Nikolai's Practice Notes

Nikolai I remember having EXACTLY that same realization about jeans. And yeah, it's a great way to introduce some R&R into life as you cycle through heaven and hell.

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Nikolai I remember having EXACTLY that same realization about jeans.
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Bellbottom? Acid wash? 501's?

Thanks Chris. Yeh, I spent a good amount of time just going up and down them and realizing how much peace of mind they can bring to me. I keep forgetting they can do that. I need to elevate my centre of gravity, me thinks. Here's to everyone being happy!!!!

Edited to thank Clayton for the good vibes!

Auto-correct on the iPad.... sucks

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Auto-correct on the iPad.... sucks

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Here I was thinking "WTF is Chris talking about...jeans???" I reread Nicks post three times trying to find jean references. Duh...JHANAS! Now it makes sense. Slow on the uptake today, I guess.

I thought Chris meant that he had the same realization Nikolai had about Jhanas, but about Jeans.
Like, "wow, how come I didn't wear these before."

You all give me too much credit. I just didn't proofread and the iPhone/iPad auto-correct software seems not to grok the word "jhana" and thinks it's apparel. ;-D

Today had my first chat with Kenneth via Skype. I highly recommend getting in contact with Kenneth this way. The wonder of technology!

Following his advice, today, recently I sat for 45 minutes or so and primarily noted using the "Watch as it ........" noting.

It was a very interesting experience and due to the chat with Kenneth earlier today, I realized that I have only been using noting generally when I am passing through a negative experience...primarily during the dark night. At other times, I dwell primarily in the Witness. Today, I have not felt that much negativity and early in the morning when I awoke in a semi asleep state, I felt the mind go into jhana and that kind of set the vibe for the day....I've been feeling very relaxed and calm, and with the mind somewhat dispersed. I would assume this to be equanimity of formations. It sometimes makes it hard to form sentences in my head.....thoughts arise and disappear as soon as they arise. So , Kenneth, if I sounded a little scattered this morning it was due to the state I was and am still in. Hehe!

So I noted like so; watch as it thinks, watch as it feels, watch as it imagines, watch as it investigates, watch as it feels vibrations, watch as it anticipates, watch as it anticipates fruition, .........Blip!...then a second or two afterward (the mind is too dispersed to note) watch as it spaces out, watch as it watches the mind come back on line, watch as it spaces out, watch as it feels bliss, watch as it anticipates, watch as.....blip!....watch as it spaces out, watch as it feels bliss, pleasant, pleasant, pleasant, pleasant....etc


This was quite insightful for me as I really haven't focused too much on disembedding from the blissful and pleasant sensations as much as I have with the negative ones. First time I've attempted to disembed from even the fruition bliss. A very good sit and experience. Thanks Kenneth!

So I have continued to sit and note using primarily the bystander noting...watch/see how it feels etc.
I feel extremely enthusiastic with this way of noting. Sometimes I alternate between noting the tones, neutral, pleasant or unpleasant back to the bystander, then maybe switch to noting the types of thoughts, worry thought, happy thought, image thought etc and then maybe just the mind states for a bit, happiness, worry, anticipation, etc. I am starting to see that this is much more effective for some reason than what I previously was doing. I was noting with just the words feeling, seeing, hearing, smelling , tasting and thinking. I think being more specific in naming and objectifying things in more detail does a better job at disembedding from the experiences. I am not sure why. I am feeling the energy flow very smoothly up through the body. The mind kept dispersing and I had a number of fruitions within the last sit I had. I feel like the change in the way I note seems to be influencing the fruitions to occur. Not sure how. I am noting right up until just before one occurs. A second or so, because the mind kind of freezes and mentally verbalizing anything in that moment before let alone during the cessation is impossible...I find also that it takes several seconds after cessation for the mind to be able to mentally verbalize and note again as the mind has not come back online fully. When noting this, it is mostly - watch as it spaces out, watch as it watches the mind come back online, watch as it blisses out....pleasant, vibrations, pleasant, watch as it feels vibrations, bliss, blissed out, happy, etc

Continued from above...

I feel like something has changed physio-energtetically speaking in my body. There seems to be an unhindered flow up to my crown. There is only pleasantness flowing there when previously it was all hard pressure. I felt what seemed like a spinning vortex of energy there and it got more pleasant as I had several fruitions in a row. MY mind is still reeling from that experience. It feels very dispersed and thinking a thought requires effort to keep it flowing. The top of my head feels like it is open. It is a very nice change to the iron scull cap I have had for awhile now. Hmmm, as I focus on "how" I feel, how my perception is, it feels very clean and spacious. I feel renewed....no negativity. You gotta love the review period!......watch it admire the review period...watch it bliss out....

