Pejn trying to advance.

"Hi Pejn,

Could you describe the energy rushes or jolts and what happens right after them with more details?

When sitting, is it possible for you to just call up any nana or jhana at will if you try?

Antero."

Good morning Antero!

The energy rush is hard to remember, not like the big one in post #70, which was also very different.
This one was mostly bodily, maybe like a chill wave going up through body and just touching the head/mind releasing head tention.
The jolts was like I was dozing off, and being suddenly awaked by a sound or sudden body reflex making me sit up straighter.

I'm an amateur when it comes to the jhanas/nanas.
But yesterday I could by will change between what I identify as the last concentration state with calm all around high attention, to the first concentration state I encounter when doing shamata meditation and with its distinct bodily feelings. I call these 4:th and 1:st. When I tried to call up the other states I could change from the 1:st to a wider more effortless attention. I called this the 2:nd, but unsure. The 3:rd may be imagined, but maybe'¦

Yesterday was the first time I could manipulate these with some effort, most successful changing between 1:st and 4:th . Before I could only wait for them.
I also felt like I started and ended in 4:th attention.

See you! /Pejn

Good morning Pejn!

I am not the one to make a diagnosis here, but what you are describing seems to me like a Review Phase after the path moment. Whatever it is, it will become clearer as the time passes, so keep up reporting. Next time you talk to Kenneth, you will get a better evaluation of your situation.

Anyway, great progress. Keep up the excellent work!

Mudita,
Antero.

Antero,

Whatever it is you have been a support getting there. The vibes from Finland is strong Thank you!

Maybe I should see if Kenneth is interested in looking at this.
I need some training guidence anyway, some of the drive is lost.

/Pejn

This is interesting stuff Pejn. You should definitely speak with Kenneth. When did you lose the drive?

Jarrod

Hi jfm.

I have not really lost the drive. I am just more chilled out about it, and that is since Tuesday.
I have a feeling there are interesting stuff to do so I will surely keep on.

BTW, I just read a bit in your logs, and I seem almost to mirror the experiences in your "post retreat" report.
Interesting, and I will study it more later today.

Greetings /Pejn

Reading your riding log, Pejn!
Sounds like interesting stuff is happening!

"I have not really lost the drive. I am just more chilled out about it, and that is since Tuesday.
"

Greetings!

I can't remember if I went into this in my practice notes, but I was definitely more chilled out about formal practice right after my retreat. I keep sitting but it lost the urgency. Sounds the same for you. Check out Kenneth's advice in my notes after my post retreat report. There's some great stuff there to try out.

Overslept, no morning sit.

During the day, good feelings.
Had a recurring event with persons that always irritate me a lot. (Nothing wrong with them, I just get very irritated.) Today no irritation at all.

Evening sit.
Decided to 'shut up and note' for 90m

Very strong sensations all sit. There were:
- Pulses
- Strong ichings in on the head.
- Head pressures that built up and ended in upwards bodily chill rushes and that released the tension for a while. Happened two times before dukkha period and one in the end of session. But I felt like the buildup and release could have been more complete, like a little disappointment.
- So strong concentration came over me, open eyes, that it scared me.
- A movement outside the window gave me strong shivers of fear.
- Really strong grimaces and head movements.
- Some misery'¦
- Unstable equanimity
- Looking for and finding thougths, mostly voices of persons I have interacted with at work today speaking fragments of sentences.
- Strong tensions in neck, almost cramps.
- Some beginning tiredness and restlessness last 15 mins

Behind all of this there was still a ground feeling of equanimity, that all of it was quite OK.
Actually in equanimity I had the most aversion and during dukkha less. Makes sense? No... Maybe I just mix everything up. 8-/

Anyway, the whole session felt like a new different Pejn meditating, compared with only a week ago.
Everything presented itself in new, and stronger, ways.

Goodnight /Pejn

Morning sit:
30m concentration on breath. (Or more, timer stuck on 26m)
Quite effortless and light/bright but nothing I have not experienced before.
Did not try to manipulate anything.
Then after that:

20m TM just to check it out.
Nothing new there either.

During day:
My normal 'Saturday afternoon sickness' with headache, much irritation and later tiredness was only a small fraction of what it usually is.
Found myself extrovert and kind in conversation (I am very introvert since I was born).
Reflected also that some buzzing body sensations and some joint aches were gone (since Wednesday).

