Pejn trying to advance.

Morning sit:
20m TM

On the way out late morning:
40m walking and commuting while noting whispering/silently.
Kept the attention more or less most of the time.

On the way home again late afternoon:
40m walking and commuting while noting whispering/silently.
More disturbed/unfocused. Long moments of thinking.

Early evening:
Very tired.
40m 'Meditation-nap''¦ (My afternoon nap substitute, sometimes lying down.)
Sitting comfortably, closed eyes, relaxed. Instead of napping, attention on breath but no
commitment. Most of the stages appeared here quite clearly. Went deep.

Late evening:
Still tired and with buzzing head.
Listened to Kenneth's latest podcast 'Spiritual materialism.'

20m noting loud that quickly turned into closed eyes noticing/'deepness'.
Disappointed by my low energy.

Goodnight/Pejn

Overslept, no morning meditation. Bad Yogi!

During the day low energy , head buzzing a little bit, tension in the eyes.

Evening:
Not interested in meditating at all.
30m noting loud on cushion.
A lot of dullness and eye tension.
Then came uncomfort and restlessness.
Switched to chair.

30m in chair
And failed'¦
Only had energy to sit and relax into the breath. Weary.
The last 15 mins opened eyes and became very restless in the body and weary of everything.
Sat and watched myself jumping my legs up and down to for 10m until the bell rang.
Totally fed up with meditating and with all of my sensations. Lot of doubt.

15m easy Thai Chi to round off. Felt good and removed much of the restlessness.

Goodnight /Pejn

Friday:
Morning:
Too busy for morning meditation.

Evening:
Still buzzing head.
Too lazy for evening meditation
Aversion against it.
Feeling lousy for not just doing it.
Lying down on the sofa i just watched my visual field for an hour or more. Kept on until I fell asleep...
Some states came and went, did not care mush.

/Pejn

This morning.

Voke up with some energy, at last!

15 m tai chi.

Seiza straight on the floor, noting eyes open.
Easy meditating now.
A lot of flushes in the first 15 mins.
Got lost in thoughts short moment a few times.
In the end concentrated an calm. No not calm, more accepting the sensations better than before.

Some reflections I had during this meditation:
Many familiar sounds came.
How come that these sounds gets associated with memories and recognition and even stories
I can't see when or where this happens?
I cant even see the "stories" and memories but somehow I know them anyway.
Strange.

Early evening:
In the gym, cardio workout again.
Noting whispering for 35 mins. (pulse 145-155)
Then continued some 10m more wheight lifting and noting.

Afternoon at home. Body tired.
Lying in the sofa following the breath. 30-40m. "Lazy man's meditation".

/Pejn

Second session with Kenneth:

Some "mapping".
Stages upp to A&P easily recogniced by me.
Then harder to pin down but I seems I have gone further at times.
No use in speculating until the later stages are as clear to me as the first I suppose.

Then more on feeling tones, mind states and thoughts.
Plenty of homework for me guys!
If I haven't learned this in a year, I will give up and become a hedonist, promise..

Evening sit:
First following the breath to see the stages Kenneth described more clearly and see where I am (with help from the descriptions in the side menu also.)
Yepp, 1 jhana directly, then 3C after a short while, with itches pains and the stuff, then up to early A&P after 10-15 min. Some energy and brightness.
Then I believe I went up and down between 3C and A&P a few times for 15 mins. Can't be sure.
Enough of that. Time will tell.

Switched to loud noting.
Became tired and restless again the last 15 mins. Legs jumping.
Twisting and moving and closing eyes and thinking.
Could not fight it, but noted most of it
I did not give up until bell rang.
Totally 60 mins
Have to be good enough. Cant do better than this these days, sorry!

Goodnight Pejn

Morning:
1h Yoga at gym.
No morning meditation '“ had things to do.

Late afternoon:
Being irritated in the afternoon.
30m 'Meditation nap' followed by 10m half-sleep.

