Mike Monson's Practice Notes: Dos

I'm loving your posts these days, Mike-- and the 'ghost of Roy Orbison' photo just adds that 'je ne sais quoi' to it all!

The short account of my drunken enlightenment omitted stuff like how hilarious my perception of what had been my practice and motivations up to the event. At one point, I tried to take up my 'inquiry' and I saw myself as an old lady rummaging in her purse for the glasses she was, in fact, wearing as she rummaged: 'who am I' -- 'who wants to know?!' Being UN-enlightened seemed like the biggest joke, and the most obvious, like a toddler covering her eyes to 'hide'-- 'you can't SEE me!' And Reality indulgently playing along: 'Oh, where has she gone? Has anyone seen her?'

and as the morning star rises, 'I' and all beings roll around laughing, having found what was never lost

Tucson is one cool place. Hottern' hell in the summer, but cool.

Finally back from Vegas, Tucson and then Vegas again. Was supposed to return to Modesto on Monday but had major car trouble and had to stay in Vegas another day while the dealer fixed it, causing me to have to deal with making sure my kids were taken care of somehow and also being a day late coming back to my very busy job.
Prior to this trip I'd had really about four or five months or maybe more of a pretty routine life that was extremely consistent. Up at four, get on van, go to work, come home on van, get to bed early. Repeat. Weekends were usually very quiet with lots of practice and not much excitement. Within this routine I'd gotten very peaceful, etc.
So, I wondered how leaving on a comlicated trip involving lots and lots of driving and several different hotel stays, and various people and family situations was going to effect my vibe and my "practice." Espectially if I took to partying a bit more.
I managed to sit at least once every day and I saw no decrease in momentum -- just the opposite in fact.
One thing I noticed on all the long drives especially is a new habit -- I'm not sure exactly when it arrived -- and that is a sort of constant awareness mechanism in which I stay pretty open all the time and as objects arise I tend to look at and disembed from them relatively continuously. This isn't completely all encompassing or as detailed as when I am sitting, but it is going on all the time nonetheless. I noticed that the objects had to be pretty stressfull and/or scary for me to not be able to just automatically disembed and move on. For example, when it became apparent that we were stuck in Vegas and I had no idea how deal with all the job and kid stuff (I won't bore with the details but there were a lot of major hassles involved) it took an hour or more to sort of deal with all the thoughts and feelings and get back to a place of peace and no friction.
cont.

cont.
Then, wonderfully, I found myself with an unexpected extra day off and another night in a wonderful hotel in vegas with my wife -- which I greatly enjoyed.

My sits (I'll do a regular "practice note" later -- fascinating I'm sure ) were very steady and my ability to stay with the minute details of my breathing and synch up and have fruitions was strong. I got more and more into looking at "me" and all the objects invovled in that. Very confusing and mysterious and very interesting.
I love this practice and all it is constantly bringing me. I feel completely empty and completely full all at the very same time.

Amazing fact:
If one breathes in and notes "rising" and during that in-breath notes/notices sensations, thoughts, feeling tones, etc. and then does the same during "falling" (the out breath) and during any pause or "stopping" of the breath -- then they've done this practice perfectly. completely.
blows me away.
it really is that simple.
doing almost anything else is unecessary and a waste of time and energy.
for example: breath in, note "rising," notice the contraction and tension in your abdomen during that in breath and -- you've done it. that's it.
It doesn't matter what happens -- it can be amazing and blissful or boring or painful. doesn't matter.

One doesn't have to hunt around for certain insights or feelings or experiences or understandings. If it's right there in front of you right now -- it's EVERYTHING you need.

Awesome Mike!

That is extremely helpful to me (I think I over complicate things).

"Awesome Mike!

That is extremely helpful to me (I think I over complicate things)."

For me this simple truth of practice (vispassana practice) takes all of the guesswork, questioning, thinking, analyzing, reflecting, anxiety, projecting, etc. out of the process. As long as you simply note what is simply happening right now you can be CERTAIN you've done everything in your power to progress in insight. No worries.
And, if you get lost in thought -- easy -- note it and go back to the breath and accompanying sensations, etc. Again, you've done it PERFECTLY.

