Ron's Practice Journal

Thanks Joel, it is nice to hear from others and the encouragement is helpful right now.

30 minute sit tonight. About 15 minutes in I was in DN (anxious, alert, grimacing). I felt strong momentum moving up the arc, good concentration too, as all the symptoms of each stage were strong, especially A&P and Dissolution. When I got to reobservation, the "static" that I normally experience was very light and not bothersome at all really. This did not last long (perhaps a minute) and I found myself in that new territory I described before. At first it felt like I was going into dissolution, because I felt a sense of calming down and a cool comfortable mood settle in, and while there was a sense of spaciousness, I felt very alert and noted very easily. Each thing seemed to be noted without effort (sound, visual imaging thought, ache, itch, tickle, pressure, happiness, warmth, etc.).

After a few minutes in this state, I noticed a faint pulsing sensation at the edge of my field of awareness. If this field were a "dark bubble" surrounding the watching awareness, then the pulsing was in front and above the watcher. The pulsing seemed to be gaining in strength and then I started back down the arc, moving very swiftly through DN and Dissolution and staying for a while in A&P.

After this sit, my mood was fantastic. It was like I had come out of a great massage. I was grinning and very happy. Nothing seemed to bother me at all, though I felt a little spacey.

I must say, you are hooning through the nanas! This is one of the best threads to read to see how one progresses through the nanas. You seem to be gaining some pretty good momentum in your practice Ron. Nothing but a light at the end of your tunnel!

Keep swinging!!!!

Ron, reading your practice notes is very inspiring. Thank you and keep at it.

Thanks Nickolai and Peony, I am so glad others are getting value from this!

30 minute sit last night that began with A&P almost immediately (light, trembling, pressure on my crown area, rising pleasurable sensations) and stayed there seemingly for quite a while, perhaps 10 minutes or more as the mind settled down and stayed focused on the present.
When dissolution came, one feature was much more noticeable than in prior sits - the cool sensations. Yesterday we had record heat in Chicago (over 90), and when the cool "trickles" started they were very pronounced.
This time the DN territory happened quickly, perhaps less than two minutes. I noted anxiety, pain, sharpness, disgust, regretful thoughts, and then a sudden increase in the overall activity when the "static" started.
Then I shifted into the smooth new space and felt very calm. Like the last sit, it lasted for most of the rest of the sit and was very peaceful but alert. I felt a lot of happiness and noted that. The pulsing began at the edge of my awareness and per Kenneth's instructions I imagined an infinite line. However, nothing had a chance to happen because I started back down the arc almost immediately.

After the sit I felt good, but not like during the last description, which seemed to be pretty far out of the norm for me.

30 minute sit tonight. Once I get up to dissolution (about 10 minutes in) there comes a point where I can feel a shift coming and can tell if I'm heading into DN or A&P before any of the symptoms happen. It is strange. I've read meditation books that describe the mind as "inclining" and that is what it feels like. As if it is pointing in a direction and I am becoming able to read the direction.

Anyway tonight DN lasted extremely brief, what seemed like seconds, and then I was beyond that. This new stage is actually kind of hard to describe. As I'm settling into it I'm noticing some of the light and energy of A&P and dissolution but without the manic-y energy or spacyness. It is really "just sitting" with clarity and calm. No more pulsing yet so I'm not sure what that was about.

Ugh!

Due to some traveling around and putting out a few fires, my sitting suffered and I sat for 10-15 minute stretches for the past two days. Anyway the consequences caught up with me yesterday. I was on a road trip and stopped to meditate at a roadside picnic area, and though I sat for about 45 minutes and really put effort into it, I topped out at Knowledge of Fear (anxiety, dread, nervous energy).

Back to Dark Night, but hopefully not for long. The good part is that because I have been through this territory it is not nearly as scary or imposing. In fact, I feel pretty comfortable with it.

Today I drove from southern Indiana to Chicago and stopped at most of the rest stops along the way to sit and meditate in the shade. Looks like it did the trick, as I topped out at Equanimity the last two sits.

Again, I'm really impressed by how easy it is to lose ground on the path once it has been crossed if one doesn't stick to the practice.

This time as after I passed reobservation the next phase felt calm, yet I noticed a feeling of pleasure similar to the kind I experience welling upward during A&P. The kind that feels like a a little electrical "tickle," if that makes any sense. This time it was much more subtle and did not rise up but just hung around in awareness and waxed and waned. The experience of this phase seems to have many of the features of prior phases, but there is a calmness and clarity about them that is different.

