jgroove's practice journal

Hi Joel, this sounds like the past few weeks that I went through. Constant uncontrollable distractions that prevented me from keeping a consistent sitting schedule. It felt like the universe was conspiring against me to keep me from meditating. I really reached the brink and was getting angry and frustrated with all the interruptions to sitting. Why is everyone preventing me from meditating? Then something clicked and it became so obvious that this perspective was my own creation in my mind. No one could ever stop me from noting sensation at any given moment. I really ramped up the noting as much as I could in daily life. Riding the train, getting up from my desk, eating lunch, walking down the street. I had tried to doing daily life noting before, but with the lack of regular formal sitting it now became my predominant practice. I found that by doing this, my momentum had really built up (after it felt like I lost it completely) and now when I do find the time to sit, the noting just flows efficiently and easily. I totally feel your struggle on this one. I hope this helps a little.

Jarrod

Thanks, Jarrod. It definitely does help.
I can do it right now: "See how it dreads going to a car dealership."
But seriously, this is a major flaw in my approach to practice. I'm still very much on autopilot a lot of the time, reserving noting for when I'm on the cushion. I've had some progress with this at times but always lapsed. I'll keep at it, though.

I hear you, Joel. Life is so busy. If I could just do better at remembering to notice and note during the transitions and pauses between the cognitively and socially demanding episodes, there'd be a net gain of daily noting. If I manage to get extra sitting in, I'm more likely to remember to note, but can't count on that as a pre-condition. So, I keep looking for better handles on this problem. Please let us know when you find them!

I've had the tendency to lapse at this too. I think the final straw to me this time was that the interruptions/distractions just became so numerous that I had no choice anymore. If I wanted to maintain any sort of practice, it had to include significant time off the cushion. Now I see it less as time on the cushion and time off but more about looking at each moment wherever I am and asking whether I'm noting now or not. I think once anyone does this a few times it sticks a bit just like any other habit. Best of luck!

"...... If I manage to get extra sitting in, I'm more likely to remember to note, but can't count on that as a pre-condition. So, I keep looking for better handles on this problem. Please let us know when you find them!"

Yes, it is difficult. It has has been 3 yrs since I made the intention to note each moment. And I am like doing it only 5% of the time (excluding formal sitting time). What I have done to remind myself are - Invoke a reminder every 15min on my laptop using "Eyes Relax", and another on my mobile phone using a freeware.

"Yes, it is difficult. It has has been 3 yrs since I made the intention to note each moment. And I am like doing it only 5% of the time (excluding formal sitting time). What I have done to remind myself are - Invoke a reminder every 15min on my laptop using "Eyes Relax", and another on my mobile phone using a freeware."

peong,
The reminder idea is interesting. I should look into something like that. The problem is that I literally forget to note.

"peong: a reminder every 15min on my laptop "

Mine was set to an hour. Just upped it to q 15 mins. Thanks

Two or 2.5 hours of samatha and noting this morning. Trying to gear up for half-day retreat on Sunday in North Ga. Not much new to report....

Did a half-day retreat yesterday--about four hours of 30-minute silent noting sessions (it was a group retreat) broken up by 20-minute walking periods. Did an hour of noting aloud this morning. Trying to focus a bit less on the donut hole--third-eye/center-of-head pressure--and more on the donut itself, i.e. the spaciousness around the center-point. Experienced body sensations kind of in waves yesterday, with the pleasant and unpleasant sensations no longer cohering in a way that created a sense of bodily solidity. Seemed A&P-like but wasn't any kind of dramatic A&P experience. An easy sit, for the most part, without the drowsiness of before.

As an aside, I've switched to a paleolithic diet over the past few weeks and have lost about 12 pounds. I feel much better physically as a result, and I'm guessing this will help with some of the drowsiness I've been experiencing in practice. Previously, I was in a state of "metabolic derangement," as the paleo people call it: I was consuming so many grains and gain products, so much sugar, that high levels of insulin were driving nutrition into the fat cells and leaving the rest of my body feeling semi-starved. Thus the perpetual hunger, tiredness, etc. We rarely think about nutrition, exercise, etc., and the effects these things can have on practice.

