Emptiness Almost Within Reach

Continued: comparing thought, dullness, sleepiness, shaking, hearing, unpleasant, unpleasant, unpleasant, UNNNpleasant, hearing, self-satisfaction, coolness-pleasant, imagining thought, tensing-pleasant, dullness, softness-pleasant, tension, sharpness-unpleasant, sharpness-unpleasant, heat-neutral, coolness-pleasant, checking thought, looking, seeing, satisfaction, irritation, judging thought, seeing-pleasant, thought, identifying thought, imagining thought, imagining thought, seeing-pleasant, imaging thought, remembering thought, sadness, restlessness-unpleasant, thinking to close, closing, closed, darkness, light, color, heat, warmth, pressure, grumbling-unpleasant, wetness-unpleasant, irritation, tensing-unpleasant, pain, sharpness-unpleasant, swallowing, judging thought, anticipating, excitement, judging thought, remembering thought, imagining thought, irritation, imagining thought-pleasant, shaking, restlessness-unpleasant, remembering thought, remembering thought, remembering thought, irritation-unpleasant, tensing-neutral, weight-neutral, heat-unpleasant, tingling, tickling-unpleasant.

Whoops! Just saw you recommended starting with 10 minutes, Kenneth, and then working up to twenty. Oh, well. Amusement, judging thought, irritation, amusement, pulsing in throat and face, tension. Intention to drop noting.

I'm finding this sort of record is a good use of this practice journal, so I'm going to continue like this. If reading a record of bare reality bores you, anonymous reader, you could note the boredom. If it interests you, you could note the interest. Or you could not pay attention to any of this. Your choice, as usual. May you make a wise one!

Metta,
Ryan


Edited to clarify audience.

Wow. This is easily one of the coolest things I've ever seen, Ryan. Keep on keepin' on.

Now, as you are doing this, whenever you find that things are throbbing, pulsing, flickering, vibrating, or strobing, get interested in those changes. Don't strain to look for subtle objects if they are not easily available, but when they do show up, prioritize them over static objects, however pleasant. See if these moving, changing objects are smooth and continuous (analog) or herky-jerky and discontinuous (digital). See if pulses are smooth or if they contain flutterings or sub-pulses. See if strobings come in bunches or packets. If they are packets, how do you spot the end of a packet of strobes? Is there a hard stop? Look at the endings of strobes and vibrations. Do they smoothly taper off or do they end abruptly? Become interested in the hard stops. No need to strain, just get interested in it. Become an expert in the "passing away" of phenomena. Favor an active mind over a static mind. When your eyes pleasantly lock into a concentrated state, note "pleasant," then get active again. Notice how the eyelids flicker and the visual field and mental field strobe when the mind is active. Cultivate this active mind. Don't be satisfied with a pleasant but dull experience. Keep moving, investigating. Remember the simile of the rope and realize that each new stratum of mind accessed represents a new challenge; it will appear as a solid object at first and will be a temporary ceiling for you. As you learn to dance around and see the changing objects from various points of view, what was previously a barrier becomes just another transparent set of changing phenomena. You are like Muhammed Ali dancing around a big, dumb, flat-footed puncher. Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. Note, dance, note, keep moving. When you have found the right combination of noting and dancing for each of the strata of mind, you are awake.

