yadid's practice journal

Yesterday as I sat for an hour, I felt like i was noting 99% of the time, and that most of the sitting time was used up wisely.
Today, however, I was struggling with a lot of sleepiness, as well as being sucked into a strange place in my third eye which hypnotizes me and puts me to sleep.

Anyway, on we go!

There is a desire to want sits to have a strong long-lasting calming influence upon the mind.
I went for a 2.5 hour sitting near my house and after that came back home. I noticed how this craving is there, and also how I was very irritated and pissed off later.
Arrrghh!
Going for a 3-day goenka course tomorrow so trying to build some momentum.

Also I would love to hear some opinions on the following issue:
I have some guilt on attending all these Goenka sits and doing noting.. Usually it doesn't bother me but sometimes it does, because they specifically ask for people to "only practice the Goenka method". I know its stupid, because "different kind of vibrations generated by these practices" sounds like a lot of metaphysical superstition.. but anyway. What do you think?

My two cents are: Screw Goenka dogma! Goenka doesn't talk only about vibrations, he also talks about how he is the prophesied returner of the original teachings of the buddha to india, a prophecy which was supposedly made 2000 years ago, etc, etc. With all this nonsense talk, all I can conclude is that the kind of vibrations generated by noting are of a far better kind. As a compromise, you could do body scanning 2-3h a day (out of 12 or 14 or whatever), I'm sure that's just fine, and the two practices could mix into a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts Whatever you decide, have fun at the retreat!

Thanks for the support Bruno!
Have you done a Goenka retreat before?

I'm gonna be doing noting all the way.. The awareness of body vibrations is always there as well.
I am sick of the dark night and I hope to get out of it or at least most of it on this retreat!! (At least the first path part

Hi Yadid,

If it is playing on your mind, I like Bruno's idea. But if you want stream entry to occur, then you know what to do. It's a trade off. You can punish yourself later by learning to call up multiple fruitions.

If one is noting continuously, I believe they are generating much, much more of those vibrations of "anti-craving" that Goenka goes on about. You don't really give any chance for any bad ****** vibes to spoil the air because you don't send them out but reign them in with the noting (I'm speculating out my bum but it sounds good hehe) and I reckon a lot of yogis just sweeping the body are generating a heap of desire and aversion by avoiding their thought patterns and mind states by solely "wanting" to observe sensations. And don't forget the majority probably are spacing off into lala land and generating heaps of embedded "vibes".

Hi Yadid,

I've done a bunch of Goenka retreats: 10 day, Satipathana, 3 day, etc. My take on it is that it's important to stick to the Goenka method when someone is first getting started. Their whole thing is quality control and they're good at it... but there comes a time when we have to take individual responsibility for our practice.

I see Mahasi-style noting as Goenka-plus. If you think it is what you need, then go for it - after all, you certainly won't be harming anyone around you and there is plenty of experience from Goenka old students posting on KFDh that indicates that noting can really take your practice to the next level.

Good luck! [Edited to correct spelling]

Thanks guys.
Although I did feel a bit guilty about this, I never changed my intention to continue noting and also during this upcoming retreat Yay

Back from my 2 day retreat at the Goenka centre.

I didn't attain stream-entry but I did go through all nyanas up to Equanimity and fell back and up again several times,
I think I am getting a much better grasp of the noting technique. I love it!

As always, the retreat has provided me with much needed peace of mind and excellent practice battery recharge and I hope to continue my momentum here at home.

I will write more soon. I indeed felt like you were all with me in spirit.

Glad it went well for you, Yadid. The opportunities for practice provided by the Goenka organization are a blessing.

I'm hoping to do a 10-day in December and am working on building up plenty of momentum between now and then...

