PEJN climbing that second mountain

Andy,
my gusses are, in order, :
1) Some yogic meditation/concentration energy-flow, chakra stuff.
2) A&P event(s).
3) 2:nd path and maybe reviewing now.
= "I dont have a clue

Congrats on your development!
/Pejn

Thanks, Pejn!

I see now that is has been a month since last session with Kenneth, i'm such a slacker...

SUNDAY

Some scattered meditation on the flights home.

Evening sit:

Started with 'letting go' jhanas.
Went from 1:st to 4:th.
Started noting, then just 'hanged around' looking at a lot of vibrations and shakings.
After some time it felt like my nostrils fluttered 'helicopter-like' (remember that comparition) with the breathing. 4 Hz maybe. Funny phenomena.
Some more messy vibrations.

@75 mins I had drifted away in day-dreaming when something sharp jolted me awake with wide open eyes.

Quit meditating to write my log.
Read a little in a thread here, felt my eyes vibrate and had to sit down again.

Went through some obvious dhukka-nyanaish stuff until equanimity settled.
Felt some build-ups but no action so after 30 mins I decided to go to bed (soon 2 am here).

Goodnight /Pejn

MONDAY

KF session:
I had a good session with Kenneth in the afternoon.
He was open for the possibility of 2:nd path and I tend to believe that too when everything is added up.
A bit of an anticlimax since everyday life has not changes as mush as after 1:st path.
I will have 2:nd as a working theory for now.

Some discussions on the way forward.

We went through jhanas 1-4 and then tried infinite space and infinite conciousness.
These last two is unexplored for me and I am not sure i got them right, but I experience a difference from plain 4:th jhana. Very "mental".
I will work on them more.

Another difference today was the 3:rd jhana that has always been very diffuse for me, only something to pass on the way to 4:th.
But now I really got it. It was distinct and pretty hard. Almost like I needed some extra effort to get out of it and into 4:th.
It is cool and blissy and the "donut" feeling is appearent. The visual field was dominated by concentrical circles.
A new favourite.

Evening sit.
60 mins
First explored Jhanas 1-4 with extra focus on the 3:rd.
Then tried 5:th and 6:th with some half-baked results.

@30mins Switched to noting with resolution to "go all the way".
After a while in equanimity slipped I away in thoughts and then had a sharp fruition.
Still no blips or discontinuties I could see, but the effects is exactly like in 1:st path review.
I was done with evenings mission so I quit.

TUESDAY
Morning sit: 25 mins shamata.
Evening sit:
60 mins
Concentration practice, newer really settled in to the jhanas.
Then noting, first blurry, then red hot angriness and then some doubt about my progress. Then (some) EQ.
Bell rang and I quit.
One of those 'just sit down and grind'-days.

WEDNESDAY

Morning sit:
In a hurry, so I thought of skipping this. But I felt some anxiety so sat for just 12 mins to calm down.
This helped a lot!

Evening sit:
30 mins shikantaza. (Yes, I have learned a new word!
Lovely practice after all this goal and stage oriented stuff.
But I also solved a geometrical problem during the sit, so'¦

Goodnight /Pejn

THURSDAY
Only 5 h slep tonight
And no morning sit.

I felt like I completed a cycle and got a fruition while resting in bed after work not even trying to meditate.

Evening sit, 60 mins:
30 mins TM, with interesting energy movements in the head.
Then 30 mins shamata.
Attempted 5 & 6 jhana in the end. Played around, tried to find that "unbound space" feeling.
A least got somethig different from 4:th, almost "losing" the body.

Need sleep now...

Goodnight /Pejn

FRIDAY
Mornin sit: 20 mins 'just sitting'

Evening sit:
30 mins concentration/noting 'just sitting'

Got bored with this, so I switched to TM.

WowWowWow! This was powerful. And scary!
In a 'good' TM sit (as I remember from 20 years ago'¦) all thoughts and feelings of a body stops and there is a large blackness where the mantra can echo around or fade away into.
This came today , but with energy movements in the head also present.
After approx 15 minutes I got a 'blackness buildup' and something that felt almost like a slow fruition.
Then the blackness 'hardened'. The body was almost paralyzed and started to tingle.
Now I started to feel fear. I knew I could go much deeper into this.
But when I went a bit deeper the body stiffened even more and the 'swooshing' in the head and pull into the blackness was so strong that I backed out of it.
It felt like going totally out of control 'Not without a doctor besides me' , I thought!