Ok. Followed your instructions as best I could. The same gross stuff from the last recording came up, but I didn't pay it much attention, I just noted it, and went back to paying attention to the rest of the field of awareness, if that's the right term. As for pulses, a lot of the pulses I saw were simple throbs like a heartbeat, but often if I paid closer attention, these would turn into movements. For instance, I'd notice throbbing of pulse in fingers and hand, and then keep watching and it would turn into that hoola-hoop motion from before, moving around in the area of wrist, hand, fingers. Sometimes, these motions seemed to appear and be happening simultaneously in multiple places. For instance, a hamster-wheel motion might arise in the torso, and then also be apparent at the crown of the head. Or the hoola-hoop motion might arise in behind the eyes, and then in the mouth, and then the whole torso might move in that way. As for flutters, they would often come in waves, and then seem to "stay on" at the end of the wave. Hard to describe. Like, as though the fluttering was a light bulb going on and off rapidly, and then staying on for a moment at the end of the wave. Couldn't tell what happened next. Often, there was a sense of presence and absence. Like, I would pay close attention and notice when I was aware of the sensations of holding the voice recorder and when I wasn't. When I was able to do this well, it didn't seem that attention was drawn elsewhere, but instead that the "hand-recorder" package was there sometimes and then not there at other times. Does that make sense? As for strobing, there was often a "pushing" strobe, a sensation of the area around the left eye pushing itself towards the right side of the head. I'm noticing as I go to that now there is also a sensation of the jaw moving with it. I'm not certain this has anything to do with insight, though. Cont.

As for the stops, the passing away of phenomena, with a pinpoint sensation, there was often just a sense of gone-ness (?) and awareness expanding out to encompass as much as it could. Boy, I don't know how to really describe that. It sounds kind of phony, but the sensations were something like that. Like when the sensation "at the center" wasn't there anymore, that the focus went to the opposite extreme? Anyways, I'll have to get a better look at what's actually going on there. One more thing about sensations, at one point there were "morse-code" like sensations above the upper lip, that went dat-dat-dat, rest, dat-dat-dat-dat-dat, repeating. It was very rhythmic and predictable. Also, there's a general sensation of iiinnn-out, innnn-out, innnn-out. The "in" being slow and building tension, the "out" being sharp and releasing tension. I'm noticing that it's the rhythm of the eyes focusing and unfocusing. The "in" is unfocusing, and the "out" is snaping back into focus. Don't know whether that is worth spending more time on, but it's kind of cool. : )

Thank you, Kenneth, for the precise and detailed instructions. I look forward to practicing them!

As I side note, there's an afterglow sense right now of "Hey, this vipassana thing can be FUN!" : )

boy oh boy -- keep on going

Holy Crap Ryan... I don't think I have ever seen a sitting journal use that much detail. You surely will progress quickly if this effort is sustained for any length of time...

"Holy Crap Ryan... I don't think I have ever seen a sitting journal use that much detail. You surely will progress quickly if this effort is sustained for any length of time... "

Right. I think it is really hard to actually get that this is the kind of practice that creates progress. Even though it takes great effort to go into so much detail it still (at least to me) just seems too simple and easy. "All I have to do is just really really look at what is really going on? That's it?"
That's it.

-- and, as long as you are doing that simple thing it apparently really helps pay close attention to qualities of vibes and pulses, especially the endings

Interest, amusement, awe, adoration, envy, amazement, enthusiasm, inspiration,...

"Now, as you are doing this, whenever you find that things are throbbing, pulsing, flickering, vibrating, or strobing, get interested in those changes. Don't strain to look for subtle objects if they are not easily available, but when they do show up, prioritize them over static objects, however pleasant. See if these moving, changing objects are smooth and continuous (analog) or herky-jerky and discontinuous (digital). See if pulses are smooth or if they contain flutterings or sub-pulses. See if strobings come in bunches or packets. If they are packets, how do you spot the end of a packet of strobes? Is there a hard stop? Look at the endings of strobes and vibrations. Do they smoothly taper off or do they end abruptly? Become interested in the hard stops. No need to strain, just get interested in it. Become an expert in the "passing away" of phenomena. Favor an active mind over a static mind. When your eyes pleasantly lock into a concentrated state, note "pleasant," then get active again. Notice how the eyelids flicker and the visual field and mental field strobe when the mind is active. Cultivate this active mind. Don't be satisfied with a pleasant but dull experience. Keep moving, investigating. Remember the simile of the rope and realize that each new stratum of mind accessed represents a new challenge; it will appear as a solid object at first and will be a temporary ceiling for you. As you learn to dance around and see the changing objects from various points of view, what was previously a barrier becomes just another transparent set of changing phenomena. You are like Muhammed Ali dancing around a big, dumb, flat-footed puncher. Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. Note, dance, note, keep moving. When you have found the right combination of noting and dancing for each of the strata of mind, you are awake."

