jgroove's practice journal

60-min noting aloud, w' some silent noting/noticing. followed up with 15-20 minutes samatha.
sat in the woods yesterday on a hike. it was sooo quiet. the surroundings made everything in the mind seem so noisy--all effort and thinking and feeling just seemed to be what needed to get out of the way. a bit more sitting last night before bed.

60 minutes, noting aloud
Resolved to keep up the noting throughout the entirety of the session, barring any distinct strobing/pulsing

Noted seeing (red and blue pixels, whitish-blue clouds, blackness), hearing (external traffic noises, HVAC coming on and off, static of radio, silence), aching/itching (unpleasant), pressure-neutral (contact points on cushion), third-eye/forehead pressure (unpleasant).
Wanting to relax third-eye/forehead pressure; intending to relax; relaxing
Noted silence, peace, spaciousness, blackness (pleasant in contrast to psychic irritants, irritating physical sensations). Swaying and rocking of body. Push-pull of hands on jeans, jeans on hands as body rocked forward and back (neutral). Sharp tingling as extremities fell asleep (unpleasant). Feeling of lips touching w' spoken noting (neutral), facial muscles moving (neutral). Solidity of spine, effort to keep spine straight (pleasant). Wanting to straighten spine, intending to straighten, straightening.

Warmth, softness of shirt on body (pleasant); tightness of jeans (slight unpleasant), expanding and contracting (abdomen)/neutral; aching, aching (intensely unpleasant at hip, leg as extremities fell asleep further); wanting to shift (unpleasant) '¦ eventually intending to shift, shifting (guilt, relief).
[CONT...]

[CONT... from above]

Looking/investigating, listening, curiosity (neutral); disappointment, anticipation, self-consciousness, dread (unpleasant), imagining thought, future/planning thoughts w' visual and audio components (neutral); sleepiness, falling asleep/dreaming and aversion to same (unpleasant); visual thoughts prompted by passing planes, garbage trucks

Some strobing and pulsing, but faint; spend a small amount of time focusing attention on visual field in samatha and experimenting with (1) trying to feel what is beyond the third-eye/forehead pressure (2) trying to relax that pressure (3) trying to completely merge with that pressure. Would soon return to noting after I had noticed that I'd become distracted

Feeling inspired by the second conference call. Did a much better job yesterday of stopping and paying attention at different points throughout the day'¦

60 minutes, noting out loud this morning...

Sat for about two hours last night--mostly silent noting--and then parked it in the recliner and tried to just keep the attention on the body as much as possible and notice whatever would try to drive the attention away: temptations to watch TV or to get up and go somewhere else; thoughts about this or that. Very interesting to take the whole body itself as an object or the whole head. I got the sense of being continually and severely disconnected from the body most of the time. You'd think that taking the body as an object would reveal its solidity and realness, but instead the opposite seemed to happen--trying to be in the body as much as possible seemed to lead to absorption-like states, vibratory phenomena, etc.

"Very interesting to take the whole body itself as an object or the whole head. I got the sense of being continually and severely disconnected from the body most of the time. You'd think that taking the body as an object would reveal its solidity and realness, but instead the opposite seemed to happen--trying to be in the body as much as possible seemed to lead to absorption-like states, vibratory phenomena, etc."

Interesting contradictory finding!
/meek

"Very interesting to take the whole body itself as an object or the whole head. I got the sense of being continually and severely disconnected from the body most of the time. You'd think that taking the body as an object would reveal its solidity and realness, but instead the opposite seemed to happen--trying to be in the body as much as possible seemed to lead to absorption-like states, vibratory phenomena, etc."

Fascinating. I've been having a similar experience this weekend. Know what you mean about getting a solid look at how "continually and severely disconnected from the body most of the time" I tend to be.

Yes. There's something very interesting about just trying to be in the body, below the shoulders, if you will, as much as possible and to try to just stay there. Hmmm...

60 minutes, noting aloud w' some samatha

Joel, inspiring to see your practice so strong! Like you I've been working a demanding career and grateful to be able to support my family, which includes 2 wonderful adult children with partial disabilities. I've sometimes thougtht, the only thing to make our family dynamics more richly complicated (and more challenging for finding sitting time!) Will be when one of our parents needs to move in. Definitely got my attention and respect to hear that's exactly your situation. Keep steamin' bro, and may the momentum sail you over the bumps in the road.

Thanks, Kacchapa! Householders of the World Unite!
Best of luck with your practice and home life...

Householders are getting enlightened here!!

Sat for 30 minutes (silent noting) w' weekly sitting group on Wednesday. Noted aloud for 1.5 hours just now....

60 minutes, noting aloud
a lot of negative mind states--boredom, frustration, weariness, sadness, disappointment, a kind of "fed up" feeling bordering on anger, "what's the point?" etc.
the usual round of gross sensations, as well as rocking and swaying of the body; sense of the physical borders dissolving, with a slow sense of rotating or spinning; third-eye pressure easing and expanding to encompass whole head. Kind of an overall sad feeling after that sit. Will sit again tonight at the weekly group meeting...

60 minutes noting aloud
noted sleepiness, daydreaming, aversion (to sleepiness & daydreaming)-unpleasant; pressure (contact points on cushion, third-eye/forehead, hands on legs, legs on hands) neutral-to-unpleasant; hearing (hiss of iPod radio or HVAC, chirp of birds outside)-neutral; ringing, ringing (in ears)-neutral

frustration, weariness, boredom-unlpleasant; imagining thought, planning thought, future thought-neutral; remembering (either something from the distant past or just recognizing, remembering and labeling the thought of a second or two ago)

warmth-pleasant (shirt on skin, hands on legs, legs on hands); coolness-unpleasant (cold air on skin, feeling of being uncomfortably chilly); swaying, swaying, rocking, rocking, pulsing, pulsing-neutral; anticipation, disappointment, irritation, timer curiosity, wanting to quit, intending to feel into the body, as in going to the wanting-to-quit sensations, and then feeling into the body. Intending to listen or straighten or investigate and then doing it.
Again, a lot of sloth and torpor, averstion to or irritation with the sloth and torpor, and the feeling of being fed up with lack of progress and the difficult noting-aloud practice. Over and out!