Evening sit:
Noting loud, but for the most time eyes closed and silent noting.
(Actually this have been the case for at least two weeks.)

Seems like I came to A&P after just a few mins without any 3C before

@10m: Dukkha phase after that not very strong.
One small energy buildup and chilling relief.
Head movements and one strong grimace.

@30m: Unstable equanimity turned into tiredness. (it was 0:30 am here'¦) Kind of dozed off two or three times.

@40m: Dozed off a little when something kicked me out of it and back in A&P. Lightness and clear energy, a little pulsing.
Felt 'done' so I quit.

Goodnight
/Pejn

Hi Pejn,

I've been following along with your reports since we last talked. Still not sure what is going on with you. Something significant seems to have happened in post 70. There is some reason to believe it may have been stream entry and some reason to believe it was not. The event itself, with the whooshing and energy sounds more like an A&P event than a path moment. But some of the changes you are reporting since then suggest the possibility of path. Looking forward to our next talk so I can learn more detail. Meanwhile, you are clearly making excellent progress, so keep doing what you are doing--it's working!

Kenneth

Another one?

Early afternoon:
Walk in the forest paths 100m totally.
Started walking and noting.
Do not get the focused attention like before.
Instead I initially experienced the perception sound in a slightly new way. Hard to describe.
Walked and noted until'¦

@20m: Misery hit me. Tiredness and tensions.
Stopped and followed breath with closed eyes a while. Relief.
Continued walking with some messy attention.

@30m: got caught in thoughts, fantasies and imaginary discussions.
Easy walking.

@60m found that I had totally lost focus.
Stopped and concentrated a few minutes. This resulted in slight nausea and then facial grimaces, then some calm concentration.
Continued walking and noting.

@80m lost it again.
Now I thought: 'Cr*p with meditation, need a vacation, just take a walk.' (In Swedish'¦)
I turned into an average guy just walking and looking around.
This was nice, talked with a horse, smelled a fire, felt like 'rolling on bearings' back home.

@95m totally skipped all thoughts and efforts. Just felt my perception. Very nice and quite intensive for a few mins. Maybe a touch of the 3G stuff?

@100 back home.
/Pejn


Evening sit.
Started late. Decided for 60m, turned into 90m after switching to chair @60m since I did not feel "done" and I had no pains (more correct: they did not bother me much.)
Mostly closed eyes noting neck and head tensions and some head pressures.
Felt like something built up in the head and wanted release. Had two small releases bot not entirely satisfying.
The last 30m a bit spaced out.
Believe I hanged around between EQ and DN, never bounced back to A&P this time (maybe maybe some tiny ones).

/Pejn

On skiing vacation a few days, just a short update.
Session with Kenneth monay evening. Q: SE or something else?
Was guided through nanas, undrstand dissolution now.
I freaked out in a grimace orgy in the end :-/
So no real conclution.
After that think I cycled A&P->EQ and back in 10 mins.
Now in hotel room I may be doing the same spontaneusly and while following breath. Or I just imagine..
Quick note: in EQ breathbecomes soft like cotton. If I focus on that softness things seems to deepen.
Will play a bit with this.

Have learned snowboarding now at age 47. Fun!

/Pejn

"Have learned snowboarding now at age 47. Fun!





"

Sounds like great fun!

Back after 3 days skiing-holiday with very little meditation.

Evening sit:
Totally 80m, no need for timer.
30m shamata with breath. Fast, effortless and deep.

Then noting, drifting into noticing. Can't keep my eyes open much.

The last 20m my mind went away for tivoli'¦

A roller coaster-ride with seemingly random different concentration states, shallow and deep, mixed with seemingly random nanas. Tensions and releases mixed in. Some head movements, 'Build-ups' and relaxations. Locked hard into a purple light show. The body absent or far away. Did not do anything myself except for trying to hang along and watch the ride. A few drifting away in thought and kickback to bright states.

Goodnight /Pejn

Great meeting with you Pejn!

Looking forward to talking to you again some time in the future.

(also congratulations on your great practice/progress!)

Yeah Mumuwu, great chat with a "Thera"!
And thanks.

2011-03-04 Friday:
Morning 30m Shamatha.
Evening 60m vipassana.

---

2011-03-05 Saturday afternoon: 40m lazy-tating.
Saturday evening: 1h chat with Mumuwu. Interesting.
30m vipassana (no timer): cycling up to EQ through DN maybe three times.
Tried to find infinite space in while in the deepest EQ. Thought I saw a hint of it.
Late at night so I quit early.
What's the point of keep going here?

