Ron's Practice Journal

The past few nights I have been noticing movement through the jhanic arc more and more clearly. It doesn't seem like I go all the way back down to the bottom after getting up to A&P. Instead it seems like I bob up and down between 3rd and 4th for quite a while.

I'm noticing a consistent new pattern, just after A&P, which is that I'm getting into a very serene state where it seems difficult to note. The sensation of light and pleasure is still present, but it seems calmer and less exciting, and I seem to feel "zoned out" a little.

Following a conversation with Kenneth, I'm also noting my feeling states more throughout the day. It was a discovery for me that while I could easily note thoughts, sensations and perceptions, feelings were more difficult for me. So as I'm going through my day I'm noting anytime I feel an emotion: curious, angry, frustrated, happy, interested, disgusted, etc.
Also, Kenneth taught me to note in a particular way: "watch it be curious" "watch it be angry" etc. This is having an interesting effect. "I" feel more detached from the emotions as I'm noting them. Another interesting thing this practice is showing me is that emotions can be so subtle that they are hard to tune into and they change very quickly. It brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "mood swings"

"The past few nights I have been noticing movement through the jhanic arc more and more clearly. It doesn't seem like I go all the way back down to the bottom after getting up to A&P. Instead it seems like I bob up and down between 3rd and 4th for quite a while."-Ron

It's common to move through the 1st two strata quickly. You may only get a whiff of them as they go by. 3rd and 4th are much easier to spot and may last a little longer.

"I'm noticing a consistent new pattern, just after A&P, which is that I'm getting into a very serene state where it seems difficult to note. The sensation of light and pleasure is still present, but it seems calmer and less exciting, and I seem to feel "zoned out" a little."-Ron

Chilled out bliss? Cool sensations on skin? Diffuse focus? Easier to feel all of your skin at once than to zoom in on one little area? These are characteristics of the 5th stratum of mind, which contains both the Knowledge of Dissolution and the 3rd jhana.

Keep up the great work, Ron. You are really rolling.

Kenneth

"Following a conversation with Kenneth, I'm also noting my feeling states more throughout the day. It was a discovery for me that while I could easily note thoughts, sensations and perceptions, feelings were more difficult for me. So as I'm going through my day I'm noting anytime I feel an emotion: curious, angry, frustrated, happy, interested, disgusted, etc.
Also, Kenneth taught me to note in a particular way: "watch it be curious" "watch it be angry" etc. This is having an interesting effect. "I" feel more detached from the emotions as I'm noting them. Another interesting thing this practice is showing me is that emotions can be so subtle that they are hard to tune into and they change very quickly. It brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "mood swings""

Hi Ron,
I just read through your practice journal. Although I'm familiar with the nanas & jhanas, I don't feel that I have sufficient experience in this practice method to offer much feedback (my practice experience is with Zuowang/Dzogchen/Zazen - "just sitting" practices). I'm appreciating you taking the time to share your practice notes... sounds like you're moving along nicely.
Great "off the cushion" practice, too. - Wonderful to see that you're noticing the subtleties of emotions as they arise and pass... With ongoing investigation, you may find that these subtleties breakdown even further... arising and passing... no "I" attachment...

Metta & Upekka,
- Tina

Thanks Khara for the encouragement and perspective. I've really benefited from the experience of keeping a practice journal online and checking in regularly with a teacher. If anything, it gives me more accountability in my practice.

Kenneth, I suspected that I was at Dissolution. Chilled-out is the perfect phrase for it. Tonight I sat for 25 minutes and went through the arc perhaps 5 times (maybe more, not sure) and it wasn't until the last time up that I really experienced Dissolution again. It seems that you don't just go up to the last point of progress right away, but the mind seems to travel back and forth for a while before you get to the edge of your own ability. This time when I got there I really tried to focus on everything about the experience, but I found it difficult to do. My mind seems "spread out" if that makes any sense. I have noticed cool sensations running down my skin, but I keep doubting whether they are just an effect of the spot where I have my cushion, which is chilly. Still, it is something new to me and interesting. "Bliss" is another good word for it, because it is a very relaxing state to be in. After coming out of it this evening and walking into the living room I found it a little difficult to have a conversation at first, and just grinned for a while.

Noting emotions has been going fairly well. An interesting aspect of this is that once I've identified one very clearly and seen it repeat a few times it then becomes easily notable again. But up until I have the right word to objectify them, the emotions are difficult to spot when they arise, especially if they are very mild. I have no problem identifying flashy emotions like anger, lust, excitement, etc. but mild boredom, weak interest, a flash of frustration, these are less accessible in the moment.

