There is no spoon

"And on the topic of noting, through an exercise he did with me it became obvious that I am pretty embedded in the "feeling tone" layer. I was pretty flummoxed when I had to vocalize my sensations and their feeling tones. The point I want to make here is that the exercise of noting *out loud* really added a new dimension that I was unprepared for. I just now did another sit for 20m, again noting out loud with feeling tone modifiers, and it sure gets you engaged in a hurry. I plan to include this (vocalizing) as part of my regular sits for a while to see if it helps jack up my noting expertise a notch or two. Highly recommended."

I second this recommendation. When I first did the same exercise with Kenneth, it was quickly clear to me that I was embedded in emotional states. Not sure where you are embedded? Note out loud and found out very quickly. I started practicing this regularly and got to the point where I couldn't wait to note emotions. I've dropped this only recently (this week) and have moved to more slow and 'delicate' noting as you seemed to have done too based on your post this morning.

Keep up your posting, I see a lot of similarity with stuff you've gone through or are going through, with what I've been experiencing over the past few weeks. Very encouraging and inspiring.

Based on the discussion over in Ron's thread, I just spent 30m exploring equanimity following Kenneth's "allowing not doing" thing. FIrst off, I did try to get to E using just noting of vibrations (per another discussion Mike and I are having), in my hand mostly, and that gets me part of the way, but I really need to use my breath at the nostril to get to a noticeable state where things really quiet down and I am locked into a state.

Exquisite tension. Overstretched balloon. But acutely aware of sensations. Watching for the next thought, which works surprisingly well at preventing getting carried away. Thoughts don't stop, but I never came back thinking "sh*t, where have I just been?". Allowing sensations, like the occasional rapture, but watching it. Lightness as eyes "look" forward. Darkness as eyes roll up or down. Pressure in the head, creepy-crawly sensation encircling my head. Stuff just happening.

And I felt as though I could stay this way for a long, long time.

[Sorry for the lack of posting. Not for lack of sitting. Still trying to balance vipassana and samatha, seeing how to get equanimity most efficiently.]

Nice job, Tom. This is strong practice. You are going deep and ripening, which is the best thing to be doing at this point.

As for the inability to get to equanimity just watching vibrations, that is not surprising. Each vibration has a frequency. Each frequency is associated with some particular state of consciousness. It's like tuning a radio; if you go to the frequency of 101.9 FM, that's the station you are going to get. You aren't going to get any other station. By the same token, if you are "dialing in" some particular frequency of vibration, you aren't going to float up toward the cutting edge of your practice, you are just going to sit there at the frequency you are cultivating. This is why I keep saying not to manipulate experience. You can't outsmart this process. All short-cuts end up being long-cuts. The right experience for you to be having is the one you are having. And the right orientation to the experience you are having is to see it clearly and continuously, without manipulation. Only by doing that will you allow your practice to blossom in the most efficient way.

If vibrations are predominant in your experience, note them. If there are no vibrations presenting themselves to you, don't go looking for them. Don't go looking for anything. Whatever is in front of you is the door to the door to the door.

This one instruction, allowing things to be as they are, was the hardest one for me to get. I tried for years to outsmart this process, to no avail. Whatever progress I made was in spite of myself. Luckily, you are not as dense as I and will surrender more readily to the inescapable logic of your own true nature.

Kenneth

40m, more of the same. But with a bunch of knee pain thrown in, which is hard to remain equanimous about. Used the breath to get me there.

45m, the bulk of which seemed to be equanimity, but with much more slippery thoughts. The "what is my next thought" technique was not so effective this time around. When the bell rang, I was disappointed, and that made me suddenly realize I was trying way too hard. While the bell was ringing, I *then* let go and felt the difference immediately. Something for next time.

"As for the inability to get to equanimity just watching vibrations, that is not surprising. Each vibration has a frequency. Each frequency is associated with some particular state of consciousness. It's like tuning a radio; if you go to the frequency of 101.9 FM, that's the station you are going to get. You aren't going to get any other station. By the same token, if you are "dialing in" some particular frequency of vibration, you aren't going to float up toward the cutting edge of your practice, you are just going to sit there at the frequency you are cultivating. This is why I keep saying not to manipulate experience. You can't outsmart this process. All short-cuts end up being long-cuts. The right experience for you to be having is the one you are having. And the right orientation to the experience you are having is to see it clearly and continuously, without manipulation. Only by doing that will you allow your practice to blossom in the most efficient way.

If vibrations are predominant in your experience, note them. If there are no vibrations presenting themselves to you, don't go looking for them. Don't go looking for anything. Whatever is in front of you is the door to the door to the door.

This one instruction, allowing things to be as they are, was the hardest one for me to get. I tried for years to outsmart this process, to no avail. Whatever progress I made was in spite of myself. Luckily, you are not as dense as I and will surrender more readily to the inescapable logic of your own true nature.

