PEJN climbing that second mountain

TUESDAY
Had a session with Kenneth, Ships in harbour-noting.

Listening for those ships during daytime gives rise to added clarity energy and some pleasant feelings going from solar plexus and upwards.
But what is the difference from just being attentive, like listening for just anything?

Then in evening 40 mins noting and then 20 mins shamata.
No ups or downs, mostly boring sit.

WEDNESDAY
Evening sit 40 mins noting and then 20 mins shamata.
Started out a bit restless, but calmed down into a smooth session after maybe 10 mins.
No real deep concentration today though.

THURSDAY
Evening sit 40 mins noting and then 25 mins shamata.
Smoothest meditation I have had ever I believe.
All sensations were rounded off and there were more and more stillness.
No aches or pains at all. Sounds did not disturb the slightest.
Quick progress up some very low key stages into "just sitting feeling good".
In the samatha session I went from 1:st Jhana up to the 4:th and stayed there until bell rang, and then maybe 5-10 mins more. Very pleasant sit.
I could really have continued forever...

During daytime I am relaxed and smooth.

I do not diagnose myself but if I did, I would say equanimity is here.

Goodnight /Pejn

Thanks for the updates. I enjoy reading your journal. Do you listen for the ships in the harbour and then note your own sensations or the sensation of listening for the ships?

"Listening for those ships during daytime gives rise to added clarity energy and some pleasant feelings going from solar plexus and upwards. But what is the difference from just being attentive, like listening for just anything?"

Those are both great practices, Petter, but very different. Listening to the sounds around you is vipassana. Listening for something that cannot be hear is Mahamudra. Vipassana leads to enlightenment. Mahamudra *is* enlightenment in each moment that you practice it. To understand what I mean by this, you might listen to this dharma talk; It's the latest from the NYC classes:

kennethfolkdharma.com/2011/04/nyc-talk-choice-19-april-2011/

Anthony Yeshe, for about a week and a half I've been teaching my students what I call Mahamudra noting. The technique involves listening for the ships in a distant harbor, understanding that you will not hear them. You note "listening" in order to remind yourself to return to the primary object (which is the activity of listening for something that can't be heard) and also as an acknowledgment that you are listening in any given moment. You also note the mind states and other phenomena that arise while you are listening. It tends to bring up mind states of openness, receptivity, joy, bliss, well-being, metta, compassion, mudita, equanimity, and other pleasant mind states. Highly recommended, and it works especially well when noting with a partner.

@Anthony, I do both, note that I listen, note that I hear and note my reactions.
The moment of "listening" is for me very short and is quickly followed by hearing and reactions.

@Kenneth: My question was more like:
When I come home and close the door I stop and listen to hear if somebody is home. Sometimes I hear something and sometimes not.
Or walking in a forest. Did I her something? Stop and listen.

This seems to me the same as the "Mahamudra"
(I have listened to the talk.)

Hi Pejn,

You wrote:

"My question was more like: When I come home and close the door I stop and listen to hear if somebody is home. Sometimes I hear something and sometimes not. Or walking in a forest. Did I her something? Stop and listen. This seems to me the same as the "Mahamudra." -PEJN

I would say that they are not the same. In order for listening to become Mahamudra, it's essential to listen for something you know you will not hear. This is a subtle point, but it makes all the difference. The Mahamudra instruction is to turn toward the essential nature of mind, understanding that the essential nature of mind, while aware, is non-existent. Without this special tweak, listening is not the same as Mahamudra. Nonetheless, listening is a beautiful, gentle practice that opens up the mind and reminds you to be aware of your experience in this moment instead of being lost in the narrative. I would encourage everyone to do both kinds of listening and if the difference is not yet apparent be open to the possibility that it will become clearer with time. I cannot express how liberating it is to really embrace the Mahamudra practice in a moment and see that the essential nature of all phenomena is open and empty.

"it's essential to listen for something you know you will not hear. This is a subtle point, but it makes all the difference."

Interesting.
I will try these two kind of "listenings" and see if I find a difference. And report...

FRIDAY

Evening sit 40 mins noting 5 mins shamata.

Was a bit tired and dull in the evening.
Started noting in chair.
Eventless and boring, did not find very much to note.
Evolved into calmness, noting "rounded off" sensations like yesterday. Soft, Soft.
Drifted away in thoughts in the end.

