Keith's first meditation notes, ever!

Noting a bit of frustration regarding my practice. For years I thought observing sensations was enough to enable the re-wiring process Kenneth talks about. Then I came here and started first gear practice. which added feeling tones, mind states, and thoughts, great more things to note.
Practicing this way I started having a much more lively sitting experience with swaying, contortions and lip twitching all good stuff. I was told to ignore those things or at least not make a big deal out of them. Fair enough I've heard that before. They already seem less important but I cant help feeling like I have no real goal posts for knowing where I am. Today I noted out loud for 30 min spaced for 20 noted for 10. Used the eye posture to try and speed up the vipassana but I never really know where I'm going when I do that. Am i pushing into a new jhana?
Was it a good sit ? How can I tell? ( RANT ALERT )
I didn't sway that much, no billy idol snarl no other bells and whistles no shape shifting, no air catching, i mean come on !?!?! what's a guy gotta due to have a bit of Dharma mosh pit action?

For years I was told to observe sensations and nothing else, the rest would take care of itself.
Is that not true? Do I actually have to understand some of these deeper concepts about mind and matter and their true nature?

I guess I'm due a session with Kenneth soon for some detailed instructions I also think I have a bit of the " hurry ups " and I like to forget my current formal practice is merely 4 months old.

Cheers
I guess noting matters anymore does it?

Now a somewhat more constructive post.

How may I use my practice notes more wisely to help myself and others progress along the path of wisdom? I notice that I wait a while to post and that I often forget the details of my sit meaning the finer points and sensation and or subtle shifts. This is due to sloth on my part ( insight - would you look at that it's happening already !!!) but also a lack of vocabulary for subtle things I usually do not notice. So maybe someone has a good example of practice notes that actually help others help me thus allowing me in turn to help others and the snake will eats it's tail hurrah !~!

Cheer
noting really matters to me

Hi Keith,

Here are some examples of good practice journals. There are others, too, and the common denominator is emphasis on experience rather than emotional or intellectual content along with simplicity and clarity of reporting:

Antero's practice journal:

kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/39...´s+practise+journal

Ron's practice journal:

kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/36...27s+Practice+Journal

Nadav's practice notes:

kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/40...et=120&maxResults=20

If you follow that format you find there, your journal will be easy for the rest of us to follow and we can offer targeted advice to help you move ahead as efficiently as possible.

Good luck! Carry on!

Kenneth

Thanks Kenneth, those notes helped get me back on track.
60 min sit
Noting out loud , moisture - pleasant - itching - unpleasant aversion- memory thought - wandering
touching neutral - tension - unpleasant - aversion - had an unpleasant pain felt like a nail through my left frontal lobe right at my hair line shooting down. Determination - investigation - curiosity - blank - blank - wandering. had a sensation bubbling length of my left arm top side of the arm from wrist to bicep inch or so wide felt like it was pulsing. So i noted pulsing pulsing then it stopped. Now other sensations were going on at this time, but i choose to follow this one. when it ends i'm never sure what to do note blank? then itching tension tingling top of the head third eye pressure - neutral un pleasant aversion - did not note much clinging actually. looked at the time after 40min started to change the eye posture to flicker mode then noted swaying of the head - warmth - energy surge like a shudder then excitement anticipation - calm as the eyes are lowered. The end of the sit found the body sensations calmer and fewer sensations body less defined. Stopped noting a loud for the last 20min wandering mind remembering planning frustration gratitude.

So i remember thinking how should one spread ones attention across the 4 fs or does this just naturally shift with no real effort to examine any one foundation in particular.

Cheers and sorry for the previous rants

Keith,
I was just going to thank you for the previous rant, I often feel the same as your post #75. It was good to see someone feel the same, I some times find it intimidating to see so many accomplished practitioners, inspiring definitely, but like I really don't belong here. I guess we keep on or give up, glad to see we are both keepin' on. Good Luck.

Glad I can be of service that being said I'm willing to put in the cushion time
I'm posting from inside a student run one day Goenka sit ( during Lunch not from my cushion : )

Will give detailed report later on.
- cue bohemian rhapsody - Noting really matters ....... To meeeeeeee
Warning I'll repeat this joke until I get a reaction : )

Went to a one day Goenka course sat 4.5 hours with breaks after every hour.
eyes open noting silently, sensations, feeling tones, mind states and thoughts.
lots of gross sensations in legs, bit of swaying, felt my perception shift a bit not sure how and remember noting
that a fast vibrating trembling sensation through most of the body was noted, thoughts of A & P were present, meaning i was trying to figure out if and when this A&P crossing happened is it something that one experiences over and over? Or does it happen once then i'm changed forever?