So here's a bit more of my recent experience:
I suffered a lot during this retreat, it was very short but very fruitful. I used every moment to note, including breaks and so on, because i figured that there's nothing else to do.
I dropped all thoughts of nyanas and so on and noted them out including everything else, thinking that whatever nyana this is, what I need to do is just continue, but overall I think I reached high equanimity several times, and this morning I found that I am able to go through re-observation and equanimity (for me - re-ob is characterized by strong intense unpleasant subtle vibrations, especially at the feet).
What I believe to be equanimity is when I get lots of mental formations flashing very fast such as images of scenes i have gone through the day, voices i've heard, my own voice, images of my own, and more. After that, things calm down and I am able to just sit and a strong relaxation occurs. I spoke to Nick and he said he believes that to be high-eq.

I find that my ability to disembed has improved tremendously, including during daily life. Today as I drove and talked to people, I was able to see in real time when fear (I find that my experience is dominated by fear and anxiety more than i originally noticed) ,and when I notice it, a bit after the story arises or before, and I note it, I understand more what is meant by 'a freedom that is independent of conditions'. Such a blessing it is!

There is a strong confidence and intent to continue this process with as much effort as I can put in.
I am now noting whenever I can during daily life and it is really a blessing. Freedom.

And one further addition:
I find that upon sitting, if I spend a few minutes, just to concentrate the mind a little bit, perhaps by staring at something initially, and then following the breath for a little bit or just feeling the whole body, it is conducive to my practice.

When noting I just note whatever is predominant. I love how I get a 'am I doing this right' thought come up, even in a very non-verbal form, real quick, and then 'fear' is identified and noted, ding ding ding! bullseye. This is an extremely quick process though

During the day, I find that perhaps I get lost in thought for a bit, then some fear or anxiety come up and remind me of my practice, and then I start noting, and its great. So perhaps anxiety, fear and anger are reminders for me to continue my practice.

Dadriance: You are right, the discipline at the Goenka centres is amazing for practice. Also, he provides one with lots of s-h-*-t to note out, such as when he disses the whole Mahasi technique or when he goes into religious-type ramblings (funniest on this course is: performing wholesome deeds - is good!, performing unwholesome deeds, is sin!)

"Today as I drove and talked to people, I was able to see in real time when fear (I find that my experience is dominated by fear and anxiety more than i originally noticed) ,and when I notice it, a bit after the story arises or before, and I note it, I understand more what is meant by 'a freedom that is independent of conditions'."-yadidb

Wonderful, Yadid! You are doing strong practice and you are already reaping the benefits.

Kenneth, it was a real pleasure talking to you last night. What we discussed really helped me today.

So I woke up at 5:30am and worked on the computer for about 1.5 hours, and then decided to nap for 40 minutes before going to school so I wont be dead tired (after 4.5 hours of sleep at night), and then noted everything while falling asleep, I had an A&P event in my dream which brought me to wake up real fast and happy.

So here's where your advice helped - notice the A&P, know what follows and be prepared!
The darknight is hard as it is, but that was not enough for me today.
EVERYTHING that could have gone wrong, went wrong this morning.
Me and my girlfriend left the house late, got to the car, realized the car keys are at home, got back home, got the keys, got to uni, discovered we dont have money for parking and that my girlfriend left her wallet at home, while I dont have any money nor the PIN code to my ATM card. WOW! what a tester.

Anyway, the ending is well, I am now in class although a bit late, but all is well.

So how did knowing to recognize the A&P help me? I was prepared for the negativity that will come, didn't let it convince me as much as I could, and I tried to note as much as possible.

Wow, what a debacle! Nice job staying sane throughout it, though, by not buying into the negativity the dark night mind can throw in your way. This is one of the real benefits of having good maps; forearmed is forewarned and if you can see these difficult mind states coming as you can see storm clouds on the horizon, you can sometimes hunker down and watch the storm pass through.

To be honest, I was buying into the negativity sometimes, but I was really trying, so it was better than nothing at all.

Nowadays I just naturally note as I go about my day, everywhere, wherever. it seems to have become second nature for me at the moment.

I am quite prone to hyperactive behavior. I have at times difficulties with completing tasks. So I will start doing something, some mental pull to do something else arises and i run to do that.
So now at times I just do something, and i notice the pull arise to move, to do something else, etc. I am less controlled by these movements of mind.

edit: Oops, old thread!