Another hectic week at work. Not much time for much formal sitting. Most of my practice was in the moments in between performing my work responsiblities. Had a good chat with Kenneth today. I realize that having further practice intrsuctions to follow is very helpful. Having to report to Kenneth every week helps me stick to what needs to be done as opposed to just letting the mind feel pulled to do what it wants which was more or less my plan of action beforehand.

So I am practicing primarily noting and refining the technique. I am realizing that for myself it is much better to be as detailed as one can in noting exactly what is taking centre stage in experience rather than give broad terms such as feeling, thinking etc. Being very specific about mindstates, types of thought, etc makes it hard for the mind to dupe itself into half-arsed noting, which I have been guilty of. When you know you must note the phenomena that is arising as exactly as possible, the mind is forced to see what is there. When I used to use a broader term, for example, like "feeling" then at times the mind would space out and I was obviously just embedding myself in the pleasantness of the spaced out sensations ad the noting of feeling was, well, half-arsed and less effective.. But being more specific forces the mind to try and really see what is there in the moment....so now instead of just the term "feeling", it is more like "pleasant, pleasant, spacing out, spacing out, pleasant, confused-thought, curious-thought, pleasant, pleasant etc". I am now disembedding from states which I wasn't previously. Generally the real pleasant ones where I used to just let the mind bathe in, get subtly embedded in.

Continued from above:
Some things I am noticing about my on going experience are that my perception has shifted evr so slightly since a month or so ago. There is something different about the sense of "I". It feels at times not there, but there. It feels less prominent than before, more in the background. And when I go looking for it, it quickly shifts to a "seeing in seeing", feeling in feeling" point of view. I feel a little more aloof than in general. It might just be a long experince of equnimity of formations but I also feel more "distant" from caring about the cycles. I don't have that interest in them anymore.
I am also experiencing something that might be 3rd gear, but I'll keep at it until I have more of an idea what i am experiencing to post about it.
My third-eye headaches haven't come back. But a day or so ago I had the strangest sense of pressure on the crown of the head accompanied by sharp jabbing pains there. At the moment though, the crown area is in somewhat free flow.
Steady as she goes...

continued from above...

During the following day, on Wednesday, I didn't really register the change too much because I thought I was feeling the effects of not sleeping. A strange aloofness state of mind which i attributed to the lack of sleep. Following that strange fruition, I remember having a night full of fruitions, through the anatta door as it seemed to be focused at the thrid eye all night. I just have all this memories of being semi awake, or aware of being asleep just as the fruitions would occur. The body just awash in blissful vibrations.

Now, several days later, I am more aware that I seem different. The formation of "I" seems again, and I've said this before, less prominent. But this time it is quite obvious. When I "go looking for it" it quickly disintegrates into just being sensations. Nothing else. My fiance noticed i have being treating her very well these past few days. I find it slightly hard to note as the mind feels very inclined to disperse. I have to really reign it in to start noting. I feel like it is too easy to space out.

The whole theme these days is seeing it all, the "I" and all the rest of phenomena just as it is.....nothing but impermanent , non-self phenomena!

I think my change in noting style has had some influence in what is happening to me.



I love the Dharma!!! Wooot!

Another busy week at work. But I made sure I attempted to inject some moments of clarity and noting during the day. See how it sits, see how it thinks about lessons, see how it calculates, see how it feels, see how it feels vibrations, pleasant, pleasant, spacing out, spacing out, pleasant, pleasant, see how it imagines, image, image, "I" -thought, image, "I"-thought, curiosity etc.

I really am seeing so much benefit from Kenneth's instruction to be more specific about my noting. On Tuesday night I couldn't get to sleep because of the paper thin walls our apartment has and the amorous screams of passion from our neighbors next door. So the mind turned in on itself and I began to note as above.

After maybe 30 minutes I felt the sensations/vibrations shift upwards to the crown, pressure, vibrations, pleasant, pleasant, etc

I soon noted right up to when a fruition occurred, and then several others and then one particular one that felt almost violent. It felt like when you have two strong magnets being held apart but wanting to connect. And then you let them go and they slam together . That was how it felt in my brain at the pineal gland. It was quite quick and well, violent. And directly after it there was a rush of full body vibrations of bliss that was markedly stronger than normal fruitions. The mind was dispersed for a lot longer than usual takinga bit longer to come back online.

I feel quite different but I can't pinpoint the difference. I feel positively "normal". I am comparing to when i think i got 2nd path and even 1st path. There was this full on "otherwordly" feeling to the mind as it seemed to become more spacious. But I feel strangely very, very normal. I feel like I am suffering less but I don't exactly know what that suffering was. I feel very very aloof and above things.

