PEJN climbing that second mountain

WEDNESDAY
20 mins shamata in the morning

80 mins noting/shamata/sitting in the evening.
Somewere around 50-60 mins Equanimity sets in.
The stages and transitions were unusually clear this sit.

THURSDAY

Busy morning, no sit.

Evening:
10 mins Pre-meditation session waiting for the shower.
Went down to 1:st hjhana just by closing my eyes. Bright eyes.
2:nd came within a few moments by itself.
3: arrived, then I willed myself into 4:th.

Took my shower.

Formal evening sit:
75 mins totally, with a short bathroom break @60m.
Mix of flickering sensations, deep concentration and spacing out in fantasies.
No "sitting"-pains or restlessness at all.

FRIDAY

Morning sit:
20 mins.
Spaced out in the end, surprised by bell.

During day:irritated.

Early evening bonus meditation.
30mins TM in the sofa.

Evening sit:
1h&40mins

As soon as I sit down it seems the meditation goes by itself.
I can't really control if I am noting,noticing or concentrating.

One large energetic A&P-jolt @20mins.
Later a lot of flickering, vibrations (~10hz) and pulsing.
Noices and pains are noticed but too far away to disturb.
It feels like a am being "worked on" by something, a house being renovated, in the tearing down phase. A dough kneaded.

SATURDAY
Busy, no morning sit.
In the early evening had a crappy time.
Became irritated.
Then very tired (head not body), tried to sleep for an hour, became a mix of unwilling meditation and sleeping. Unpleasant.

Evening sit:
1h&40mins
First messy, much like yesterdays sit.
After 40 mins things calmed down.
Some 'build-ups' came. Like something wanted to happen.
Felt no reason to stop but had to think about tomorrow morning.

SUNDAY

Evening sit:
1h&35mins

Messy again...
Body was "upset" after plenty of workout today. Never really settled down. A lot of doubt about my tecnique (or lack of tecnique).
In the last minutes all concentration disappered completely. Recogniced how much my feet hurt (did not notice before) and went up. (5 mins after bell rang)

/Goodnight Pejn

MONDAY

Morning sit:
25 mins. Pretty good in the end

During day, some flickering and irritation, but "okness" in the background.

Evening sit:
60 flickering and messy minutes, with bad concentration.
Only the last minutes some calming down and some enjoyment.

Goodnight /Pejn

TUESDAY

Morning sit 20 mins.

Evening sit:
2 h (personal record!)

Started a bit earlier. Felt calm, so I decided to try for 2 hours.

This meditation was very different from previous.
Became calm quickly.
Saw that every moment is entirely new and disturbances and everything from a second ago is just a memory now or is gone.
Observed like this: How will existence appear for me this next moment? Really hanged on to everything.
Two position shiftes with one stretcher. Two hours just flew.
Some bodily restlessness arrived the last 10 minutes where my flow finally was broken.

Goodnight /Pejn

WEDNESDAY

Due to bad dicipline, today only 10 mins morning sit and 30 mins evening sit.
Nothing happened really...

"Nothing happened really...
- PEJN"

Now THAT would be really interesting indeed

"Now THAT would be really interesting indeed "


Suddenly I feel like smiling at domeone holding up a flower...

THURSDAY

Dicipline is back!

Morning sit: 30mins

Evening sit 1h30mins

No sense of nana-development at all. I feel like being all over the place randomly during the sit...
The last 30 mins a lot of "drifting away". Not so much daydreaming but "unawareness".
Tried to counter that by opening my eyes and note loud. Only halfly successful.


Goodnight /Pejn

FRIDAY

Overslept -> no morning sit

Afternoon after coming home from work i had some spare time before family came home.
Tired, so I took a nap in my chair.
Just about to fall asleep I tried to note the feelings of tiredness. This was definitely against the grains and there was aversion against doing this and not falling asleep. But this turned it into meditation instead...

The 50 min session was very really calm and silent. Not many thoughts at all. Some build-ups of energy into the head came and went. Once got fast flickering eyes that turned into eye tension and then relief.
Moments of only experiencing seing 'paper wite'.

1 hour later in a grocery store the concentration/dizziness attack came again like in post 44 twenty days ago.
"Energy" going up the body and into the head making me extremely "light headed".
It was triggered by a short thought of how it would be like practicing on a retreat.
It was less forceful and less scary this time. After a few minutes I could collect myself and pick my food again.