Eventually, I did experience a pulsing again. This time I noticed that muscles in my face trembled slightly with the pulsing.

"The experience of this phase seems to have many of the features of prior phases, but there is a calmness and clarity about them that is different."

NICE. Thats it. The wheels are well in motion. Don't struggle--just keep the wheels turning and path is just a matter of course...

I second what Clayton said. Momentum! Momentum! Momentum! Keep Swinging!!!!!!

Thanks guys - it inspired me to really go at it today and I put in two long sits. Both times I got up past DN. What was a bit strange is that the noting practice feels clunky at this stage, as if it is intrusive to the calm. I believe that I'm still aware of everything passing in and out, but the noting became softer on its own as I progressed. Another aspect of this that is interesting is that once I'm out of DN I can stay in equanimity for a very long time. Today it took about 15 minutes to work up to equanimity, but then I remained there for the rest of the sit, perhaps 25 minutes.

During equanimity: first there is a sensation of lifting or lightness as I exit DN, it literally feels as if I just became lighter. I note this and a calm feeling pervades, along with some excitement. I know this is a contradiction, but it is true. I think "I" am watching the excitement calmly, if that makes sense. There is a definite physical soothing and relaxation that takes place, though during the sit it feels subtle, like a warmth that isn't easy to notice (after the sit it is very noticeable, as I'm very relaxed). As before, some sensations of pleasure similar to A&P but not rising, and this time a subtle sensation of ballooning outward. Eventually, the pulsing sensation returned. It is as if everything is flickering or strobing in and out.

After the first sit this afternoon I had another experience of being extremely chilled out and relaxed, like I just had a massage. It was a little difficult to talk right after the sit and I felt spacey and content.

"It is as if everything is flickering or strobing in and out."

I think this may be formations. I noticed it more during my recent cycle but there was a lower level version of it in the 11th nana when I was working up to #1. The descriptions in Daniels book well... I think they are the formations experienced by someone far along in the path... **Just an opinion** either way equanimity is good. It gives you a real boost of confidence that your on the right track. Don't be too surprised if you loose it. But keep on practicing no matter what. I also notice that during equanimity I don't feel the frantic need to note as fast as possible as per the DN... As long as you keep noting, keep seeing the 3Cs its gonna keep moving forward. My favorite line from kenneth's article on the progress of insight "Once your done chewing you swallow, you don't have to think about it"

Yes! I've lost it a couple of times already, and it is pretty frustrating.

I find now that I want to just sit and sit and sit and sit... if I had a whole day I could easily spend it meditating. This is a happy time on the path, both on the cushion and off. I find that the effect in daily life is to give me a sense of contentment with just about everything.

Today I snuck off and found time to sit at work and home four times, probably coming out to about 3 hours. During equanimity I can sense what feels like a mild recapitulation of some of the earlier symptoms. For example, I just sat and while in what I believe was equanimity I noted mild cool sensations running down my skin, ballooning sensations, a sense of light, a subtle excitement, pressure on my crown that was very mild and came and went, and pains, aches, tension, irritating tickles and tingling sensations. It was as if the signs of the prior stages were all present, in a mild way. The one constant was the ease of watching, noting (though very "softly") and objectifying these sensations, and the overall peacefulness.

Another thing that I'm noticing is that at moments when the meditation becomes very peaceful a part of my mind rushes up and speculates about when path will happen. It is pretty frustrating. I think of it as Poe's Imp of the Perverse. Just when things are going right, it steps in and goofs it up. This really does speak to the issue Clayton brings up and quotes Kenneth on. When it is right, it will happen. I just need to relax and let the process unfold. After all, the maps have been shockingly accurate, at least for me, and this might be a moment when a little faith and patience are called for.

Awesome!!!

When I got path, just at the moment it happened, I was noting that familiar "anticipation" mind state. I experienced a few near misses , or what felt like "something big about to happen" moments beforehand. But the mind would get all excited and would wait like a lioness ready to pounce on nibbana. Hahah! But that "wanting" and "anticipation" seemed to get in the way.

So when it happened I was noting real fast, "noted! noted! noted!...sucking up sensations... blip ...stunned...what was that?

It's like I'm watching the Titanic. We all know what happens except it's a happy ending. Go for it Ron!