Hmm, maybe I should stay away from this'¦

Goodnight /Pejn

This thing has been driving me by itself during the weekend.
I have only had short formal sits, but that has not stopped anything.
Some examples.

* Saturday: Rested in bed after excersice. Watched what happened behind my eyelids and that took me all the way to a sharp fruition within 10-15 mins.

* Sunday afternoon: Read a bok, became tired and closed my eyes. Got a fruition after 10 mins without doing anything but resting. (Could really enjoy the book after that.)

* Sunday evening: Sat only 30 mins trying to get some jhana before bedtime. When I tried to sleep "it" took over and after 20 mins gave me a strong concentration (or A&P or something) out-of-control climax with head swooshes, high body pressure & tinglings. Afterwards saw everything in shade-of-gray pixels for a while. Then I could sleep.

MONDAY

Had another "book reading, then relaxing" fruition. It changed my mode from irritated to easy & happy.

At the evening sit had an unusually blissfull and hard shamata.

Simplifyed meditating instructions for this stage: "Close your eyes"


TUESDAY
Closed my eyes in the car after work, completed a cycle in 10 mins.
Closed my eyes in a chair after dinner. Dozed a bit and also completed 2 or 3 cycles...

Evening sit:
30 mins shamata. Tryed for arupa jhanas 5 & 6.
I think I have them, experience only mind, no body. But they are not distinctly different and I need to experiment more with them.

Also the energy movements in the head seems to have calmed down a bit.

Goodnight /Pejn

FRIDAY&WEEKEND

My practice is like earlier in the week, but heavier on "informal & spontanious" than "formal & timed" .
I also have tried to include more "witness" practice in the formal sits. A bit like Kenneths hints last session.
I have not found any witness yet but I know how to look for it and it is interesting. Gives stillness...
Some differences this week is that the concentration practice sometimes feels stronger, it feels like the body gets "harder" and tingles more. Feels good.
The review cycles keeps on coming, but not every sit.

During the weekend (and today) I have had huge mood swings, from blissfull body to irritation and anger in a few minutes, then sometimes back again. Cought in my thoughts a lot also.
Progress and regress in parallell...

MONDAY

15 calming morning sit, removing some angriness...

In evening listened to the latest pod cast. Liked it. Very simple and down to earth practice that worked well in the shower at least.

Evening sit:
Short, 20 mins.
Felt calm and happy so I made this one a pure jhana training.

Went quickly through first to fourth.
Then tried first boundless space, and then filling it with conciousness. Hard to say what the states really were.
I got some unidentified arupa jhanas after that.
A good sign is that the visual field became very stable, almost motionless. "Nothing" happened.

Another good sign was that when I fell out of arupa back to fourth jhana the contrast was so drastic. The body awareness came back. The breath. The visual field and all the sounds.
I did not really notice them go away (from 4:th to arupa), but when they came back it was with strong presence.
Decided to go backwards and ended up in 1:st before quitting.
I found the different jhanas more distinct when going backwards that upwards today.

Goodnight /Pejn

Another good jhana -> arupa jhana session.
After 4:th and trying to feel boundless space I fill my experience with consiousness. And here is when the shift really comes.
After a while I quit doing that and then the mind goes a bit strange.
I can experience sensations like from far away, but still the mind itself does not do anything and is even "lost" sometimes.
Hard to describe and a bit weird.
Tried a little vipassana up there also and the stillness started to vibrate.

Today it was even a bit hard to get out of it.
I broke out to look at the clock and landed in 4:th jhana.
But when I closed my eyes again I went up to arupa again without trying!
Had to force myself "backwards" all the way. And even then it wanted to go "up" again.
This is quite fun.

Goodnight /Pejn

WEDNESDAY

Another jhana session. Pretty much the same as yesterday, only less focused and not as stable states.
(Body hurt after exercise and late in the night.)

THURSDAY

Time for some vipassana before I become a jhana junkie!