Evening:
Felt a bit feverish.
Tamed the aversion against sitting with the attitude: 'Do not care what happens during noting- just note it.' 'The task is to note not to achieve something'.
Sat down on cushion noting loud with open eyes.
No tiredness or restlessness today.
Easy noting sensations and feeling tones.
Still hard to find mindstates and thoughts.
A bit of a headache came.

After 30 mins, concentration made me close my eyes.
Continued noting silently.
Followed the breath and headache.
Went deep'¦
Deep, calm and somewhat cool concentration, accepting the pains and everything.
Still noting.
Felt like a 'good yogi'

After 15 m broke the now more shallow concentration, feeling finished.
Felt a lot of pain in butt and legs now but only small aversion against it. Almost no restlessness.
Continued noting loud until bell rang after totally 60m.

Feel really good now.

Goodnight /Pejn

Morning meditation:
30m noting loud '“Check!

During day.
Planned to note a lot during workday '“ Failed.
Totally just a few minutes.
Need to find out a plan'¦

Evening meditation:
60m noting loud '“Check!
First time I did not have to close my eyes because of tiredness.
A lot of flushes in the beginning.
After 15-20m a calm somewhat cool state, that also came back later.
Pleasant and happy.

First time: Very rapid noting for a while, maybe 2-3 loud notes per second. I am normally very sluggish
Spontaneous smiles/small grimaces.
Easily overcoming the pains. (Some small movements helped also.)
Some short states of total body stillness and calm mind mixed in.

Suddenly I started to note in Swedish instead of English that I have done all the time so far! Funny.
Just a few hints of restlessness late in session.

The easiest and 'best' noting session so far with only short and shallow 'bad' periods.

Goodnight /Pejn

Morning meditation:
30m noting loud, no problems. '“check!

During day at work:
A few minutes noting, busy day.

At gym, 30m spinning intense workout.
Started noting whispering. Hard to keep up.
Got lost in thoughts more than half the time.

Evening sit:
60m
Started noting loud.
Many flushes.
Quickly developed angry thoughts.
Broke the thoughts, got energy and brightness.
This faded quickly and then it became mostly cr*p.
This development normally takes 30m, today only 15m. Really quick stages.
After that restlessness, boredom, doubt, 'giving up' and moving around a number of times. A bit of well deserved self-loathing blended in.
Just sat 'hanging around' for the remaining 40m, some following the breath, some not even half-hearted noting in the spirit of the previous paragraph'¦
Like this until bell rang.

Goodnight /Pejn

Morning:
Overslept, no meditation.

During day:
A few random short attempts to note.

Early evening
60m yoga at gym.

Evening.
Just messed around in the evening, started to sit far too late.
30m of the sloppiest meditation I have managed so far.

Bad, Bad Yogi!

Goodnight /Pejn

Morning sit
Relaxed with 20m TM after the last days bad noting.

Early evening:
Spontaneous TM-session.
After 15-20m fell asleep a couple of times, the last time maybe 5-10m.
Totally 40m

Evening:
60m noting loud with mixed in short periods of silent noting/shamata.
Nothing new really. Lots of bodily tensions, a bit of toothache, etc.
Managed it well. Only some low restlessness. No big deal.
Some facial grimacing.
Three times my head turned by itself to the far left and stayed there for a while (In the end during periods with pains but pretty calm and low aversion to the pains.)

Goodnight /Pejn

Morning meditation:
30m Noting loud '“Check!

Early evening:
Lazily following breath/visual field without any commitments.
Had a 'lightning jolt' (quite weak) during this 'lazytating'. (Had a large one last autumn the same way.)

Had a bad toothache, took a small dose painkiller that eased it.

Late, late evening 01:00
60m +10m

Started noting loud
A very clear and recognizable transition:

@15m got lost in angry thought chain. (3C?)

@20 broke free from it (by itself or by will, I don't know) and immediately had an energy/ attention boost that lasted for 5-10m (A&P?)
Again I got the impression that I really need to first get lost in angry thoughts to be able to get this state.

@30 Sunk down into deep concentration with closed eyes for 10m. Could not really get out of it!

@ 40 began a diffuse uncomfortable period with messy concentration.
Uncomfortable, so I stood up mindfully for 5m. Felt a little bit bad conscious for that.
Decided to stand the meditation for the whole time. Sat down again and changed pillow. That payed off.