60 minutes, noting aloud
started with spoken resolution to note aloud once per second throughout 60-minute period

noted physical pressure (contact points with cushion, hands on legs, legs on hands, rise and fall of abdomen, tightness of jeans)--neutral or unpleasant;
touching (shirt on body, feeling of sock on foot or hand on leg, air on surface of skin), along with warmth (pleasant), coolness (neutral), coldness (unpleasant)
smelling (incense, pleasant), swaying (neutral), itching/wanting to scratch (neutral, unpleasant), aching (hip, back, legs, etc.) unpleasant; hearing (external sounds, internal dialog), intending to look, investigate (looking/investigating), wanting to straighten, straightening; intending to listen/listening.
Noted third-eye/center-of-head pressure. However, felt the need to stop focusing on the pressure itself and broaden the attention outward, to the sense of spaciousness beyond or outside of the pressure. Noted this as "this, this" or "opening, opening." The basic impulse seemed to be to stop paying so much attention to the donut hole, if you will, and to look at the donut itself. Doing this led to a sense of "spaciousness, spaciousness," and "silence, silence" ... "peace," "relief," "appreciation."
But then of course, very quickly--"wanting" (for increase), along with thoughts of jhana, reporting all this on KFD, etc., which prompted laughter "amusement, amusement," and a quick return to noting gross bodily sensation such as contact points with the cushion, etc. Very tempting to just rest the mind in the sense of silence and spaciousness beyond the third-eye/center-of-head pressure. However, the resolution would kick in and I would fairly quickly remember that the point was khanika samadhi and once-a-second noting.
timer-curiosity, imagining, visual thoughts, future/planning/reporting. No sleepiness at all.

"No sleepiness at all."

Woohoo!

Also, what resource are using for the diet thing? Sounds interesting.

Great report, Joel (your post #109). Noting like that will get it done!

Kenneth

"Woohoo!

Also, what resource are using for the diet thing? Sounds interesting."

mumuwu,
Run--don't walk--to the bookstore and pick up Gary Taubes' <i>Good Calories, Bad Calories</i>. It is a tour de force. Taubes, a brilliant science writer, worked on the book for five years, conducting more than 600 interviews. It's all about the destructive effects of carbohydrates on the body, primarily through elevated levels of insulin. Taubes shows how the metabolic disturbance created by the high-carbohydrate diets of today--not just those that include tons of sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, etc., but also diets that are full of grains and grain products that we normally consider wholesome--is strongly implicated in cancer, obesity, diabetes and cardiovascular disease. The book runs so counter to mainstream views on health that you will experience major cognitive dissonance in reading it. But it is backed up with dozens and dozens of pages of rock-solid science. I can e-mail you some other stuff if you want. Just use KFD to send me an e-mail address where I could forward a PDF to you.
Talk to you later,
Joel

"Great report, Joel (your post #109). Noting like that will get it done!

Kenneth"

Thanks, Kenneth. I'll e-mail you through the site to try to set up another session.
Talk to you soon.
Joel

Joel, I'd love to see the pdf, I'll send you my email. Your practice sounds steaming!! I hope you soon come to a boil!

It seems that way to me too, that diet can help practice, i've been experimenting with lighter foods and calorie reduction (not with 100% consistency!) and seems to energize and sensitize the body and that seems to help with sitting and noting off the mat. Though if you were really good at opening to and noting aversion to feeling bogged down, tired or bloated (speaking hypothetically, not about the states but about being sensitive to noting them) I guess in principle you could eat poorly and still get enlightened.

I found a PDF by googling "Good Calories, Bad Calories filetype:pdf". Not sure if the same one? Very interesting!!

"I found a PDF by googling "Good Calories, Bad Calories filetype:pdf". Not sure if the same one? Very interesting!!"

