mind look like?" practice is really blurring any distinction between sitting meditation and off the cushion life. "

Beta, do you have a link to the Hokai guided meditation? And is "what does this mind look like?" part of that?

Thanks, it sounds interesting.