Emptiness Almost Within Reach

I wish this were more 'practice-based,' but then the sensations of wishing are objectified, and it's clear that this insight isn't "wrong" for being the product of reflection.

The problem with this insight is that the process that produced it is so damned similar to the process that produces the 'self-contraction,' as I've heard it called, I believe by Ken Wilbur. It's like trying to break out of an ice cave by smashing a block of ice against the wall....you might break through, but you might also just stick more ice to the wall.

There was a moment at work yesterday, where my co-worker had been chopping up a root ball, with all these tightly bound roots on the outside, making it nearly impossible to get in to the rest of the root ball, but then when she succeeded in chopping through the roots on the outside, she discovered that there weren't any roots on the inside, just soil.

This hit me as being very profound, and it basically came down to a sense that that wall of roots on the outside -- everything I think of "not enlightenment," or rather ,"not the goal," "not that which I'm seeking," -- is actually very strongly not other than that goal. The chopping reinforces the belief that I will find something 'inside' life, something new and different and radically revolutionary.

When, in fact, seeing the roots themselves as the whole deal right there is very radically revolutionary.

To put this into different terms, the whole subject/object thing is just itself, not anything more real, more true than just that.

Given that everything is as it is, over and over and over, how stupid to think that the "over and over and over," will ever be any different? And yet, how liberating to begin accepting this as it is.

We all want to be pragmatic practitioners, right? The ultimate principle of pragmatism is "whatever works, works."

That sounds good to me, Brian. Nice to hear from you.

For anyone in need of a counter-balance to my recent posts, check out this essay:

www.interactivebuddha.com/********.shtml

Or, to put it into my own words: keep practicing; don't stop paying attention. And challenge all assumptions of identification with or alienation from the purpose of your practice.

I love this thread! My compliments to the chef

"
I love this thread! My compliments to the chef

"


Thanks, Chris!

And congratulations, btw, on your best plane ride ever. Finally cashed in on all those frequent flyer miles, eh? ; )

Bon apetit, everyone.

Ryan

p.s. Also, that 'counter-balance' link from my previous posting has a dirty word in the title, hence the asterisks. It ought to read more like this:

www.interactivebuddha.com/bullsh*t.shtml

Well, I've begun a new practice, in addition to vipassana insight practice, doing a kasina concentration practice. After receiving instruction from Kenneth last night, I lit a candle and sat this afternoon for an hour. It was a very interesting experience, and actually a whole lot more insightful than I'd expected, oddly enough. Most of the same phenomena that I've been experiencing in vipassana practice arose. But there was also another factor added to those, a laser beam energy that was so different from the rollercoaster/dancing flower petals/electric whirlpool energy of vipassana practice, and the experience of almost every object afterwards has been much more pleasant. This has extended into social interactions post-sit, as well, mostly acting more gently and deliberately, with less suddenness and less edge.

I'd been wondering lately about my relationship to pleasure and pain, and how I'd seemingly reversed them - on some level I've been addicted to pain and unpleasantness and averse to pleasure and pleasantness - maybe even for the past four years or so. Wow. There are some skeptical thoughts that arise and some mind-states like sadness, upon writing this, and I'm not certain that it's true. However, today I basically decided that pain wasn't any fun anymore, and that I was ready to move on and get back to really feeling OK about pleasure again. I'm growing out of something, basically. And yet, at the same time, the sense of restfulness I'm experiencing right now feels very old, like something I'd had when I was much younger and had forgotten.

Continued below...

EDIT: I realized that I might have the terminology wrong. Point of clarification / curiosity: is a flame object called a kasina?...Or is it just called a flame?

Continued from above...

What were the insights, then? Well, first of all, that I can still remain aware of mind and body sensations, even if they're not edgy. ; ) Also, that there clearly is something other than mind and body. Thoughts and bodily sensations present themselves at the moment like the wind blowing through an open window, and as they move, they allude to the window in a very subtle way. Now more sensations and thoughts of skepticism arise, and an uncertainty of whether this isn't just imagined, but there were clearly the bodily sensations and the mental sensations coming about in conjunction with this flame&eye make-out session, and then there was something else.

Nice article by Ajahn Amaro, whom I'll be sitting with on Sunday, at a day-long retreat at NYC Insight.

www.thebuddhadharma.com/issues/2003/winter/ajahnamaro.html

Also, I forgot to mention earlier that reverence, or awe, was one of the most predominant mind-states that recurred during today's sitting session.

Sitting today with Ajahn Amaro helped to illuminate the extent to which I want enlightenment because I think it's not what I've experienced all along (fundamental suffering), which actually can be a very nasty attitude. There's a subtle sense of disgust, malice, hatred towards reality hidden within that desire, a subtle sense of blame that's really very ugly, and totally unappreciative.

It seems that the antidote to cherishing this view is cultivating openness to everything (including that ugliness - which actually has an aching compassion mixed within it), befriending awesomeness and pitifulness, moments of skill and success and moments of incapability and failure.

