Nikolai's Practice Notes

Continued from above...

One interesting thing I experienced was during the nidra yoga session. I didn't follow the instructions but as I was lying down I dwelled in the witness. I let the jhanic arc do its thing. Now, I have previously mentioned that I have been experiencing certain states after the 8th jhana. I refuse to call them pure abodes yet, as I am not an anagami and I feel like when I do let the jhanic arc do its thing, I sometimes become overly curious as to what may come after the 8th and I drop out of the witness state and will the mind into compound jhanas of my own creation which match up with Kenneth's descriptions of the 20 strata of mind.

This happens so subtly that it dupes me into thinking that I am experiencing "pure abodes". This happens everytime I do the jhanic arc. I have to really stay strong in the witness state, but the 8th jhana kind of makes it difficult cos I stop thinking so much...just as the 8th shifts into something else, not the 7th, but something after it, the mind comes to from the 8th state and wills itself into the memory of the description Kenneth gave of the 5 jhanas after the 8th. So I doubt them a lot.

Continued from above..
However, this time, during this nidra session, I really didnt care about what came after. I was so relaxed in the witness state that the mind just didnt remember to dupe itself and this time the mind seriously shifted into just one state above the 8th. It was a feeling of the focus shifting from a mental one to a full body one aswell of an awareness of the pressure at my third eye chakra within the brain. It became almost a flow of energy as opposed to just the "solid" feeling of pressure I usually get. It felt extremely pleasant and I felt the vibrations on the body flow much more smoothly. They felt lighter and more blissful. All of this was accompanied by a blast of violet/redish colour, seen through the eyelids, the same I get with fruitions. The state was quite sublime and it definitely felt superior to the previous 8. Then as soon as I started really digging this state it shifted down to the 8th jhana, and made its way slowly down the jhanic arc.

Kenneth, I am definitely not an anagami. I have tried doing that thing you explained to experience nirodha samapatti, imagining shining a torch behind your eyes. When I do that, something happens where the mind gets darker and focused on something, there is a sinking feeling and then it will eventually, if my concentration holds up, touch something and I have a fruition, and then blissful vibrations spread throughout the body. The cessation definitely doesnt last long. I keep testing it with music in the background. They last as long as a normal fruition.

So what am I experiencing after the 8th? Is it still some compound jhana?

"So what am I experiencing after the 8th? Is it still some compound jhana?-NikolaiStephenHalay

The jury is out, Nick, and only time will tell the tale, but I love your careful descriptions of your experiences and your willingness to leave the question open for awhile. There is no shortage of interesting progress going on in your practice and over time it will all become clearer. Just keep doing what you are doing, because it's working.

Kenneth

Thanks for the encouragement Kenneth. Just going with the flow at the moment and that is enough to make things get interesting like you said. i am realising more and more that manipulating my experience goes against it all, goes against progress somehow, or slows it down. Not manipulating the mind, not directing it intentionally, letting it go where it feels pulled, all this seems to be speeding up something in my body. The flow of energy, kundalini whatever. But it feels like it is clearing out a whole load of blockages. And to add to this, it feels natural and there is no energy spent doing it. You get tired from always directing the mind to do something, experience something...and this then leads to frustration when it doesnt do what you want. I am so all about not manipulating my experience these days. Let come what may!
Non-manipulation coupled with equanimity is powerful stuff indeed.

"I keep testing it with music in the background. They last as long as a normal fruition.
"

What an interesting idea (if I interpret this comment correctly) that you are testing the duration of a cessation by how much music you miss. Does that really work, and how long is "long"?

Yeh, you interpreted it correctly. I've been trying to resolve to stay in the cessation moments as Mahasi has said even sotapanna can do, but to no avail. The fruition moments themselves, the moment of cessation is less than a second. Very quick. Almost too quick to figure out if i lost part of the song going on in the background. i make sure it's a song I am familiar with, or an album I know all the songs of, just in case I fall into nirodha samapati, I'll know that when first I was listening to track number 2 and when i come to it is now at track number 10. I am not anagami though.


When I do resolve to stay in the cessations, I have different experiences where the mind jumps in and out of the cessation moment which really makes the mind go blank and completely still, but the 5 sense doors are still operating, maybe not so many thoughts as they seem to get cut off by the rapid blipping in and out. My theory is that the "hole" where the mind can dip in and out of nibbana is not big enough to stay in, which would be the case for anagamis and above as they have blasted a path, over time, for the energy to flow up the body to the crown without hinderance and thus have a bigger "hole" to dip into. Hahaha! I'm just making this stuff up as I go.

