awouldbehipster's practice notes (part 3)

(continued from above)

Lee is quick to note that if this doesn't work for an individual, they should simply disregard the experience and move on. It's better not to become enticed by visions, so it's usually best to abide by the wisdom of non-manipulation. But if you're able to remain neutral during the experiment, an enhanced sense of equanimity may result, which may reduce the amount of attraction, aversion, or confusion that may arise when such things pop up in future practice periods. For, if these things can be manipulated, they're inconstant. If they are inconstant, they cannot be clung to or relied upon. What's unreliable is most certainly not "me" or "mine." This is yet another way of seeing deeply into the nature of phenomena in order to change one's intuitive response.

Though I agree that non-manipulation is generally a "best practice" (to use corporate lingo), learning to manipulate subtle visionary phenomena in a skillful way may help one to see them for what they are, and thus deepen their sense of release from them.

EDIT: Grammar.

"The heart when it's released is like the fire element in the air. When fire goes out, it isn't annihilated anywhere. It still permeates space, simply that it doesn't latch onto any kindling, so it doesn't appear.

"When the mind 'goes out' from defilement, it's still there, but when new kindling comes, it doesn't catch fire, doesn't latch on -- not even to itself. That's what's called release."

~Ajaan Fuang Jotiko, from "Awareness Itself."

www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/thai/fuang/itself.pdf

I am feeling so much gratitude today. It is so encouraging to read everyone's practice journals, and to see how everyone is progressing so well. A couple years ago, I thought the old Dharma Overground was as good as it gets. I'm flabbergasted (in a good way) at how much better things have gotten since then. It blows me away.

A big thank you to everyone here, for being so open and honest, and for practicing so diligently. I know without a doubt that it's really paying off!

During my first sit today (late morning), I practiced jhana with a lot of gusto. I experimented with different types of fruition/cessation, and climbed around the jhanic arc for a while.

But, I noticed after practice that my mind felt used up, as if it had been over-stimulated, like a car that's been run too hard and needs to cool off. It occurred to me that my next sit should be relaxed and effortless. And that's just what I did.

Resting simply it "is," right here, does not over-stimulate. The less my experience was fabricated, the more clear, wide open and spacious things became. And this was nothing new. This is how things are when the mind relaxes its tendency to try and fabricate contrived concepts and perceptions.

There's very little to say about this kind of practice. Recognizing what "is," well... it is what it is.

Continuing to practice in a simple and easy way. Watching thoughts arises and vanish, like so many bubbles in a creek. I realize more and more how much of a slave I have been to the thought-world. Learning to see thoughts as thoughts, and how the mind attempts to attribute me-ness or mine-ness things, is invaluable.

And there's no rush. You can't artificially sustain natural wakefulness. Moments of fresh, unobstructed awareness do come, but it's of no use to try and sustain them by force. When a thought arises and distorts reality, that's just what happens. It doesn't mean that I'm practicing incorrectly. Quite the opposite, really. If any realization is going to be lasting, it will need to be based on that which is unconditioned, unfabricated, not based on striving or aversion to my experience.

I'm happy to be practicing along with you all.
~Jackson

I'm happy you are here to provide such excellent bits of dharma to dwell on.

Thanks so much Jackson!

"Continuing to practice in a simple and easy way. Watching thoughts arises and vanish, like so many bubbles in a creek. I realize more and more how much of a slave I have been to the thought-world. Learning to see thoughts as thoughts, and how the mind attempts to attribute me-ness or mine-ness things, is invaluable.

And there's no rush. You can't artificially sustain natural wakefulness. Moments of fresh, unobstructed awareness do come, but it's of no use to try and sustain them by force. When a thought arises and distorts reality, that's just what happens. It doesn't mean that I'm practicing incorrectly. Quite the opposite, really. If any realization is going to be lasting, it will need to be based on that which is unconditioned, unfabricated, not based on striving or aversion to my experience.

I'm happy to be practicing along with you all.
~Jackson"

Thanks Jackson...

"You can't artificially sustain natural wakefulness." and "When a thought arises and distorts reality, that's just what happens."

Perfect! Just perfectly stated. What's authentic is authentic.

