There is no spoon

I do like his characterization of the four stages of awakening as resulting in a progressive "change in perceptual thresholds which allow access to previously unconscious mental processes".

A 45m sit this morning was interesting. First, I began by walking up the jhanas again. My thinking here is that I want to be able to more clearly recognize the transitions between them using my new-found superpowers (heh, joking here), and so using them to get up to a point where I can easily observe other effects seems like a good plan. Regardless of whether I am pre- or post-SE, I seem to be able to do this much better now than, say, last week.

So, I sit watching the breath and within about 30s I get a "whoosh" effect in my head and super-tight focus. I had previously associated that sensation with access concentration, but I am beginning to see that this is also J1: it is just in the degree of focus that I end up with. Continuing with the breath, about 2m in I start to get a "rush" feeling and then each exhale gives me rapture-like shivers. It is tough to keep this going because the shivers are very distracting, but continued focus on the breath does lead me out into a more relaxed state. Weak sense of "inflation" here...certainly, I have had it much stronger. This J3 is the most elusive of the bunch for me, and I have a hard time dialing it in. But I think I recognize it now as the calm after the rapture-filled J2.

The transition to J4 is pretty stark. One moment I am just kind of expanding, then next there is another "whoosh" and I am back inside my head. But instead of the tight focus of J1, it is substantially lighter and open. Peaceful, as in J3, but now I am inside my head to such a degree that I don't notice my limbs nearly to the same degree, if at all.

Once in J4, I started to see visual vibrations almost at once, and so I started noticing them before I realized it, so I could not cultivate the feeling of J4 much beyond the transition.

(...)

As I noted the visual vibrations, I noticed that an old astronomy technique seemed kind of useful. When you are looking at faint objects in a telescope, it helps to use what is known as "averted vision", essentially looking out of the corner of your eye, because the eye is more sensitive to light there. If you look right at something faint, it often disappears. "Averted attention" seems to help here, as some subtle fluttering in the visual field sometimes goes away when I focus directly at it, but if kind of go "LA LA LA, I am not looking at you..." and indirectly watch it, it sticks around more.

I then turned my attention to my right hand, where I felt intense buzzing. While I could feel my pulse, the buzzing seemed way too fast to deconstruct. Then I looked at just my thumb, and was surprised to notice that the superfast buzzing was only hard to deconstruct when I considered all my fingers at once. If I looked at just one digit, it was way, way more noticeable. In fact, it clearly seemed to be the superposition of three things: the HR pulse, a somewhat random series of quicker pulses (2, 3, or 4, with a pause either at the end or somewhere in the middle), and tiny micro-pulses, like little pinpricks (too fast to count, but something like 4 or so per random pulse).

I was able to watch this for quite a while, during which a couple of times I started to get a pressure build-up in my crown or my forehead. I tried to correlate any pulsing in that build-up with the sensations I was tracking in my thumb, but did not really get anywhere. And the pressure just fizzled each time.

The bell was received with disappointment, as I could have explored that for quite a bit longer.

Tom, one of the telltale signs of J3 for me is coolness on the skin (often with sensations of the air in the room or my breath on my face).

"Tom, one of the telltale signs of J3 for me is coolness on the skin (often with sensations of the air in the room or my breath on my face)."

Yeah, you know I just don't really get that. The closest was that, pretty reproducibly until very recently, I would get a cold, not cool, sensation on my left clavicle. It would then spread down and right, sometimes just a little bit, sometimes until it reached the right side. Always left to right. Always clavicle. It was more a time-based thing than concentration, so I never concluded it was J3 (and still don't).

Thanks!

For what it is worth, the last bunch of days off the cushion have exhibited any one or more of the following: crabby, short, impatient, frustrated, abrupt, snarky, pissy, annoyed, disappointed, and impatient (yeah, I know I said that one twice). It's all friction, baby!

"
"Averted attention" seems to help here, as some subtle fluttering in the visual field sometimes goes away when I focus directly at it, but if kind of go "LA LA LA, I am not looking at you..." and indirectly watch it, it sticks around more.