"My theory is that the "hole" where the mind can dip in and out of nibbana is not big enough to stay in, which would be the case for anagamis and above as they have blasted a path, over time, for the energy to flow up the body to the crown without hinderance and thus have a bigger "hole" to dip into. Hahaha! I'm just making this stuff up as I go."

Sounds bloody good, though.

Continued from above

Noting really is blissful. Everytime I have noted these past few days, if I do it long enough with everything noted, the mind gets extremely calm and blissful. The sensations of "I" are also noted and short periods of feeling in feeling , seeing in seeing, are felt. When i do this, the energy flow in the body seems to speed up and I sometimes get the kundalini spurts of blissful energy up the back like when I sit in the Witness.

Towards the end of the sit, I had the desire arise to practice what Alex and Kenneth mentioned on another thread about Astral travel. The mind was extremely calm and blissful, and still in the state after the 8th jhana which i now experience. I waved imaginary hands above my head and as I did that i felt as if those imaginary hands came to life and where just energy. They felt real. I then tried imagining my body to be hovering above as if in a dream as opposed to being a "ghost". All that happened was the mind feel like it was floating, but no imaginary astral body. I'll keep at it.

For those of you worried about me getting distracted, I think reporting on such activities will keep me in check.

Anyway, that's where I am at the moment. Where am I in the latest insight cycle? Not really sure. The cycles within cycle make it hard to tell. But I feel ok with the world at the moment. No negativity now. Yesterday had some sensations at my chest which made me feel jumpy and agitated but they have since disappeared. I noted them like crazy and they didnt seem to influence me too much with my behaviour which was a good result. I will be noting a lot more from now on. It seems to really help disembed from any misery felt. Why didn't I do this before?

My last sit was riding the jhanic arc in the witness. The first few minutes of sitting in the witness are spent dwelling in states of mind which are calm but not jhanic. Suddenly after several minutes pass as the focus is all about the witness, part of the mind registers that it has now shifted into jhana and these days it moves quite quickly up the arc. A minute or so in each jhana. I am also still experiencing something after the 8th which is very sublime but I don't know what it is. Today, after cycling up and down the arc 3 times I stopped the mind in at the "cutting edge" of my practise which seems to be a state after the 8th jhana. When I willed the mind deeper into that state it shifted around. The sensations which are very blissful ebb and flow through the body and the visuals seen through my eyelids or in the mind eye are blue colours moving to ornange-ish colours and back again, back and forth between blue and orange. The top of my head felt like it was expanding outwards and I felt no pressure at the upper chakras, just pleasant flow of vibrations. I also at one point decided to note while in this state. E.i. feeling, feeliing, vibrations, blue-seeing, seeing, seeing, orange, vibrations, bliss, feeling etc This noting made the witness or rather the sense of self seem to blip out for a second or two. The energy felt on the body also seems to shift around much faster when the noting begins. I guess that is what the disembeding starts to do.

I have been getting back into noting these days as I feel i havent really practiced it at all since getting 1st path. Inspired by Kenneth's advice to keep noting especially during the dark night, I have been getting back into the habit.

Are you talking to me???

"
Are you talking to me???



"

Hehe

I am such a rebellious teenager. I'm going to the party regardless, dad. Just you stop me!

No hard feelings. Your input is always valuable Chris and it is there to make me think twice. I just have a rebellious-harry potter-streak in my personality to deal with. Please feel free to give advice anytime!

My formal sitting practice seems to have a taken a break this past week. Been working hard teaching English so I seem not to have much time to sit. I get home to prepare lessons and then fall asleep.

But this doesn't mean I don't practice. Every moment I have free, I let the mind turn in on itself or onto any phenomena arising and passing away. It is so still amazing to just close my eyes and immediately feel the mind get extremely concentrated. The jhanas seem extremely normal now and I keep forgetting I have that easy access. There seems to be less and less desire to dwell in jhana these days and more tendency to let things arise by themselves.

Something else that I remember which i never talked about was for about 3 days after getting stream entry, while still on retreat, I was getting these experiences of seeing strobing horizontal lights, the shapes of fluorescent lights about 10 of them parallel to each other blinking in and out, seen through my eyelids, or maybe the mind's eye. I can't quite remember. But everytime the "I", the sum sensations and images that made it seem so, would establish itself, get stuck there, the lights would blinking very fast in time to the "I" blinking in and out. When the mind was made to focus just on sensation, without any "I" blinking in and out, then the lights would stop blinking and dissapear. This went on for about 3 days after getting it. Really strange experience and it has never repeated. It really made it obvious when the "I" was establishing itself and when it wasn't being read as "I".

