Owen's Practice Journal

: ) I love this place

Edited to ad: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!

Hey that's my line! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT x 2 hehe!
Owen, you now have a lot of great advice floating around here on what to do to get over the anagami dilema. Congrats! And might I add that you could keep recording your progress through third path here on this very thread so there is a continuum when people wish to read about your progress. Just a thought! This thread is only 3 pages long. You could still fill it up for the benefit of many!!!!

"Hey that's my line! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT x 2 hehe!
Owen, you now have a lot of great advice floating around here on what to do to get over the anagami dilema. Congrats! And might I add that you could keep recording your progress through third path here on this very thread so there is a continuum when people wish to read about your progress. Just a thought! This thread is only 3 pages long. You could still fill it up for the benefit of many!!!!"

Oh, wow you're right. This is only three pages...
So I'll keep it here. I've got a lot of reports I've sent privately to Kenneth. Didn't want to make any claims that I wasn't sure about, but I'll put them on the thread.

So, anagami land is very, very nice. Not done, but damn... everything here is sure pretty. At least until that changes.

Man, this is sure the place for dharma. Gassho. Mucho gassho.

So this is what I'd sent to Kenneth over the last few days:

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Hey Kenneth,
Didn't want to post this on the forums before I had a chance to talk about it to you, but I followed along with the 13 jhana tour and was able to access all of them along with you guys. I was able to get 9 and 10 yesterday and a few times before that. I'm pretty blown away right now.

Anyhow, I'll keep riding the arc and seeing if they reappear. Just thought I'd let you know. Many, many thanks.
-o

---

Thanks for keeping me in the loop, Owen. Very exciting developments...

Looking forward to talking more about it on Tuesday.

Kenneth

---

Hey Kenneth,
No problem. Thank you. Just meditated while reclining. Was able to ride the arc very quickly, though I think my time sense is a touch foggy right now. Was able to cycle through up to the 5th pure land jhana and really absorb into the sensations of nothing but consciousness. Hard fruition(?) with a bit of a delayed entry followed by power down. Again, sense of thoughts taking some time to return after the exit. Backed down through the arc to 1st jhana. My body (at least energy movement wise) feels like something just got finished.

I'm convinced now that I never even left home.

Amazing.

I never noticed it before because it was always so close. Still feeling like there is work to do, but I can't tell you what it is.

Gassho,
-o

---

Keep me posted.

K

(continued)
Hey Kenneth,
Another reclining session last night before bed, up to 13 and back.

Also clear access again to 13 and back to 1st, then back up this morning. I do seem to loose count of which jhana I'm in around 11. Cool ability showing up to visualize pulsing flows of energy in 11-12. Finished sit at 13 and had serious trouble generating the intention to move from the cushion.

Body feels very clear and light. Free flowing energy all the way up and down without any eddies or loops. Mind is immensely clean and focused.

Thanks again. Looking forward to our chat tomorrow.
-o

---

One other thing on top of all this, when I exit at the 1st jhana after riding the arc, the clear light is obvious. You mentioned it at the end of the video.

It's not the witness, the witness is in it. Being clear, it's so close it is almost unrecognizable - but it has to be that way or the world would never be perceived in the first place.

This is my original face.

-o

(continued)


Hey Kenneth,

Rode the arc up to 13th jhana again last night. Beginning to feel a bit like surfing through all the different layers. Very interesting.

Few little bits:

1. Haven't felt the need to have a fruition during the last few cycles. A bit strange, like an energy channel has cleared out. Felt the same for a day or so right after second path.

2. My mind is incredibly quiet, even throughout the workday, which is odd for me.

3. Everything seems beautiful, almost like I'm falling in love with everything in my field of experience. So real, so raw. Just astounding.

4. There is the sense of an immense silence behind everything.

5. There is also the sense that, within all "This" all of the sensations that make up each jhana are completely present. The arc is a progressively finer filter that develops the capacity for awareness to remain in any one particular nexus of sensations.

6. The jhanic arc, like the cycles are part of the path but the real resolution to the question isn't there. Feels like an answer is staring me in the face but I can't see it. I'm tired of habitually thinking that only the sensations on one side of my skin are me!

Anyhow, that's what today looks like. Looking forward to our chat this evening.
Thanks,
-o

(continued)

So that was the last email I sent before Kenneth and I chatted. We had a good discussion , too much to go through right now.

The big thing that happened right before all this that I neglected to put in writing before was a rather intense experience with compassion. I was taking a cab home from lunch and I noticed a homeless guy sitting on the sidewalk. What struck me was on top of everything else was how bored he looked. I imagined what it would be like to be in that predicament, to need to find some way to fill the hours and have nothing really to do but just wait for something to happen. I thought it had to be like prison, without even the knowledge of where you were going to sleep or what you were going to eat. Quite simply, for a long moment I hurt with him. Nothing dramatic, nothing earth shaking, but I felt something in me shift. I decided when I got home I was going to try and follow along with the jhana videos, which was something I'd been hesitant to do. Surprisingly enough, I was able to follow along right up to the 13th jhana.
I don't have any deep theories about it other than it happened right before I was able to access the pure land. Maybe I just needed to drop the idea that this practice was about me.