......Then I looked at just my thumb, and was surprised to notice that the superfast buzzing was only hard to deconstruct when I considered all my fingers at once. If I looked at just one digit, it was way, way more noticeable. In fact, it clearly seemed to be the superposition of three things: the HR pulse, a somewhat random series of quicker pulses (2, 3, or 4, with a pause either at the end or somewhere in the middle), and tiny micro-pulses, like little pinpricks (too fast to count, but something like 4 or so per random pulse).
"


Hey, Tom. I've noticed this 'averted attention' thing, too. Neat to find there's already a term for it. I've also noticed it works well for other objects than fluttering. Goose-flesh rapture, in particular. : )

Nice description of the single-finger buzzing, too. Like you, I experience a narrowed focus to be a lot clearer than a larger area, as well.

I don't have anything really helpful to add to that, just some thanks for the friendly delight of companionship on the path.

Oh, actually, I do have something to add. Haha. Relates to your latest post, too.

I've found this kind of observation really helpful while interacting with people. In other words, when I can see sensations of irritation or impatience or anger at this level, it's SO much easier to just watch it and not impulsively ignore it or take it out on anybody.

So, I encourage you and everyone else to bring this kind of detail into 'daily life.' (Which is meant as a reminder, not an assumption that you and others aren't doing this already.)

Cheers,
Ryan

"
Hey, Tom. I've noticed this 'averted attention' thing, too. Neat to find there's already a term for it."

Uh, I made the "averted attention" part up. But "averted vision" is indeed an astronomy term.

I sat for 30m earlier today, and had a curious thing happen. Quite short into the sit (5m perhaps), I had two head "explosions" roughly 1m apart. These kind of felt like the head part of an A&P rapture, but absolutely missing the other sensations in the body. It was in the head only, and they were very quick and very intense (thus my "explosion" descriptor). Each was preceded by a very quick ballooning sensation starting in my crown, and my head actually felt as though it were floating up. Then bam.

The remainder of the sit was just sitting. No overwhelming sense of calm or anything, just noting sounds, the occasional thought/story, and the myriad sensations in my body.

The last 3 sits.

60m of very tough going. Lots of stories, no real sense of being locked into any vibrations for any length of time. No A&P that I can recall. Frustration. Disappointment.

45m, started by watching body pulse then moving to vibrations in visual field. Fluttering in discrete locations, then more subtle strobing of whole field. Still, often caught in stories, and it was generally tough to stay very focused. There were several small energy surges, and then one HUGE body surge after which there was more peace/bliss.

35m, started with breath and working up through the jhanas. Raptures in arms and neck, stayed focused on breath, eventually leading to a large expansion feeling in head. I then moved to perceiving visual vibrations. After a while, I got a strong energy surge up through upper body, neck and head. Strong pressure on crown. Tried to observe impassively as a witness, noting all the various sensations. Event lasted several minutes after which the pressure gradually fizzled. Remainder of sit was stories, tension, relaxation.

Planning a long sit tonight as I have the place to myself. Maybe I can get a better idea of where the hell I am after that.

So then.

It starts with me sitting with nothing but time on my hands. I set the timer for 2h in case I fell asleep, but mentally I resolved to keep sitting until I got it done.

No rush, following my breath in, with J1 and A&P coming quite swiftly. I don't recall the same dramatic "inflation" feeling this time around leading into J3, but I easily stay with the breath until I am quite still. I then try and turn my attention to the strobing, not fluttering, of the visual field. Observe till it disappears, then watch the breath. Back and forth. Stories do come and go and, if I am gone for more than a heartbeat, the return often carries a "rush" sensation.

This goes on for about an hour. Then while watching the visual strobing, unmistakably, everything winks out and back. Like a slow camera shutter. Before I could say to myself "WTF?", I knew what it was. I then starting wondering, "was that IT?" but caught myself and just suspended questioning and watched what would happen next.

The immediate "next" was not too dramatic, just a subtle quietening of the background hum in my head. Maybe the questioning/doubting jinxed things a bit. Then, about a minute later, the huge pressure build up in my chest, neck, head up to the crown. Release from that into more quiet. I used the quiet to continue observing strobing, but it was pretty darned peaceful, and I was ok with just watching the breath too. Eventually I could feel myself unwind, get more "solid" with body sensations, and I got more excited to write this down. Getting up, however, was a challenge as my head felt very "stoned".

