yadid's practice journal

AugustLeo's post reminded me that several weeks ago I first learned how to see those 3D images.
After I begin to see it, it feels like kasina practice, I become more calm and concentrated.
I'm not sure I see them as I should though, I simply focus my eyes close to my nose while staring at it, and an image jumps out of the page, very pleasant.

Today's practice notes:

did about 2 and a half hours of noting practice, starting with staring at the red kasina until I feel concentrated (a few minutes).

I think I'm able to breakthrough to the 'everything's ok' equanimity stage during these sits.
I hope to continue doing my daily practice to build a good foundation and maybe get stream-entry on a self retreat in the coming weeks.

sometimes after strong meditations I feel their effects are more pronounced when I'm around other people. Went out to a concert with my girlfriend and several friends last night, had fun and tried to continue objectifying as I go, without letting it affect me externally of course. That was an interesting excersize.

Spoke to Kenneth yesterday as well and something he said echoed in my mind later, he said "thank god for dharma forums, eh?" and I later thought to my self "thank god for dharma forums in which people are not just spouting dogma at each other, but are actually sharing very precise information regarding their practice".
yeah!

Doing more and more noting as "the bystander" as I go about my daily business (But usually not when talking with people because it disturbs my thinking process, except some see how it gets angry or jealous or whatever).
I am noticing more clearly when I am in the Dukkha Nanas and when I breach into equanimity.

Yesterday I noticed that awareness is always there, so why not let awareness recognize itself?
Will try dedicating some of my sitting practice to this exploration.

I'm having a strong aversion towards sitting lately, accompanied by strong kundalini pains in my feet during my day to day life.
When I decide to sit I get so much resistance arising.

Ah, yes, that old thing. I learned over time despite my intuition that that's the best time to sit because I then would learn more about how stuff really is. Folks think that the best sitting is quiet sitting, Nah. The best sitting is learning about mind sitting, and the more the mind resists, well, that's a clue to go sit and pay close attention.

"
Ah, yes, that old thing. I learned over time despite my intuition that that's the best time to sit because I then would learn more about how stuff really is. Folks think that the best sitting is quiet sitting, Nah. The best sitting is learning about mind sitting, and the more the mind resists, well, that's a clue to go sit and pay close attention.-cmarti"

Nice! Freedom in heaven, freedom in hell. Anyone can be happy in heaven. To learn to be happy in hell... that's the treasure beyond price. The caveat here is that we also don't have to prefer hell over heaven. In other words, there can be a tendency in some very enthusiastic yogis to shun pleasant states and seek pain. This too would be counter-productive. As Bill Hamilton used to say, "You don't have to go looking for suffering. There's plenty of suffering coming down the pike." So, you sit when it's good, sit when it's bad. The whole, wonderful package can be seen as momentary phenomena arising and passing away within awareness.

Thanks Chris and Kenneth

Yesterday my sitting was all about sloth and torpor. Had to open my eyes every several minutes as powerful vibrations in my forehead were "making me" fall asleep. It felt quite powerful afterwards anyway.

A chance came up to practice for 2.5 days (half of Thurs, Friday and Saturday), looking forward to some dedicated sitting time, and I hope I can and will go through with it.

Tiredness is my greatest enemy nowadays during sittings.
This evening's 30minute sit started out very nicely as I could see various mental phenomena arise without a self and vanish, desires to lift hand, get up, physical sensations and so on.. Felt like the equanimity stage,
And then the great tiredness and dullness comes, I try to note it as best I can, though when it really puts me into dream-mode I have to open my eyes.

I found that the light blue kasina works much better for me rather than the red kasina.
Yesterday after staring at it for about 10 minutes the kasina disappeared and the whole room turned black and vibratory, it was very pleasant, so I closed my eyes and started noting.