"The one constant was the ease of watching, noting (though very "softly") and objectifying these sensations, and the overall peacefulness."

This has been my experience lately as well. Symptoms from DK arise in my practice, i.e. restlessness, but I'm a "step back" from it now. It's interesting to know that equanimity builds on itself, the more we practice it. My experience has also been similar to yours, that I've been embedded back into DK occasionally, but very briefly, a day at the most.
I feel like recently, there are a bunch of people transitioning from DK to equanimity, maybe we should start a thread based on this?

Go for it Marazi... People can share there experiences with the transition. What backsliding looks like and how to deal with it etc...

I'm still so confused about how Ron can be so accurate and knowledgeable about where he is on the maps at any given time (NOTE: I believe everything you write, I just don't get how it is accomplished).
Probably of course, more work, paying more and better attention to what is going on.
I think I have three or four distinct differences in my sittings:
sleepyness
energy surges up the spine
strong vibrations
occassional raptures (electrical spine tingles, etc)

Ron did nothing but Pa Auk Sayadaw-style samatha practice for about three years prior to starting vipassana. Hmmm....
Ron, what do you think? Was the concentration practice hugely helpful for you, or do you now look back on that and feel that you should have been doing noting practice all along?

I should caution everyone that I haven't verified that this is equanimity with Kenneth, so I could be leading evryone on a snipe hunt here... But the symptoms fit so well.

Jeff, I do beleive that The years of concentration meditation are paying off in my vipassana practice. Here's how I see it: for years I tried to focus on one sensation to the exclusion of others. So I got good at focusing on sensations an not getting "hung up" on others. Now I use that same skill to watch whatever comes up and stay in the moment.

That makes a lot of sense. In one of our earliest Buddhist Geeks interviews, Kenneth talked about the importance of samatha and how we in the West maybe give it short shrift sometimes. Bears remembering.,.

"I find now that I want to just sit and sit and sit and sit... if I had a whole day I could easily spend it meditating. This is a happy time on the path, both on the cushion and off. I find that the effect in daily life is to give me a sense of contentment with just about everything."-RonCrouch

This is classic. 11th Insight Knowledge: Knowledge of Equanimity. (It's important to read this whole thread to see what has come before and the order in which things have occurred to see why I feel confident in making this call.)

"Jeff, I do beleive that The years of concentration meditation are paying off in my vipassana practice."-RonCrouch

Yes, I think so too. Concentration is a skill that develops over a period of years, and the more of it you have, the easier it is to make progress through the nanas, jhanas, and Paths. Gaining concentration is like building a muscle; the more you pump it, the stronger it gets. For those of you who don't yet have a lot of concentration, take heart! You have more than you had a year ago and you will have yet more a year from now. It's like money in the bank, and it just keeps snowballing. If you should feel inspired to improve that particular aspect of your game, get out the kasina and start gazing! This practice works.

"
If you should feel inspired to improve that particular aspect of your game, get out the kasina and start gazing! This practice works."

I highly endorse Kenneth's advice. I think it was key in getting me across the line. I used a blue breakfast bowl and it got me into jhanic territory. But I never really cared about which jhana I was in. As soon as I felt the mind shift into a concentrated state, I would switch to noting. Highly effective in my experience!

I sat for about 2.5 hours today in three sittings. I keep sneaking off to meditate whenever I can. Each time I managed to get up to Equanimity and each time was able to sit there for a long time (15 - 20 minutes). The sensations are similar to A&P, light, energy, ease of noting, but without the urgency.

I'm so content now. Kind of spacey and lazy. I took a long nap this afternoon and am just fine with everything.

*two thumbs up*

I am a bit shocked by the effect of this stage off the cushion. It would be frustrating if I weren't so relaxed. Yesterday at work I must have forgot five different things, little things but still a nuisance. My job is heavy on the paperwork too, and I found myself making goofy mistakes like putting down the wrong date, spelling simple words wrong, and working slooooow.

No one else complained but it had to impact my performance a bit. Overall the effect was as if I had taken too much cold medicine or something else that clouds the mind. Oddly though, I felt clear headed, sharp and alert, just slow and super relaxed.

On the cushion I'm noticing the sensation of calm more and more when I get into equanimity. It is a physical sensation rather than a mental one. It is like a numbing warmth that usually begins in my hands or abdomen and spreads slowly through my body. If I note it and watch it then it becomes stronger.