THanks for the clear noting helps me to see all the possible labels and what not.
Can totally relate to the frustration with lack or perceived lack of progress.

Cheers

Yeah, you know, I actually think progress is happening, oddly enough. For example, this pulsing, swaying, rocking thing is a new phenomenon and at least seems to indicate that something is happening. But in the moment, on the cushion, I've been getting this "fed up with this" feeling for the past couple of days. I wonder if it could be some kind of "desire for liberation" kind of phenomenon, maybe an echo of that nana...? Anyway, I'll keep at it!

30 minutes silent noting at group last night; 60 minutes noting aloud this morning

this morning, when the rocking, swaying started, I tried to pay closer attention to the pulse; it seemed to break up into something less solid, more static-like, with a kind of whirring or quivering quality--maybe more vibrational is the word
distraction would happen and I'd return to noting aloud at a grosser level. no sleepiness, sadness, frustration or "fed up with this" feelings this morning. rather, it was an easy sit. some samatha/focused listening, watching during this sit. for about the last third of the sit, I seemed to get hooked by one thought after another--very distracted. This happened after I gave into some intense pain and shifted my leg.

Hey Jeff, if it's any help to you I've noticed that sort of movement too. I also get quite an intense shaking which can be very disruptive and appears to occur between the A&P and Dark Night nanas, althought the "pulsing, swaying, rocking thing " you refer to also sound familiar.

My own experience of this suggests that it's easier to avoid trying to fight it, just letting it happen and noting what's experiencing these sensations rather than trying to avoid it, or bring it under control, which seems to make it pass quicker. With the deeper swaying and pulsing, do you feel that your body is actually moving or is it more the sense of the observer? I'm trying to place this myself actually and find less actual physical activity and more that the sense of the observer is what's moving.

Don't know if this is any use to you, I'm certainly not an expert but this sort of thing appears to be fairly common. Good luck with everything Mr G!

Hi Tommy.
Yes, I believe these movements are called "kriyas" and take many forms. At this point, they happen every time I sit, so long as I note diligently for 10 or 15 minutes. The entire body rocks forward and back. I know that it's actual movement because I can feel the palms moving back and forth on the jeans.
I agree with you: "just letting it happen" and noting it seems to be the way to go. I've tried "relaxing into" the rocking phenomenon, feeling that maybe the body is doing this because there is some kind of resistance to the energy, and that if one could soften and open to it, the energy could go where it wants to go. Hmm.. Also trying not to give preferntial attention to it too much.
Thanks!
Joel

60 minutes noting aloud
tried to pay attention to (1) wanting to be anywhere else than here (2) aversion to unpleasant sensations
Noted "imagining," "future" and "planning" thoughts over and over during the sit. Seemed like a million different varieties came up. Kept once-a-second noting going for the majority of the sit.

45 minutes noting aloud
began with a lot of sleepiness; kept at the noting; ended with dissolution of body boundaries and a lot of stability of attention; feeling very inspired by Kenneth's two recent dharma talks

Sat half-day retreat (9 a.m. '“ 1 p.m.) today with local insight group. Kept up the noting practice for the entirety of the retreat. The structure was 30-minute sits, broken up by 20-minute walking periods. As far as anything unusual or different from this sit, I'd say I noted a wider array of mind states, particularly stuff like 'hearing (birds)'”appreciation/pleasant,' or 'intending to listen, listening (silence/spaciousness)'”gratitude/pleasant.' The sense of some kind of peace or stillness that lay just beyond the activity of noting was quite palpable. The pressure normally noted as 'third-eye pressure' became 'this pressure' as it intensified in various places such as the top or center of the head. Pains in the back, tension in the shoulders, aching in the hips, painful tingling as the legs fell asleep, etc., were all noted with a fair degree of equanimity. The noting was mostly once-per-second but got faster at certain points in the retreat as the mind bounced from object to object. Noted sleepiness/daydreaming a few times. Imagining thoughts, planning, remembering, shame, anticipation, looking/investigating, seeing, hearing; softness, warmth-pleasant; coolness on skin-pleasant; amusement; visual thought; timer curiosity.

[cont. below]

Made an effort to investigate the feeling tone of objects and not fall into the habit of automatically labeling something pleasant, unpleasant or neutral based on past experience. Some strobing, quivering, pulsing. The usual swaying, rocking was happening.

A taste of freedom and dispassion on this sit'”the unpleasant side of experience was perfectly fine. Aversion was simply noted as such. When something more pleasant seemed on the verge of happening, it would quickly be noted as 'anticipation/wanting increase' as well.

The walking seemed less successful. Tried to focus on "lifting, stepping, placing," but seemed more more likely to get drifty during the fairly long walking sessions. Tried to keep the attention at the feet and wouldn't note anything else unless I got snared, as with 'imagining thought.' Makes me wonder if there's a khanika samadhi approach to walking in which one keeps the once-per-second thing going, rather than trying to keep the attention anchored at the feet.

Overall, it was a super-positive day. About 12 or 13 people showed up. It was our little group's first half-day retreat. We kept it a pure practice day'”no talks, etc. Beautiful weather. The Unitarian church was abandoned except for us. Pretty cool.

60 minutes noting aloud this morning and yesterday. Sat a fair amount over the weekend, and did a fairly long walking meditation over the weekend...