Great descriptions of dissolution and observations about getting to the "edge of our own ability."

I also love your description of how the noting of mind states progresses. The less flashy mind states are the ones you are embedded in, so it's understandable that they are hard to label. As you get better at spotting them and less embedded in them, noting becomes easier and easier. This is the movement from conscious incompetence (you know you aren't quite getting it but can't help it) to conscious competence (by making an effort, you are able to systematically objectify the mind states).

Great reports, great practice. Thanks for sharing.

Kenneth

"I'm noticing a consistent new pattern, just after A&P, which is that I'm getting into a very serene state where it seems difficult to note. The sensation of light and pleasure is still present, but it seems calmer and less exciting, and I seem to feel "zoned out" a little.
"

Ron,

What are you using as your A&P "signal"? I ask because you seem to be well tuned to noticing the various strata and, while I can (I think) notice the various jhanas I can access, I am less able to watch the transitions through nanas.

tomotvos,

I'm still getting the hang of using these maps, but I'm getting good enough to feel pretty confident about identifying A&P. I still could be mixing different stages together, so forgive me if they get a little blurred.

For me A&P looks like this: first there are sensations that are very pleasurable that seem to rise or "gurgle" upward from my chest or abdomen and into my head. These sensations are hard to describe except to say they are a little like when you were a kid and would stick your tongue on a battery, but not exactly like that. Simultaneous with these sensations I feel pressure on the top of my head, and there is a sensation that light is coming on in the room I'm in. Almost like someone is turning up a rheostat switch a little at a time. If it gets very strong, the light can become very bright and seems to be filling the "space" where my attention is. The light, pressure and pleasurable sensations tend to increase or decrease together.

This experience is so different from anything that comes before it, a truly altered state, that it really woke me up to the idea that there is something much deeper going on with meditation than just relaxing. I spent a long time doing concentration practices and this was described in those practices as a "nimmata" or sign that concentration was getting strong. I still love the concentration practices, but the insight maps provide a more comprehensive explanation of this experience for me, plus, I don't have to wait a lifetime for awakening.

I hope this helps. There really isn't a one signal but this combination of experiences that all occur at once. For me A&P is pretty distinct and easy to identify, but the lower nanas are more difficult. Those seem to fly by quickly. I used to think that they were signs that my concentration was weakening but now know better.

Hey Ron, great to read your notes. I know for me I didn't have the maps until the end of my dissolution phase. My A& P was quit obvious as a powerful experience, but it was only after studying the maps for a while and reflecting that recalling when I went through the first two nanas became obvious. Keep doing what your doing sounds like you are making real progress...

Thanks Clayton, it is good to get validation from people who are ahead of me on the path, because it is so easy to doubt yourself when you don't get feedback. On the flip side, without feedback I guess it is also easy to think one is making progress when it just isn't happening.

The last few threads got me interested in paying more attention to the movement through the arc, so this morning when I sat I focused on that. Over a thirty minute sit, it seemed that I moved through the arc many times, perhaps 12. One thing that was noticeable was that the Dissolution stage came up earlier in this sit than in previous ones, demonstrating a tangible step forward. I also focused on getting a better feel for the lower nanas, and was able to detect them a bit easier. At one point as I dropped from A&P to the lower nanas it seemed as if I suddenly became heavier and more "solid."

Another interesting thing. With the noting practice for emotions I'm noticing a lot more happiness, contentment, excitement and joy when getting to A&P and Dissolution. In the lower nanas the emotions are more negative: frustration, boredom, anger and irritability, mixed with a little curiosity, patience and hope.

Ron

1st Gear:
The Dissolution phase continues to come up earlier in the sitting. Today I had an hour of free time at work when a client canceled, so I found a quiet place to sit. What was interesting was that the room was very warm (I started to break a sweat) and I still felt the cool sensations on my skin, so I know that they are really a product of the meditation and not the spot where I have my cushion.

On 2nd gear:
I'm doing witness practice while commuting back and forth to work each day, and some interesting things are happening. When I've settled into watching the watching itself it almost seems as though everything is happening on TV or in a movie. Also the focus of my attention is beginning to have a "locus" of sorts, just behind and above my eyes. This doesn't make sense I know, but it is almost as if my mind is trying to find a place to put the witness in space, so it is located behind my eyes. This means that when I'm doing this practice it is starting to feel like I'm looking out through my eyes but the eyes aren't part of the witness, so they aren't "mine" so to speak. Explaining this stuff is very, very hard.
Another thing about 2nd gear. When I really get into it, I'm experiencing raptures that are similar to the kind during A&P, but milder. I especially feel a ballooning or expanding feeling in my head and torso.

