jgroove's practice journal

1 hr. noting aloud
Again, interesting how the noting continues as the mind starts to incline toward sleeping or edging into a dream.
Vivid and strange visual images come up, but are noted, and the noting prevents the sleeping/dreaming from going further. Better today about noticing mind states: boredom, timer thought, weariness, sleepiness, interest, curiosity, remembering thought, "dharma thought" (reflecting or philosophizing), reporting thought, wanting to move falling-asleep leg, resisting urge to move, intending to straighten.

Started to note the noting-aloud process itself: moving mouth, moving tongue/lips, noticing cheeks, etc. Tried staying with certain sensations until they changed: leg falling asleep, third-eye pressure, seeing darkness/light/pixels with eyes closed, burning and itching sensations, etc.
Noted constantly, about once per second, for the whole hour with very little spacing out and no outright falling asleep.

"Noted constantly, about once per second, for the whole hour with very little spacing out and no outright falling asleep."-jgroove

Wow. Fantastic! That is exactly the kind of effort that brings results.

Good to hear what's going on in your practice, Joel. Keep it coming. I like "dharma thought"... might have to steal that one.

Right on "dharma thought" is a good one indeed.

Another 60 minutes of noting aloud.
Fought extreme sleepiness the entire time. This was a gut-it-out session, with a lot of "wanting, wanting" (to quit), "sleepiness, sleepiness" or even "sleeping, sleeping" and "dreaming, dreaming."

Seemed like a few times I would label the visual thoughts that came up as "seeing, seeing" while I was in the middle of them, but then once I snapped out of these dreams--a couple of which were quite intense and lucid--the label would switch back to "visual thought, visual thought."

This was a tough session. The noting aloud was definitely an effective tool in helping me realize that I was spacing out and/or falling asleep. Can't say it prevented it totally--there were some significant gaps in which the noting stopped. But certainly those gaps would have been larger and more frequent without the imperative to keep the out-loud noting going for at least once a second.

"Frustration, frustration" (at being so sleepy), "wanting, wanting" (to be energized rather than dull), "unhappiness, unhappiness" (at not being able to just get up and quit, at not being able to stop the sleepiness).

"Pressure, pressure" (third eye), burning/unpleasant (contact w' cushion), "hardness/unpleasant" (buckwheat-hull cushion), "softness/pleasant" (pillow under leg, pillowy zabuton), "tingling/unpleasant" (leg falling asleep).

"Intending to relax, relaxing" (face, whole body below shoulders), "intending to straighten, straightening" (spine).

Tried "intending to stay" (w' sensation), "staying, staying"--but the samatha or energy level wasn't strong enough to penetrate any persisting objects. The third-eye pressure is predominant lately. Should one stick with this and try to "penetrate" it?

Lastly: a busy weekend w' no sitting practice, just 10-minute stretches here and there of watching the breath. It's like taking a break from building a fire. The sticks you were rubbing together just cool off again.

60 min. noting aloud--less sleepy, more energized today. Third-eye pressure shifting up toward crown. Some kind of softening there. Made an effort to bring more effort to the practice and noticed a shift. Started out with too much relaxation probably.

Have you tried getting up and walking around mindfully? I often do this when I'm really sleepy, and when necessary I even keep noting out loud while walking.

"Have you tried getting up and walking around mindfully? I often do this when I'm really sleepy, and when necessary I even keep noting out loud while walking."

I have not. It's a great suggestion. I tend to neglect walking practice and reserve it only for breaks between sitting sessions. I'll give it a try the next time I'm going "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!"
Thanks, Omni.

"Lastly: a busy weekend w' no sitting practice, just 10-minute stretches here and there of watching the breath. It's like taking a break from building a fire. The sticks you were rubbing together just cool off again."

I know what you mean about heating it up only to find it cooling again. Years ago a friend told me a Japanese saying that helps me: "7 times down, 8 times up." (Nana Korobi Ya Oki). Inspiring practice journal!!

... encouraging!! Despite of the so called "wanting it to be different" which results in "unsatisfaction" you even increase your effort!! If this is not the way forward!? )

If difficulties arise thats when real practice starts/ we really learn a lesson!!! Thanks and keep rocking!!

If i understand it right: "we don't practice to experience anything certain or to change our experience in the way we like or think it should be but to DIS-EMBED from any (whatever) experience (in a skillful way eg by NOTEING)!!!" )

Keep rocking! Thats the (middle) way forward (as kenneth uses to say! )!!!

Have faith and JUST NOTE!!

Thanks!

"If i understand it right: we don't practice to experience anything certain or to change our experience in the way we like or think it should be but to DIS-EMBED from any (whatever) experience means eg to NOTE!!! )

"

sounds like you got it

"sounds like you got it"

"Have faith and JUST NOTE."
Sounds like a slogan to remember!

8-10 min. kasina practice
app. 50 min. noting aloud

"8-10 min. kasina practice
app. 50 min. noting aloud"

Yes!

60-min. silent noting at group last night
60 minutes noting aloud this morning

The sleepiness thing is interesting--had insomnia last night and was up until about 1 a.m. Had to get up at 6:30 to get the kids off to school. Theoretically, I should have been struggling with sleepiness during one-hour sit this morning, but there was far less sleepiness than has been going on lately.