A new development. I have said that I was trying to get myself to experience Nirodha samapatti which hasn't happened as I am not an anagami. But what happens when I attempt to is that as, I focus on the small ball of pressure an inch or two behind the third eye area , the mind starts "falling" into a blackness and then it touches something. There is what feels like some actual physical movement at that spot where the ball of pressure is. In fact when I turn my attention to it now as I move the attention back and forth left to right across this ball of pressure, it feels like it is moving... actual physical movement. Anyone get this? When i do that...and my concentration has to be very strong to do so then the mind slowly envelopes in a dark place, then the movement occurs and that is followed by a fruition and a release of bliss which seems stronger or more potent that a normal crown fruition. The fruition has not been experienced for more than a fraction of a second like they usually are.

Continued from above..
I've been remembering a lot of little details from when I got stream entry. Right after it, I remember that the mind was so hard to concentrate. Sure, i could direct it into any of the 8 jhanas but I couldn't for the life of me get it to observe all the sensations and images of "I", which is what i was doing up until the first blip out. The mind was so blissed out that i couldn't focus it very well. That is when I stopped noting and only just recenltly did I take it up again.

Also, I remember that just at the moment before getting the first blip out, the mind was in a very high equanimous state and everything, all thoughts and feelings were observed arising and passing away, all the sensations of "I" as well. There seemed no need to note. Suddenly, out of the blue, there was a pulling up feeling at my crown, and immediately excitement started arising....""This is it!!!..it's going to happen...wooot!!"
But I had expereinced that "anticipation" a few times before so as soon as that occurred i started to note it...."noted! noted! noted!"...PLOP! Something occured...and the pulling up feeling stopped, it seemed I was looking at the sun through my eyelids and I suddenly asked myself...what was that? Was that it?...then after feeling dazed and amazed and underwhelmed by what had just happened it dawned on me that maybe that was stream entry...later it was confirmed by lot's of cycling...easy jhana access and especially Kenneth's eyeflick method to induce fruitions...lot's of redish violet colours and blissful soothing vibrations on the body.


Continued below..

Continued from above...

So anyway, the new development is that as soon as I turn my attention to that ball of pressure , I can will the mind to release a whole lot of what feels like fruition bliss throughout the whole body, but without getting a fruition. Don't know if this is making sense. But anyway, that is where I am at the moment.

Sorry for the way i write, I am such a simpleton at times. I write the way I think.

Something else I remember just before getting stream entry. It happened on the same day an hour or two before the first blip out. I was in high equanimity and everything seemd ok, but I think I was asking myself 'what the hell am I doing?....am I doing it correctly? What should I be looking for?' I can't remember the exact thoughts I was having but they were something like these.

I remember feeling a little confused and not sure if I was meditating right. I was sitting in my meditation cell and out of nowhere a thought just popped into my mind...."The cessation of sensation is nibbana"....I remember this thought making so much sense back then that all the confusion and doubt got washed away and the mind was so clear and still......it made something click inside and I remembered Kenneth talking about looking at the sensation arise and disappear as soon as they arise....no fading away but arising and stopping immediately. Look for when it stops dead!

The cessation of sensation is nibbana.......Is this something one of the Buddha's disciples said? I have been searching for where it came from. I can't remember if I read it or not somewhere. Really weird to just pop into my head like that but it was very timely.

If I do observe the end of a sensation or when an image dissapears I do get an anicca door fruition.

I think Kenneth, you had quite a lot to do helping get over the line. Your advice about the looking for the end of sensation and your advice on kasina meditation was something I followed. So merits to you!!!!!!

Thanks for this post Nikolai... yes it seems to me somehow that the mind is looking for Nirvana. Naturally inclined towards it. If we practice its like gravity pulling us towards awakening... I remember having those doubts few hours before fruition as well. But that was hardly unusual in those days...

"Sorry for the way i write, I am such a simpleton at times. I write the way I think.

"

Hey, I love the way you write about your dhamma adventures (maybe that makes me a simpleton, too)! Keep it up, I suspect you're an inspiration to a whole lot of readers, probably more than you can imagine.

Continued from above...


I am starting to see some similarities between the feeling of the 8th jhana and the experience of being absorbed on the ball of pressure but I need to figure out what is similar about them first....not sure.