I've sat three times since the last entry and the experiences are all very similar. A&P comes up very quickly, so much so that it is difficult to notice the lower nanas, they seem to fly by. Then I seem to go back and forth from A&P to the first, staying at A&P longer than the others. Usually about 10 or 15 minutes into the sit I'll get to dissolution and from that point on in the meditation I'll be touching base with dissolution each time I travel up the arc.
Something new about dissolution. Though I continue to feel zoned out and it is difficult to focus, I'm noticing a lot of thoughts coming and going. What is different about this is that in cause and effect or A&P I'd notice the thoughts right away and note them, in dissolution I only seem to notice them after some time. It would be frustrating if the stage weren't so relaxing to start with.

On 2nd gear:
Though there continues to be a "locus" of sorts for the witness, behind and above my eyes, I'm also discovering that it isn't limited to that. There is a sense that it is centered there but is without boundaries.

"Today I felt drained and irritable, and when I sat tonight I resolved to pay attention to this feeling state and see what happened. I sat for 25 minutes, and started with noting the rising and falling at the abdomen. I noted upset, anger and when I calmed and looked closer at the physical sensations that made up the anger and upset, I noted hardness in the throat, tension around the eyes, aching in my temple and back of my head. Over the course of the meditation no raptures happened or light. Some brief sensations of rising pleasure, but they were mild and fleeting. Most of the time I noted the unpleasant sensations. They seemed to move and change, and at one point an itch that I had on my cheek felt as if it was vibrating or bubbling with infinitesimal bubbles. While there were no big insights that I'm aware of, I was in a much better mood after the sit.

Ron"

How do you recognize the "lower nanas?" The A&P is the only thing I ever really get because it is so obvious.
THANKS

Hey telecaster,

I am not that good at recognizing them, in fact, I learned to recognize them mostly by paying close attention to what happens after A&P on the way back down the arc, but at the beginning of the sit I can't really see them clearly.

For Mind and Body I still haven't teased that one out in a way that I'm confident about except to say that it feels very "solid" compared to those above it. I have to say that it feels like "normal" mind to me.

For Cause and Effect, it took quite a while but I figured out that all those "distracting" thoughts I was having after sitting for a few minutes were actually part of that stage. At first I caught myself thinking and would just note "thinking" and go back to the breath. But as I started to investigate I would see my thoughts and realize that certain ones were repeating, or were more "sticky" than the others and that the repeating thoughts had a subtle emotional and physical consequence. For example, if I get upset at someone at work and entertain the thought that they are a jerk throughout the day, when I sit an image of them will come up along with anger and then usually some bodily sensation like tension. Cause and Effect is seeing that these things all happen together one right after the other. Really when you think of it, this stage is just an extension of Mind and Body, because you see how the mind and body interact.

The three characteristics stage is strange for me because I notice a lot spots of tension and tightness around my body and these resolve into what are best described as clouds of tingling sensations. In the moment I don't really reflect on this as the three characteristics manifesting, but upon reflection I guess it is.

I hope this helps you out. Seeing these stages is tricky and they often fly by.

Ron

A 40 minute sit tonight though it felt like 30 minutes. I'm noticing that the time goes by very quickly now that I'm noticing the territory that is being crossed. I started out having difficulty noting, getting lost in thoughts for some reason. Eventually I noted the thinking and it seemed to "soften", it illustrated the disembedding process talked about in the essay on how to get enlightened. As with other sits I felt the smooth shift into A&P and back down, then back to A&P and after a number of these cycles it seemed that the raptures with A&P got stronger. Curious. I wondered why that happened, was it stronger concentration? Then just a few brief visits to dissolution this time.

I'm also noticing a slightly different quality to my mood after sitting. When I was getting to A&P, after the sit I would feel relaxed but really energized and mildly excited. Now that I'm getting into dissolution, after sitting I feel more relaxed than excited, a bit "lovey-dovey" like after a metta meditation.