More and more this is all about relating to everything, about engagement, being open and available.

"
Sitting today with Ajahn Amaro helped to illuminate the extent to which I want enlightenment because I think it's not what I've experienced all along (fundamental suffering), which actually can be a very nasty attitude.
"

I just wanted to clarify what I meant by this, because I was pretty vague before, and I think it's an important point.

Basically, as I sat in the hall listening to Ajahn Amaro's talks and meditating with everyone assembled, I became aware of a subtle blame that's flown under the radar, basically blaming the particulars of sensory phenomena (world/mind) for the fact that I haven't yet achieved my goal. It's a really subtle association of suffering with specific aspects of experience, rather than a more empowered attitude...

...And what would that more empowered attitude be?

Basically nothing more complicated than the understanding that none of this changes anything, except the relationship to everything.

I don't know for sure where that language comes from, but it's become more and more central as time goes on...

...Once again, that it's not about specific pleasures or pains, it's not about particular thoughts or perceptions, it's not about what we call the world and not it's about what we call the mind, either.

It's all about the relationship to all of that, to everything that is, as it is.

"Craving for path is your enemy! Note it!" - Nikolai

Yeah, this one has been biting me in the ass for around two months now.

By which I mean, I keep getting stuck on "stream entry" at every four-foundations level, forgetting to note and see through it all.

On the brighter side, though, some good success came and went today with a basic noting of four foundations, then dropped in favor of basic sense-consciousness noting, became very rapid, and at one point I was walking and saw a boy on a scooter ahead of me, noted "seeing-consciousness," and then the note "mind-consciousness" arose unbidden and totally naturally along with the mental sensations following the sight.

Consciousness is too long a word, though, very clumsy, so I dropped it after a while, just touching the sensation with a very light sense of mental distinction and then noted the noting itself and dropped the noting, just remaining aware of sensations.

Mental sensations (impressions)? Were so clear with this noting technique, it was like sense-contact would occur and then there would be a little tension following, with no content really prominent much of the time, just known as a sensation apart from the sense-contact. Strong quality of equality with this practice, no time to prefer, no time to dwell on preferences that did arise. At one point something arose that I've been noticing lately, which was a sense while walking of not going anywhere at all, not getting any closer to my destination. This was a VERY powerful metaphorically speaking, and was noted but very hard to disembed from. Extraordinary lightness of noting-touch (awareness) and panoramic-ness of awareness seem to be the keys.

Other suggestions, anyone?

Find the map in your head

This may not be what you're looking for but I used to sit and/or walk and pay attention to the model of the world that was being created in my head. This requires you to note not just the direct sensory inputs but the mental "stuff" that results from it. Notice how each sensory input, if it's really prominent, leads to a complete mental reassessment of the mental map. It's easy, at least it was for me, to get lost in noting or investigating the first few phases of perception and think that's all we're supposed to be investigating but I think we should investigate ALL the stages of perception.

I probably sound like a broken record every time I raise this issue but honestly, there is nothing that makes the dreamlike/impermanent/not self nature of reality as apparent as watching it being created in real time. That mental map? That IS your world.

Think about it. Or rather go investigate it.

"Other suggestions, anyone?


"

Related to your thing about noting more completely... one thing that is sometimes helpful for me is to imagine that my notes are being used to communicate to someone else what my current experience is like. Then, from the standpoint of the imaginary "listener", all they have to go on are my notes/noticings. Then, comparing the imaginary listener's idea of what is in my experience to what I actually know is in my experience, it can become very obvious what I am leaving out. Like "hmm, I've noted visual perception of seeing that car there, but if the listener thinks that's all there is, he's missing out on a lot... there was also a subtle automatic evaluation of the car (pretentious) and for a split second there was a vague sense of a memory about a similar car", etc. Essentially, if you try to reverse-engineer what is in experience from noting/noticing, you can easily see if you're being complete or missing something. Of course you must always miss lots of things because so much is going on in a moment of experience, but the important thing is not to leave out anything in a systematic fashion, and cover all the bases (foundations).

Thanks very much, Chris and Brian, for your suggestions.

I started to write a response, but it was quickly devolving into speculative questions, so then I thought better of sharing it.

Instead, I think I'll reply with something more concrete after practicing well.

Two lessons from today's practice:

1) Stick-to-it-tiveness. Nothing else gives ignorance fits quite like persistent attention does.

2) Faith. Have faith (confidence) that, as the good doctor said, nothing lasts, even for an instant.

I realized I'd been feeling guilty about missing things in meditation, and these two lessons had a feeling tone of instant forgiveness.

Until eventually there wasn't even any time to 'screw up,' in the first place. Like mindfulness was a train picking up speed, until all the chances to jump off the track were long gone. : )

Came upon an interesting thread recently on DhO. Trent was advising someone (Daniel T Johnson) on how to get from Equanimity to Stream Entry, and wrote something that really hit home with me and where I'm at and what I struggle with.

Here's what he said:

"
Daniel T Johnson:

So, I've found the on/off switch, and the engine rebuild. Where's the speed control on this thing?