@38 mins: Drifted away in thoughts/unawareness, head fell a bit to left. Jolted "awake" with some brightness in visual field. Just a slight rise of energy level.
Time to shift to seiza/& shamata.
Here the equanimity was gone and replaced by alertness.
Did that for a few minutes but i feld "done" for this session so I quit.

Goodnight /Pejn

SATURDAY

A lot of effortless sitting today.

One session after brunch:
Read some about Zen and tried that approach by curiosity
Sitting in straight seiza and just being aware of the posture and the breathing.
Doing only that for ~60 mins.
Just a position shift in the middle because of hurting feets.
No jhanas or nanas appeared.

Evening sit:
60 mins in chair noting/noticing + 30 mins shamata.
Worked my way up throgh the stages to equanimity . But in fact all stages was equanimity-like and hard to identify.
No pain or restlessness or dullness when 60-mins bell rang.
Just a little bit spacing out in the end.

So I added 20 mins shamata in seiza.
Did not experience any jhanas. It became like the morning "zen" session. Only looking at the breath in straight pose. No more no less.
20-minute bell took me by surprise so i added another 10 mins.

Have I meditated so much one day with so little effort? Don´t think so.

Goodnight /Pejn

"Have I meditated so much one day with so little effort? Don´t think so." -PEJN

I sure like the sound of this, PEJN. The momentum is building, carrying you along. You will want to cherish this momentum as the jewel that it is and nurture it. See if you can continue to get in several hours of sitting each day and keep us posted.

Yes Kenneth, I recognize the current experiences from the time just before 1:st path.
1 to 1 1/2- hour sessions in what is needed now.

SUNDAY

Morning sit:
60 mins + 30 mins

1) First noting/noticing/ship-listening/hanging around.
A bit shallow concentration so I counted breath up to 90.
(Then I thought "now I can log that I counted to 100" - and this made me lose the count. *Sucker!*

@50 mins: eyeballs started flickering. this accelerated and spread to muscles around the eyes.
Escalated into grimaces around the eyes.
When it had finished I drifted away in thoughts.

@60 mins: Bell rang

2) Changed to sieza and posture awareness/breath following.
Some neck pains disturbed,
Sat ~30 min.

Evening sit:
60 mins + 25 mins

1) Noting/noticing.
First easy meditation with OK concentration and noting.

@20 mins: Crappiness came. 20 minutes of irritation, itches and uncomfort.

@40 mins: Cotton-smoothness came.
After a while some tightness (inside head) and anticipation escalated, like something wanted to burst out.
Nothing happened though.

@60 mins: Bell rang

2) Changed to sieza and mixed shamata/noting.
Effortless sitting for 25 min.
2-3 dreamlike fantasies came and lived for a while until detected.
Had some neck pains again.
Some weaker build-ups came here as well.
Quit after 25 mins because of too much thoughts in the end.

Goodnight /Pejn

"Quit after 25 mins because of too much thoughts in the end." -Pejn

You know what to do, Pejn: "I wonder what my next thought will be..."

Then, just watch, the way a cat would watch a mouse hole. You've got this. Cherish the momentum. Ripen. Enjoy it. Just like the first time around.

Kenneth

Nice! Get it done, PEJN.

Kenneth & Nadav: Will do!

MONDAY

Morning sit:
* 40 mins vipassana.

Clearly saw the stages here. irritated 3C, bright rising energy A&P @20-25 mins, transformed into DN stuff, and @40 some signs of EQ showing up.
Bell rang @40
Too short session in other words.

* Evening sit:
* 70 mins mostly vipassana.
+
* 35 mins mostly shamata.

Evening sit jo-jo:ing between long moments of DN and shorter moments of EQ, only occationaly deep.
I will spare you the tiresome details today...

Goodnight /Pejn

TUESDAY

It occurred to me while reading a book that I have not been bored for a very long time.
Actually I could not really recall how it feels!
Irritated, yes. Restless, yes. But bored?
Can I get bored at all?

Decided for an instant experiment:
To just sit for 1 hour and stare at the wall in front of me in the position I happened to be in.
No spacing out allowed. No thinking allowed. Try to catch a bored feeling.

So I did.
1 hour , not a single moment of boredom. How could it be boring, a million of sensations coming all the time.