I think for me for so long, I had expectations of the kinds of objects that were SUPPOSED to appear and be noted and if those kinds of objects didn't appear I'd suffer horribly from disapointment and shattered expectations and use up all my energy looking for something that jus wasn't ever going to be there.

Yeah, exactly. Nick has a good way of putting it

"let the nanas do the work"

i.e. the subtle stuff will happen automatically as you go through the various layers, you just need to stay dis-embedded enough for that to happen.

"Yeah, exactly. Nick has a good way of putting it

"let the nanas do the work"

i.e. the subtle stuff will happen automatically as you go through the various layers, you just need to stay dis-embedded enough for that to happen."

I guess that is true, but, I'd resist even thinking in terms of "subtle" or, I guess 'gross" cause that could cause one to start looking for rather than at.
"Subtle" compared to what? There is no "subtle," there is just the instant object whatever that may be.

Sorry about that Mike. You are totally right. I guess what I'm saying is that there is a tendency (in my self at least) to prefer that which is plesant, subtle, vibrating, or even itching, pressure etc. Those things will arise naturally as I move through the various strata, no need to look for them or try to make them happen.

Slight difference last day or two.
Vipassana experience flatter, fruitions less of a big deal.
I'm working most of the time now on concentration and trying to learn how to access jhanas. I seem to be getting close, however, at the end of each attempt it seems like I've entered some unstable strata of mind and am kind of a combination of sad/annoyed/afraid.

To be sure the sad/annoyed/afraid isn't really the kind of problem it would've been not that long ago. It really is just more stuff that is happening to that Mike Monson thing and I have very little motivation to make a big deal out of such experiences.

The thing that is watching all this go on just feels so huge and so much bigger than feelings right now. Does that sound too grandiose?

wow
Jack Kornfield is the person who introduced me to buddhism and vipassana so many years ago with his wonderful books. And Vince Horn is the person who introduced me to Dr. Ingram and Mr. Folk, both of whom are responsible for me findng such a wonderful life. And yesterday I dissed the first one and got dissed by the second.
Felt pretty s hitty.
anyway:
40 minute sit this morning. rising, falling, stopping. Felt a cool nothing almost the entire sit with the occasional fruition and energy surge up the spine. Feel so content right now.

My vacation trip return to drinking alcohol culminated last night with a horrifying and embarrasing visit to a "70s disco costume party" in which I wore gold chains and polyester and drank too much tequila and made a complete fool of myself and made my poor wife wonder if she will ever be able to go out in public with me again.
As I sit here I can actually remember the moments when the alcohol level in my brain peaked and I started having bad feelings and thinking stupid thoughts. Not pretty.
I have a puritan urge to do pennance today.

more:

I've really been examining this Mike Monson thing lately and last night makes me even more curious. What is this thing, this self? It certainly isn't a fixed entity but it seems to often run in prescribed patterns of behavior. Some of these patterns can be altered incrementally or drasticly I think while others seem inevitable and irresistible.

"What is this thing, this self? It certainly isn't a fixed entity but it seems to often run in prescribed patterns of behavior. Some of these patterns can be altered incrementally or drasticly I think while others seem inevitable and irresistible."-telecaster

The patterns *are* the thing, Mike. What we are used to thinking of as the self is just the constellation of patterns. Some of the patterns are deeply engrained and will continue until death. Others are short-lived and we are constantly sloughing them off, leaving them in our wake.

And it gets worse! After 4th Path enlightenment, new patterns don't stick. So at that point you are constantly losing parts of what you thought was yourself, getting more and more translucent all the time. It's disorienting and challenging because you have lost "ultimate self-referencing," which was your North Star. But humans are very adaptable, and you form a new baseline with whatever conditioned patterns are left. The provisional identities that you were, all along the way, taking to be yourself are clearly seen as provisional identities. And they keep changing, sloughing away. It's like the Peanuts cartoon character Pigpen. He is always walking around in a cloud of dust. So after enlightenment, you are walking around in a cloud of dust, but you are also sharing molecules with the dust cloud. And everywhere you go, you leave some dust behind. You are leaving little parts of yourself behind everywhere you go, getting lighter and lighter. You keep noticing that there is no one here. That realization is more and more in-your-face.

This is where you turn back toward karma as a grounding influence. Cause and effect operates, irrespective of how awake you are. It's something you can count on. So karma becomes your North Star, not in a proscriptive, guilt-ridden sort of way, but as a guideline, a way to get your bearings. A compass for people without a self.