Hi Betawave.
The PDF I was referring to was actually written up by a friend. Shoot me an outside e-mail address through KFD and I can send it to you, if you're interested. In the meantime, here are some other resources:
Good Calories, Bad Calories
tinyurl.com/29hwark

The Primal Blueprint by Mark Sisson
tinyurl.com/33dm86u

Blogs/sites
www.paleonu.com/

www.proteinpower.com/drmike/

60-min noting aloud
same drill as yesterday: started with resolution to note aloud once-per-second for the entire session. Too busy this morning to write out full notes from the session. Noticed more vibratory stuff, kriya-type phenomena. Generally more spacious and energized, with no drowsiness. Noting that I need to watch out for premature declarations that drowsiness has been conquered forever and so forth. Everything cycles around in this practice, of course.

Yesterday and this morning: 60 minutes noting aloud w' 'the wheel'
swaying has shifted to rhythmic rocking of entire body, forward and back; this arises and strengthens with once-per-second noting aloud. Noted rocking, rocking/neutral; hearing (ringing of ears, outside vehicle noises, heat clicking on, white noise from iPod radio-timer, internal roaring sound at times; internal (infernal!) music-loop playing in head; noted visual thoughts, imagining and, in cases where the thought had already passed but was noticed/remembered--"remembering imagining thought" or "remembering planning thought, future thought, reporting thought"; third-eye pressure/neutral; seeing, seeing (pixels, darkness, purple-blueness, redness), smelling/pleasant (incense); physical pressure (contact points w' cushion, hands on legs, legs on hands) neutral to unpleasant as pressure slowly shifted into aching or burning/unpleasant; "pins and needles" or "falling asleep" as left leg/hip began to fall asleep and ache later in sit (unpleasant); wanting to straighten, straightening; need to clear throat, clearing; swallowing; looking, investigating; guilt, regret, embarrassment; curiosity, anticipating, wanting, aversion;
touching (shirt on skin, leg on cushion, right foot on left leg), warmth/pleasant, coolness, neutral;
as rocking intensified--intending to stay w' visual field, looking; when doing samatha w'out noting w' visual field as object, rocking forward-back would cease and sense of spaciousness, darkness would arise; I'd pretty quickly get distracted and go back to once-per-second noting, at which point the rocking would start again. No distinct pulsing or strobing. No drowsiness at all and zero difficulty with or resistance to noting aloud..
BTW, went through the dreaded process of buying a car yesterday. On the saleswoman's desk--I kid you not--Stephen Batchelor's new book! LOL!

Thanksgiving Break Recovery Project:
Not a lot of sitting over the past week or so, with the kids home from school, family visits, etc. This morning, 30 minutes of candle-flame meditation. Will try to work in some noting-aloud later today or this evening.

Approximately 10 minutes of kasina practice, followed by 50 minutes of noting aloud/The Wheel.
seeing, seeing (darkness, clouds of reddish and blueish pixels, "deepening" darkness), hearing, hearing (white noise of ipod timer, trucks and cars outside, birds, people), pressure (third eye, top of head, contact points with cushion, hands on legs, legs on hands), rocking, rocking, swaying, swaying (neutral), warmth, softness/pleasant (shirt on body), aching/unpleasant (contact points w' cushion, left hip, both legs as they began to fall asleep), parts of spine/back

wanting to, intending to and then executing--relaxing body or third-eye pressure, straightening, clearing throat, swallowing, shifting focus to visual field or third eye, looking, investigating, holding attention at specific sensations (pain in hip, itching, swaying/rocking, third-eye pressure, etc.)

Future thoughts, imagining, reporting thoughts, self-congratulation, chagrin, disquiet, peace/tranquility (pleasant), wanting (for increase, for bell to ring, to shift leg due to pain in hip; irritation, amusement, curiosity, uncertainty.

Spaciousness/pleasant.

