MuMuWu's Practice Journal

Kenneth advised me to check out "The Ego Tunnel" by Thomas Metzinger.

It's becoming my favourite dharma book!



Highly recommended

www.amazon.ca/Ego-Tunnel-Science-Mind-Myth/dp/0465045677

"His two main themes, self and consciousness, are closely linked, and they culminate in two rather unsettling conclusions. First, selves don't exist in the way most folks suppose. Second, the solid, three dimensional public reality that is so palpably there in our waking lives turns out to be a private model of reality. On Metzinger's view, the self - the feeling of being a mental me in charge of the physical body - is a module within consciousness activated by your brain's neural processing. The self is categorically *not* some substantial, essential invariant entity, like a soul, spirit or homunculus. As he emphasizes, there are no such things as substantial selves. Instead, the self is a phenomenal (that is, experiential) construct that disintegrates entirely when you fall into a dreamless sleep, to be reactivated (usually in attenuated form) when you dream, and that reappears nearly instantaneously when you awake in the morning. The self is put online only when needed, part of a larger phenomenal reality generated by the brain as it represents the world and you in it. This reality seems perfectly concrete, but the startling fact of the matter, a challenge to naïve realists (that is, just about everybody), is that it's an appearance, a *virtual* reality. You, the subject conjured up by the brain, do not directly encounter the world. Rather, you participate in a larger brain-based representational construction - consciousness - that maps the actual world closely enough for you-the-organism to stay out of trouble. This global simulation carried out in each of our heads, what we can't help but take as real, is what Metzinger calls the Ego Tunnel. Welcome to the Matrix.."

jaysonbyrne: Kenneth - Ego Tunnel is amazing
jaysonbyrne: it's quite a trip to read
jaysonbyrne: I kept having to take breaks and really let stuff sink in

Kenneth Folk: So many concepts ready-made for us. I'm a little embarrassed that we didn't know about Metzinger before.
Kenneth Folk: Answers a lot of questions for me.
Kenneth Folk: What is selfing? Ownership and agency, according to Metzinger. That sounds right.
Kenneth Folk: I am lately unable to meditate or direct the attention. It's a lack of agency.
Kenneth Folk: This body and this experience not mine; lack of ownership.

jaysonbyrne: yes
jaysonbyrne: a shutting down of the PSM then?
jaysonbyrne: leaving the more general world constructing process active
jaysonbyrne: so Kenneth would Shinzen's "focus out" be sufficient?

Kenneth Folk: Remind me what focus out is.

jaysonbyrne: focus in - one notes talk (for self chatter), image (for mind images) and feel (for emotional type sensations)
jaysonbyrne: focus ouy - one notes sight, sound, and touch only

Kenneth Folk: do you mean would focus in be sufficient?

jaysonbyrne: I mean focus out, learning to contrast in and out and then staying with out

Kenneth Folk: I think focus in is most important; we have to objectify the subtle proprioception that signals me and mine. I think we have to objectify Melzac's neuromatrix (see Metzinger's Being No One youtube video.)


jaysonbyrne: I see
jaysonbyrne: in that case I think shinzens 5 ways may be useful for me as I'm getting back into sitting practice

Kenneth Folk: NIce.

jaysonbyrne: or - I could simply note as we always did
jaysonbyrne: I really like what we worked on last time we talked - just somewhat unsure if I was doing it correctly

Kenneth Folk: You could use a question: Where am I in this picture.

jaysonbyrne: then objectify anything that may arise as an answer?
jaysonbyrne: self inquiry style

Kenneth Folk: Yes!
Kenneth Folk: This gets us to look at the subtle proprioception that is the main culprit.

jaysonbyrne: yes it most certainly is
jaysonbyrne: without a doubt, the change in feel is usually what signifies something more no-self ish to me

Kenneth Folk: When that is consistently objectfied, this doesn't seem like me or mine anymore.

jaysonbyrne: so staying with the I AM a la Nis

Kenneth Folk: Yes.
Kenneth Folk: With a phenomenological bent. Not satisfied to say "there is no one here" and leave it in the hall of mirrors stage.
Kenneth Folk: We have to answer the question precisely: What am I taking as self?
Kenneth Folk: Look at those sensations/mental impressions continuously.
Kenneth Folk: This blows the whole thing apart.

"Kenneth Folk: We have to answer the question precisely: What am I taking as self?
Kenneth Folk: Look at those sensations/mental impressions continuously.
Kenneth Folk: This blows the whole thing apart."