Evening sit.
1h 30mins.
A bit unfocused.
Once I spaced out into dreaming and was "wakened" by sudden energy/brightness in the eyes.
The last 20 mins had some aversions against sitting (oncomfortable body) and just "sat through" it. Stood up and felt my feet moving the last 5 mins.

Fantastic. Keep on keepin' on.

SATURDAY

Felt calm and content all day today. Only a slight dizziness when focusing.

One evening sit:
1h 35 mins

The first moments were overwhelming:
Sat down. Relaxed body. Relaxed mind. Now the 'energies' grabbed hold of my mind, rotated it around a few turns in the head and then squeezed it down into firm 1:st jhana. Nothing I could do but hang on!

The rest was very much like yesterdays evening sit.
After a while a lot of stillness and all around awareness mixed with more messy stuff.
Again I had to finish by standing/walking, too much tension around the eyes after sitting 75 mins and also dullness creeping in. Kept tight focus on my feet while standing. Refreshing!
A few moments of sitting with concentration to round up the session.

Goodnight /Pejn

Log

SUNDAY
Felt crappy all day.
Irritated and tired.

Afternoon sit:
Aimed for 30 mins to refresh. Became 50 mins.
Beatyfully calm in the end. Wanted to sit more but had appopintments.

Evening sit:
1h.
I have started to add some mantra into the mix.
Works well to calm down the mind & some tensions when needed.
Also seems to give access to deeper thought layers. (Well known from my TM-practice)

MONDAY

Morning sit: 20 mins

Pulsing in head during all day.

Evening sit:
1h&10 min

Started standing for 10mins feeling my feet.
Used mantras again.
During this sit I had 6-8 energy rushes up to the head giving strong "starry" eye focus. These came after drifting off and then "sudden "wakening".
One of them early in session scared me. The rest was just pretty powerful

Goodnight /Pejn

Saturday - dissolution
Sunday - Dark Night
Monday - Equanimity

Maybe?

Hi Mu.
Maybe..., the stages are a mess right now.

For many years I have had a "Saturday-desease" where I am full of energy and good mood early in the day, and a few hours later it turns into tiredness, irritation and headache. Sundays are fine.
SE have made it better.

TUESDAY

Morning sit 25 mins noticing.
Did not want to break up when bell rang, felt too good.


Early afternoon:
Sat down to relax.
Closed my eyes and was immediately in 1:st jhana. A few moments later 2:nd came by itself.
I tried to go to 3:rd and did so. Then 4:th.
All this took no more than 1 or 2 minutes.
Drifted off.
Felt something like the record player needle jumping/scratching over 3-4 vinyl tracks, and woke up with bright eyes.

Went for a nap afterwards.
Had maddening, fast and fine granulated vibrations.
Wondered how I cold function in society feeling like this!
After maybe 20 mins a "scratch" came with a focus shift and the vibrations went into the backgrond.

Evening sit:
1h&15 mins

Sitting in seiza with "full body awereness".
Felt really good, especially during "Body and Mind".
Extended the sit 15 mins more than planned.
Quit when I had some sharp neck pains that needed stretching.
The pain flashes gave me an interesting concentration peak.

WEDNESDAY
Morning, just 15 mins

Evening sit, 1h
Body hurting after exercice. Nothing special to report that I remember...

THURSDAY

15mins meditation in taxi to airport.

On the airplane, concentration meditation during start to avoid travel sickness. (noting made it worse!)

@45mins I felt I could relax just a little more. I let go of the last little tension in body and in head.
That directly caused that scary energy to rise again. Like a slow silent airy explosion in body and head. It ended in a all-body tingling pressure that slowly faded away.

Nothing to do on the plane so I meditated 1.5-2h totally.

Will continue when I get to wifi-connections...

Cont...
Evening sit:
Irritating itching restlessness in the body, mostly legs and chest.
Managed only 40 mins, and the last 10 in some quite unorthodox postures

Now in the morning some of this restlessness is still there..

Let's see.. yesterday was
FRIDAY
Appearantly the explosion yesterday made me good, high alertness and not a trace of tiredness all day friday.
Also feel more "stable".

Evening sit:
1h&30mins.
Sitting in the bed, bad support so many position changes.

Most of the session Went like: noting, then drifting away, then wakening up with energy over and over again
Just a little bit of restlessness in the end.

SATURDAY
Only meditating lying down in bed.
Just watching vibrations, after a while the same drifting away and "sharp" "wakening ups"
I am getting curious abot this
Will do a "real" session tonight and investigate.

What do you think the "explosion" thing was?