Kenneth"

Ah thanks what a timely reminder!! I realize I'm making this exact mistake (yet again) right now, after having only zero/weak vibrations after a period of strong vibrations, I realize I have been conciously or subconciously trying to tune into the remaining vibrations thinking that is the right way forward.

An interesting, but minor, development in this morning's sit. In the middle of watching the breath and watching the vibrations in my hands, the thought popped in: "watch it sit". So I did. And the development was that for the first time (ok, maybe second) it did not feel contrived. I could visualize myself sitting there as a separate thing, apart from the witness/watcher. Very, clearly, separate. Went that way for a good 10 minutes or so until the bell rang.

At the cottage for 10 days, so hopefully without work (not that parenting is not work too), I'll get a bit of momentum going.

45m sit, starting with breath counting. Lots of scattered thoughts. Once mind settles and breathing is locked in, switch to feeling breath at nostrils. Comfort, feeling tingling in hands. Stay with breath until I feel very locked into it. Gently start noting sensations, mostly buzzing in hands, occasional twitch of arm muscles. Cold (unpleasant). Note planning thoughts, memories. Note breathing at abdomen, breathing on upper lip. Feeling peaceful (pleasant), but not to the same degree as on other sits. "See it sit" feels contrived again. Note bodily sensations in face, mouth, arms. Bell.

Tom,

I found this book (only a few pages) to be absolutely amazing in helping with the insight practice.

www.saddhamma.org/pdfs/mahasi_practical_insight_meditation.pdf

"Tom,

I found this book (only a few pages) to be absolutely amazing in helping with the insight practice.

www.saddhamma.org/pdfs/mahasi_practical_insight_meditation.pdf "

Thanks, yes, that is one of the staple references here. There are also a couple of other slightly longer Mahasi PDFs available if you search for them. I can post some links later, if you wish.

Inspired by telecaster's technique oriented focus, I tried very hard to stick to the simple instructions on today's sit. Definitely found a good groove, and felt at ease noting the breath in a largely "equanimous" state. Body sensations came and went, including an odd "engine hum" (5-10Hz) that I felt more than heard in my head. Right now, I don't know high e from low e, so I'll probably air quote it or not call it at all.

Wow, 10 days with no post. I continue to keep on keepin' on, but the last couple of days have had multiple sits where I was trying to cultivate the jhanas a bit. The K+N videos were quite motivating, and I have been trying to see some of the subtle (to this pre-SE mind) differences between the levels. I almost always end up in a spacious and calm state, and a few times I noticed going up-down-up-a-little-higher, as opposed to just up.

Once I get into an e-like state, I switch to lightly noting and gently looking for those wiggly edges where there are supposed to be HOLES. Can't say I see any of 'em, but I do notice rich aurora-like curtains of colour, faint buzzing in my hands, and a big, big head. Pressure in forehead comes and goes. Sometimes my scalp vibrates, sometimes not. No noticeable crown activity.

I also note that I no longer note that choking sensation from a month or more back. Kind of weird how that was a staple of my sits for a while and now is gone. I guess that is the benefit of these notes, because I would not really recall that in any detail months from now. But while I still firmly see the spoon, I will hold off spinning a new thread for these notes.

Odd pressure on my crown for most of the day. Even when it seemed gone, if I looked for it a moment, it was there.

Edit: I should have added that this was all off-cushion. No time to sit and see what it was all about.

Preparing for trip to CA where, aside from work, there will be some intensive practice. As a bonus, I have the house to myself this weekend, so I can start early. Interspersing sits with chores.

First sit, 45m, very engaged in thoughts. Tough slog, but eventually got into a noting groove: raptures, tremors, vibrations, sensations of hot/cold, images.

45m, much more rapid access with strong pressure on eyes and forehead. Kept with breath during pressure, which then eased into a lighter easy state, which then eased into an even more lighter and easier state where noting was quite effortless. Some strobing of visuals, lots of vibes in hands and arms. Thoughts would sweep me away, and I would return to the "pressure spot", that I would then work through as before. Last few minutes were very hard, tight breathing, frustration, anxiety, knee pain. Bell -> relief.

45m, with a lot of time in the "easy place" (probably equanimity, but I don't use that word). Thoughts sometimes still drag me away, but tried the whack-a-mole "what is my next thought going to be", and that seem to keep things at bay. But I think I know what Mike means by feeling compelled to empty the mind. Strong urge, feeling of being pulled toward something, some crown tingling. Forced myself to just let go. Nothing happened. Bell.

ha!
keep the f going
remember to see each object arrive, do something, leave
dont see or do anything else
its so bare and simple its ridiculous

Airports and airplanes are not really conducive to great concentration. 30m or so sit in gate area got me somewhat focused but not much else to speak of. 60m sit on airplane was better (noise cancellation headphones are pretty sweet!), but constant turbulence, even very light, meant that noting vibrations was pretty much the order of the day and concentration...not so much. Several A&P raptures, but not in my happy place.

