PEJN climbing that second mountain

Kenneth and I agreed it is time to quit reviewing and start over again.
So I am starting a new log.

This was my first log:
kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/44...jn+trying+to+advance .
With 1:st path at #70 and a summary of the effects at #93 (not as strong now but still valid).

Thanks to everybody in this community: Kenneth of course. Then Antero and Nikolai, giving small kicks in the absolutely right direction at the right time. Great!
And everybody else here: Good luck to all of you!

So, I'll just keep practicing more or less the same. I have no more doubt and know what to do, but is still a very curios what will happen.

/Pejn

Morning sit: 30 mins shamata.

Afternoon: A 60 min session with Kenneth.
Shamata/Jhana 'training'. Then ping-pong noting from there.
Understood it as this should be my preferred practice now.

Evening sit:
60 mins
Started with shamata.
I did not really succeed with 'soaking in the pleasantness' except for short burst that quickly broke.
Had forgotten a lot of 'how to do it' from the session.

@20 Started noting.
This way is very close to what I have mainly been doing before, only loud now (for a while at least).

@35 some itching and butt pains started.

@45 stood up for relief from aches. Sipped water.
I considered quitting here because of aversion against sitting down again.
But I have learned my lesson so I sat down anyway. No cheating!

After 5 mins aches went away and brightness and some shivers replaced it. Yeah!
Sat so for a while.
@60 quit

I clearly recognize things from the first time around.

Goodnight /Pejn

Morning: Had to leave early. So no morning sit.

Evening:
Totally 80 mins

Started with 30 mins Shamata-training. Got more 'soaked in' today.

Then 30 mins noting after a short stretcher. Maybe the 'deepest' noting session I have had. Caught some thoughts and slightly strange imaginations.
Nanas? Don't know, nothing strong, but I think I recogniced all of them with head movements and then EQ (?) in the end. I contributed this to the post-path mess and the deepness.

Still felt fresh so I rounded off with 20 mins bonus shamata. Was 'sucked down' to 1:st jhana focus very quickly.
Could have done more, but here quality probably beats quantity so I quit.

Goodnight /Pejn

Morning: Had to leave early. So no morning sit again.

Evening sit:
45 mins.

30 mins good and improving shamata.

Then noting loud/silent.
Deep concentration while noting.
Went into shamata and then back to noting a few times. No big differences in deepness, most in objects of attention.
After 5-10 mins itching, some aches and irritation.
After recognizing and stopping a long trail of angry thoughts I brightened up, got warm flushes in the face and got straighter posture.

These patterns are a carbon copy of the 3C-> A&P shifts I had before.

Quit after 45 mins instead of 60. Stiff back. I will have plenty of time to suffer on the cushion later I suppose'¦

Goodnight /Pejn

Morning: Had to leave early *again*. So no morning sit *again*. Stupid morning meetings...

Evening sit:
~50 mins.

35 mins shamata following the recording from my last guided session.
A *lot* of relaxation. Maybe my combined nap/meditations is closer tho shamata than I have thought.

After a stretch and shortpreparing shamata 15 mins noticing.
Still can't note loud for long while sitting, today not more than a minute. Well, this silent noticing also seems to work.

Goodnight /Pejn

Friday:
Morning sit: 30 mins Shamata.

Evening: No sit. Dinner out instead.
Then 10 hours sleep.
zzzzzzzzzzz......

/Pejn

Saturday.

Afternoon:
60 mins walkingoutside while noting.
Lost the noting after ~40 mins. Picked it up again in a few burst the remaning walk.

Evening sit:
60+ mins

@0 mins Started with shamata.
@30 mins started mixed noting/noticing and some moments of shamata to deepen it.
Spent it mostly in mild 3C i guess.
Noticed quite subtle phenomena down there.
@45 mins Stretched a bit and changed to a chair.
@60 Bell rang. Sat a few mins extra. Quit.

Goodnigt /Pejn

Pejn, could you give more detail? For example, you mention that you did 30 minutes of samatha. What experiences did you have? Also, you mentioned some period of "mild 3C." What experiences did you have during this period? And the "subtle phenomena:" what sorts of phenomena arose and why were they considered subtle?

Why no more details now?
Well, I just forget them since I can see only little recognizable patterns yet.
Or, more correctly, the patterns or deviations from patterns when doing this deep shamata first before noting is not yet so familiar. So I cannot recognize and memorize them so easily.
But I will try.