Wooot Woot! Nick its great to see what sounds like upbeat post from you. I am noticing the 3rd eye pressure, however it seems to only really be prominent after a series of fruitions. Overall its not the iron skullcap you seem to have encountered *knock on wood* I noticed a real strong fruition a couple days ago that really stood out. I am glad to see that that is normal....

Metta

Hehe! I feel decidedly ......calm. I wont say upbeat. i just feel really calm and collected.The mind is just cruising. Very equanimous and 4th jhana-y. Quite a unique state. WOOOOOT!

Hey Nik,

I just read through your thread and wow this is fascinating stuff! What I love most is what i would call your "adventuresome" approach to meditation. Lots of experimenting, seeing what happens, pushing boundaries. I can't get enough!

Ron

Thanks Ron,

I am not sure how adventuresome I really am. I just seem to be going with the flow and it's where it (the flow) takes me. Although now that I have been getting instruction from Kenneth, I've been reigning in the whole "go with the flow" approach to meditation. I am now forcing myself to note in a more detailed way and this week I am including more 2nd gear practice when it feels necessary. Suffice to say, it's working for me.

I have been feeling very "different" this past week. I've been waiting for this "aloofness" state of being to dissipate but it hasn't yet. I feel very "normal" but at the same time "above it all". That's the feeling I have. I seem not to be worrying about certain things that made me worry, stressing over things that made me stress out over 2 weeks ago. It all kind got triggered by that "violent" fruition I mentioned having last week. My perception seems to be automatically or very close to the Witness state. Almost like it is my default mode. Even though i experienced some cycling this past week, have been very, very on top of it. No suffering involved. Just very on top of it and I kind of attribute this to how my mind seems to have been this past week as well as the fact that the streamlined approach to noting which I have taken on is extremely effective in making the nanas pass very fast. I think I had dark night symptoms as I woke up this morning. But they were not at all "in my face" as they would be before. And as I started noting , being very specific non-stop for an hour I was quickly in a very high equanimous state and just spacing out. But then I note that spacing out.

Continued from above...


I'm experiencing as I sit here in Starbucks, a lot of vibrational activity and pressure at the crown. It shifted several minutes ago from the brow in a very strange fashion. From one moment to the next I noticed that the state of my mind which was spacing out, went from spacing out to just completely dispersed with a very wide focus, taking everything in. The whole body and mind. My focus fell automatically on the slight pressure behind the eyes, pineal gland?, and I felt myself drop into what felt like the 8th jhana, but then it (the mind) falls into darkness, a darker absorbtion and things seem to slowly disappear. I think a fruition occurred and I "unsunk" back up and the darkness got lighter and I came up with the body in full bliss mode. Still reeling! I am getting too absorbed in typing this message.....faaaaar out!

Lots of fuition soaked metta for you all!!!!

Keep up the good work Nick. Everything sounds like real progress... Much love

Clayton

"I'm experiencing as I sit here in Starbucks, a lot of vibrational activity and pressure at the crown. It shifted several minutes ago from the brow in a very strange fashion. From one moment to the next I noticed that the state of my mind which was spacing out, went from spacing out to just completely dispersed with a very wide focus, taking everything in. The whole body and mind."

This is almost exactly what I have been experienced (except vibrational activity and pressure are around forehead and nose) since I got into high equanimity last week. Nothing has happened sice then, no progress, no path or fruition ( I am pre-stream entrer). I made my own 3-days retreat at a forest and it is like I am not getting anywhere. That is really my cutting edge. It almost makes me give up the practice.

(Sorry for posting in your thread Nikolai. Keep up the good work .

Hey Sugato. I know how you feel. I would imagine everyone here understands the frustrating situation when you feel like you are in the 11th nana but don't know how to get path. This is my favorite quote from Kenneth's progress of insight,

"So much emphasis is put on attaining First Path that we imagine there is some secret to it; surely there is some special bit of knowledge or some extra bit of effort required to 'get us over this last hump.' In fact, it's not like that at all. Just as all the previous insight knowledges arose, in order, on cue, the Path moment shows up out of nowhere when you least expect it. It's a little bit like chewing and swallowing; when you put food into your mouth, you begin to chew. At some point, when sufficient chewing has taken place, you swallow. It's an involuntary reflex." Very Very true words. Stick with it...

Hello all,

I am still feeling quite "aloof" and not worried about anything. in fact I feel like I haven't got much in the way of many desires arising these days, so i haven't had any need nor desire to contribute to these practice notes, except till now .... I don't want to jump the gun but I ain't the same "Nick" I was 2 weeks ago. Something's changed. Got a jumbled mess of experiences after the 8th jhana which at the moment I am trying to sort out. Too much going on and I am too focused on the Witness state and too aloof to care about the specifics of what i am experiencing.