Thanks for the wonderful and honest posts, Mike. I've just been catching up on your trip and the aftermath. So much of this sounds familiar to me. Alcohol, for example, is the honey on the razor blade for me. As soon as I feel like I can carefully lick some of it off and not get cut--ouch!--I take it too far. Did this on a recent trip to Boston. I'm also very familiar with the pain of inadvertently criticizing people. Constellations of patterns...

Let me add my voice to the affirmative chorus, Mike. As for recent ouchy experiences-- it's like everything else: one of the things that happens. It's like having taken a wrong turn and ending up in a menacing neighborhood; so the most important thing is that you noticed WHERE you made that turn. That can better your chances of not making the same mistake again, noticing the signs earlier...

I still believe in nothing.
I still believe that nothing is the shortest distance between two points, or, better, the shortest distance between two points is nothing.
Before the beginnng was nothing, THEN there was the word, and that word didn't really mean anything, so it was really nothing -- bringing us back to the beginning.
Even though words and neurons and synapsis and tissue and light and energy can form entire worlds that seem like something -- they are actually nothing at all -- just look at them JUST RIGHT and they will disappear entirely. (It's only because you are looking at them JUST RIGHT that they appear to exist in the first place.)
I hope everything I just wrote has no meaning.

nothingsomethingnothingsomethingnothingsomething

believedon'tbelievebelievedon'tbelievebelievedon'tbelieve

"nothingsomethingnothingsomethingnothingsomething

believedon'tbelievebelievedon'tbelievebelievedon'tbelieve"

why does every coin have to have two sides? (freaking dice have SIX sides)

Made me think of something I read today:

Poached eggs (all of us) - wei wu wei

"Arguing about transcending the I-concept, "reducing" the "power" of the ego, or what not, is merely evidence of continued belief in the reality of that which, being merely a concept, is totally unreal.

It is like a man saying, "I am perfectly sane: I know that I am not a poached egg, instead I am busily engaged in the practice of unpoaching myself and soon I shall not even need a piece of toast in order to be able to sit down"

"why does every coin have to have two sides? (freaking dice have SIX sides)
"

I wonder: if we were octopi, with 8 limbs, would we think in terms of 8 alternatives? 'On the one hand, ...; on another hand,...; on yet another hand,...-- and so forth.
If we were insects, with six limbs, would our thinking be more like rolling a 6-sided die?

"Made me think of something I read today:

Poached eggs (all of us) - wei wu wei

"Arguing about transcending the I-concept, "reducing" the "power" of the ego, or what not, is merely evidence of continued belief in the reality of that which, being merely a concept, is totally unreal.

It is like a man saying, "I am perfectly sane: I know that I am not a poached egg, instead I am busily engaged in the practice of unpoaching myself and soon I shall not even need a piece of toast in order to be able to sit down""

Like I said before somewhere else I don't think that doing nothing or believing in nothing is a view or an argument or a concept, it is an activity that actually includes everything. It is a way to continually move from the distorted to the undistorted. I'm not sure if I've ever actually seen undistorted or if I'd recognize undistorted if I saw it (that's kind of a joke if you look at it) but the continuous attempt to empty one's mind and not decide anything is something one can actually do and it brings infinite benefits I believe. To talk about it though does kind of ruin it.



Mr. Suzuki:
"Our "original mind" includes everything within itself. It is always rich and sufficient within itself. You should not lose your self-sufficient state of mind. This does not mean a closed mind, but actually an empty mind and a ready mind. If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything; it is open to everything."

"If enlightenment comes first, before thinking, before practice, your thinking and your practice will not be self-centered. By enlightenment I mean believing in nothing, believing in something which has no form or no color, which is ready to take form or color. This enlightenment is the immutable truth. It is on this orginal truth that our activity, our thinking, and our practice should be based." -

Definitely. We'd have a base 8 (or base 6 for insects perhaps) numbering system (1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,20,etc.).

Yeah Mike, something about an empty cup being able to contain a lot more than a full one.

"Yeah Mike, something about an empty cup being able to contain a lot more than a full one. "

right, but it's not a story, you know what I mean? It's something one can actually DO.