Third-eye pressure seems to have softened or opened up into more of a whole-head thing. Definitely some kind of access concentration-like absorption going on. Tried to label it and disembed from it--"absorption, absorption," and "satisfaction" and even "conceit." (There was some kind of satisfaction going on vis-a-vis a sense of progress.)

For the most part, the usual body sensations and mind states. However, some of the sensations were more vibratory and, overall, there seems to be more energy over the past couple of days. Trying to stay with persistent objects like itches or the sharp tingles that come with legs falling asleep or the burning that comes from sitting on my too-hard, buckwheat-hull cushion (those things suck, IMHO!): "intending to stay," "staying, staying."

Know what you mean. My experience is you don't know what the next day will be like after going ahead and taking advantage of insomnia to meditate. (Although after 3 or 4 it's more predictable.) A friend in a different practice tradition told me they call it "night school".

"Theoretically, I should have been struggling with sleepiness during one-hour sit this morning, but there was far less sleepiness than has been going on lately."

I've had this as well, after a hectic day with no time whatsoever for practice, I'd think I wouldn't be awake enough anymore for an hour of meditation, only to find that when I just went ahead with it, my attention was much more focused than I could have believed. What's more is that some of my finest meditations were when I thought I wouldn't be able to do it. Since I've noticed this, I don't use sleepiness anymore as an excuse not to go sit.

I should add though that it's no guarantee of course. Sometimes I'm simply right about the sleepiness and find myself fending it off for the whole hour of formal practice.

"Know what you mean. My experience is you don't know what the next day will be like after going ahead and taking advantage of insomnia to meditate. (Although after 3 or 4 it's more predictable.) A friend in a different practice tradition told me they call it "night school". "

"Night school." That's great! Ha!

app. 8-10 min. kasina practice
40 min., noting aloud (interrupted by phone call)...

60-min noting aloud each morning Tues., Wed. and Thurs.
45 minutes silent noting at the sitting group Wednesday night; also did about 20 minutes of candle-flame meditation after the noting practice on Wednesday morning.

Amazing to me that my samatha abilities still stink. Just an observation here. I'm not lamenting this so much. This just means I have more work to do, the proverbial 10,000 hours. So, I did the candle-flame session in part because I've been falling asleep/spacing out so much. My hypothesis is that noting aloud has helped me to see exactly how often I do this. The feedback loop creates the false impression that the problem is getting worse, when in fact what's happening is that a mirror is being held up to the practice for the first time--I'm seeing exactly how much spacing out goes on in a typical 60-minute session because there are all these little moments where I realize that I've gone quiet and stopped noting aloud.
I think I can blame at least some of this on some chronic insomnia that's been going on. I've quit drinking coffee in the afternoons and am going to work on getting more exercise, eating less and hopefully, sleeping a bit more.
The spacing out happened during the group sit last night. So I switched from noting to counting breaths. I tried to see if I could count through cycles of four breaths (1 up to 4 and 4 back to 1) without completely drifting off.
Couldn't do it.

Can you regularly practice mid-day, or in the morning? I know that I suck right out of bed, but an hour or so later I can have good sessions. And the evening sits for me, which are the most common, need that "sweet spot" of time after which I am just too wiped to do anything productive.

Hi Tomo.
I'm generally doing 7:30 to 8:30 sits in the morning. I might experiment with some different times of day. I know what you mean about evening sits: after 10 p.m. I'm pretty much toast. Maybe it's the case that I'm not quite awake yet at 7:30. While I've certainly complained about sleepiness in this journal, I think what's really going on here is that I'm becoming more aware of a general tendency to space out for big stretches of time, a tendency that is very common and has to do with Kenneth's point about so many people not getting anywhere because they're in la-la land and don't realize it.
And I certainly get to places, at times, where something like breath-counting cycles of four or eight would be doable. So there's a macro distribution curve to the whole thing as well. But I might start working with some different sitting times--not to mention doing more walking meditation. Thanks!

"Hi Tomo.
I'm generally doing 7:30 to 8:30 sits in the morning. I might experiment with some different times of day. I know what you mean about evening sits: after 10 p.m. I'm pretty much toast. Maybe it's the case that I'm not quite awake yet at 7:30. While I've certainly complained about sleepiness in this journal, I think what's really going on here is that I'm becoming more aware of a general tendency to space out for big stretches of time, a tendency that is very common and has to do with Kenneth's point about so many people not getting anywhere because they're in la-la land and don't realize it.
And I certainly get to places, at times, where something like breath-counting cycles of four or eight would be doable. So there's a macro distribution curve to the whole thing as well. But I might start working with some different sitting times--not to mention doing more walking meditation. Thanks!
"

Well, if you are spacing out as opposed to being just plain tired, I would try to do more deliberate breath counting. I don't seem to need to do this much anymore, but I almost always start with it and certainly did a ton of it before. When you say "cycles of four or eight would be doable", do you mean 4x10 or 8x10? Because doing 8 cycles of 10, and not losing count, is pretty good (IMO) for not going into la-la land.