Omni's practice log

"Living in the moment really does make people happier
Psychologists have found that people are distracted from the task at hand nearly half the time, and this daydreaming consistently makes them less happy"

www.guardian.co.uk/science/2010/nov/11/l...t-happier?CMP=twt_gu
And for iPhone users: www.trackyourhappiness.org/

1 hour sit, 1st gear noting

I recently read Nikolai's note "Strong Determination-Making Resolutions for Stream Entry and Beyond!" on Facebook, which reminded me that I've never mentioned here the resolution I state at the beginning of each practice: "I dedicate this practice to cultivate mindfulness for the benefit of myself and others. I resolve to get stream entry as soon as possible."

Today there was: seeing, hearing, tingling (hands), glowing, warmth, coldness, itch, pulsing, flickering (of the eyes, very sudden and dramatic), strobing, agitation, anticipation, pressure, pressure, pressure, restlesness, imaging thought, dialogue thought, contentment, sadness, remembering thought, hearing, hearing, seeing, pressure, pressure, pressure, impatience ...

During daily activities I try to remain as mindful as possible, especially when interacting with my wife and kids. Sometimes this goes very well, sometimes there seems to be some sort of resistance to being mindful, as if at certain times it's just too much effort. Most of the time it's very obvious how the unmindful moments are like dream-states compared to the mindful moments. It's like it's a bigger contrast than it used to be.

You are doing it right, Omni. By noting as continuously as you can over a period of days, months, and years, you make the mind and body more and more transparent. When the mind and body are completely transparent in realtime, enlightenment happens. Easy peasy. I've seen this work for so many people now, I have complete confidence in the process. Judging by your reports, I expect that you will be yet another success story. Keep on keepin' on!

Kenneth

Thanks Kenneth!

I've not been logging here for two major reasons:
1.) the way my life is organized lately (time limits)
2.) I had the feeling I had nothing worthwile to report

Anyway, I'd love to start logging here again because I'm finding a bit more time lately and maybe point 2.) is up to the reader to judge.
So maybe a short update is a good place to start: I'm still doing daily 1 hour sits, this hasn't changed since I discovered KFD. Sometimes I feel I'm able to disembed more and more (baby steps) than half a year ago. Other times I have very serious doubts whether I'm getting anywhere with all this meditating.

There have been periods with hardly any sleepiness and periods with lots of disturbing dozing off. What I do now when the latter happens is jump right up, do some push-ups, a long headstand, whatever wakes my body and mind right up. Sometimes I do the opposite: not move at all, and just restart the noting whenever I'm alert again. There's something to say for both although I prefer the wide awake sits.

Some sits have been mega-interrupted by my kids, but most of the time I can keep disembedding through all the interruptions, which is nice. Sometimes this doesn't work at all, which leads to lots of frustration, regret and bodily tension to note afterwards. It keeps amazing me how the subtle (silent) "speaking thoughts" can lure me into embedding with rage, frustration ...

Some rare sits were very "flowing", where each noticing of a sensation would easily come up, disappear and be followed smoothly by the next with a real effortless attention. During these sits, the thoughts seemed to slow down or be muted a great deal. These sits made me feel very peaceful. During one sit I found myself laughing out loud for no obvious reason. Another sit had a short "blackout" that really amazed me and left me tingling from stomach to throat.

1 hour meditation in motion.

I noted 1st gear style, but in stead of sitting still, I did some yoga postures while whispering the labels. This went quite well, though I had to watch out a bit more than usual not to let thought associations turn into thought streams that washed away the mindfulness. So I didn't really think about which posture to do next or count repetitions, I just did what I came up with, and when nothing came to mind, I just sat, lay or stood until a next posture popped into my head.

I mainly noticed the changes in body temperature, breathing, balance, muscle tension, sounds, thoughts (imaging, planning, remembering ...)

1 hour sitting meditation 1st gear.

restlessness, imaging thought, tension, warmth, glowing, shame, pressure, blinking, movement (involuntary movements of head or hands), tingling, speaking thought, planning thought, worrying thought, music thought, impatience, hope, dispair, doubt, relaxation ...

1 hour sitting meditation

I tried to practice samatha, but there was just too much anger, frustration, rage, tension, impatience, despair, frowning, clenching ...

1 hour sitting meditation 1st gear
A much more pleasant sit than yesterday. Switched from whispered to mental labels near the end, because of a sort of tiny cramp I get in my throat lately when speaking labels for an hour.
Noticed: warmth, glowing, tension, itching, planning thought, tingling, pressure, impatience, remembering thought, music thought, hearing, seeing, and another of those short blackouts where everything seems to disappear for a fraction of a second, which surprises me and results in some tingling in the body.

1 hour sitting 1st gear
At first I was noting with mental labels. Because I was a bit sleepy I switched to whispering labels. This boosted my attention right away. Now I wonder: is it better to note mentally or spoken? Does the extra challenge of mental noting lead to greater mindfulness skills, or is it better to note out loud to prevent the mind from wandering in the first place?

