Omni's practice log

Hi Omni,

Sounds pretty cool!...be interested to see how this unfolds. I see your pretty into the noting out-loud, do you think the whispering and quietening of the notes helped??

"The out loud noting changed to whispering, when suddenly there was a rush or glow moving through the whole body from bottom to top: tingles all over the skin circling towards the top of my head, leaving a trail of goosebumps. I gasped and stopped noting because it was so overwhelming. The light behind the closed eyelids became and remained very bright for quite some time (5 minutes?). The whole body straightened itself upwards, the head tilted back a bit as if it wanted to look up. This all felt quite intense, as if something had gripped my body.

Then the tingles disappeared in reverse order: the glow circled back down from the top of my head towards my legs, somewhat loosening that "grip" it had over my body. The light behind the eyelids began fluctuating again and after a while I could start whispering notes again.

I'm feeling very calm and clear now, but also amazed by what meditation can do."

Very cool. Do you think that experience maps anywhere in particular? A big A&P or something else?

Hei Ed! No idea. It just happened on its own.

Hey Betawave.
That's my question exactly. I think I've been experiencing equanimity lately, with a sudden change last monday and now this ... Judging by what I hear now and then I'll guess the coming days will have to tell right?

Good things are happening

Very cool, indeed!

Can you say more about the inexplicable sense of opening to and acceptance of experiences?

@Antero

@andymr It was like a sense of relief/relaxing around what was happening in my mind: thoughts, mind states relaxed for just a short while ... leaving the mind quite empty. This relief was felt in the body as well.

Exclamation marks, mate!

I sat an extra hour yesterday evening to see what happened.
Attention was clear and effortless. After a couple of minutes there were light fluctuations behind closed eyelids, but quite faint. A very similar sit this morning except that from the first minute of noting my body was rocking back and forth.
For the rest nothing much to report.

Just now I sat for about 10 minutes in between chores. After a couple of minutes with closed eyes, counting the breath, attention got really focused, there was lots of flickering bright light, pressure on the forehead, kriyas and feelings of absorption. This continued while my wife called me from downstairs and I responded to her.

1 hour evening sit, 10 minutes of breath counting + 50 minutes of noting out loud, eyes closed most of the time

From the first minute there were light fluctuations behind the closed eyelids. Things got quite bright now and then. There was spontaneous fluttering of the eyelids. During noting practice some light kriyas happened now and then, but never long. At a point there was a fast and clear vibrating of the spine, starting at the base. Pressure on the forehead came and went throughout the sit. Towards the end the light stopped flickering and became brighter for a longer period. This happened a couple of times. There was some tingling in the chest and throat, which I labeled as "excitement". Now and then there were some blips (visuals going black for a split second). My lower back really ached suddenly. I got up and took a cushion to sit in a different posture. Upon closing my eyes, the light flickered faster and brighter than before.

1 hour morning sit, 10 minutes of breath counting + 50 minutes of noting out loud, eyes closed most of the time

Light fluctuations from the start, less clear than the previous days. A period (5 minutes?) of back-and-forth-rocking-kriyas. A short period (3 minutes?) of slow bright/dark pulsing of the light. For a long time: a bar of tension and tickling from chest to throat which I labeled as "unrest". Light getting constant bright again, but more subtle than yesterday. A period with open eyes where the outside world flickered darker/brighter.

The first time I sat today was for about 10 minutes counting breaths, during a mini-break away from family matters (holiday today). From the start there were light fluctuations, kriyas that got quite intense and varied the longer I sat, eyes that started to flicker spontaneously ...

The second time was just now, for an hour, started with counting the breath and then noting out loud. The same happened: light flashes and pulses, different kinds of kriyas that got quite intense (this reminds me of a period I went through a couple of months ago). There were some short moments I stopped noting because of feelings of overwhelm, but this did not lead to a climax like last friday's (post 321). There were several periods where I felt feelings of surrender, trust, gratitude, relief.

Then I suddenly realised I forgot to set the timer and glanced at the clock. Half an hour had passed. I repositioned myself and as soon as I closed my eyes, the kriyas just went on as if nothing had happened. This gave me the strong impression that all this was just happening independent of me and I was just a spectator.

Suddenly there were some mental images of demon like figures, then some short flashes of disturbing imagery that caused me to grimace in disgust.