So then. Was that IT? If that was IT, does that mean those other huge surges over the last week or more were preceded by IT and I just didn't notice? As before, I will now wait and see what follows, but I kind of feel ok with this. w00t.

TEARS

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

: )

Bowing to you, Tom. : ) Joy and much respect!!

Awesome!!!!

yeah, Nice

I follow my last post with another 30m sit before bed. Maybe it was just a hangover from earlier, but my head felt very "puffy", and I immediately sat down to equanimity. I felt very still, grounded (yes, I was using a cushion this time), and peaceful. Just sitting and letting be, trying to get out of the way of whatever might present itself. Nothing did, but that was ok. It also seemed to me like the strobing was much more elusive. I don't want to say it wasn't there, but it was definitely not as apparent. The visual field was much more uniform and stable, no lava lamp blobs.

Tinge of disappointment that nothing else happened, but went to bed very calm.

This morning, I tried a 30m sit straight from bed, before coffee even. Apparently not a good idea. Very busy mind, restless body. Just not getting "into it". Nothing else to say but "blech". Will do a more serious effort later this morning.

Tom, the surges definitely could have been it as well. Have an eye out for a sudden jump from equanimity to A&P, often you won't catch the cessation.

See how it goes, it sounds like your description is spot on.

"Tom, the surges definitely could have been it as well. Have an eye out for a sudden jump from equanimity to A&P, often you won't catch the cessation.

See how it goes, it sounds like your description is spot on."

Awesome, Tom! Keep the posts coming...

"Tom, the surges definitely could have been it as well." -Mumuwu

No, the surges could NOT have been it if by "it" you mean cessation/fruition. Cessation is not a surge, nor is it any experience whatsoever. A surge is just a surge. A cessation is exactly what it sounds like: cessation of the mind/body process, or in plain English, a momentary loss of consciousness. It's a blip-out.

But of course it's possible for a cessation to be preceded or followed by a surge, although most people don't describe it that way. There is a lot of room for individual variation in both experience and reporting style/language. There are some other, more telling indicators of whether a Path moment has occurred, e.g., changes in the patterns you observe while sitting and changes in how you see yourself, your practice, and the world.

Kenneth

Yes, that's what I meant. That he may have been missing the cessation and noticing the immediate after effects (hence the second sentence I wrote). I will try to be clearer next time.

"So then.

It starts with me sitting with nothing but time on my hands..."

Hehe, wonderful!!!

"But of course it's possible for a cessation to be preceded or followed by a surge, although most people don't describe it that way. There is a lot of room for individual variation in both experience and reporting style/language. There are some other, more telling indicators of whether a Path moment has occurred, e.g., changes in the patterns you observe while sitting and changes in how you see yourself, your practice, and the world."

I think that since the surge did not happen right after, but a minute or so after, my linking them is tenuous at best. But this was the first clear cessation that I have observed.

I have had a headache all day, which is unlike me. Kind of like a hangover. On my sit this morning, I attributed it to lack of coffee, but now...?

As I sat just now, for 90m, I could immediately feel this "full" sensation in my head...puffy...none are the right words. But from the get go, that is where the action was. Thoughts, memories, planning...quick to jump in, but none carried me away. I was acutely aware of being present, feeling and hearing everything. Tingling in hands, strobing in visual field, pressure in my head in waves, or in synch with the strobing.

Three or four times, I don't recall precisely, there were these sudden "head bob" moments. I came back from each with a start, hyper-aware. Were those cessations? To me, honestly, they felt the same as nodding off to sleep. How can I tell the difference?

The middle part of the sit was a roller coaster. At about 1-2m intervals, I was having intense waves of energy in my entire body. It didn't start anywhere in particular, and was more like the simultaneous firing of every neuron in my body. One or two were less intense, but there were at least 20 that were really mind blowing. Each included intense pressure in the head/crown, and as I rode each one I tried to be apart from it, disembedding, watching my body react, while at the same time noting things like the birds chirping or a cool breeze blowing in. Odd, and tiring.

The last part, 20m or so, was relatively tame in comparison, but again I was noticing how "there" I was for everything. Maybe I am looking for it, but the degree to which I was present for most of the 90m was markedly different from most of my practice up until now.

Maybe something has changed after all.