45m last night, in hotel, was more in line with recent sits. Deep concentration to start with, leading to stillness. Thoughts did persist throughout, but I was not carried away at any time. Note and move on. Whack-a-mole. No strong urges, but scalp tingles...tried to note them individually but found that pretty challenging.

40m this morning, left it a little too late and so there was a lot of noise outside that was annoying (note). Smooth transition into concentrated state, stillness, with some thoughts pulling me "down" to where I have strong pressure on my eyes and forehead. Breathe through it back "up" to stillness. Keep on keepin' on.

"Airports and airplanes are not really conducive to great concentration."

Funny, I think airplane rides are marvelous places for meditation. Many good things seem to happen on plane rides... but I may be an outlier. I'm weird. Quirky even.

"
"Airports and airplanes are not really conducive to great concentration."

Funny, I think airplane rides are marvelous places for meditation. Many good things seem to happen on plane rides... but I may be an outlier. I'm weird. Quirky even.

"

Weird? Don't think so. How about "arahat"?

How about "human being?"

I prefer that description over any other.

"
How about "human being?"

I prefer that description over any other.

"

Ha ha, fair enough my dharma friend.

45m sit last night, tough concentration. Sleepy. Switched to noting and basically felt like I was just treading water. I had intended to take a short break, and repeat with another 45m but I guess I am still on east coast time and I just felt wiped.

45m sit this morning, early. Concentration better and spent a significant portion of time in a fairly calm state. At one point, noted pronounced tingling in scalp and tried to zero in on individual A/P of a tingle. It was pretty fast, but I was able to resolve it to some extent. I was later revisited by the huge tension knot in my neck, which I watch as it slowly moved upwards and eventually dissolved. Felt very "one-pointed" in terms of focus. Tried emptying my mind and focusing attention on my third-eye, letting go but, alas, nothing came to pass. And still, thoughts keep trapping me.

Sat tonight with no fixed duration, resolving to stay with it, watching the breath and noting until...

It ended up about 70m. Very early on I was getting hit with multiple rapture waves. Very strong. Intense pressure in my head. Seemingly strong focus, noting frequently (one or two notes per breath phase, plus "rising/falling"). Soon met with huge neck tension again, watching as my neck strained and my jaws clenched. Very strong sense of "this is not me", as I watched (literally) myself twist with the thing, while also noting tremors, numbness, and waves of cold in other parts. Tension dissolves, and super super quiet mind and body. Little twinges here and there. Felt like I was waiting for something. Then shivers, pain in leg, strong emotions ("quit", "move", "UNPLEASANT"), eventually did move to release pain in leg. Resumed after about 30s, stillness then again, wave after wave of , cold shivers. Strong sense of "not me" again, but then it is me and I am not having fun and I am wiped out.

55m this morning, of pure frustration. Yes, I noted "frustration" but that did not make it any less frustrating. Planning thoughts, random thoughts, I was probably engaged in some extensive thought more than 50% of the time. I kept coming back to the breath, trying to get a noting rhythm in the breath cycles, but it would only last a few cycles before I was off again.

I woke up early for this???

The only thing that kept me sitting was the thought (heh!) that waking up only takes a moment. What if it was going to be the next moment after I got up?

This evening I did 3 consecutive sits of 30m, broken up by a 5m rest, to get some decent momentum while at the same time easing some of the physical discomfort. Concentration was quick, and I rapidly settled in the happy place that, I guess, I can call equanimity. Spacious, still, with very little of my body outside my head being noticeable. Easy noting, initially. The transitions between sits did not disrupt the flow too much, and each one ended up in the same easy place. Tingling scalp, wavy visuals like a mirage. Ever so whispy breath. But by the third sit, thoughts were more insistent and disruptive. I'd realize I was gone, and then I would get a rapture wave, then discomfort, as I climbed back up to equanimity.

Nothing, ultimately, happened except for clocking more time in that state. But as I analyzed it afterwards to compose this note, I realized that by the third sit, I was mostly just experiencing equanimity, dwelling in it and passively waiting for "something" to happen, whereas earlier I was in fact noting a fair bit. And I think this must be why I was more disrupted later: I am doing this wrong. But I don't know how to get myself to stick with the program, if that is what is missing. It is like I get there and start looking around, looking for clues and signs that will lead me to the stream, instead of...what?

I think I am getting sidetracked by some of the stuff I read here, like fluttering eyes, focusing on third eye, crown chakra energy, etc., and have officially lost my way.

I think you know what to do. All the rest of the advice has been given to other yogis. Do what get's you to equanimity. Hang out in equanimity long enough for the impatience and anticipation to "get too much" and note that impatience and anticipation. Repeat this and chew the food for as long as it takes, eventually you will swallow/pop!!!!!!

All these other newish techniques of seemingly speeding up a path moment may or may not work for you. So I would return to what you were doing. There seem to be many ways to trigger a path moment. One of them is hanging out in Equanimity with enough patience and mindfulness . It WILL happen. This place is like popcorn in a microwave these days.

Trust your gut!

Nick