Sunday morning sit:
40 mins shamata.
I have already forgotten the details, but it was good'¦

Evening sit:
75 mins

First 40 mins shamata
30 mins of following the recorded session.
Some itching.
Then 10 mins more as there were still more deepness to get.
Posture straightened itself to a good looking 'statue', no need to control the posture.
But I found it hard to soak into the pleasant feelings. It broke quickly.
A lot going back and forth into tight focus and relieving tensions and pressures, mostly behind the eyes and in the forehead. ('Surrender' is much better than actively relaxing when I want to relax.)
I also wanted to leave the tight focus for a wider more relaxed attention, but tried to keep it tight.

@40mins
Started noting. Mostly subtle things.
Subtle: [Meaning not so much sounds or pains or full blown thoughts.
More like small tensions, pressures, small movements in the visual field. Nothing that clearly stood out and disturbed. 'Soft' sensations so the details were easier to see.]
Only thoughts I had was analyzing and trying to remember for this log.

Had some hot rising flushes in the body.

@50 mins
Started to ache in the knees and getting a bit restless and some aversion.
So I stood up a while for relief and then adjusted my cushion. After that the aches did not disturb me much.
The noting made me calmer now. Noting things made them go away.
Gazed straight out into the visual field that was stabilized. This was pleasant so I actually managed to 'soak into' that visual steadiness/pleasantness a few times.
I continued this way a few rounds. Noted, became stiller, dropped noting for 'inactivity', then starting noting/noticing again. The most attention was in the head area. Bodily stuff was noted and then forgotten.

@70 mins
Quit.

Goodnight /Pejn

I am on a 5-day holiday now so I will maybe not have time to report. Will practice the same hopefully.

Monday
Morning sit:
30 mins shamata.
Nothing special.

On the flight:
60 mins shamata at start and 30 mins at landing.
(always do this when flying)
At the end of the landing session had a lond dialogue with imagined persons, but not angry. Then suddenly had a "rush of pressure" in the body and red bright vision that lasted altugether maybe 30 seks.

Evening sit only 20 mins shamata until stillness came.

Goodnight /Pejn

Back from a vacation and some days sickness.
Have practiced approx 1h per day, with nothing special to mention really.
But I see that some other guys are making progress. Fun!

Today, Wednesday:

Morning sit: 30 mins shamata.

Evening sit
40 mins

@0 mins
Started with shamata.

@20 mins
Became very still, not clearly in 1:st jhana anymore, but not certain where.
Reconized some cool skin combined with a bit scary images for a short moment.
Changed to vipassana.
Stillness quickly developed into "high sea".

@25-30
Strong itchings in nose,and chin. Thoughts and voices bubbling up and disappearing.
Unpleasant period.

@30-40 mins
Brighter vision.
Calmer sensations.
Shivers down neck and body.
Mainly right side. [Was the shivers not on left side mainly before? I think so.]
Started smiling. Feeling good. No aches or pains.

@40 mins
Bell rang. Quit.

[Original plan was 40 mins then leg stretcher and then another 30 mins, but I started too late tonight. Will try this tomorrow.]

Goodnight /Pejn

THURSDAY
Morning sit: 40 mins shamata.

Evening sit
60 mins first shamata then noting/noticing
Wery much like Wednesday sit:
@25 mins some pains and itching. Took a leg stretcher.
@35 mins Got 'higher, lighter and clearer'
@45 Meditation became messier.

Here comes three busy days'¦

FRIDAY
Morning sit: Only 15 mins shamata.
Evening, no meditation'¦

SATURDAY
Morning sit: Only 15 mins shamata.
Afternoon walk: Listened through the 'Hurricane Ranch' podcasts. (not really practice, but something'¦)
Evening sit: Short one, maybe 20-30 mins.

SUNDAY
Morning sit: Only 15 mins shamata.

Evening sit:
60 mins
Experimented with positions again (First Burmese, the half lotus, the chair) so I only did shamata 'effort'.
Half Lotus really good for the back/neck and for breathing and relaxing, but hurts the hips and knees after 20-30 mins'¦

When going to sleep both Wednesday and Thursday I had stroboscoping lightpatches (approx 4 Hz) behind my eyelids for around 30 mins.

During Friday and Saturday I was very smooth, calm and had good energy.
But in the afternoons/evenings became very tired and slept for hours. (Therefore so little meditation these days) A lot of that sleep was 'half wake' observing the body sensations and my vision behind eyelids. A lot like I did in the autumn, but without the light and 'blissfulness' that I had then.
(Sunday was all fine, where I could actually feel "post-path-integrated" all day)

Goodnight /PEJN

MONDAY
15 mins shamata.

Evening:
1 hour session with Kenneth.
Practicing 1:st, 2:nd, 3:rd and 4:th Jhana
Worked just fine.

I already recognized 1:st and 4:th
3:rd was new to me (as recognized distinct state).
2:nd not really new but more distinct now.