Anyway, today there mainly was: relaxation, warmth, eye movements, flickring, hearing, itch, speaking thought, remembering thought, planning thought and a general attention of switching between the outer world and the inner world, especially in the visual field. I meditate with open eyes, and when I follow imaging thought, the outside visual world seems to disappear and vice versa.

"another of those short blackouts where everything seems to disappear for a fraction of a second, which surprises me and results in some tingling in the body."-omnipleasant

When did this start happening? Did you notice any other changes in your practice at that time?

Awesome. Eyes glued to this thread and waiting in anticipation.

slow clap

In my written log I see that I noticed the first of those tiny blackouts at 20 december. I guess the only change is that the past month the meditation usually requires less effort. Sometimes I notice I'm meditating by habit during simple tasks. The micro-blackouts happen once in a while, always unexpected. Sometimes they stay away for days, and one sit had more than one of them (the first more intense than the second). No idea what this is though. You guys seem to think it's a good sign?

" You guys seem to think it's a good sign? "

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! **Fonzi thumbs up**

bit.ly/flaWu4

Way to go Omni!

That sounds promising indeed.

Antero.

Thanks!

I don't know what they are either, but I'm happy for you!

1 hour sitting meditation
It started out with mediocre attention, some sleepiness, but suddenly I "rediscovered" the mild amazement I first noticed on 15 dec. 2010 (noted this in my written log, not here at KFD).
That mild amazement is like the effort disappears greatly from the meditation. Suddenly my mind seems much more interested in all the sensations that present themselves. There's subtle joy on and off in the background, while I hear things, notice a tune in my mind, see an imaging thought pop up and leave out of the blue ... all this is happening without my control. It's a bit like watching interesting hypnagogery before falling asleep: it's just there, changing all the time and I'm simply experiencing it with a lot of interest.

This time there were lots of involuntary movements again. Mostly my head suddenly turning to the right, but also some bigger movements of my arms. Sometimes these seem like ways my body wants to pull my mind out of a sticky thought stream.

I'm still not very familiar with all the lingo at KFD actually, but I finally found some time to check out the YouTube video "Guided tour to 13 Jhanas (Part 1)" and was struck by something Nikolai says around 6:40 ( tinyurl.com/6ch8tcc ) about blissful vibrations in his limbs. This sounded familiar to me, so I browsed my 'analog' meditation diary and found some mentions about a "content feeling, strangely positioned physically in my arms". I wonder if this is the same thing? I'm not practicing samatha, but could it be that I bump into these Jhana's (concentration states right?) when I practice vipassana (1st gear noting) ?

1 hour sitting meditation 1st gear noting, whispered
Lots of sleepiness, with some dozing off now and then, but I never stopped noting. It just got automatic and somehow on the background. The focus cycled back and forth between the real world and the dreamlike images and sounds. I noted warmth (hands), glowing (hands and thigh), tingling (hands and neck), imaging thought, smiling, pricking (nose and throat /cold coming up), sneezing, music thought, planning thought, remembering thought, flickring (eyes), swallowing, itching, ...
Once again I noticed that auditiory events like hearing stuff in the environment or music thought is relatively easy for me to focus on, while self-talk tends to be much more subtle and difficult to detect.

(Hey, I posted a log here just now, but I turned my head and now it's gone? Damn you buggy code!)
update: Hey now it's there again!

1 hour sitting meditation 1st gear noting, eyes open, whispering labels.
I started with some concentration on the breath for about 10 minutes I guess. Then I noted a lot of physical sensations that had to do with the cold I have, pricking throat, stuffy nose, sleepiness, irritability, ... The quality of attention seemed to go up and down in a slow rhythm and focus slowly alternated between outside (hearing, seeing, body sensations) and inside world (imaging thought, sound thought).

At some point I was focussing on an itch near the bottom of my nose when suddenly the light in the room seemed much brighter and there was an intense warmth glowing through my whole body. I was startled and there was an agitated feeling in the chest and face. Also tingling on the limbs and my upper back. This brighter light seemed to come from the center of my field of vision and spread from there. Near the end there were some purple patterns too, which stayed visible when I closed my eyes. After about 5 minutes the light in the room slowly normalized again, leaving me much more alert than I had been before. Some minutes later my timer went off.

Now, what was *that*?

"(Hey, I posted a log here just now, but I turned my head and now it's gone? Damn you buggy code!)
update: Hey now it's there again!"

This is something I've experienced a little on and off, but often the last days.
Results in double posts sometimes it seems.

"At some point I was focussing on an itch near the bottom of my nose when suddenly the light in the room seemed much brighter and there was an intense warmth glowing through my whole body. I was startled and there was an agitated feeling in the chest and face. Also tingling on the limbs and my upper back. This brighter light seemed to come from the center of my field of vision and spread from there. Near the end there were some purple patterns too, which stayed visible when I closed my eyes. After about 5 minutes the light in the room slowly normalized again, leaving me much more alert than I had been before. Now, what was *that*?"

That was the A&P, Omni. Has this ever happened before?

Kenneth