@50 Now came a 10m special period until bell rang, but I also sat 10 extra to check out the state. -->
Very calm, broad attention of vision, sound, feelings & thoughts.
No pains. No restlessness.
A strange mix of 'normalness' and good concentration.
A few times I imagined I was just faking meditation, but no way.
No loud noting though, nothing stood out really.
A lot of thoughts, but they did not disturb the state. Easily catched and silenced. (but they came back for the same treatment.)
After totally 70m (Personal record!) I felt could sit like this for a much longer time. But I did not really know what to do with when it felt so eventless.

Goodnight /Pejn

"After totally 70m (Personal record!) I felt could sit like this for a much longer time. But I did not really know what to do with when it felt so eventless."-Pejn

Great report, Pejn.

What should you do when you feel like you could effortlessly keep sitting? Keep sitting! Are you kidding me?!

You do not know when this will happen again. It is wise to take advantage of these opportunities when they arise.

"A lot of thoughts, but they did not disturb the state. Easily catched and silenced. (but they came back for the same treatment.)"-Pejn

Target the thoughts directly with you attention. Ask "I wonder what my next thought will be?"

Then sit and watch as a cat watches a mouse hole.

OK Kenneth, sorry for that. Bad Yogi! My only excuse is that the time was past 2 am'¦

But seriously, the 60m timer is a commitment to sit through everything for 60m.
Now I need a new commitment to deal with this state.
Maybe 'When this state comes I shall sit in it for at least 30m and watch my thoughts'
And thanks for the input. Still struggling with mind states and thoughts so this may be an opportunity if it comes back.
/Pejn

Woke up in the morning feeling really good. Light and a smooth body.

Took a 80m walk while noting. Nothing fancy, just walking and noting.
Drifted off more the last 20m after a grocery store visit.

Came home, crappyness came'¦
Tired, aching body, headache/pressure.
Had to rest / sleep for a few hours. Uncomfortable and dull all the time. Not much relief.

Evening sit:
60m +5m
Noting loud.
No easily recognizable states today. A bit messy and fuzzy, ups and downs.
For long times fell down in deep concentration to relieve myself from wearyness.
When I came up again, I had a lot of strong grimaces and a head movement. (To the left again.)
@45m: Stood up for a while. Sat down again
Some restlessness,
Just when the bell rang some relief came, so I sat for 5m more, then it became uncomfortable again and I quit.

Goodnight /Pejn

Nice Pejn!

Now it is more important than ever to maintain that momentum. The more mindful moments you can weave together during the day, the easier it is to reach the escape velocity on the cushion.

You can do that by using your routines as an ally. Usually we don't have to think when we go through these chores every day. This means it can be used as a practise time. You have already integrated your practise to your daily life. It is possible to note during all those moments of routine: getting up from the bed, getting dressed, brushing the teeth, walking the dog, eating breakfast, reading the paper, combing the hair, putting the shoes on, walking to the bus, sitting in the bus, walking to the work'¦ You probably got the drift

When you have these solid anchor points built into your daily life, it is not hard at all to build the bridge between those moments and be mindful during your entire day from the moment you wake up to time you go to bed. When the mindfulness continues to your dreaming state, you know are on the right track.

You may even find that your sitting time is just a bonus and your actual practise is done during the day. And when you sit down, you are not starting the climb from the bottom of the ladder, but are way up already.

Keep up the good work,
Antero.

Yes, taking it to the everyday life is the next step.
I will start with:
1) Walking to garage, drive car, walk to office. = 20m (easy, done it already)
2) Back home = 20m (harder, much more caught in thoughts here...)
3) Every cardio workout = 3x30m per week.
4) Yoga workout maybe? 1-2h per week.
5) Hmmm...

Antero, do you thing short bursts are valuable. Like 2-5 mins 5-10 times scattered through the day?
Then I could plant "triggers" in the office, like "whenever i go to coffe machine/up the stairs/to a meeting etc..."