Well said, Jackson!

I discussed this with Kenneth recently. I have often asked myself if "I" prefer the calm serenity of high equanimity versus the onslaught of thoughts and negative flow of weirdness during the dukkha nanas. And thoughts will arise , "Yes! No! Yes! No! What? Ye.... and those thoughts will just evaporate....the sense of self arising and passing away and all the rest just arising and passing away, completely transient except for .....Awareness, aware of itself and all these thoughts and sensations as they arise and pass away. Such a non-judgmental ever present awareness. And there is my answer...no preference!!!!

I love this place!!!

Thank you, guys!

" If any realization is going to be lasting, it will need to be based on that which is unconditioned, unfabricated, not based on striving or aversion to my experience.
"

Thanks for this Jackson, this is something I forget over and over, every time I sit.

I am happy to be practicing here with you all as well.

Discovering where you're embedded or identified is easy. All you have to do is follow the suffering.

Suffering (dukkha) is a symptom of delusion. Find the suffering, and the delusion to be expelled is near at hand.

"Why is there so much stress at this moment? What appearance or process am I clinging to, or pushing away, or ignoring, that perpetuates this dis-ease?"

Recognize the suffering, then find the root. Just looking around for the root isn't going to get you very far. You have to know where to look.

For example, I may notice a terrible odor. What's the best way to get rid of the odor? Should I sit and think about where the odor could possibly be? Or who caused it? Or whether or not the odor is real or illusory? No. The best to find the source of the odor is to "follow your nose." Sniff it out. That's how it is when we practice. Sniff out the suffering. Find the cause, and then cultivate dispassion toward the cause until it gives way.

I find that when my practice entails noticing suffering, the result is compassion and equanimity for myself and others. Doesn't that seem backwards? Wouldn't it make sense that paying attention to suffering would just make me suffer even more?

Here's the thing: suffering and compassion are really two sides of the same coin. We don't find compassion and equanimity outside of suffering. That would be pity and indifference. Rather, our suffering seemingly transmutes into compassion as we move through our experience with kind attention; as we allow the pain and sorrow to make contact with our raw and exposed heart, which is none other than wisdom.

In this way, it's easy to see why suffering is the Buddha's first Noble Truth. It is a noble truth, indeed.

"Here's the thing: suffering and compassion are really two sides of the same coin. We don't find compassion and equanimity outside of suffering. That would be pity and indifference. Rather, our suffering seemingly transmutes into compassion as we move through our experience with kind attention; as we allow the pain and sorrow to make contact with our raw and exposed heart, which is none other than wisdom.
"

Thanks Jackson,

Thats makes perfect sense and reveals the subtlties of the words used to explain this.
From a developmental pov maybe suffering + equanimity = compassion. Without equanimity there is a denial of some aspect of suffering, even the act to stop suffering (as noble as it is) can have motivators other than compassion, but I think these other motives are often confused with compassion.

"Here's the thing: suffering and compassion are really two sides of the same coin. We don't find compassion and equanimity outside of suffering. That would be pity and indifference. Rather, our suffering seemingly transmutes into compassion as we move through our experience with kind attention; as we allow the pain and sorrow to make contact with our raw and exposed heart, which is none other than wisdom. "

Thanks, you link up "compassion", "equanimity" and "suffering" wonderfully

Meditation cannot, does not, will not fix all of your problems.

Your problems are not a mistake. Nor are they the essential ingredients for some teleological fruition; some happening of the future. Problems are a fact of life.

Fortunately for us, so is liberation, which happens *through* your problems.

Just a reminder.

"Your problems are not a mistake. Nor are they the essential ingredients for some teleological fruition; some happening of the future. Problems are a fact of life.

Fortunately for us, so is liberation, which happens *through* your problems.-Jackson"

Beautifully said, Jackson. I should ask all newcomers to the site to memorize this passage and repeat it as a kind of catechism. The sooner this wisdom is internalized, the sooner someone can get down to the real-life business of awakening.

Thank you, Kenneth!

On somewhat of a related note...

