Omni's practice log

Yeah, I had some of that going on last night. You'll wanna pay attention to that. It's a great meditation object. It only tends to happen to me in equanimity so it's a perfect object to get your from equanimity to cessations.

Watch Shinzen's eyes in this video (look familiar):

"Yeah, I had some of that going on last night. You'll wanna pay attention to that. It's a great meditation object. It only tends to happen to me in equanimity so it's a perfect object to get your from equanimity to cessations.

Watch Shinzen's eyes in this video (look familiar):
"

Yes when it happens, my awareness is drawn to it almost exclusively, it's even hard to speak notes.

I remember seeing this youtube of SY a while back and thinking something like: "why is he acting so weird?"
Now I see something familar going on, but not as fast and random as I usually experience it.

I sat for 30 minutes, eyes closed, mental labels.

This was a remarkably peaceful meditation. The things I noticed where mainly: "warmth-p, softness-p, sneezing-p, tingling-p (from the sneezing), moist-p (teary eyes from the sneezing), coolness-p, swallowing, tension-n, relaxation-p, pressure-n, calmth, contentment, hearing, music thought, imaging thought, breathing in, breathing out, ..."

Next to the dominant "contentment", there were some other mind-states that occured just very briefly: there was some "doubt" because at first I didn't trust the peacefulness, contentment, total absence of sleepiness ... thinking I just wasn't paying close enough attention, but that doubt passed quite quickly. There also was some "excitement" on and off because I wanted to write this down.

At a certain point I became quite immersed in the dominant feelings of warmth, relaxation, contentment all over the body that the mental labels dropped away for a couple of minutes, while the noticing went on just fine. Now I'm feeling quite surprised. There were no R.E.M. this time, maybe because there was no sleepiness?

I sat for an hour, eyes open, whispered labels. I started seated but got sleepy again, so I stood up for a while, which helped.

I mainly noticed: "blinking (eyes), itch-n, fear, contraction-u, amazement, tingling-p, softness-p, warmth-p, pressure-n, heaviness-n, disappointment, doubt, confusion, amusement, touch thought (remembering how something feels in the body), sound thought (a mental echo of an actual sound)"

I've never paid attention to the blinking of the eyes during meditation before. But this time during a couple of longer periods (approx. 10 minutes each?) my attention was almost entirely focused on the blinking of the eyes. There was amazement at how many times it happened. When my attention deepened, I noticed the pressure of the eyes quickly closing and opening again and the mild stinging in the eyes preceding the blinking. A couple of times I tested if I wasn't unwittingly "controlling" the blinking by trying to keep my eyes open as long as possible, but the stinging in the eyes was defenitely not imagined. It urged the eyes to blink whether I wanted them to or not.

When I got more used to the attention being drawn to the blinking, i started noting different sensations in between as well, skipping a few blinks here and there (but still noticing most of them). This seemed to increase the speed of the noticing so much that I tripped over my words and started to laugh. This made me realise that things I noted as for example "fear" were made up of subtler "imaging thought", "fantasizing thought" and bodily sensations so quickly following each other that I could only note them as what they resulted in together, like "fear".

Another thing I noticed very clearly was how some short memories just jumped in between the other sensations totally out of the blue. Like some imaging thoughts of trips I made long ago or conversations I had years ago.

I sat for 20 minutes which was all the time I could find today , eyes closed, whispering labels.
I mainly noticed the tingling and warmth of my hands, but also: "anticipation, feeling worried, imaging thought, sound thought, music thought, pressure/, stinging/, itch-, sneezing+, moist/, coolness+"
Where / is neutral, + is pleasant, - is unpleasant.

I sat for 45 minutes, eyes open, spoken and whispered labels.

The warmth and tingling of my hands was quite obvious again. For the rest: "pressure/, itch-, scratching+, music thought, remembering thought, imaging thought, restlessness, anxiety, worrying, smiling+, insecurity, doubt, planning thought, disappointment, dialogue thought, annoyance, questioning".

Not always sure when to add "thought", because "questioning" and "doubt" for example are more experienced as feelings (mind states) than actual thoughts. Also, I often have to make an extra effort to assign feeling tones (+ - /).

I'm typing this during practice because I just had a thought I wanted to write down here. I've been doing chores around the house the past hour, noting out loud since I'm alone with the baby. There's something bugging me for some years now, a weird sensation in my neck that I feel when moving my arms or head a certain way. It's not painful, but it causes lots of worrying thought, fear, aversion, annoyance, planning, worst-case-scenario-fantasizing, etc ...

I noted this sensation lots while working just now, but I also saw how fast it was followed by totally unrelated sensations, breaking up the illusion of its absolute continuity. Very liberating! I must pay more attention to this!

The meditation in action doing chores around the house was quite fulfilling.

I tried to do the same during the hours I spent in the garden, but in the midst of that a nice idea popped in my head for a current project I'm busy with at work. This idea just kept me busy, distracting me from paying attention to the other things that were going on (heat, tension, smelling, hearing, ...)

In the evening I sat for another hour to practice more formally, but I was so tired that I think I spent half of it fighting sleep and not winning.