Thanks for the coaching!
/Pejn

"Antero, do you thing short bursts are valuable. Like 2-5 mins 5-10 times scattered through the day?
Then I could plant "triggers" in the office, like "whenever i go to coffe machine/up the stairs/to a meeting etc..."

Thanks for the coaching!
/Pejn

"

Sounds like a good start! My trigger was: "everytime I get up from my desk I will start noting"

Also some resolutions that have worked for me:

In the morning
"May my mindfulness be strong during the day"

In the evening
"May my mindfulness be strong during the night"
or
"May I notice if my first breath in the morning is inhalation or exhalation"

You are welcome,
Antero.

Very inspiring discussion here, Pejn and Antero!
I think I'll steal some ideas

No morning sit.

While out socializing during the day I noted on and off for two hours. Worked well. (I do not talk much normally anyway)

Early evening I read a book. Did some spontaneous noting mixed in. A lot of body and head pulsing. Tried then an approach: Everytime I changed page I looked up and noted for a short time. Could be a good preparation for a sitting.

Evening sit:
60m +30m (New personal record again'¦)

Noting loud.
Like yesterday messy meditation. But with some new sensations. (can't remember enough to describe though.)
My visual field pulsed a (1/2 Hz maybe) and had moving pathes from the very start.
Also light headaches, head tensions and small aches in neck and sholders. Uncomfortable all the way.

The initial states came fast.
@10m short A&P (I guess, hard to tell today. Maybe I went up and down a lot for the first hour.)
Then a lot of uncomfort and headaches.
@40m short very strong concentration with eyes open, locking eyes into nose by itself.
Also a strong 'nose grimace' during that. Funny! {I try now to replicate it but cannot.}
@45m: Stood up for a while. Sat down again. Messed around with the pillow and drank some water. Felt guilty for doing it. Felt I had destroyed the whole session.

@58m the pain lessened. Just in time!
Balanced for a while between suffering and contentment.
Contentment won.
Sat easily for ten more minutes.
@70m remembered my commitment: '30m in this state'
So I sat 20m more. There were uncomfort and aches in butt and head. Mix of messyness and deep stillness. But not much suffering.
Thought of you guys who have encouraged me. I would never have pressed this far without you!

Goodnight /Pejn

Morning sit: 60m Noting loud '“Check!

During day:
Some noting to and from work, when I remembered to.
Some very short bursts during workday. Not enough!

Evening sit:
90m (set timer to 90m from start, thinking 'Nu djeflar!')
The meditation was quite soft from start, no big ups and downs. A few moments of closed eyes and breating. More whispering and silent noting than loud.
No tiredness or restlessness!
All thoughts were easily catched and dismissed, so I do not remember much what happened.

@30m: head movements, this time upwards.

@40m: my tinnitus growed in strength and took over my attention totally for a few minutes. The sound strobed up and down like a sinus curve or a siren. Strobing roughly in the 2-3Hz range.

@50m: rised up for 5m standing noting and some water.

@65m: sensations became calmer, no big difference like the days before, more a deepening.
There where some buttaches, neckaches and sholderaches.
Omly the last 5m a slight aversion against them came back.
Shifted my position and waited out the bell.

The last 30 mins felt like starting the sit all over, but without any of the drama from a normal sitting.

Goodnight /Pejn

Morning sit: 30m noting loud '“ Check!

During day. Almost no noting. Bad Yogi!
Really need to make routines at work.

Evening sit:
70m
Started in seiza without pillow.
Really good posture but usually painful after 20m. Thought I could stand it.

@20m decided to change to pillow. Fiddled a bit and drank water.

@30m during the usual 30m suffering period I had some pains in the legs and butt, but they were in the background.
Instead I had a lot of tensions and pressures in the head, dominated the noting (noticing) the whole period.
Not very much loud noting, more thinking noting with eyes closed, as I tend to do.
Actually, the last few days, it seems like this period starts with me falling in concentration and having head movements if I remember correctly.