When i looked at the floor it looked it was moving like the surface of water. This is something that seems to happen if I focus on it. It happens on retreat if i open my eyes and looks at the ground. Curious as to what samatha jhanas that could be if any.

Sat today for 60min eyes open noting a loud, felt as if i were moving through some jhanas although i have no idea which ones. applied the eye posture to try and speed up the vipassana. started contorting lightly after that. Started reading Kenneth's Goals page which is helping.
Thanks Kenneth.

Also had a few moments of energy moving pleasant surges through the body mouth kinda dropped open
getting better at noting mind states. Using the noting a loud to get myself out of space traps. That part of it feels unintuitive in a sense that my mouth yapping about pleasant unpleasant and sensations seems to be the antithesis of what a nice meditative sit should be but it's keeping it real and honest and I really believe that and can feel it.

Just check out Kenneth's Dynamic Jhana vs Static Jhana page and that also helps.
This site is full of great Yogis and great information. I'm trying to teach myself to look it up first before I start crying for answers spoon fed.

I do observe my sits being more dynamic now than in the past, note keith trying to be okay with that : )

I have a twitching bubbling worm like sensation just under my left shoulder blade. not unpleasant not pleasant, neutral. twitching bit unpleasant now no aversion yet still watching it while i'm sitting here with my co-worker. I'll see if i can investigate more at the end of the shift. to be cont....

sat for 30 min started with noting aloud, 4fs the worm under my shoulder blade was still there not really pulsing more like spasms could not make sense of the rhythm there was none. Then something odd o report.
Ringing in the ears about 10min into the sit maybe 20 my hearing went a little skewed. eyes were open i was noting aloud. Kenneth actually described it tonight i knew exactly what he meant . It almost like the air pressure shifts it's not really ringing more like cicadas that type of sound but faint. It's actually still going on as i type this. Making a resolution to see if my first breath is an inhale or exhale when i wake up.

woke up on an inhale. Kenneth's suggestion to make a resolution before going to sleep that I will notice if my first conscious breath of the day is an inhale or an exhale.
60 min sit noting a loud high pitch frequency is still there. noticed the ends of sensations middle and end.
tried a more relaxed approach to eye postures. Typical palate of relatively gross sensations unpleasant but very little aversion. inside outside all noted. eyes mostly closed this sit and sunk into not pushing the vipassana too hard. Nice calm sit the sound became an object to focus on it's still there actually. Not really sure what it is it's constant white noise. Did not listen to any louad headphone music or go to a show last night. I did go see Kenneth talk and he had that party hat thing with him so that might have something to do with it. It kinda looks like a wizards hat : )

Hey Keith, I know exactly what you mean by the "worm like sensation". I had the same thing happen to me at a zen retreat last May. I wrote up an account of it for the site here: bit.ly/aTEVHj

For me, the worm sensation was VERY unpleasant, and I could feel it slowly pushing down from above my right ear to under my right collar bone. It seems to link from there down to my liver/stomach area, and then possibly to my groin or even down to my right foot (sometimes I think it ends in my third or fourth toe, sometimes I'm not sure. It definitely goes through my knee though). I'm still experiencing a lot of weird sensations around that same area, but they've never been as painful as they were at the retreat, though I've not done any retreats since then either.

After class last night, I did have some pretty intense surges through that whole area on the way home. It starts as a sensation of blockage, then, when I rest my attention in that, becomes fear/anxiety, and then if I can accept the anxiety and let it be as it is (accepting it until I can get to the other side of it, so to speak), there's a feeling of relief, as if something has discharged.

I'm still waiting to see if this actually leads anywhere, but so far its just been more or less of this. And for me, it doesn't always come up when I'm doing a noting practice, but it does come up if I turn my attention to that area of my body. I have yet to make any sense of it, but I am glad to know that worm like sensation happens to other people too. : )

Hey Ian,
I just read this www.buddhanet.net/pdf_file/noinnercore.pdf which was linked to by wouldbehipster.
Really cool stuff and nice description of vipassana. For me I've been drilled to think nothing of the worm
it's more about the seeing and using any object as a way to gain practical, personal wisdom about the
3 characteristics. I think that's it? I'm still kinda on than trip if I can notice an itch even after it's arisen watch it dance, then disappear = score for me plus 1. That's my own personal wisdom , can't buy that at the bookshop : )

Keep cranking at it. I really like the idea of the Lab, a personal wisdom Lab when I sit and mediate.
All types of stuff goes on some of it I understand some of it I don't . As long as I keep experimenting
all that experience will eventually lead to the cracking of the Human Genome which I believe we can now download on Line? Pretty cool.