Today I came back to old familiar patterns. Very much like half a year ago:

30 mins of very still and calm and sometimes subtle noting.
Found some mind states. Hunted down a few self-reflections. Became blissfull.
Some itching appeared.
@30 mins brightness and energy and straightening posture.
After a while some head movements and then some grimaces. Laughed a bit at the recognition.
@40 mins body aches appeared just as usual. Time to change position but I quit instead.
Will try a resolution next sit to a full review again.

In everyday life the disturbing energy movements have gone almost completely.
And no flickerings or vibrations.
Feels good to be like a normal person again.

Goodnight /Pejn

The last few days I have altered between arupa-jhana practice and some pure vipassana.
The vipassana has not leaded me anywhere so the first review phase seems to fade away.
I have also been a bit lazy, missed some morning sits and have made short 30-45 mins jhana practices.

MONDAY
Had a good session with Kenneth: Learning review phase B 'Jhanic arc'.
Going up through the nanas starting at 1:st. Going up to 11:th and get some tiny fruitions. Then going downwards again to 1:st.
Funny how it can be controlled so precisely. I was never more than a minute behind, or ahead of, Kenneth's descriptions.
(Review A is starting at 4:th nana, going up to 11. Get a fruition and be kicked back to 4:th. The way it has been for me some weeks.)

Later in the 45 min evening sit I went up and down 2 complete cycles.
Worked well. Except for that I did not complete the second cycle the way down again in the same structured way as the first cycle (tired).

Hi guys,
I'm off for a two week holiday, so I will not log so much. But practice will continue.

I got some crazy mental chock today, resembling my previous "scary energy movements" but located more in the head then going down. It was triggered by reading a dialogue about direct awakening and then reflecting upon it. Weird.

I think my life-long travel/sea-sickness has been cured!

Normally when I travel by bus or boat I get really easily seasick and is knocked out for hours afterwards. It has been like that since childhood.
But now during my holiday I went by bus 4h and then boat 2h one day.
Another day first bumpy bus, then boat 2h in high sea and then bus again.
Not a trace of nausea!

I meditated through most of the travelling time, which made it almost enjoyable instead.

Now I'm back from my vacation! Hello!

Kickstarted with a session with Kenneth yesterday: More Mahamudra.
Did I get it? Maybe, but even more maybe not. It is very scmystical...
I did understand the relaxation part of it well though.

The past 3 weeks have been filled with mostly informal meditation session. On buses, at the pool or at the beach etc.
These non-commitment sessions can be really powerful and recharging, more so than the ones where I guide myself through the stages.

The few formal sits I have spent with jhana practice, up to 5:th & 6:th arupa, and then one step more. I believe it is at least 7:th.
Extremely calm and eventless.

The review phase seems to go on, but with hints that it is giving way for a new cycle this last week.
This shift takes longer time and is not as as obvious as after 1:st path.

I will have a lot of free time next three weeks so hopefully I can fill them with a lot of practice.
My yogi toolbox is almost overladed now so there is a lot to explore, and re-explore.

See you tonight!
/Pejn

The vacation has left me in slacker mode.
Combined with a workweek in middle of holiday and some late nights it has been only some 30 mins sitting per day this week. And I have slept through all mornings. Shame on me!
In everyday life I am just to dull to engage in anything really.
More exersise is needed to give some energy i think.

Practicewise the review phase seems to be mostly over now.
Meditation in various forms don't take me through the insight stages any more.
The calmness and concentration on the other hand goes well.

Most of the sometimes overwhelming energy movement I had in the body is gone.
Some of it is still left in the head area, but too little to be disturbing.

All I need now is somebody to tell me I am a slacker and have to shape up. (My wife is not home yet..)
/Pejn

"All I need now is somebody to tell me I am a slacker and have to shape up. (My wife is not home yet..)
/Pejn
"

There is no time to lose, so no more slacking!

Always happy to oblige

"There is no time to lose, so no more slacking!
"

When people tell me to stop slacking it is really time to work harder! Thanks Antero.

So, now I do at least two sessions per day again. Alterning between vipassana, shamata and "just sitting"
Some sessions I see a clear development: concentration->train of thoughts->energy and brightness->flickering and restlessness. No equanimity in sight.
The concentration takes a while to build up.
Everyday life has also some low energy, restlessness, doubt and resistance to practice.
Seems like a little DN to me.

See you tonight then!?
/Pejn

"See you tonight then!?
/Pejn




"

Good work! We'll see tonight.