"Today I felt drained and irritable, and when I sat tonight I resolved to pay attention to this feeling state and see what happened. I sat for 25 minutes, and started with noting the rising and falling at the abdomen. I noted upset, anger and when I calmed and looked closer at the physical sensations that made up the anger and upset, I noted hardness in the throat, tension around the eyes, aching in my temple and back of my head. Over the course of the meditation no raptures happened or light. Some brief sensations of rising pleasure, but they were mild and fleeting. Most of the time I noted the unpleasant sensations. They seemed to move and change, and at one point an itch that I had on my cheek felt as if it was vibrating or bubbling with infinitesimal bubbles. While there were no big insights that I'm aware of, I was in a much better mood after the sit.

Ron"

Good, clean report. Thank you, Ron.

30 minute sit this afternoon. Started with noting sensations, tension, expansion, warmth, itching, etc. After about four or five minutes I started to feel pressure on the top of my head, sensed a rising pressure from my chest that was pleasurable and noted excitement and trembling around my lips. I noticed thinking and noted it, however it continued for some time (minutes). After some time the pleasurable sensations and pressure diminished and I was back to noting itching, warmth, etc. After a minute or so, the pressure and pleasurable sensations returned and were stronger along with a sensation of light, though dim. The rising sensation disappeared though the pleasurable sensation remained and I noted pleasant and more thinking. After several more cycles like this I noticed that some of the thinking was negative and self-critical. After the sit I was very relaxed and grinning.

35 minute sit this evening that started by quickly experiencing A&P almost as soon as i started noting I noticed pressure at the top of my head, a sense of expansion or "ballooning" outward, a rising energy and light. All very pleasant. After 10 minutes or so of going back and forth between lower nanas and A&P, I experienced cool sensations running down my arms and the cadence of my breath changed. Difficulty focusing and difficulty noting. From then on during the sit each time I cycled I experienced the sensations of A&P much more strongly, especially the light, which was very bright. I noticed that as soon as the cool sensations and difficulty focusing went away there was a surge in brightness and noting became swift and easy. During the last five minutes of the sit I lost track of where I was on the arc and was simply sitting. The noting had become very soft in my mind, almost a distraction in the background, and it began to seem as if everything were strobing in and out. Wherever I directed my attention, no matter what the sensation, it seemed to be pulsing or strobing. The term flickering went through my mind, but that doesn't really capture the experience, because there seemed to be a building and releasing of energy, like a pulse. While this was happening I had almost no thoughts and found it very difficult to note, my mind was alert but very passive.

"35 minute sit this evening that started by quickly experiencing A&P almost as soon as i started noting I noticed pressure at the top of my head, a sense of expansion or "ballooning" outward, a rising energy and light. All very pleasant. After 10 minutes..."

Take note, everyone: this is a model report. (The value of a report lies not in what is happening; whatever is happening is exactly as it should be. This applies to all yogis, at every stage of development. The point is not to generate any particular experience, but rather to be clearly aware of whatever is happening.) This is a model report because of the clarity and simplicity of the language and the descriptions. Ron is not drawing a lot of conclusions or spinning a lot of thoughts about his practice. He's just reporting what happens. (The characterization of certain experiences as A&P are based on conversations he and I have had, in which we have agreed that a certain set of phenomena signals the onset of the Arising and Passing of Phenomena phase of his sitting.) Because of the clarity of his report, when he and I talk again, as we do every week, I'll have a clear idea of where he is in his practice and how to guide him toward further progress.

Thanks, Ron!

Kenneth

Thanks Kenneth, that kind of feedback helps to keep me on the right track.

tonight I sat for 45 minutes. It took much longer to get to A&P this time, more than 15 minutes or so, I sat noting rising, falling, coolness, expansion, tension, itching, warmth, upset, pressure, frustration, and so on. When A&P came, there was a rising sensation of energy, pressure at the top of my head and a speeding up of the noting along with excitement and happiness. This lasted a few minutes and then it ended back in lower nanas. This back and forth continued for some time (perhaps another 15 minutes or so) and each time up the arc the sensations of A&P seemed to get stronger. At some point the rising energy stopped rising, and seemed to flow outward, cool sensations ran down my arms and chest and noting became difficult. This lasted for perhaps a minute or two, then back to rising and sped up noting. This back and forth continued for another five to ten minutes, and then I got to a spot where I seemed to rest in the Dissolution for some time (the remainder of the sit). The sensations were the same (coolness, a sensation of relaxing, a slowing and spreading out of mind) but were stronger, and there was a new one, a sensation of sinking.