Hi. Here are some hints. These are taken from dictionary.com (emphasis (bold points) added):

Guts: Informal. Courage and fortitude; nerve; determination; stamina.

Will Power: The strength of will to carry out one's decisions, wishes, or plans.

Sincerity: Freedom from deceit, hypocrisy, or duplicity; probity in intention or in communicating; earnestness.

(1) Regarding "guts" and "will power," these are qualities one can have a lot of, or be lacking entirely. One is a term related to the "heart" (one's desire, determination, or "guts"; this is heart-felt), and one is related to the mind (one's "executive" will; this is not heart-felt). I'm at a loss on how to describe the difference in strong / weak will power and strong / weak desire, but I suspect it is something I do not need to explain.

(2) Lastly, sincerity plays a part in the strength of both. If one is spreading one's "power" over contradicting intentions / desires / wishes, then one is actively thwarting one's own very efforts and this will likely only lead to frustration.

And so the question is:

How badly do you want it? (1)
Really? (2)

Regards,
Trent

"

Ruyguy, can you put all that in your own words? What are you struggling with? Stamina? Will power? Guts? Sincerity? How does all that fit together to from a problem? Are you focusing on your psychological "stuff" instead of real practice?

I read that over at the DhO and I understood it to mean what sort of effort and determination you need to muster in order to go and get 1st path. Is this what you are talking about, Ruyguy?

Ah, okay. I'm a fool. The engine metaphor is confusing and the quotes are out of context... thus my confusion. My experience says (and maybe this is what Trent is saying) you need to maintain consistent effort. You are not slaying dragons. Be steady. Have resolve. But don't make it a Quest as then you can get in your own way so much that you will, indeed, get frustrated and be far less efficient.

"
Are you focusing on your psychological "stuff" instead of real practice?

"


Ha! Busted! Yeah, this somewhat, for sure.

"I read that over at the DhO and I understood it to mean what sort of effort and determination you need to muster in order to go and get 1st path. Is this what you are talking about, Ruyguy?"


Precisely.

: )

"
My experience says (and maybe this is what Trent is saying) you need to maintain consistent effort. You are not slaying dragons. Be steady. Have resolve. But don't make it a Quest as then you can get in your own way so much that you will, indeed, get frustrated and be far less efficient.

"


Yeah, I think it's an issue of balance. Re-read this interview, and it was helpful, as a way to simultaneously calm down about my complacency, and re-energize to do something about it.

www.buddhistgeeks.com/2010/03/balanced-e...nd-the-chronic-yogi/

There's been an unexpected shift in practice lately.

Rather than this tense fixation upon path attainment, the energy and intentions associated with that fixation have turned simultaneously outward and inward in a new way.

Where there was once tremendous fatigue and frustration, there is now liveliness and fulfillment.

There are a million everyday manifestations I could list here to illustrate, but the main gist of it all is trust.

I'm seeing how I've been extremely untrusting of a certain level of experience - afraid of my own motivations and those of others.

Lately I've been moving very quickly from a self-centered view (characterized mostly by frustration fading into surrender) to an other-centered view (marked by vitality and compassion fading into confusion and despair) to a trans-self&other view (marked by lightness and awareness).

The first one contains insecurity as a chief component (often masked as ambition), the second has a milder insecurity that is actually even more apparent (often masked as love), and the third has no insecurity that I can find, it just happens to be impermanent.

At the moment there's such a palpable energy within, feeling like I want to jump out of my skin, not because it's unpleasant to be in skin, but because it just seems SO incredibly fun to be out of skin.

Can anyone relate?

I realize this is a hopelessly vague way to say all of this, but nothing more concrete would adequately convey the effervescence of it all.

Evervescence: (chemistry) The bubbling of a solution of an element or chemical compound as the result of the emission of gas without the application of heat; for example, the escape of carbon dioxide from carbonated water.

Definition: enthusiasm, vivacity
Antonyms: dullness, flatness

"
...and sure enough, pretty soon it I was feeling sadness, mostly because there was such a thing as sadness in the world and humans destined to experience it.

[from Betawave on the TEARS thread]"


Yeah, this gets at something I've been noticing lately, which is the fact that things are merely themselves and nothing else. Make sense? Sadness is just sadness, on the one hand. And, yet, when sadness IS, then boy is it SAD.

It's an experience of all the different aspects of experience as really powerfully present when they're present, but really not sticking around very long.

Sometimes this is known as a loss of meaning, and sometimes it's known as a loss of junk. And then sometimes it's just known as it is.

Sat for thirty minutes today, with the abdomen as home-base when my mind got stuck and went wandering. The insight stages are like old friends now, the shakes and the flutters and the twists and the expansive field of awareness. What a wonder, this apparition of a world!

Moved on into daily life like rain joining a river, and it really brought out a sweet quality of life. All things infused with tenderness and soft warmth.

Chuckling, when the thought arises that all this is three characteristics. Sure thing, old pal, and none the less appreciated for it!