@55-65m: do not really remember what this was like, the end kind of overshadowed it'¦

@65m I had a really strong climax. First the eyes rolled up to the head. Then all of me was sucked up in the head for a few seconds. Pretty dark in there. Conscious all the time.
Then I fell out of the head again (downwards). Swoosh!
Directly after that a strong energy and attention surge. Strong pulsing in the body and head. Probably the strongest meditation experience I have had so far (except for the light pulse last autumn, but that was completely different).
Felt terrific (still do). Smiled and laughed a little. A bit manic but still reliefed. Sat and enjoyed for a while. When I cooled down a little I decided to quit sit. '¦now I will be bashed for that '¦

Now I feel great and no tension at all in the pulsing head. (A bit 'manic' maybe, how can I fall asleep?)

Goodnight /Pejn.

In the night:
Could not fall asleep. Too much energy.
Slept only four hours.

No morning sit, had to go early.

Busy day at work.
All day high energy and happy mode, almost manic .

Evening sit: Back to business..
90m (if I count it all)
From the very beginning strong pulses in body and head. Lights.
Strong shivers, creepings, heavyness and such stuff.
Different concentration states and focuses coming and going.
Some slight fear of dying (from the pulsing).

@5-10m: a lot of tensions in head and neck, continued for 20-30m.
Closed eyes and meditated silently.

Very tired.
Dozed off for a short moment and jolted awake, happened a few times from 30 and forward.

Messy meditation. Can not remember now all that happened.
@45m: changed to sit in chair. Restlessness, Tiredness.
@60m: layed down on floor just to "make it all the time"
Up and down from sleepyness to lights in the eyes a couple of times.

Have no idea where I am now...

Goodnight /Pejn

Morning sit:
20m TM

During the day, light and happy, also a bit lazy'¦

After work, layed down and tried to 'lazy-ditate' following the breath. Could not focus on breath really. More like I rested in the visual field.

Early evening:
30m workout in stair machine.
Started noting. Nothing happened'¦..
Before I have got 'concentrated' quite quick. Now, well, nothing happened. Tried instead to 'catch a thought'. That worked a bit better and I could focus some on the mindspace.
When I found a thought it just vanished out in empty headspace, a bit like TM-mantra does when going deep. Finding it empty, just a few echoes in there.

Then a lot of thoughts about how I perceived things:
'It is like in A&P '
'No, it is like in EQ'
'No it is just '˜normal''
' No it is not like '˜normal', but what is it?
I'm quite clear and mentally tensionless. Smooth body.

I tried for a while to call up the thought chains that usually makes me angry.
*Could* not be angry. Felt relief and kindness instead.

Now I have to decide if I shall meditate, or watch 'Simpsons the movie', tonight.
Suggestions?
/Pejn

No Simpsons, a cup of tea and a podcast instead.

Evening sit
30m
Started noting
After only a few seconds the strong pulses in the body began.
No tiredness or restlessness or itches or body aches or position fiddling or obsession thoughts at all during the sit. Unique!

Got into concentration that I would associate with EQ maybe.

After a white tried to play with the concentration states.
I think I managed to go down to 1:st , the back to 4:th with maybe some other in between.
Did it again.
Distinctly different body sensations in the different shifts.
The body feeling that made me excited in 1:st a year ago seems gross now.
(I have never found it easy to identify the jhanas and only 1:st and 4:th is distinct. Maybe 2:nd but never 3:rd) (Actually I have avoided the term since it is quite 'loaded' but in this context and in this forum I think it has value.)
Actually found it a bit boring doing this after a while.

@20m: instead settled in EQ-like mind and tried to catch thoughts.
Found more relations between getting thoughts, catching and stopping them and tensions in the forehead.
The tensions in the forehead started to build up. Some anticipation built up.
After some mins a sort of energy rush and a slight tension relief.
Landed in 'normality'

1 minute left so I quit.

Goodnight
/Pejn

"The tensions in the forehead started to build up. Some anticipation built up.
After some mins a sort of energy rush and a slight tension relief.
Landed in 'normality'

/Pejn
"

Hi Pejn,

Could you describe the energy rushes or jolts and what happens right after them with more details?

When sitting, is it possible for you to just call up any nana or jhana at will if you try?

Antero.