Will practice this for some time now.

Goodnight /PEJN

TUESDAY

Morning sit:
40 mins shamata.

Went up 1:st, 2:nd, 3:rd and 4:th jhana.
Stayed in 4:th for a few minutes until time up.

Evening sit:
60 mins shamata

Went up 1:st, 2:nd, 3:rd and 4:th jhana.
Stayed in 4:th for a few minutes.
@25 mins my legs started to hurt (half lotus) so I paused.

Streched a few mins.

@30 mins started again
Went up 1:st 2:nd 3:rd and 4:th jhana.
After a while in 4:th it became tiresome (tensed), so i tried to go down to 3:rd again.
That felt good.
Then went down to 2:nd to see if it worked backwards. It did.
Down to 1:st again until that stabilized.
Then up again: 2:nd, 3:rd and 4:th
2:nd and 3:rd was a bit hurried and sloppy this time.
But 4:th was stabilized when bell rang @60 mins.

The biggest transition is between 1:st and 2:nd. It is also the shift that takes longest time to stabilize, both ways.

I still seems to be a bit tensed after a while even in 4:th jhana.
To develop an even better posture would help i believe especially for the neck and shoulders.
Maybe I will try to develop half lotus some more again while doing this practice.

Goodnight /Pejn

Wednesday:

Morning sit:
40 mins shamata.
Went slowly up to 2:nd jhana and stabilized it. Then shifted to 3:rd for a few minutes but did not manage to stabilize it fully before bell rang.

Evening sit
60 mins shamata
Took between 20 and 30 mins to arrive at 4:th jhana .
Stayed in 4:th for the rest of the session.

The last 15-20 mins found "pleasant feedback" when focusing on the visual field and also in some of the tension that develops behind the root of the nose.
This feedback made the concentration much deeper. Came into that and fell out again maybe 3-4 times.
There were hints of these feedbacks earlier in the sit in jhana 1 & 2 but the exitement that follows the feedback tended to kick me out of it again directly.

Goodnight /Pejn

Thursday:

Morning sit:
20 mins TM.
Not really focused. Lots of mind chatter.

Evening sit
60 mins shamata

After going up to and staying in 2:nd for I while I was too unfocused and went down to 1:st again to "reinforce".
Then went 1->2->3->4

@30 mins arrived at 4:th jhana.
Again after a while unfocused and went down to 3:rd where I could collect myself.
Then up to 4:th again.

@45 mins too strong neck tensions and strains made me stop, stretch and change position (to half lotus, better for neck).
Stayed in 4:th (or more like "4:th-like", it seemed a bit random) for the rest of the session.

@60 mins bell rang, quit.

Goodnight /Pejn

Today monday evening meditation was different:

Just "eased" slowly into 1:st jhana. Almost no effort at all.
Later changed to 2:nd and then 3:rd.
These stages 1-3 was very diffuse and had fuzzy transitions between them.

@ ~30 mins Went into 4:th.
After staying there for maybe 10 mins I think the meditation turned into vipassana by itself. Probably did not focus enough.

@55 mins I changed to my chair to avoid quitting prematurely.
That was comfy so I sat for some more time.

Now there were a lot of different sensations coming. I just watched them.
At one time I even got a cramp i n my foot. Just watched it cramp (it hurt) and then watched it go away witout any agony at all and without moving it.
Some mild head movements came.
Some angry thoughts.

After a while there were tensions in the head area and then my eyes started flickering.
When i observed the flickering the visual field went black with a lot of moving light points in it

This really scared me!
I did not dare to go furter (but did not try to stop it eather).
I think I became afraid of dying, or disappearing, or get mad or something if this would continue further.
I tried to counter the fear by having some dhamma faith, and that helped a bit.
When the darkness eventually lightened up a bit I had some facial grimaches.
@ 80 mins thoughts broke up the concentration and I quit.

Goodnight /Pejn

Friday and saturday:
Continued shamata practice. 20-40 mins in the morning anfd 45 -60 mins in the evening.
Not very mych different from the days before.

Sunday busy so no meditation.

In everyday life the last few days have been very calm, no up and downs at all.
Not angry, not exalted, not bored (but lazy as h*ll...). Nothing sticking out.
I have tried to be grounded in the body and feel its sensations when emotions come.
And especially at work today I was wery smooth in the body.

Also if I sit down and just relax and watch sensation it feels very much like the fourth jhana, but without the "deepness"

cont...

It has been a week since my last report.
But I have been practicing shamata just like last week, a short session in the morning and a long in the evening.

I have just waited for something new to report .

