Omni's practice log

Yes. Pay attention to the quality of attention once the nastiness breaks. If you notice a tendency to a wider inclusive attention, go with that. Try to allow it to include absolutely everything and watch for clamping down. Allow the senses to be wide and open and flowing and watch for what isn't included and try to include that as well (try to include the sensations of self and the world together). These are particularly useful instructions for off the cushion (where as you can note when sitting down).

Indeed. Yesterday and today everything felt much wider and allowing. The constriction (physical and mental) seems to have gone.

Last night I drove to Bruges while noting out loud for half an hour. Lots of contentment, clarity, but also a sudden episode of intense dreamy sleepiness which isn't ideal when you're driving. This passed quickly however and the meditation became quite effortless.

Then I attended an opening of a photo-exhibition where there was a poet who really took his time to recite from his books. Some people were leaving. And I can easily imagine I could have been one of them if I had let myself get trapped in judging thougts, aversion ... but instead I just let it all in and actually there was hardly any irritation that stuck. Although I'm usually not fond of poetry, I even enjoyed some of the lengthy poems and just noticed all sensations (body, mind) come and go. The body began to ache because of standing still for so long, but that was okay too.

Then I drove back home noting for another 30 minutes. Which was nice.

This morning I'm cleaning the house, feeling content, the body feels fluent and tingly.
I think I should learn more about jhanas and how to recognize them, since lately it's clear how different I can feel before, during and after meditation. But I can't put names to "where I've been".

I just walked for about half an hour with the kids in the stroller. Noted in silence, felt pleasant and unpleasant sensations come and go. Worry, discontentment, contentment, fantasizing thought, smiling, bliss ...

Great reports, Omni.
I can appreciate your efforts to maintain continuity amid domestic life (housecleaning, stroller meditation).
Yesterday I did Nintendo Wii samatha practice--using the green button on the console as a kasina while the kids watched "Power Rangers: Mystic Force" on Netflix
(With apologies to Saban Corp., that is some extremely crappy television. 'Judging, judging')!

@omni: Yeah, you need to watch for the sleepiness. I now stop noting and wake myself up when it happens.

Nice job with mindfulness at the exhibition

@jgroove
Sounds like some pretty good concentration to be able to let the Power Rangers go and watch the light.

Sometimes it's amazing to me just how many opportunities we have for mindfulness during the day, times when we could otherwise be habitually lost in thought.

over 1 hour sit, eyes closed noting out loud randomly

I started with following the breath and shifted to noting when it felt right. I guess it was after 10 minutes or so. The body felt warm and relaxed, the chronic bar of tingly tension (unrest?) in the upper chest and throat that seemed to accompany me all the time the past weeks is gone.

The first half of the sit I felt alert and content about that. Then suddenly a dreamy episode started. Hardly noticing body or outside world anymore, not much going on in the mind either, except for some flashes of dreamy imaging thought, sound thought and noticing that I wasn't noting out loud anymore. I didn't get wound up about it this time. It stopped after a couple of minutes.

Alertness came back even stronger. Felt very absorbed. Attention focused by itself on sounds outside, on the coming and going (unstickines) of thoughts and body sensations. There was some spontaneous music thought now and then. Lots of appreciation for sounds and sound thoughts which felt blissful in the body, subtle tingles, urge to smile (and laugh shortly for a couple of times), but not euphoric like a while ago.

For about 5 minutes there was a clear tingly pressing sensation around my scalp as if a small elastic band was put around it and something was lightly pulling the upper part of my scalp upwards. Also pressure on my forehead that pulsed slightly. This faded gradually.

Through the whole sit, there were light fluctuations: brighter, darker, brighter ... behind closed eyelids.

When the timer went off, I felt like sitting for longer, which I did for about 10 minutes. The elastic band sensations came back faintly and vanished after a minute or so. Feeling very content and relaxed now.

15 minutes of following the breath before starting work
The longer I sat, the more absorbed and relaxed things felt. The last minutes light fluctuations happened and kriyas started.

1 hour swim noting randomly or quads (something I've done regularly the past weeks)
I noted following the rhythm of the swim movements. 10 lanes random noting, 10 lanes quads, etc. ...
Head above water = breath in. Head below water = breath out while noting 1 sensation.
I really enjoy this practice. Very nice to notice how much better meditaiton in action goes than say half a year ago.

Wow, Omni. You are doing great! It is very hard to remain embedded with quads

Thanks!

30 minutes sit during lunch break, noting out loud random

After reading this article:
www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/medit...and-mental-bandwidth
(shared by Kenneth on Google+) I practiced first gear including the 'eye-max' exercise where you pay attention to everything in the visual field.

I felt alert and got absorbed quite quickly. The eyes wanted to close themselves a couple of times when the body started to feel very relaxed and mellow. There were some faint tingly sensations on the scalp again and some kriyas (body shaking for some seconds). I had to remind myself now and then to pay attention to the entire visual field.

The past days I'm feeling quite mindful during daily life. Mental states are hard to note because it's seen clearly that they are composed of fleeting body sensations and thoughts. So in stead of mental states I note those.