Wow, great stuff Owen, thanks for sharing. One question for, in regards to point number 1 above. You say you feel like an energy channel has been cleared out, and you now no longer feel the need for fruitions. Would you say that, at least for 2nd and 3rd path in you experience, this marked the end of the review cycle for that Path?

It kind of seems to suggest that each path covers certain territory in the brain (a circuit, as Kenneth describes it) and that the review nana is a time of clearing out what was missed on the first time through the path. Kind of like you're clearing the wires on each level and need to keep clearing them until they've emptied out.

Would that be a fair statement, in regards to your own experience?

Yeah, it feels like energy flows are now much less obstructed. I have noticed that at the end of a path, after a new big fruition for that path, I don't need to have them for a while.
It also might be a side effect of a fairly long NS this morning that there seems to be a volition lag accompanied by echoes of full body bliss as I go through my day. It's super nice.

I have a strong urge to hook up to an EEG or FMRI and see if there is an observable physical correlate. It would be fun to take a pre 1st path practitioner, get an EEG/FMRI baseline and take it again after each path up to 4th.

So yes, fair statement, and I concur. 2nd path to 3rd path is oddly less of a big deal that 1st to 2nd. 2nd path is intense as hell, but the long ass dark nights seem smaller in context since you are cycling so much faster.

Interesting. Very...

I know some work has been done on measuring brain waves of meditators and whatnot, but I don't know of any done within a system like this one, with such clear cut stages/paths. I'm not sure how'd I'd feel about a physical correlate. It'd be interesting to find out, but part of me thinks we're better off not going there at all... And part of me thinks it'd be awesome. : )

video of Ken Wilber hooked up to an EEG machine...

"video of Ken Wilber hooked up to an EEG machine...

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"

Cool, thanks! I've read about this one, but haven't seen it.

Watch how it walks to the train.
Watch how it worries about work.
Watch how it notices the sadness of the faces of the people during the morning commute.
Watch how it is awash in rapture and bliss.
Watch how it craves.
Watch how it notices the impermanence of bliss.
Watch how it checks the bank account.
Watch how it judges.
Watch how it wonders about relationships.
Watch how it has sex.
Watch how it cares.
Watch how it gets angry.
Watch how it wonders if all this will drop away and leave it back in the bad old days.
Watch how it wonders about delusion and enlightenment.
Watch how it thinks about dying friends.
Watch how it is grateful.

I've decided. On looking back at my life, I've concluded that I've suffered enough. I'm ready to get this thing done. All the attainments are just conditions. I want something that isn't wrapped up in that. Whatever it winds up being, let it come.

kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/36...et=180&maxResults=20

Read the last 2 pages of my first practice notes thread. I write about being exactly where that sentiment tells me you are.

THE NON-SACRED NATURE OF ALL PHENOMENA!

" kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/36...et=180&maxResults=20

Read the last 2 pages of my first practice notes thread. I write about being exactly where that sentiment tells me you are.

THE NON-SACRED NATURE OF ALL PHENOMENA! "

Thanks Nick. I feel like I'm in jumping off space right now. I decided last night to make a quick trip up the arc, and while I was coming back down I had the thought that "All this is just states, relying on them to make me happy is the same as getting stoned." Nothing there that will last. Where is done? What do I need to do to get this over with. I don't care how fast this is going! I'm sick of this ride!

The "non-sacred nature of all phenomena" made me think of this:

---

One day Banzan was walking through a market. He overheard a customer say to the butcher, "Give me the best piece of meat you have." "Everything in my shop is the best," replied the butcher. "You can not find any piece of meat that is not the best." At these words, Banzan was enlightened.

---

I'm trying to accept that I don't have anything else to do and let myself rest in the clear light. There is some agitation as I write this that "I" can't seem to do anything. I'm trying to let go, then I think I need to let go of trying to let go!

Also coming up are thoughts that "I just got 3rd path, who am I to do it this so quickly", but I just watch them now. I figure the post-path momentum might just help to get this done.

Watch how it tenses.
Watch how it craves release.
Watch how it wants it to be done.
Watch how it struggles.
Watch how it doubts.
Watch how it feels unworthy of enlightenment.
Watch how it affirms its readiness.
Watch how it waits for the next thing to happen wondering, will this be it?

"
I'm trying to accept that I don't have anything else to do and let myself rest in the clear light. There is some agitation as I write this that "I" can't seem to do anything. I'm trying to let go, then I think I need to let go of trying to let go!