Some bodily discomfort came in the end that probably would have me break if had lengthened the experiment.

Added 30 mins shamata after a shower.

---

Of course this is nonsense, I'll just have to catch some boredom in everyday life and sort it out from
Irritation
Restlessness
Discomfort
Un-interest
Dullness

A clue is the opposite of boredom: Interest, attention, fascination.

Goodnight /Pejn

"So I did.
1 hour , not a single moment of boredom. How could it be boring, a million of sensations coming all the time.
-Pejn"

I think that is a very good point you are making. I have noticed it as well: as the practise develops it just becomes harder and harder to get bored

Antero.

WEDNESDAY

Morning sit:
30 mins shamata.
No boredom today either
But had restlessness.
Killed restlessness by actively being aware of it. (All instructions says this of course, but this time it was "seen clearly" to work)

Evening sit:
Very tired/sleepy and some achings after seasons first golf(&suffering) round.
Tried noting in chair but was to unfocused. Switched to seiza and "bodily awareness" instead. Much better.
Sat 40 mins

Great reports, PEJN! When restlessness comes up, I like Kenneth's practice of stopping and saying "OK. That's fine. Now how does this feel in the body?" and then going right to the sensations. Sounds like that's what you were doing, in effect, by switching to body awareness on the seiza.

THURSDAY

Morning: Tired, overslept. No sit.

Evening sit: 70 mins in chair + 30 mins seiza. All the time 'watching' everything.
Welcoming every sensation, pleasant or unpleasant without filtering out, and staying fascinated and enjoyed by them kept me sitting for 100 mins without even considering the time.

Funny sidenote:
Also had my very first 'insight' (or hallucination, ha, ha!): Saw for a moment that should be able to see all incoming sensations at once because it is they who are watching themselves and I am just watching them doing it.

Goodnight /Pejn

I just had a scary moment after lunch sitting reading.

Suddenly there was a strong, out of control, concentration/focus shift that almost made me faint out. (no not really but it felt so)
I also felt a bit like vomiting.

I can still feel some of it in the body and in the head, wanting to come through. It feels like a lightness that could break out in dizzyness and loss of control.

Has never happened before.

/Pejn

Friday night while falling asleep it came again. This time I was lying down so one scary element (fear of falling) was absent.

Efterwards for a while my whole visual field was made up of thousands square pixels in different shades of gray.

Saturday i was sunbathing in a chair, did some light shiplistening and just hanged around with "everything". Had some shifts (jhanas or nanas, I dont really know).
I felt some fear again, strange, because it was not the awareness shifts or the bodily "energy" movements that was any different.
Normally they would make me excited instead, or just observed.
Just that they were scary because they seemed out of control.
Like they cold break out into just anything. Destroying me?

Everything is unstable. Whenever I relax or focus it is there.

I think I can contribute some of this to a cold i have, but not all of it.

Goodnight /Pejn

"Everything is unstable. Whenever I relax or focus it is there.
"

I know it sucks when it's like this but you've got a solid routine and genuine commitment to progress so you'll get through it. All this stuff is good, even though it doesn't feel that way at the time! Keep at it mate!!

Thanks Tommy! Feels good to get some support.

Carefully tried 30 mins shamata to start up again. First sit since friday morning.
Went well without any drama.
Had a pretty strong energy lift/brightness @10 mins.
Then some relaxed chill out for a while and then some flickering/swirling but nothing that bothered me .
Decided to stay with 30 mins today and increase the time next sit if everyday life feels stable.

Goodnight /Pejn

TUESDAY

Evening sit:
Totally 70 mins
45 mins noting
15+10 mins budy/breathing awareness.

First deep concentration for 20 mins.
Then scattered concentration, flickering & pulsing, for 40 mins
Then really calm & deep last 10 mins.

Now, wednesday afternoon still no unwelcome side effects.

A week since last log...

I have spent this week coming back on track after the "Terror-assault".
It has worked fine. I feel calm and good in daily life and the sittings are mostly comfortable.
Most of sitting time I have spent in mild DN, working up to the EQ that I lost.

I am now 100% up to the 30 mins morning and 1-1/2 huors evening sessions and think I am roughly were I was when the break came.

Since sloppy logging makes for sloppy practice I will try to keep a daily log again.