If I'm not mindful I just scratch without thinking about it. Things stay the same, I'm just some dude scratching his butt. But not really understanding why : )

High Frequency audio sensation still present. Kenneth mentioned this on Tuesday night then I've been
observing it every sit since. It's a known sensation to me. I tried to examine it for characteristics today
noted a bit of fluctuation modulation in it but it is kinda like a wall of white noise. I really only hear it when I'm at home on the cushion.

60min sit missed the first breath this morning and cheated just counting the first inhale.
Noting aloud for a while then focusing in on a sensation.
noted pin like sensations unpleasant, pleasant sensations energy with a mix of unpleasant in the legs.
Tension in my spine noted about 10 inch in the middle thin long sensation of stiffness unpleasant.
Applied the more relaxed eye posture for vipassana still getting used to it. A bit of rapture today very pleasant sensations. Onward ....

60 min sit noting aloud for about 10min, first gear practice lots of tingling on the top of the head some more subtle tingling on arms and legs. noticed a delay in noting thoughts.
It would be an afterthought to note it. Eyes open helped catch the thoughts sooner.
Interesting experience with the vipassana eye posture.
I noticed that my eyes flicker lick two pistons that are not always synced.
Left eye will get a steady / erratic pulse then the right eye. Then they might fire at the same time. Today was the first time I felt like i was making the flickering an object for a very short period. Seemed like the light pulsing was very big and close at one point.
No idea. My current feeble understanding is that I'm watching the flickering and getting programmed by it internalizing the wisdom of the 3 characteristics. is that too much voodoo?

The hour went by pretty fast, few states of bliss my body and head were a bit of a block very rough definition.

60 min sit , noting aloud for a 10 min then noting thoughts noted sadness which was the first time I'd seen /felt such a strong emotion while meditating recently. Did not catch the corresponding body sensations. tingling sensations on the head in just small areas like little clusters on the top near the surface of the scalp.
Noted pleasant sensations light bliss, felt vibrations in the body more under the surface for a very short period, noted the thought - is this A & P ?
Noted wandering mind while eyes were closed and I was supposedly investigating a Jhana I would rip my eyes open and say ha! caught you wandering!
Few light pin prick needle sensations here and there. Thoughts came and went did not get to caught in the content. The eye posture of vipassana has become a bit harder to find the sweet spot recently.

onward
Cheers

Sat last night 60 min finally managed to sit a full session after work.
Bit of noting aloud then kinda hung out in a nice concentration zone.
Sat this morning 60 min noting aloud for just a few minuets.
Noted lots of thoughts and became aware of my heart slapping against my breast cage i think. It usually happens on retreat when I'm in a cell and it's very quiet but I became aware of it this morning kinda comes in and out. Like a little alien trying slapping around inside. very faint. went into eye postures and noted some frustration with that process waiting for the flickering inducing the flickering and then what am i watching really? the visual or the pulsing. Frustration that my view of it is not yet clear i guess. Concentration overall seems to be pretty high for me it seems. feels like I'm starting to cycles a bit off the cushion. I think I'm recognizing different strata of the mind as i go about my day. Sensations in the body seem to be there for me to see at times. Like right now as i was writing this my body started to pulse I went with noting it I happend to be sitting on my cushion while writing but it's new for me to have this sort of thing going on out of the blue or I guess I've maybe attained to ability to be aware of the subtle energies when they move. I noted that that my visual of the strobing eye posture is very cloudy still. It's a real mismash of light but the muted kind that one would see if you tried to look at your eyelids.
I talked with kenneth about this yesterday and he said I think that the vipassana eye posture is a mixture of visual and tactile pulsing.
What I'm looking for is a kind of ring like in the cartoons when someone gets hypnotized. Like radio waves. So I'm not sure if I'm to observe just the full frame flickering or try and see something inside each frame.