1 hour sit, noting out loud random

A bit the same as the previous meditation: integrated eye max whenever I thought of it, spaced out now and then, caught myself having stopped noting, restarted ... tingling light pressure on scalp + stronger pressure on forehead, crazy eyes for a while, light fluctuations (pulsing dark/bright), some short kriyas now and then: head jerks and head wobbling around.

1 hour sit, noting out loud random

Started with unruly/obstinate feelings. Sighed loudly on outbreaths for a couple of minutes, something that seems to calm me. Quite alert. After a while throat and face felt as if they were heating up. This felt like waves of heat for a couple of minutes.

Some minutes of irritation about things I was hearing in the background, noted irritation and even anger now and then. Then dreamy, spacing out, almost nothing to note, suddenly eyes flashed open, body shaked violently for about 10 seconds, eyes closed themselves again, subtle but clear pulsing light, tingly tension around scalp (as if an elastic band was around it), light feelings of something tugging my scalp upwards, pressure on the forehead, anticipation... timer went off, felt like sitting longer, but no time left. Feelings of unruliness are gone now.

1 hour sit, noting out loud random

Feeling unruly (is that the right translation?) again today, impatience, discontentment, dissatisfaction, disappointed with myself for a thousand and one reasons ... tingly contracted tensions in chest and throat. Urge to frown.
This was also how the biggest part of the meditation felt, until the spacing out began again. My eyes closed themselves all the time and the dream episodes were strong again. Noting stopped regularly. There were periods of clear light fluctuations. And then a sudden clarity, eyes open, relaxed, feeling lighter and more open.

>> 15 minutes sit in the afternoon, counting the breath 10 times 10, using the 10 fingers as a rosary
Started with a head full of thoughts and a tense body, ended with a much more quiet mind and relaxed body.

>> 1 hour sit in the evening, 10x10 breath count again + noting out loud randomly
I started with open eyes, but they went berserk and closed themselves all the time. There was yawning but no sleepiness. Many but subtle light fluctuations. Some pressure on the forehead. Slight dreaminess towards the end. Sudden sound thoughts. Tranquility throughout the sit, but also mild dissatisfaction because nothing much seemed to be going on.

It's been a while since I logged, because I've spent less time at the computer the past weeks.
Daily meditation is still at least 1 formal hour a day.

The past days noting practice in daily life felt much harder than I've gotten used to. Nowadays a typical meditation is filled with spacing out, forgetting to note out loud ... for 10 to 20 minutes. Then suddenly a shift happens and I'm fully awake. Noting sensations now feels very focused and fluent, absorption gets stronger and stronger until the end of the sit. Afterwards mindfulness in daily life isn't that hard anymore.
I remember going through a similar period like this at least once before.

1 hour, counting breaths 10 times 10 followed by noting out loud randomly

I started with counting breaths. Concentration was good, but I almost lost count on two occasions, I spotted it soon enough though. Absorption was quite strong when I switched to noting out loud. The dreaminess came and went quite fast. I found myself lost in a dream environment for a second or two while experiencing a weird sense of spaciousness, as if I had left my body.

After this I opened my eyes and felt very alert, things were clearer than usual, sensations came and went fluently and I could just note them easily. There was a strong feeling of well being, contentment and gratitude.

After a while I closed my eyes again and felt my attention contract to the inner world. Hardly anything of environment or body got noticed. Thoughts came and went each second. Some of them were spontaneous good ideas I couldn't resist writing down, which helped, otherwise I would just have wanted to remember them. Having written them down I could "move on". Almost irrational feelings of excitement and anticipation suddenly bubbled up as tingly sensations in chest and face.

Then things felt more open, fluent and effortless again for a while, to be followed by the intense excitement again.

Being mindful is a lot easier again during daily life.
In formal meditation the dreaminess passes much faster. It only lasts a couple of minutes anymore and isn't as strong as before.

1 hour sit, counting the breath + noting out loud randomly

After counting about 5 times 10 breaths, I found it utterly impossible to continue to focus on the breath. I'd lose count at 2 or 3 all the time. I struggled with this for about 5 minutes before I decided to give up and switch to noting out loud.

The dreaminess continued for quite a while until I started to notice a cycle of dreaminess alternating with a minute of alertness. After a while the alert periods would be accompanied by very clear light fluctuations. Light would become much brighter and even pulse distinctly.

Suddenly there was an experience that lasted for about 3 or 4 minutes (I guess) where the light would vibrate much quicker while the skin of my scalp and temples felt a tension that vibrated along with the light. That light looked a bit like vertical lines moving from the front to the back of the inside of my head.

I was quite surprised by this and was very absorbed and investigative while it happened. After it subsided the alertness was stable and there were no more dreamy episodes. Attention was mainly focused on the body and sounds. Thoughts/inner world was hardly noticed.

Sits are still full of dreaminess, sinking feeling (thanks for that description Antero! ), unable to keep on noting out loud and then a sudden alertness. Sometimes this alertness remains stable, sometimes there's a cycle between the dreamy absorption and the alertness. When the latter happens there's usually light fluctuating randomly or in a pulsing rhythm.