My question is....should i continue to do this? Today recently, I let the mind just repeatedly sink and come back up and sink and come back up, each time getting a fruition. At one stage it was just all automatic, sinking, fruition, coming back up, repeat...... It left the body buzzing with sublte bliss vibes and the mind completely calm, blank, still, in a prolonged state just like after a fruition where the mind hasn't come back on line fully.
At times there were kundalini spurts of energy up the back. At one point I tried noting the sense of an observer and I had moments of centrelessness or what felt like that concept to me.

Kenneth, any advice? Sorry if I don't describe all this well.....one of the drawbacks of only speaking to mainly intermediate English speakers all day long.

Thanks for the support David!!!!
In my last number of sits over this weekend, I've been experiencing some new stuff. I have been playing around with the small ball of pressure about an inch or so within the brain behind the third eye area. I seem to be able make something move or what seems like something move there. Does anyone else get that or am I duping myself into something again?

I am finding it easier and easier the more I do it. I focus on it and will it to "feel" like it is moving...or produce a sensations that feels like movement. Anyway, when i do that the mind gets sucked into the calmest state I have ever experienced so far. In fact it feels awfully a lot like the weird jhanic like state I once described where the mind feels stuck in one spot without any thoughts arising. But perhaps, as I just compare now there is a slight difference. When I get into the mentioned state where the mind is stuck in one spot, I used to have to will the mind to envelope itself in the build up of energy/sensation at the crown right before a fruition. Now I find i can just will the mind into it without calling up a fruition. There is no focus in this state. It seems to have no focus.

But the new state I seem to be accessing is all focused on the third eye ball of pressure inside the brain. As I focus all efforts onto looking at it and feeling it, the mind feels like it is "falling" or getting "sucked" into a visually darker absorbtion. If i let myself get sucked into it it will get ever so more peaceful and the mind diffuses completely and all that is left is the witness state and sublime blissful vibrations throughout the body. The more I stay on the ball of pressure behind my eyes, the mind will eventually feel as if it sinks into something and there is a sensations of movement there and then a fruition will occur and the mind "unsinks" from the dark absorbtion.

Do you have to force yourself into this state, or does it happen on its own?

"
Do you have to force yourself into this state, or does it happen on its own?

"

Hi Chris,

I have to turn my attention to it. So far it has only happened because I have the intention for it to happen, but once I do that there is a point where the sinking and coming out of that state happens on its own. Yeh, only when I intend to do it.

Thinking back though...there are times where I sometimes inadvertantly have the mind's focus fall on the spot behind the third eye and it will set it off. But I know it has set it off and the intention for it to continue occurs. That seems to be the button to press.

What happens when you sit with a resolution to go up the jhanic arc to the highest state available to you (and back down the arc), without any attempt to manipulate your experience? (In other words, no "button-pushing," just observation.)

"What happens when you sit with a resolution to go up the jhanic arc to the highest state available to you (and back down the arc), without any attempt to manipulate your experience? (In other words, no "button-pushing," just observation.)"

Ok, will do that immediately! I'll see what happens...

Continued from above...

I felt very relaxed this morning and had little curiosity arise for what came after 8th. So I made sure I was not scripting or creating a compound jhana. I made more love to the witness so as not to slip from it. From the 8th jhana where the focus is mostly a mental one where it feels the mind is slipping in and out of perceiving, the mind shifted into a full body absorbtion unlike all the others. It feels like the mind and body is moving upwards. The sensations get subtler and very blissful. They flow throughout the body in and out without hinderance. The mental feelings are ones of "aaaaaaaaah, Ive arrived, thank god!" It is a feeling of relief as you put down weight you were carrying and feel thankful for that. The witness/ presence feels like it is floating on air.

That feeling of relief and the upward feeling of movement is what makes it feel unique. I've been here before. About a minute in this state and suddenly I feel the mind shift back into the 8th. It's like your eyes are wide open one minute and you have your head out the sunroof of a speeding car feeling the wind and relieving coolness of it, then suddenly you are back inside the car, no wind and...man, it is hard to describe exactly what is going on with the 8th. For me, the 8th sometimes has the eyes focus seem to be looking towards the the third eye or looking inwards almost. And because of that I feel there seems to be a similarity between the focus of the 8th and when I focus on the ball of pressure behind the eyes. Still unsure 100 % what exactly makes them similar. But it appears they are somehow. Anyone get what I'm talking about??