Only had time for a brief sit tonight, 25 minutes. Started out noting aching, expansion, warmth, boredom, itching, etc, and within a few minutes noted light, pressure, rising, pleasant, and a "tickling" sensation at the top of my head signaling A&P. Stayed with these sensations for quite some time (5 to 8 minutes) before noting the passing of these sensations, the lessening of tickling and fading of light. Also, as per Kenneth's instruction, I paid particular attention to my mind's reaction to going back down the arc. I felt a vague sense of disappointment and a wish to stay in A&P. When the sensation of A&P returned I felt them more strongly and an increased sense of happiness. These smoothed out and I noted calm, coolness, slumping and perceived that I was in Dissolution. I stayed in Dissolution for just a few minutes and this time as I started back down the arc, I clearly felt a sense of disappointment and a wish to stay in Dissolution. In fact, as the brightness increased and the speed of the noting increased the thought, "this is just for a second" passed through my mind like a hope that I could stay. After that, a few more trips up and down with the same sensations and experience. However, as the sit continued I became very conscientious of the embeddedness that the sense of disappointment had and "stepped back" to simply observe the process with interest. When this was done successfully, the sensations of the stages, particularly A&P and Dissolution, became much stronger.

What is interesting to me about the way you and several other people working with Kenneth are practicing is the abillity you are getting to know the "arc."
If stream entry/frution is at a certain point in the arc (high equanimity) then if you get better and better at knowing where you are on the arc and better and better at knowing how to get to certain places on the arc, then you are going to become very efficient at develpmental enlightenment and end up wasting very little time on the cushion.
It seems like you are simply getting at the essentials. Nice.

Yeah telecaster, that is what I like most about this practice, that there is this "so what's next?" quality to it and you don't get stuck at one level of insight thinking that is all there is. You can keep track of where you are and consider where you are going. I'm a pretty linear thinking westerner guy, so having things progress in repeatable steps that I can track makes total sense to me. With a series of steps like this there is a lot less BSing oneself and others about what is happening in meditation. I can't say enough good things about having this arc to track practice. It has made my practice a lot more sane.

On the flip side, I suppose there is always the danger that people could get competitive about it once they know the stages of insight and try to one-up others. Also, people could read descriptions of the stages and just parrot what they've read. Still, that is one of those things that others are likely to see through with time.

I have been reading your notes on nothing and am inspired by your own journey up the arc. Please keep us all appraised of what happens.

Ron

"Yeah telecaster, that is what I like most about this practice, that there is this "so what's next?" quality to it and you don't get stuck at one level of insight thinking that is all there is. You can keep track of where you are and consider where you are going. I'm a pretty linear thinking westerner guy, so having things progress in repeatable steps that I can track makes total sense to me. With a series of steps like this there is a lot less BSing oneself and others about what is happening in meditation. I can't say enough good things about having this arc to track practice. It has made my practice a lot more sane.

On the flip side, I suppose there is always the danger that people could get competitive about it once they know the stages of insight and try to one-up others. Also, people could read descriptions of the stages and just parrot what they've read. Still, that is one of those things that others are likely to see through with time.

I have been reading your notes on nothing and am inspired by your own journey up the arc. Please keep us all appraised of what happens.

Ron"

Apparently I've run out of things to say on nothing, so there is nothing to look forward to.

During the past three sittings something new has happened. At first I wasn't sure about it, but it was very strong in the last sitting so I thought I should go ahead and write about it.

The sittings start normally, with noting physical sensations (warmth, pressure, tension, aching, itching, etc) and move quickly to A&P (light, pressure and tickling at the top of my head and a sense of rising energy). After bouncing up and down from the lower nanas to A&P several times, I experience coolness and a deep slowing down of the mind which to me signals Dissolution. From that point forward in the meditation each time I cycle I experience Dissolution strongly.
What is new is that in the past three sittings at some point in the meditation, about 25 to 30 minutes in, Dissolution changes into something with more energy which is not A&P. It feels like all the muscles in my face, neck, chest and abdomen suddenly feel "ready" or "energized" in an unpleasant way, and there is an emotional flavor of dread. The dread is strange and hard to explain. It seems as if something awful could happen or is going to happen but what it is isn't clear and the sense of dread itself is very subtle. Yesterday as I was experiencing this I was meditating in a public park across the street from my apartment, and someone's dog barked. I felt like it was directed at me and jumped.

I don't want to get in the habit of diagnosis myself or making assumptions, but I can't help but wonder if this is the nana of fear. If it is, I sure can understand why.

Or "misery?", "disgust?"