Also coming up are thoughts that "I just got 3rd path, who am I to do it this so quickly", but I just watch them now. I figure the post-path momentum might just help to get this done. "

Jackson had some good advice which helped me as I was feeling highly agitated too due to not knowing what to do or that "I" had nothing to do with it. Go to the source of the suffering. Note it! Where is that suffering? What is suffering? Is the "I" suffering? What is the "I" anyway? What is it composed of? Sensations? Images? Are those sensations, thoughts and images any more important or of a higher status than the rest of phenomena? Is it something of a higher status? Does it sit on it's throne and appear to be the cause of this and that? What am "I" doing to cause this agitation? Or rather what mental action is causing the sense of suffering that agitation?
Some things to ponder .

Or just hang out in the clear light as Kenneth did. If I remember correctly, that is how he got to 4th path. It doesn't seem to be a fruition by the way that does the damage. It is a perception shift separate from a fruition in mine and other's experiences.

Hi Owen,

There is a stage of practice -- a very broad stage -- where striving for release works to one's advantage. But after a while, that very striving is the obstacle. When there is a strong desire to wake up, that very desire often goes unchecked. In other words, look into suffering. Look into craving. Look into that driving force that pushes you along.

You don't need to look for nonduality or any other major perceptual shift at this point. If they happen, they happen. It's not really the point, though, as you pointed out in comments above. The point is the ride, and the ride is what keeps you on the ride. Look into the ride the same way you've been looking into everything else.

I hope that helps. If not, (in my best New Jersey accent) forget about it

Practice well!
Jackson

So rather than a big KABOOM bright light thing, from what your saying it's more of a quiet, "oh, yeah. right here all along" sort of a remembering?

"Jackson had some good advice which helped me as I was feeling highly agitated too due to not knowing what to do or that "I" had nothing to do with it. Go to the source of the suffering. Note it! Where is that suffering?" ~Nick

Haha! Hey, you gave my advice before I had a chance to

"So rather than a big KABOOM bright light thing, from what your saying it's more of a quiet, "oh, yeah. right here all along" sort of a remembering?" ~Owen

I often wonder why it is that we all assume that a final moment of enlightenment is like a big KABOOM!!! I know that's what I thought for quite sometime, even when I wouldn't admit it.

From the accounts I've read, as well as the testimonies of those awakened individuals I am privileged to know, it's more like waking up into a dream.

Wow. A dream. I just put something together. He called himself "Buddha."
No more explosions, just the invitation to wake up.

"So rather than a big KABOOM bright light thing, from what your saying it's more of a quiet, "oh, yeah. right here all along" sort of a remembering?"

Yes. It felt like a blip or some shifting within the mind. A synching up feeling. The out -synch feeling, in my experience was that the sensations of "I" were being given more importance than the rest of phenomena. They were being read as having a privileged status. It was this illusory privileged status which was contributing to the clinging, craving and aversion to phenomena. As the mind was identifying phenomena with that "I" sitting on it's high illusory throne and attaching a desire result on top of that phenomena for the benefit of the sense of "I".

It is like there is a king on his hill. All his subjects are at the bottom of the hill. Thus all that the king wants and does not want is tied up with how his subjects act. Will they bring him his food? Will they plant the crops and pay taxes? Will they obey him? The answer is no, not really. So the king suffers as he has attached his happiness to the actions of his subjects. What you need to do is level that hill the king is on. The king will still be there so to speak. He will just be the same as all the rest of his subjects. Another subject so to speak. And now he can grow his own crops. There is no longer a king (the "I") that depends on his subjects (all other phenomena). Cos now there all the same. No higher status for anyone. One does not depend on the other to be happy now. The king is now the same as all the subjects. They keep doing what they do, but now there is no-one (no king) to suffer the consequences. The hill has been leveled. Now there is, as Chris has put it, a leveled playing ground. No more better than!

This was my first ever analogy. Haha! Hope it makes sense.

"Yes. It felt like a blip or some shifting within the mind. A synching up feeling. The out -synch feeling, in my experience was that the sensations of "I" were being given more importance than the rest o phenomena. They were being read as having a privileged status. It was this illusory privileged status which was contributing to the clinging, craving and aversion to phenomena. As the mind was identifying phenomena with that "I" sitting on it's high illusory throne. And attaching an desire result ontop of that phenomena for the benefit of the sense of "I".

It is like there is a king on his hill. All his subjects are at the bottom of the hill. Thus all that the king wants and does not want is tied up with how his subjects act. Will they bring him his food? Will they plant the crops and pay taxes? Will they obey him? The answer is no, not really. So the king suffers as he has attached his happiness to the actions of his subjects. What you need to do is level that hill the king is on. The king will still be there so to speak. He will jsut be the same as allt he rest of his subjects. Another subject so to speak. And now he can grow his own crops. There is no longer a king (the "I") that depends on his subjects(all other phenomena). Cos now there all the same. No higher status for anyone. One does not depend on the other to be happy now. The king is now the same as all the subjects. The keep doing what they do, but now there is noone (no king) to suffer the consequences.

This was my first ever analogy. Haha! Hope it makes sense. "

Thanks man. Analogy makes perfect sense.

So, how do I level the hill? Or does it just level itself? What accomplishes it in the end?