This sit seemed somewhat too diffuse--still looking for the balance between letting myself explore certain territory (the wheel) and keeping the khanika samadhi going with a lot of discipline. Next time I might just note aloud for 50 minutes and reserve anything else for maybe the very last part of the sit. Hmmm....

about 50 minutes of noting aloud (w' some silent, rapid noticing) and maybe 10 minutes of "the wheel" at the very end

no time for a full report this morning. We keeps on truckin'!

Klesha attack!
60-min. this morning. At least the body was on the cushion.
Consumed by thoughts related to an interpersonal conflict. Did my best to note the mind states (irritation, ill-will, guilt, frustration, anger, wanting the situation and person to be different than what they are); future thoughts/daydreams (imagined scenarios and the auditory and visual phenomena associated with them).
Solid as this situation seems, all it really is--in the present moment at least--is a set of loosely related mind states and thoughts, and maybe some reactive bodily sensations, that share an unpleasant feeling tone. Kind of funny.
When not pulled into this stuff, noted pressure (subtle and physical), seeing, hearing, touching, warmth, coldness, aching, spaciousness-silence, intentions--to look, listen, investigate, relax body or third-eye pressure, straighten the spine, swallow, to take the visual field as an object, focus the attention on a particular sensation, etc.
OK, over and out.

60-minutes noting aloud; approximately 10 minutes w' eye positions/the wheel

Noted usual round of relatively gross bodily sensations, as in posts above. During this sit, noted vibrations in the hands/arms and a kind of sweeping disappearance of the sense of body solidity/boundaries. Some pulsing and flashing; rocking/swaying; spaciousness. Was able to stay with some fairly extreme leg/hip pain and really watch the concurrent arising of the pain and the aversion to the pain; the looking at and investigation of this also seemed to be an object, distinct from the "me" standing apart and watching it, at least at times. Insomnia over the past couple of days as a result of a personal conflict that has set the mind churning, but had no drowsiness to speak of during this sit. At one point, what took center stage was a set of sensations kind of at the back of the neck. Very hard to explain, but it felt like everything could zip up and disappear if I would just relax enough into these sensations at the back of the head, base of the neck. This faded pretty quickly. More sensations from the very center of the head, almost like a little energetic almond in the middle of the brain. The gross sensations and even the mind states--a LOT of imagining/future thoughts, daydreams--were very clear.

Off the cushion, I've been trying to "pay the toll" and stop worrying/fretting. It's disappointing to see how often I just consciously choose the suffering over peace. I feel like George in that Seinfeld episode where he's obsessed with developing the perfect comeback to an insult at work. We always think that the big problem is our attachment to pleasant sensations like jhana, etc., but I'm very clearly clinging hard to all of this negative and painful BS. The "toll booth" is a really great frame because it makes you see this 1-or-0 situation. You can't avoid the reality of what's going on.

45 minutes noting aloud
Vowed to stick to the out-loud noting for the entirety of the session. (Yesterday's 45-minute session was a bit too diffuse, w' some drifting, etc.) Stuck to the noting fairly well this morning. A lot of swaying, rocking of the body. A lot of "reporting" thoughts, i.e. thoughts about how to report various phenomena and/or imagining reporting them.
Noted self-congratulatory thoughts, visual thoughts, hearing, seeing, pressure, aching/unpleasant, space/silence (neutral-pleasant), wanting to relax third eye, intending to relax, relaxing; seeing (flashing, pixels of red, blue, purple); noted hearing some kind of loud internal voice for a moment; surprise, looking/investigating, regret, timer anticipation and curiosity. Tingling/neutral, coolness, warmth/pleasant. Moisure in mouth, wanting to swallow, intending to swallow, swallowing.
Wanting to still the swaying/rocking. noted push-pull of hands on jeans, jeans on hands as body rocked forward and backward. aching/tingling (unpleasant) as parts of the body fell asleep. Noted pain in hip, unpleasant. Feeling of hair on head, glasses on face, smelling/pleasant (incense). shirt on body-warmth, softness, pleasant. wanting timer to go off, restlessness unpleasant. anticipation, unpleasant...