"Tiredness is my greatest enemy nowadays during sittings."-Yadid

Yadid, it's time to turn your enemy into an ally. Go ahead and go to sleep, but be the witness who watches the body/mind go to sleep. Make a resolution to keep part of the mind alert while the rest of the mind nods out. You'll have to experiment, and it won't always work; sometimes you'll just go to sleep. But sometimes you will find that you can be awake during sleep. In fact, there is something that never sleeps. Be that. Try it.

Kenneth

Thanks for the advice Kenneth, I'll try to do that.
I used to have many lucid dreams when I was a kid, so I can probably get that skill going again and turn it into practice.

Sometimes when I goto sleep with awareness of mind body I start to see the dreams arising while I'm observing them.
I'm having the weirdest dreams lately: two days ago I dreamt that I was meditating and that fruition occurred, though in the dream i was very unsure, asking myself how I can be aware of non-awareness. woke up quite happy.

Went to visit a grandfather of mine whom I've not seen for many, many years. Being at the old folks' home really caused a strong urge to practice while I can during this lifetime.

Sat for a while in the forest. I think I am starting to see the progress of insight in my sittings more clearly. first vipassana jhana very relaxed and blissful, then second more relaxed less blissful, third is uncomfortable, not sitting enough time usually to get to fourth. Note to self: sit more outdoors.

This thread is progressing nicely. I can relate to Kenneth's last post. I remember on Tuesday I woke up earlier than normal. So I did a sitting. I had a couple hours before I had to be up so I went back to sleep, but I quickly went lucid and stayed that way for longer than I ever had before.

Hey Yadidb things seem to be progressing well... keep up the good work.//

"
Hey Yadidb things seem to be progressing well... keep up the good work.//"

I second this! Keep swinging on the rope!!!!

Not being embedded really is freedom..
The more sensation patterns I uncover as not I, the more free I am to act or not.
I notice this more and more during my daily life, its kind of hard to describe - a distinct physical and mental feeling repeats itself in similar situations, but when some sensation patterns are noticed in real time, I am for a short period not a slave.

Stared at my favourite pale-blue kasina today, after about 5 minutes it flashed "in my face", then I started feeling rapture that feels like I'm falling backwards, then I closed my eyes and started noting. After noting a while I started feeling someone who's sitting right in front of me is watching me and I started dozing off.. (There was no one next to me by the way)

that sounds cool!

Sat for 40 minutes this evening, stared at my Kasina for a while until it became blissful, closed my eyes and started noting.
This session was like being under-fire - 3 songs which keep ringing in my head which I noted whenever they arose and many many more things were coming super-fast, noted them as fast as I could. That's it for tonight.

During my dream last night I realized I was dreaming and thought "horray! now I can do whatever I want. I'm going to see this is all a fabrication of mind and meditate." As soon as I started doing this, I "woke up" into another dream! though in that dream, I was sure I was awake.

When I woke up in the morning I was quite amused by how I was tricked. I'd love to continue these explorations of dream-states.

I'm going on a 5-day retreat with Sayadaw U Vivekananda from the Mahasi Sayadaw tradition. It is actually 5-days including the arrival day and leaving day, so that's like 3 full days. I learnt my lesson from the last retreat and I hope to note from morning to night and get stream-entry as soon as possible since I wont be able to take another retreat in a while.

Best luck on your upcoming retreat. I am heading back up to Malaysia on Wednesday for my second 10 day course... its exciting to get to practice so intensely... may we both progress on our upcoming retreats...

Clayton

"I'm going on a 5-day retreat with Sayadaw U Vivekananda from the Mahasi Sayadaw tradition. It is actually 5-days including the arrival day and leaving day, so that's like 3 full days. I learnt my lesson from the last retreat and I hope to note from morning to night and get stream-entry as soon as possible since I wont be able to take another retreat in a while.
"

Get a good run up to that course. Start gaining some momentum before it starts. I was doing 3 to 4 hours a day for a week or two before my "successful" course. MOMENTUM!!!!!

Thanks for the advice Nikolai,
I'll only have tommorow evening and Tuesday morning before I have to leave for the retreat (its 20mins from where I live), but I'll try to make the most out of that time.

Have a good course and thanks Clayton.