Wow

Okay back in the saddle, I've not been posting for a while.
60 min sit this morning bit of noting out loud.
First gear mostly. Having problems with eye posture for vipassana.
Never really sure if I'm doing it right.
Determined to get back to two hours a day of sitting.
Lot's of wandering mind going on no real dramatic body sensations going on
currently. Feel like I'll have more to report at the end of the week.

Cheers

Back on the mat!

Keep up the keeping up, Keith!

Don't worry about eye focus. If it gets distracting then just note the feeling of the eyeballs tensing or moving. There is no specific set eyeball position. But they should be relaxed otherwise you might give yourself a headache. Hehe!

Wandering mind has no lesser status than dramatic sensations. Wandering mind is just a important to note. Forget the dramatic sensations. Note exactly what is there in front of you. Looking forward to your full report!



Nick

Thanks Nik,
you are a true Gardner and I resolve to grow mindful under your watch : )

Okay so I feel like I'm off the beam a bit.
A few weeks ago I started dating. Wow, so I was going to not start doing that and make stream entry the priority but then I thought that was a bit life negating.
So here I am trying to get my groove back.
Sat 60min in the morning yesterday 30min at night and 60min this morning.
My sits of late seem to have a similar texture and progression.

My noting aloud is mere minutes as my attention gets drawn into a sensation that I then lable
internally. I feel like I'm keeping track of several sensations at once.
Occasional surges of sensations arise and pass close to jaw dropping drooly good pleasant.
All being noted then I try the eye posture which just seems like a mess to me still.
I very rarely get into a vipassana groove with the eyes and eyes closed dipping back into pure concentration often finds my mind stuck in a movie at some point.
I've been working without a primary object for the entire time I've been working with Kenneth
and that seems to work when I'm noting aloud sensations and mind states but once I close the eyes and try the eye posture all hell breaks loose meaning I'm still aware of sensations and then there is strobing eye twitching. I never really know if my eyes are actually moving or what. I lok for the sine wave Kenneth talks about and a bit or morse code I can sense but rarely a sense that I have an object to focus on.
Doubt crept in today so I thought I'd combat that with a bit of posting. Hint hint : )
I'm down for the long haul no worries life was just easier when I was living in the illusion that wandering mind was somehow gonna find it's way into the stream on it's own. Effort, attentiveness, vigor, determination, man that all sounds alot like work to me.

60 min sit , eyes open noting out loud for what seemed like 30min. Noticed how when thoughts come I'm in them, embedded until I remember to note them which seems to pull me out of them.
What's strange about that is that I feel like I can't se the embedding happening, or maybe I can see them coming just not all the time. So it seems to be a bit of a slippery game where sometimes i can stand above the fish barrel and look down see the thoughts moving around and other times
when i come to i realize that my head was in the fish barrel.
Sensations are of the typical kind happening all over the body at different times. I followed a few gross sensations and their cycling thump slow pulsing. Half way in intense full body waves of energy started happening, the wall i was looking at got bit more intense and started moving in a wave like fashion. I then close my eyes and start the vipassana eye posture. This seems to be getting a bit easier to do meaning the movement seems a bit less forced still hard to find something to focus on outside of the pulsing and strobing. This has been tricky for me since i'm still looking for something to hang onto, but i'm willing to keep practicing.
Sat 30min last night trying to keep mindfulness up during the day. I'd like to get back to two full hours of formal sitting a day. And reporting every sit here.
Cheers

"So it seems to be a bit of a slippery game where sometimes i can stand above the fish barrel and look down see the thoughts moving around and other times
when i come to i realize that my head was in the fish barrel.


"

Lol, I love this analogy.

Good luck Keith!

I love the fish barrel analogy as well. It definitely makes me wonder how the fish get into the barrel in the first place. Where do thoughts even come from that we can get embedded in them?

Glad you guys can relate.
I was wondering where thoughts come from as well.
With a bit of concentration I bet we can see where they come from if we crank up the attention, concentration and vigor.
Surely mastery over the mind must include such wisdom and insight no?


I often think about Kenneth's special power....

" My superpower is: I don't believe my thoughts. "

An ability to not believe the fish when they tell him he can breath water?

I'm more like a child in front of the Christmas Windows at Bloomies , " Look Mom it's Rudolf !!! ", "sure it is honey, and when we get home Santa Fish is gonna leave you some goodies!! "

But if I stay up late enough I can bust Mom and Dad stuffing the stockings.

Cheers