First all, I seem to be accessing a state that is one of subtle full body bliss, slight brow pressure and feeling very above things. And somewhere after it some sort of shift to the crown and a lighter feel to it. I must say, this aloofness that seems to be my default state is kind of making it hard to care about what I am experiencing. I will sit in the Witness tonight and see if i can't catch some details.

I am still refining my noting skills. Really seeing how I move through the nanas much faster if I note continuously. Today got through a dark night in an hour or so. I would like some 3rd or 4th pathers to weigh in. How was the shift from 2nd to 3rd path? Did your perception change and how did it change? What was obvious and did you suffer less?

Continued from above...

I seem to be suffering less. There is less worry, less getting stuck on certain things. This gives me this feeling of "being above it all". It hasn't dissipated at all. Plus the perception baseline is different than before. Like the default mode is the witness state. Everything is easier to see....by everything I mean the sensations of "I", the formation of "I' and all sensations on and in the body. It feels like the formation of "I" is more of a hint of what is was previously. And man, this state of not being worried about anything is quite a change. I have always been a "worrier". So this change is massive in me.


Also, I think I am accessing nirodha samapatti. I had one sit where I found myself in the 8th jhana and having made the resolution previously to experience nirodha, the mind jumped from the 8th into that dark absorbtion that I've mentioned before and it gets darker and darker as the mind falls on that now slight pressure and pleasant flow of vibrations behind the brow (pineal gland?). In the sit, I went in and out of consciousness. Just back and forth and my memory of it is scattered moments in between coming up for air. Dont know how long it lasted but I was blissed out for a long time after it. But when I try Kenneth's technique of shining an imaginary torch behind the third eye area at that same spot or sensing that same spot and willing it to tense which also works, it tenses and releases and I get the same thing happen but I only get a fruition that lasts a fraction of a second. I really need to be concentrated as hell to be able to do this. Any tips to perfect this?

Any advice or slaps in the face would be appreciated.

Just sat for over 1 hour. I'll try and explain in detail what happened.

I started dwelling in the Witness. The focus being the feeling of "I am-ness", centered directly from behind the crown down through the head through the back half of it. The focus is looking towards the eyelids. Definite centering effect on the body as opposed to the Bystander which has a more 2 sides feel to it, the observer and the observed. But the Witness is very much both the observer and observed as one.

It takes a few minutes, maybe 10 this time for me to realize that the mind has shifted into jhana. It feels as though the mind is passing through access concentration until it shifts to 1st jhana. The 1st jhana has the eyes focus forward. There is a one-pointedness focus which seems to imply some effort is needed although I don't need to put much effort into maintaining it. The will of the mind is strong in that respect but the "feeling" is one of "effort". The main focus is especially on the gross pleasant vibrations felt primarily on the surface of the whole body.

Within a minute or so it shifts to the 2nd jhana with the gross pleasant vibrations (which at times seem overly gross) drop away and the one-pointed focus and effort also dropping away leaving a very pleasant subtler vibration felt primarily within the body as opposed to on the surface like the 1st. The fact that the feeling of "effort" drops away makes this jhana much more pleasant than the 1st. The mind sits with a feeling of effortless one pointedness. The focus of the eyes widens ever so slightly directly forward from the more narrow focus of the 1st.

Continued from above...

Another minute or so and it shifts to the 3rd. The vibrations shift to being more sublte but I seem to be more aware of the vibrations on the surface of the body more than within. The eyes take on a very wide focus or rather the focus is on the periphery as opposed to direct centre and it is very hard to focus the eyes to look forward forcing me to relax them. They automatically focus towards the outer rim of the vision. The vibrations are extremely blissful.

Then the shift to 4th. The focus becomes a wide focus taking in everything in front of the eyes. A gentle focus. The blissful vibrations drop away and I am left with very subtle pleasant vibrations felt primarily within the body. Very equanimous state. The mind is "above it all", taking in whatever arises. I sense negative vibrational activity at the chest and the throat but the mind is very on top of it.

Moving on to the 5th. The focus now shifts from the body vibrations to the feeling of space around the body, or rather sensations that imply space. The Witness is just floating in this space which is the primary focus of this jhana. I am still aware of subtle vibrations on the body, so for me this jhana is not purely formless. But the focus is primarily mental.

Then it shifts to the 6th. The Witness, the location of the "presence" becomes the focus. Directly in the centre of the head behind the eyeballs. An endless loop of consciousness. Again, the subtle vibrations that are present in the 4th jhana can still be felt but the focus is directly on the "presence" , the "thing " that is supposedly in control, the Witness.