Exactly. This will blow the fetter of 'identity view' out of the water for good. On further 'blowing apart', it will cease its (the process of the I am conceit) arising all together.

Nick's Theravadan conditioning informed disclaimer (keep your panties on;):

The 'self' is not a thing to kill. It is a process that arises out of not seeing its causes. Seeing its causes and yatha buta (as it is) breaks it apart and one sees it for what it really is. No more craving such a process when it is seen as it is without the curtain of ignorance covering it up (full blown 'me' experience and identifying as so). It is DO. It is what comes to be and also has a cessation. It is fabrication. And fabrication is inherently stressful.

Thanks Nick. Very inspiring!

"Kenneth Folk: When that is consistently objectfied, this doesn't seem like me or mine anymore."

My experience follows this formula -- it's not so much that these things do not arise *at all* but that they are not assumed to be "me." This same method can be used to penetrate any object - investigate. Vipassana.

Great stuff Mu! I ordered the book and will read it once I find the time, some years in the future or something.

here's a neat algorithm
1. Notice you are aware (only takes an instant)
2. If you happen to notice you are thinking go to 1.

That one goes straight into my random quotes screensaver.

Had a strange experience a few days back where in a moment of despair, I saw something about feelings that I hadn't before and there was a feeling in the head - like a ping/click/turning (not exactly sure how to describe it). This resulted in an instant shift from extreme despair to a PCE. It was very impressive and I wondered if it was a permanent condition for a short while.

A couple of days after this I re-read the article on apperception on the treasure chest section of Nick's Rabbit Hole Site. I think the experience described above + reading Metzinger and talking to Kenneth resulted in me Groking it in a way I hadn't before. I had another intense PCE after this.

It seems apperception is very natural for me now. I don't have to do anything other than catch when I am off on a tangent. This is effortless in that I eventually catch it (feels like waking from a dream) and it is dropped and I am back at apperception. It reminds me in some way of basic mindfulness meditation where no effort other than occasionally catching a tangent and returning to the object is all you do.

This morning I had a dream "get caught" and end spontaneously in a similar way that the emotion vanished a few days back. Today at work I was feeling anxious/angry and again - ping - dropped into a PCE.

Some while later now and I feel disoriented. The mind is staying focused on the senses for now, and there was an intense and somewhat unfamiliar type of pressure or sensation right at the back of the head above the spine.

Throughout this time I have been really trying to catch when I am not happy or when I am being harmful (either actually acting out or merely thinking in a harmful way - "stupid jerk driver"). A slight investigation is usually all it takes to get back to the senses, even though there can be intense feelings still going on in the body (which I am not trying to fight).

The pressure I'm feeling now is so strange. I'm stuck at the senses in a weird way. I'm trying to picture my mother or girlfriend. A very vague image barely arises and vanishes right away. It feels like my head is trying to turn inside out. As if attention wants to go in and imagine things but simply cannot do that.

Again - trying to picture an apple - a much vaguer image arises than ever before and it simple fades away very quickly into the senses. I can't seem to hold it in any way.

More strangeness

Want to note. Cannot get it off the ground. It's like the voice that would do the mental notes won't arise. It feels incredibly strange to even attempt to note or direct attention at a jhana.

"The pressure I'm feeling now is so strange. I'm stuck at the senses in a weird way. I'm trying to picture my mother or girlfriend. A very vague image barely arises and vanishes right away. It feels like my head is trying to turn inside out. As if attention wants to go in and imagine things but simply cannot do that.

Again - trying to picture an apple - a much vaguer image arises than ever before and it simple fades away very quickly into the senses. I can't seem to hold it in any way.

More strangeness

Want to note. Cannot get it off the ground. It's like the voice that would do the mental notes won't arise. It feels incredibly strange to even attempt to note or direct attention at a jhana."

plop.

"New practice question for times like this is

is it even possible to meditate

or

is it even possible to direct the attention

When the answer is no, you are free

When the answer is yes, go back to meditating

Sorry for the bad punctuation. I am in Germany on an unfamiliar keyboard.

Sporadic email access.

All best,

Kenneth"

New pointer / question I'm asking myself

"can I find the perfection in this moment"

I just had the most enjoyable bath. I decided to really focus on each of the senses (I brought along a mug of green tea for the something to taste). I'm now watching a nature blu-ray. It's almost overwhelming how pleasurable it is. The movements, color and sounds just send me reeling with a sensate ecstasy that is seemingly preferable to anything I could dream of. The program is BBC's life - it's really beautiful.