The last 10 minutes of the sit the kriyas stopped and I was just sitting there feeling content. I glanced at the clock once again and saw that exactly another half hour had passed. Something has definitely changed in my meditations since friday.

Several sits today. Lots of kriyas but nothing compared to my last sit of the day.
Before going to bed I thought I'd sit for another ten minutes while listening to some music. Body reacted so totally berserk on its own that I watched "the show" for two hours. Anyone else had this happening? Music + Kriyas = Insanity

I'll probably regret this in 6 hours when I have to get up.

Since wednesday I've been formally meditating with music about two hours straight each evening.

I know how the text below might sound, especially if you haven't had kriyas happening before, but if you have and you're susceptible to them right now, I suggest you try it for yourself: close your eyes (or not), put on some headphones and listen to all kinds of music in random order, see how your body reacts all by its own. If it does, try standing up ...

How my body reacts is simply unbelievable.
Listening to cello concerts by Bach results in peaceful swaying movements and delightful facial expressions.

Listening to things like Autechre or Aphex Twin makes me look like I'm being electrocuted, my body shakes and twitches chaotically, arms and legs move violently in all directions (especially to this: ow.ly/5kX7d ).

Some high pitched female voices (Bat For Lashes) give me goosebumps all over and sometimes leave me gasping for air.

Listening to dance music... makes me dance.

I have discovered the latter when I noticed how my body mimicked the rhythms of the music. I stood up to see what would happen and soon enough my legs also got a will of their own.

I try my best to be mindful of what goes on in my body and mind while all this is happening and I can't detect any "will" of my own anywhere causing these movements. Sometimes I have to take a step away from a table not to hurt myself, or I have to stop a movement that could hurt me, but that's it. The rest is not me. No-self (anatta) anyone?

It doesn't seem to matter much what kind of meditation I do. Noting randomly, or quadruplets, focussing on the breath or just being aware without technique ... the body mimicks the music.

Sometimes I have noticed that trying to predict the movements impedes them somewhat. Focussing on the music or the breath does the opposite.

... also this seems to be a mechanical thing, there's not much emotion going on. The gasping for air and the goosebumps are not synched with a lump in the throat or tingling in belly or chest.

The interest in and the intensity of the kriyas is lessening lately. It's been fun and they're still there, but time to move on ...

Time to get kriyaitive! (Oh, I'm so sorry... )
Anyways, rock on!!

Total negativity in my mind the last couple of days. Noting during the day doesn't feel as right as it used to last week, more like a chore. However formal meditation was surprisingly clear just now. I sat for an hour noting quads.

First there was just clear attention on sounds, body sensations, gentle kriyas ... Then I went through a period of frustration, self-criticism, self-loathing, feelings of inferiority, comparing thoughts ... In my body there was lots of unpleasant tension and tingling.

The kriyas suddenly changed (more variation) and I went through a short period of dreaminess, forgetting to note out loud here and there, dream images and sounds, couldn't keep my eyes open. That went by quite quickly and then things got easier.

There was some light fluctuation behind closed eyelids, but I was never sure if it was because of clouds passing by or something else. One of these lights was quite clear though and lasted longer while the eyelids flickered spontaneously for about a minute. There was some anticipation there and this repeated in a less intens way a couple of times. Towards the end there were some short fleeting moments of ease and acceptance.

Still at least 1 hour sits each day. Lots of dreaminess again lately. Still some kriyas but usually later on during the sits in stead of right away, and much less pronounced. Skyped with Kenneth recently and was reassured that I'm still doing it right.

Not much happening during meditation lately.
Sitting feels nice but there's an almost constant undercurrent of dissatisfaction.
The body feels pleasantly warm, subtly tingling and restful, but there's a bar of tickling tension in the chest and throat. During the day this can be accompanied by self-reflective thoughts, discontentment with all kinds of stuff. Now and then the visual outside world seems to be slightly vibrating during formal meditation.

1 hour sit, noting out loud: 15 minutes random, 15 minutes quads, 15 minutes random, 15 minutes quads

Attention was good, but nothing seemed to happen really.
Some pressure on the forehead, some tightening and tingling of the scalp here and there.
During the day chronic feelings of overwhelm, undecisiveness, discontentment ... and the idea that this has been there for years, but it's showing itself much clearer now. So sick of this!

Chalk it up to where you are at in the cycle. No biggie.

Metta!

Thanks Jayson, yeah it must be a meditation thing. Dark Night? Desire for deliverance?