I sat for 45 minutes, eyes open, whispering labels.

About the first half was filled with a lot of calmth, tingling-pleasant-interest, warmth-pleasant-interest, relaxation-pleasent-contentment, interest, tension-unpleasant-aversion, itch-unpleasant-restlessness, glowing-pleasant-interested, excitement ... but gradually I grew more restless until I was almost happy that the sit was over. The sensations of the hands remain quite prominent the past days.

I sat for 45 minutes, eyes open, whispering labels.

I noticed the usual "itch-, tension-, relaxation+, pressure/, softness+, hearing, sound thought, imaging thought, selftalk thought, ... " along with a lot of "longing".
The sensations of the hands were very obvious again, so I noticed a lot of "tingling/, warmth+, vibration/" there as well. Towards the end of the sit my attention stayed with the hands for longer periods. I closed my eyes and could "see" how my attention travelled through both left and right hand to register all the tingling there. There were some imaging thoughts that seemed to represent what I was feeling there.

I sat for an hour, eyes open, whispering labels.
I got up now and then to move around a bit to fight off sleepiness.

Practice was very similar to the past days, except that the hand sensations were even more clearly present. I also noticed something new in the hands: a sort of faint throbbing/pulsing that influenced all of the more apparent tingling sensations. I had to pay extra attention to notice this, and this didn't always work. I kept with the practice of noting whatever takes center stage (which keeps changing at least each second most of the time), but intervened a bit by intentionally "soaking" into sensations a bit deeper (just a second or so) as to experience them better, less superficial. Shinzen Young talks about this, but I don't know if this is also the idea with KFD 1st gear practice?

I sat for 20 minutes, eyes closed, whispering labels.

The hand sensations were on the foreground of my attention right away, quickly accompanied by a sort of light pressure or tension on the top of my head, the diameter of a tennisball. The labels were mostly about these areas: tingling/, glowing/, warmth/, tension/, pressure/, interest, doubt, analysing thought, ... Besides this there was also: swallowing/, blank/, itch-, sneezing+, moisture/, coolness+,

I sat for an hour, eyes open, whispering labels.
Got up now and then to fight off sleepiness.

The hand sensations (tingling, glowing, warmth) were there again, and also the light pressure on top of my head for a short while, but my attention didn't lock into those this time. I mainly noted things like: "sleepiness/, pricking-, sting-, itch-, smelling/, hearing/, imaging thought, planning, frustration, music thought (), impatience, warmth+, coolness+, remembering thought, smiling, moving ..."

There were some involuntary movements again, my head twisting suddenly, my right arm moving on its own, eyes flickering.

I practiced for about 45 minutes while vacuuming the house, noting out loud (only when I'm home alone or with the baby as sole companion, she doesn't mind, au contraire! )

I noted a lot of "seeing" (dirt on the ground, on the sofa ...) and "hearing" (vacuum cleaner) + "movement, friction, warmth, coolness, tension, pressure, stinging, planning thought, frustration, doubt, remembering thought, music thought, imaging thought ..." When the noticing felt superficial I would slow down the noting a bit and let the sensation soak in for a second or two before noting the next sensation. I prefer this over trying to note as much as possible.
Oh yeah the music thought was all about , thanks Mumu and Nick! ;)

I hardly noted feeling tone, which is usually the case during my meditations-in-action.

I sat for an hour, eyes open, whispering or speaking labels.
Usually I forget to mention it, but the past days I've been starting formal practice with my eyes closed counting the out-breaths (5 rounds of 10), something that works out a lot better than a couple of months ago. After this I open my eyes and start with the noting practice.

Today I not(ic)ed a lot of: "hearing, seeing, longing (both for certainty as for novelty), contentment, itch-, warmth/, tingling/ (hands again), interest, stinging- (throat), comparing, imaging thought, planning, frustration, insecurity, fear, annoyance, trust, yawning, sneezing, blinking, swallowing, pressure/, remembering thought, nostalgia, tickling, calmth, restlessness, impatience, allowing (happiness), smiling+, subtle selftalk"

Some things that stuck in my mind:
1// I notice a lot of longing lately, both for certainty as for novelty, often following each other in mere seconds. There will be a doubting thought where I want to really KNOW something, a moment later I'll feel a longing for getting out and have new experiences...
2// Sometimes I notice a tickling sensation in my chest which I can label as "excitement" or just as "tickling".
3// Selftalk or inner dialogues are usually much more subtle than the other sensations that are going on
4// Related to 3// I often note "hoping" or "restlessness" without clearly noticing the quickly appearing and disappearing"imaging thoughts" or "selftalk" that make up the "hope"
5// I noticed how certain fears that often go on in my mind cause me to reject the happiness that is at this very moment. Today I clearly noticed myself allowing this happiness to be there, which was very nice!

I practiced for about 45 minutes while vacuuming the house, noting out loud (only when I'm home alone or with the baby as sole companion, she doesn't mind, au contraire! )

I noticed how certain fears that often go on in my mind cause me to reject the happiness that is at this very moment. Today I clearly noticed myself allowing this happiness to be there, which was very nice!