In daily life mental states/emotional reactions are felt to arise and pass mainly in the chest and throat. Observing these physical sensations (tingly tensing vibrations) come and go, in stead of letting thoughts empower them, helps to act out less.

1 hour sit noting out loud randomly
+ 10 minutes extra counting the breath

Attention was crisp and clear for the first half of the sit. Some pressure on the forehead moved around randomly. Very soon unpleasant tingly tension built up in the upper part of the chest and the base of the throat. This got very intense and uneasy, but didn't spread further than this small area.

After 5 to 10 minutes it disappeared. Some negative imaging thought and fantasies appeared, a second of disgust at one of these and then it felt as if I had sunken into something that felt quite empty. Some dream images here and there, the distant sound of my voice noting sensations.

This lasted for quite a while, until the outside world came back into focus and attention was crisp and clear again, but with more ease and less effort than at the start of the meditation. I opened my eyes and it felt right to stop noting out loud, because it seemed to get in the way more than it helped. Now and then a proto-thought sparked short laughter from my mouth. I felt blissed out. After about 5 minutes the almost unbearable tingly tension reappeared at chest and throat for a couple of minutes before it faded away.

I ended with counting the breath with eyes closed. Almost immediately the darkness behind my eyelids lit up, very slowly faded, lit up again etc. ... The pressure on my forehead got quite distinct and I felt a light tension as a circle around my scalp.

1 hour sit noting out loud randomly
+ 10 minutes extra counting the breath

Very similar to yesterday.
- First clear attention to the outside world, pressure on forehead,
- unpleasant tingly tension in chest and throat for 5 to 10 minutes,
- a couple minutes of negative thoughts and one distinct disgusting imaging thought,
- sinking into dreamy almost-emptiness for a long period (30 minutes?),
- suddenly eyes open on their own, attention is crisp and clear, the outside world comes back into focus,
- back to almost-empty-dreaminess
- back to some very short negativity
- back to unpleasant tingly tension for a couple of minutes

Then some extra breath counting, without the pulsing lights of yesterday though.

70 minute sit noting out loud randomly

I'm having a cold and noticed my pricking throat and runny nose on and off. Besides that, meditation felt relaxed, content and clear. After a while the outside world got on the background and disappeared almost completely. I watched out not to get spaced out.

There was a natural interest in mental states and how they manifest in the body and mind. What struck me clearer than ever is how elusive they can be. I found it hard to label them, because something like desire changed so quickly into resistance, acceptance, interest, that only the body aspect seemed 'real' somehow: tickling pressure moving around in throat and chest, and some tensing and relaxing. The thought occured: "I can choose how to interpret these sensations or whether I need to interpret them at all. If I choose to label them, why not choose to label a positive aspect about them?" (mahamudra anyone? )
It felt quite liberating, resulting in a split second of seemingly letting go of everything and noticing I had stopped noting out loud.

I've been experiencing pressure on the forehead (and two points on the back of the head) for some time now whenever I incline my mind towards meditation. This usually happens within seconds and gets more intense during formal meditation. Today this pressure wasn't there until the last 10 minutes (or so). However it got more intense than usual, almost painful. And it was joined by light increasing in brightness and pulsating very clearly for minutes on end. (My eyes were closed when it happened.)

Lately I've been more regularly doing pingpong meditation Skype with fellow KFD yogis and found that some experiences tend to occur more with some of them and less on my own or with other yogis. One of those experiences is a sensation I've come to label "gripping". I'll probably write more about that later. Time's up now.

Omni,

70 minutes... good on you! I suggest you do a search on KFD for "iron skull cap"
(or use this link - kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/search/ev...ontains=iron%20skull )

Hope the ol' cold doesn't stick around too long.

Also, we should arrange a time to meet regularly as well.

Hi Mu,
Yeah Nadav pointed that out as well. Thanks!
My boss gave me ayurvedic kapha tea, which seems to help with the cold.
I'll mail you!

A bit hard during daily life to be mindful, but I don't seem to mind that much.
Lots of spontaneous brainstorming thoughts about an exciting project at work.

Still formally meditating at least 1 hour a day, usually more. 3 Skype pingpong evenings a week lately and sometimes silent practice in a zen group nearby.
Some formal meditations bring not much to be mentioned. Some formal meditations bring lots of light fluctuations, pressure on the forehead that usually spreads to the whole scalp. It's like the elastic band evolved to a full cap. In the kriya department there are some short whole-body-shocks and sudden head jerks, but nothing that seems to last very long.

Lots of spontaneous attention to noting 'real time' in stead of catching up a split second later. Like I'm letting sensations drop faster when I notice they're already gone before I can label them. If I would try to catch up, it would just feel like unnatural prolonging.

During daily life I've been observing something similar. When unpleasant mental states arise, like impatience or anger, I tend to automatically focus on the body aspect of it in stead of taking my thoughts seriously. If I do get tempted to go with the thoughts, it's like a feedback loop between mind and body. A negative thought will trigger a negative body sensation which feels like a confirmation that something 'bad' is going on, which triggers more thoughts ... until I snap out of it and just let things flow. Then they usually dissipate on their own.

Today there was a sudden burst of anger though, that I just let out and pass within a couple of minutes instead of 'fixing' it.