Loco's journal 1

The infinite ocean consciousness seems to arise more or less at the times when before the default mode became active (maybe). it makes me think if this infinite peaceful ocean is a leftover of a defaultmode (a contentless version) because it disappears when one gets active ( before task mode) and then the "pure-matter-only-world" of AF reappears.

Cohesiveness/cohesion:
The pure mind is not pure. If perfectly still it has an attribute: cohesion. After a thought has left the golden peaceful infinite invisible ocean all drops will be attracted back to it in the next moment. thoughts are like watermade dolphins jumping out of the water showing themselves and falling back into the ocean. the silent surface stays undisturbed.

this cohesion can show itself and not appear anymore as an attribute of the still ocean. it is what holds the world together, pulls one atom to another. (now arises effortlessness, cohesion took over its job) it is a destilled version/the source of love. in a sense it is like an emotion; but not felt in the body, the body is just feeling the now. the roam where it appears, is what has been the default mode before (speculating). it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

letting the dolphins jump, solves problems with memory.

senses > utter stillness > cohesion > effortlessnes > thoughts can arise freely again because they fall apart immediately and return to utter silence. body stays in the senses while the mind stays the mind and plays freely with itself (but often no mind arises, its a cycle). transpersonal love can sometimes show itself, one time another arose, a kind of source of highfrequent vibration, maybe the source of joy

Nice!

self-inquiry, something switched back into a mode that could easily be sold to the people on the street as enlightenment: the appletree shows the infolded sparkly worlds it is hiding to the normal eye. mystical. everytime the ego disappears into the hole down the spine the sparks wake up and get stronger. the mind is out of balance, gone into emptiness of I, into total stability, left the tantric demand for balance between male (emptiness) and female (fullness) behind and becomes onesided, result: empty, dried out, unable to speak, no humor, no emotions, full mystic, stupid staring, pure male.

Had the chance to talk to the 17th Karmapa for nearly an hour and afterwards to some of his teachers. One thing became pretty clear: if one can not experience emptiness and compassion at the same time, it is neither enlightenment nor even liberation, it is the pit of the void. if there is also no bliss it isn't even that.

solved a little personal riddle: This radiating pulsing lightblue field around the neckarea in that I awake every morning, seems to come from having no muscletension in the small micromuscles in the throat that create speech.

even thinking in speech creates tension there, because the mind tells to speak and the body says no, like a car with gaspedal and break pressed at the same time.

if inner dialogue stops, tension disappears in th throat and the field-feeling/vision arises. this creates a kind of overnight consciousness.

Able to enter a pslcbn-experience without pslcbn now.

-method: look at the place where my thoughts come from, later be at that place.
-little differences: a little less bodywisdom is downstreamed than in the original and a little more sense of wonder, spaciousness is incredible and has a bit more an easy/airy/weightless-taste and less deep/sweet/sensual-quality. turning the mind to the senses changes it to mushroom-identical.
-traps: beeing in that empty/unalive foggy black space too short and thinking nothing will happen. after some time that space can be experienced as something that gives uncountable possibilities to fill it, as a playful vastness, that leaves perceptions clean, bright, cristalline and mystical

The silence is so silent that I didn't realise there is silence. It seems now, it is all just because of this silence. There is something going on. I am not part of it.

"The silence is so silent that I didn't realise there is silence. It seems now, it is all just because of this silence. There is something going on. I am not part of it."

Thanks for this Loco. Been having a bit of a hard time motivating myself sitting down on that cushion for the past few days. Instead of meditating I spent this morning reading Gary Weber's blog and this forum. When i read your words a sedating "silence" came over me and I wanted to go and spend time on the cushion. Which i did for 40min. Wrote "silence" for I don't believe it's the silence you're referring to. It was restful and nourishing to sit in none the less.

Metta
Erik

Yes

"Yes"

I wouldn't be able to say how this wonderful, simplistic, zen-style, humble state of just beeing a man could save one from beeing reborn. when i think of death it feels as if i would just disappear and be mingled with the flows of time in the universe. if the streams "conflue" and the time is right, i would reappear.

also it's not true that time disappears completely. if you look at it closely it expands if you want to enjoy something and it becomes slim if you intend to do something. it kind of adapts to your form and this makes it look like it disappeared.

sorry for not answering PMs these days.