Lately, the cutting edge of my practice has been the coming together or emptiness and form - the universal and the personal. The more the freedom and clarity of emptiness is realized, the more I see that there's no escaping form. The universal and the personal are interrelated in such a way as to not really be able to see where one ends and the other begins - hence all that talk of "nonduality."

This isn't something I'm trying to see. I don't really have an agenda. It's just where the practice is taking me. Pretty cool.

Spiraling ever deeper into an infinite pool.

Today, I just practiced simple, easy noting during my daily sit. I am finding that what's important is to make time to acknowledge the truth, whatever it turns out to be.

"The truth will set you free."

Acknowledge what is true in each moment, and you will know freedom.

Spend less time pondering what "should be," and instead stay with what "is."

Related to yesterday's post, this is how my practice went today...

Started by simply intending to acknowledge the truth. That's all. Not looking for anything special. Not cultivating states. Just acknowledging whatever appears.

After some time, the mind was directed to the feeling "I am", and inquiry began. Who am I? Who is this "I am"? As this occurred, something about the way that the mind projects conventional reality became clear. It was as if the world we know before we come to practice is the result of the light of awareness passing through a prism, and what we see is the resulting reflection. The thoughts that distort the clarity of this realization arise out of habit, and that's all.

The Witnessing collapsed after a time, and the projections calmed. Just this. No assumptions. I laid down to continue practice. As I rested in rigpa, I could clearly see how mental fabrications arise and distort the clarity of awareness, causing experience to become dull. I am not normally aware of this, so it usually just spins off into thoughts, images, etc. But this morning I noticed that if I catch the "formations" (yes, formations... in the sense of mental fabrications conjured up by the sankhara-khanda), they would dissolve quickly, and non-dual awareness would resume. This play between clarity and dullness, wisdom and delusion, lasted quite some time.

(continued below)

Then there were a number of instances where the mind would turn to cognize the unconditioned alone. This is very difficult to describe. It's not like the mind completely shuts down. It's different than going unconscious. Quite simply, there are moments when the light of awareness turns away from conditioned objects entirely, and then turns back. It is quite mysterious, and I haven't really been able to wrap my head around exactly what's occurring at that moment. All I know is that there seems to be a "beyond."

I have yet to fully understand why this beyond is suddenly apprehended apart from mundane appearances, or even the role it plays in awakening. I'm familiar with what many spiritual teachings have to say about it, particularly those from the Pali canon, and also teachers like Nisargadatta Maharaj and Aziz (Anadi) Kristoff. It may not even be related, though I think it is. Still, I can't know the significance of this until happening until I know it for myself. I'm not apt to following someone else's interpretation, as that just adds more concepts that I could cling to. I'd rather just keep practicing and see where it goes.

I hope what I have written here doesn't confuse anyone. Sometimes I hesitate to write about my practice in this way, because I don't want people to think that they're experience could, should, or will line up to what I experience. I encourage all of you here to "Be a light unto yourself."

~Jackson

Yes, that's how I feel. Just let the truth speak without interpretation that comes from other.

Hi Jackson,

What you wrote just now sounds familiar. At times awareness is aware of all the thoughts and mental fabrications arising up and passing on back downinto it and every time something is seen as passing away there is a moment where it is awareness just watching itself, nothing arising...until something does again. Every time though something disappears back down to where it seems to come from, there is almost a feeling of having a fruition but I can't say it's the same. I really don't know how to describe what happens when this is seen. Hehe...I don't know if it's what you described experiencing.

"Hi Jackson,

What you wrote just now sounds familiar. At times awareness is aware of all the thoughts and mental fabrications arising up and passing on back downinto it and every time something is seen as passing away there is a moment where it is awareness just watching itself, nothing arising...until something does again. Every time though something disappears back down to where it seems to come from, there is almost a feeling of having a fruition but I can't say it's the same. I really don't know how to describe what happens when this is seen. Hehe...I don't know if it's what you described experiencing. "

Hey Jackson,
I get that too. I was wondering if anybody else did. They almost feel like fruitions without the discontinuity. Usually get a rapid fluttering of energy around the throat. It's almost like my mind has gotten deeply bored with the sense doors and just wants a break for a bit.