I've had briefer experiences of this before, most memorably (right now) around the time I was first introduced to direct mode. I remember describing a gas station lit up at early dusk as "heaven" and this is very similar.

Awesomeness!

This is siiiiiick!!

www.nyingma.com/dzogchen1.htm

The everyday practice of dzogchen is simply to develop a complete carefree acceptance, an openness to all situations without limit.

We should realise openness as the playground of our emotions and relate to people without artificiality, manipulation or strategy.

We should experience everything totally, never withdrawing into ourselves as a marmot hides in its hole. This practice releases
tremendous energy which is usually constricted by the process of maintaining fixed reference points. Referentiality is the process by
which we retreat from the direct experience of everyday life.

Being present in the moment may initially trigger fear. But by welcoming the sensation of fear with complete openness, we cut through
the barriers created by habitual emotional patterns.

When we engage in the practice of discovering space, we should develop the feeling of opening ourselves out completely to the entire universe. We should open ourselves with absolute simplicity and nakedness of mind. This is the powerful and ordinary practice of dropping the mask of self-protection.

We shouldn't make a division in our meditation between perception and field of perception. We shouldn't become like a cat watching a mouse. We should realise that the purpose of meditation is not to go "deeply into ourselves" or withdraw from the world. Practice should be free and non-conceptual, unconstrained by introspection and concentration.

Vast unoriginated self-luminous wisdom space is the ground of being - the beginning and the end of confusion. The presence of awareness in the primordial state has no bias toward enlightenment or non-enlightenment. This ground of being which is known as pure or original mind is the source from which all phenomena arise...

GO READ THE REST OF IT NOW -

Like like like!

The difference in body feel just a short while after drinking coffee is pretty striking these days (I've been paying attention to it the past few days at work). I had given it up for a few weeks prior.

There's an unpleasant, anxious/agitated feel ...

There goes my desire for coffee.

Instead of drinking coffee - I'm drinking in my experience.

Cast out the net of panoramic experience
Become aware of more and more of what it has caught in a conscious way

I can notice I am aware of everything going on in some way yet I wouldn't be able to tell you much about it if the lights were turned off

If, however I include more and more of it in a conscious way, building it up - at some point it seems to take off on its own. I am no longer involved in the process and I am no longer able to direct what's happening.

Very fun and rewarding....

mmmmm... tasty

Reading this as I am drinking coffee..nervously agitated. I think I like your new idea. I might steal it.

Neat, Free & Comprehensive Teaching on The Satipatthana Sutta by Rodney Smith - Seattle Insight Meditation Society

seattleinsight.org/Talks/BrowseSeries/Se...esID/37/Default.aspx

"Bloedel Hall at St. Mark's Cathedral | Jan 2010
The Satipatthana sutta is the fundamental teaching by the Buddha, revered by all Buddhist traditions, on the application of mindfulness. Mindulness is the the basic teaching that connects the isolated individual to his/her internal and external environments. Through a steady integration of mindfulness our unconscious tendencies become conscious, and we discover a preexisting awareness and interconnectedness to life that changes everything. The four applications of mindfulness (body, feelings, mind, and mind objects), as well as the underlying principles behind it, are explored thoroughly through talks, discussions, dyads, and homework."

I was listening to these earlier in the winter. Rodney Smith is my favorite as far as dharma teachers go. His talks on the ten ox-herding pictures are excellent as well. I was listening to them today and noticed that he managed to convey all of the stuff that is talked about in the later stages regarding agency, thoughts, emotions, etc. without making it sound creepy and heartless.

Apart from thought - is there a thinker?
Apart from thought - is there a doer?
Apart from thought - is there a meditator?
Apart from thought - is there an observer (hearer, feeler, seer, etc.)?
Apart from thought - are there any distinct objects?
Apart from thought - is there Nirvana/Samsara?
Apart from thought - is anything wrong?

thinking "I am just a thought" does something...

Yeah, seems a very powerful practice to me as well.
Apart from thought - is anything mine?

"I am just a thought" made the body writhe and squirm...neat!

"Seeing the bannered force
on all sides '”
the troops, Mara
along with his mount '”
I go into battle.
May they not budge me
from
my spot.
That army of yours,
that the world with its devas
can't overcome,
I will smash with discernment '”
as an unfired pot with a stone."
www.accesstoinsight.org/ptf/buddha.html