---

2011-03-06 Sunday mid day:
60m vipassana
Went up to equanimity and returned to A&P four times.
Later while waiting for car wash noted and completed one cycle in 10m.
/Pejn

Almost two weeks now so I'll try to wrap up the results.
This is more or less from the first day after and up to today. It seems to stay.
Some results are stronger and some weaker and not always obvious.

Everyday life:
* Much less irritation.
* Much less restlessness.
* More spacious, still and 'cleaned up' inside head.
* Less craving.
* Less joint aches.
* Less 'buzzing' in limbs.
* No more shivers when relaxing/concentrating off cushion.
* Stronger and steadier visual concentration.
* Less introvert.
* Acting more kindly.
* More understanding and forgiving other persons emotional difficulties.
* Much more confidence in the teachings. 'It is for real and I can do it too'.

Practice:
* Less drive to meditate 'it will work out anyway'.
* No 3C.
* Easier to sit, no trouble with the butt pains.
* Almost no disturbing thoughts.
* Good posture comes without effort.
* Faster stages.
* Some ability of 'Jhana jumping'.
* Stronger EQ and stronger 4:th Jhana. (The place to be!)
* Cycling A&P-> EQ and then kicked back to A&P, repeatable.
* Some new throat tensions and tensions over forehead.
* No 'Blips' or 'Discontinuites'
* No 'Insights'. (Or'¦.?)
* No formless Jhanas so far.

/Pejn

Sunday evening, direcctly after writing the above summary:

30-40 min noting loud with open eyes.
And it was like I was a beginner again!
Nothing happened!
No nanas at all. Almost no concentration.
Just like I had never meditated before.
No head movements, only small body reactions, no misery, no highs or lows.
A lot of everyday thoughts.
Focused on the breath for a while and then became somewhat concentrated.
But this had no effect on the noting.

---

Monday morning.

30m noting loud.
Same thing again. Just like a beginner. No Nanas. Low concentration.
Just sat there like a fool talking out loud for no reason.
Believed I had lost everything I had built up over the years.

/Pejn

Monday evening.
65 mins
Told myself, strongly, that: 'This time I will start I 4:th Nana and go up to equanimity an all the way'.
And so I did'¦
Got concentrated directly and A&P came. Then DN and later EQ.
Two times up to EQ in 25 mins.

@25m I got up and said: 'OK, now I shall be like a beginner again.'
And so I was'¦
5-10 mins with only low concentration and no nanas.

@35m: One more: 'I will start I 4:th Nana and go up to equanimity directly.
This time I got concentrated again. A&P and then tried EQ. Don't think I came to EQ though.
Stopped the experiment.

@45: Started to play with Jhanas. 1:st up to 4:th.
After a while strong 4:th. Then tried to find 'Infinite space'.
Maybe I found it'¦
Back and forth between 4:th and what might have been Infinite space or at leas the beginning of it.
Did this for 20 mins.
Satisfied with the evening. Quit

Goodnight /Pejn

This is interesting to read. I'm curious how your resolutions will work out. Good luck!

Hi Omni!

I am surprised how well they seems to work.
I will try a new 3-way resolution approach now.

1) New start.
2) Complete cycles.
3) Jhanas.

Tried the 3-way practice this evening.

* Resolution: Start from the beginning again!
20 mins
Good concentration. Very still. Noticing subtle sensations.
No nanas, except something that felt a bit like dissolution? Hard to tell.

* Resolution: Go all the way through the nanas at least once!
20 mins
Dived almost directly into DN with a lot of eye tensions.
Went through two complete cycles.

* Resolution: Go up to fourth jhana and then infinite space!
15 mins
Think I came there, Not as stable and clear 4:th jhana as yesterday but there is an obvious shift (darker and 'spacier') when I imagine the space.

Goodnight /Pejn

* Resolution: Go all the way through the nanas!
30 mins
Completed one cycle. Took long time and very low-key DN and tensions.
The transition EQ->A&P also very slow and smooth.
Think I catched a "missing frame in the film" at the end of EQ.

* Resolution: Go up to fourth jhana wathing breath.
30 mins
Did so. Some drifting thoughts otherwise easily done.

To late to "start from the beginning again" tonight. Lazy Yogi!

Goodnight /Pejn