Looks like we're both doing the noting in action thing. I've also notice how those thought patterns start creeping in and rejecting happiness...it's like a major threat to negative thought cycles...they've no place to go!

"Looks like we're both doing the noting in action thing. I've also notice how those thought patterns start creeping in and rejecting happiness...it's like a major threat to negative thought cycles...they've no place to go!"

Yep,from the beginning of my practice a couple of years ago, I've tried meditation in action. But it's only since I started noting/labeling that it really started to "work". Before that I would get lost in thoughts so easily and for so long before I even noticed. Now it usually works when doing chores like cutting the grass, doing the dishes, vacuum cleaning, ... and since a month or so it starts to work when I talk to people (especially when I listen), visit friends ... although that's still a lot of trial and error. My job is the toughest one I think. When I sit back for a minute it works, but as soon as I get back to my tasks, it's gone.

About negative thought cycles: yes, noting practice has helped me more than anything else with those. I'm not sure if they appear less, but it's a bit easier to see the rest of what is going on, so that those worries have less grip on me. I still have lots of work to do though!

anxiety, anxiety, tension, negative, laughter, freedom, joy

(it works!)

I practiced for an hour. First counting the out-breath (5 rounds of 10). Then noting with mental labels, eyes open most of the time. Then some interruption and finally about 15 minutes of kasina practice.

This time during noting, attention stayed for longer periods with the same sets of sensations: "warmth+, warmth+, warmth+ ... pressure/, pressure/ ... itch-, itch-, itch-, itch- ... pulsing/, pulsing/, interest, pulsing/, pulsing/, pulsing/, imgaging thought, blinking, blinking, blinking, blinking, swallowing, planning thought, frustration, annoyance, tickling+, tickling+, softness+, softness,+ softness+ ... tension- tension- tension-"

This went on for quite a while until my eyelids started to close and flickr on their own again. I followed the strobing in the visual field and the annoyance because of the left eyelid feeling heavier and slower somehow. However when focussing on the strobing, I noticed few thoughts.

Then there was some interruption, I tried to stay with the noting practice, which worked quite well, but there was still some annoyance that formal practice didn't go as planned.
Finally I tried a bit of kasina practice with this red circle: redcircle.webs.com/RED%20CIRCLE%203.jpg
I stared at it for some minutes, then closed my eyes and saw the cyan counterpart appear and disappear. It was like a nice abstract animation. The cyan circle appeared in bits and disappeared in bits. When it became too faint, I opened my eyes again to stare at the red circle again ... and so on. Concentration was rather good.

Informal practice update: noticing a lot of frustration because of not having more time to read all the interesting stuff here at KFD. Discussions, practice notes, ... I know practice is more important than theory, but it's all so motivating!

Another 45 minutes of noting practice, mental labels. This time while riding my bike (bicycle, not a Harley or whatever ) aimlessly through my town, taking pictures of things that caught my eye.

Compared to other formal practice, there was more drifting off into fantasy and planning, mainly concerning the pictures I took. I almost noted no feeling tone.
There was a lot of "seeing, hearing, smelling, fantasizing thought"
but also "warmth, coolness, interest, annoyance, frustration, worrying, anger, itch, heaviness, friction, pressure, rest, contentment, tension, tingling, planning thought, imaging thought, remembering thought, attraction, expecting, disappoinment (when my camera battery died), ..."

I practiced for an hour, whispering labels, eyes closed for a change.
To warm up I counted 5 rounds of 10 out-breaths.

The session started out with good attention, but after half an hour or so, very subtle sleepiness crept in a lot. I often didn't even notice that I had drifted away into hypnagogery for minutes on end.
I noted almost no feeling tone. Something that often happens when I get sleepy or when I practice while doing other things (like riding my bicycle).
The sensations were: "hope, itch, pulsing (the itches), tingling (hands again), warmth (hands), pressure (forehead), tension (forehead), pulsing (forehead), moving (the sensations on the forehead), annoyance, fantasizing thought, music thought (Dora the explorer cartoon theme), blank (empty visual field), tension-, stinging-, drifting, dreaming, imaging thought (hypnagogery), sound thought (some mental voice speaking gibberish)"

The sensations on the forehead were interesting for a relatively long period, I could easily focus my attention there, so I repeated the related labels a lot: "tension, pressure, moving, interest ..."

No formal meditation practice today. Training in morality completely took over the day.

Today I participated in a 4 hour phone-retreat with Shinzen Young. It was nice to come back to his approach to meditation for a day and experience things from a different perspective. Now back to detailed noting from tomorrow on.

I sat for an hour, noting out loud, eyes closed.

My intention was only to move if I was sagging, but not to scratch itches or move my legs because of discomforts. It got very discomfortable towards the end of the sit. Some periods there were lots of thoughts of moving, looking at the timer or scratching. Other periods my attention went almost exclusively to the sensations in the legs and saw how they changed constantly: an intense tension changing into a sort of coolness. Pressures changing places, shapes and sizes, lots of throbbing, tingling ... When the timer finally went off there were feelings of contentment, gratitude, relief.