Some collected observations I find at least a little bit interesting:

The last few days I have been a bit tired with pressure/tension in the head.
The week before was calmer and "happier"
When I sit down to practice I get sucked into 1:st Jhana almost without trying, just by relaxing body and mind. No effort really.
The concentration is deeper than before. But it also feels more intensive, so 20 min feels like 40 and the sessions is a bit shorter.

Three times this week I have felt a visual brightness rising, together with energy and increased "joy".
The last time only five minutes into meditation, still early 1:st jhana.
The two previous times after ~30 mins in 4:th jhana, and then followed by (bodily) restlessness.

In the end of some evening sessions I have had grimaches, then pulsing head, flickering eyes and visual "vibrations". Quite fachinating.
No fear this week.

Once I tried some noting in the end and the experience quickly changed dramatically to more intensive dizzyness, some nausea, aches and bodily sensations.

Also in everyday life I can close my eyes and have a bright vey active visual field tat reminds me of my "meditation naps" I had during last autumn. (My previous A&P-period)
Meaning that when I am tired and lay down to rest, I don't fall asleep like usual, but I kind of "meditate" instead.

I feel like I have taken shamata practice as far/deep as I can get for the moment.
To go forward I think I will add some noting in the evening sessions, and then have another session with Kenneth.

Aloha! /Pejn

Well, a few more days more without much adventures.
I find that I have had shorter sessions a few days.
This is caused by some restlessness/low concentration caused by more thought chains during meditation.
A bit sloppyness/carelessness creeping in I think.
Tried something different today. Started the sit in a char, and then after 40 mins changed to seiza (instead of the reverse.)
This way 60+ mins felt easy to sit becauce sieza gives more energy and counter sloppyness.

Will sharpen up!

Goodnight /Pejn

SUNDAY

No morning sit.

Felt good during early day.
Late afternoon tired and slept 1.5 hours.
Woke up still tired...

Evening sit:
Felt that I wanted to try noting again.
Sat down in half lotus just for fun. Felt great.
After getting high attention (by "ships in harbour") I started to note loud.
Seing, hearing (lot of tinnitus) [have not noticed my tinnitus for a long time], pressure, itching pulsing etc.

@2-10m: Got really high concentration just on these simple sensations.
A lot of blissfull shivers in body and in the head.
*Very* pleasant.

@10m: Felt the pull down to 1:st jhana and went there (by just not resisting the pull).
continued noting in 1:st jhana. This deepened it , all disturbances and tension went away when they were noted.
Very pleasant.

@20m: Came out of jhana. Kept on noting, mixed loud and silent.
The position started to hurt but did not disturb much.

@30m: Pains in leg. Switched to chair.
Continued loud noting.
Some grimaches.
Up and down a few times between loud noting /w open eyes and deeper closed eyes noticing.
Very fine granularity in the visual field.
Some deep stuff happened here but I can't remember what.

@45m: Tried some jhana. 1:st really did not settle, it felt wrong to go there.
When trying for 2:nd I believe I got into 3:rd instead. [3:rd is hardest for me to identify so I'm not sure.]
Finally settled into som kind of messy 4:th.

@50m: Messy meditation that ended up in strong grimaches.

@60m: Bell rang. Quit.

Goodnight/Pejn

SATURDAY:
Morning sit: 60 mins shamata.

@ 15-20m switch to 2:nd jhana, but fuzzy. After that no concious switch but ended up in 4:th anyway.

@30m thought chains and dozing.

@40m switch chair->seiza.

@45m facial tension and grimaches.

@50m angry thoughts. Started to catch the thoughts at the beginning.
Saw how arising thougt fragments triggered associations ito "real" thought", more or less randomly.
Then stillness...

@60m bell rang, quit.

Evening sit: 60 mins shamata.
Don't remember anything about this session.

MONDAY

Evening sit:
60mins noting/shamata(& some more noting)

Started in chair, noting loud.
Quickly got restless, with itching and twitching body.
Uncomfortable buzzing in some body parts.
Small grimaches and one slow head movement.
Drifted off for a short while, then started loud noting again, still restless.
Saw a strange face in my tapestry that I kept looking at a lot of times.

I recognized all this so I did not worry much about it, just let it happen.

@40m: changed to seiza and tried to relax into shamata with body/breathing awareness.
Did quite well so I could calm down the body and mind and enjoy it a bit.

@50m: Slowly started noticing again, became very calm, still and accepting.
A lot of half-baked thoughts bubbled up but never made into thought chains.
Trued to catch the thoughts when the started, but alwas was a bit behind. Just saw them "boiling".

@60m: Bell rang. Quit

Could have continued but it is late (as usual...)

Goodnight /Pejn