This advice needs to be in a book, Kenneth!

Ryan - it is great fun to follow your progress. Keep going!

"
"All I have to do is just really really look at what is really going on? That's it?"
That's it. "


PALABRA! ; )

The recording is too much to post here, after an hour-long sit, but the generally report is that boy it kicked "my" butt. And the worst part -hands down- was the "I" who couldn't stand all these perfectly innocent and transitory sensations. Lots of softness and gentle empathy arising at the moment for that "self" thing. The "now sense of self" feels like saying to that past one: "Hey, buddy. Stuff just happens. All the acrimony is a BIG waste of time."

The big lesson today was: get attached to subtle, and gross will show up, big-time, looking for attention. And you better be happy to give, because if you start getting impatient and wondering when subtle will show up, gross gets pissed off! ...and stays around even longer...and gets even grosser.

Noticed some of the fluttering and some pulsing, and some energy movements that were more subtle, particularly a recurring thing of front to back. That one is as though this whole head is a latex glove and some imaginary finger is pulling the surface of it from the nose out, letting go and doing this over and over. Often is followed by a torso twitch. Some images, like a view from outside the body that becomes panoramic and spins around and around, and a bodily sense and and image of dropping down below the chair. Some lightness. Generally lots of irritation, some wretching, writhing. Lots of tension in the neck and shoulders and twisting when closer attention applied there. Sleepiness. Imagining thoughts, planning thoughts, remembering thoughts, judging thoughts, re-applying effort, acceptance, confidence, renewed commitment. Lots of frustration, anger, amusement.

I would say something like, "better luck next time," but I refuse to make today's sit into an enemy.

Resolve being tested. Lessons being learned. This is hard, and it's so worthwhile.

"
Noticed some of the fluttering and some pulsing, and some energy movements that were more subtle, particularly a recurring thing of front to back. That one is as though this whole head is a latex glove and some imaginary finger is pulling the surface of it from the nose out, letting go and doing this over and over. Often is followed by a torso twitch. Some images, like a view from outside the body that becomes panoramic and spins around and around, and a bodily sense and and image of dropping down below the chair. Some lightness. Generally lots of irritation, some wretching, writhing. Lots of tension in the neck and shoulders and twisting when closer attention applied there. Sleepiness. Imagining thoughts, planning thoughts, remembering thoughts, judging thoughts, re-applying effort, acceptance, confidence, renewed commitment. Lots of frustration, anger, amusement.
"

sounds just right

Well, today's sit (forty minutes) was far more equanimous.

Funny how something like feeling tones can be so believable in one sitting, and then so clearly just another object in the next. They're really just another object. Thoughts, mind-states. The whole bit. Just phenomena. They are clearly distinct by their own flavors while sitting, and also by their potential uses in everyday life. (Confidence, fear, irritation, for example.)

In the clearest moments, they're like paints on a pallet, just arising as they do, and freely available to be used or released, important to acknowledge but not oppressively compelling.

Not much new material accessed. But still valuable for the way the stuff from yesterday showed up again without all the fuss about their arrival.

Reminded me of one of my favorite poems:

www.panhala.net/Archive/The_Guest_House.html

Back to the salt mines in a moment. ; ) For now, tears of gratitude.

One more note, before I head off to bed. I want to describe the flutterings a bit, being a more subtle thing I can access most easily. First of all, they can vary quite a lot. Sometimes they move very slowly, like one per second. Other times more rapidly, like 8 - 12 per second. Sometimes they occur uniformly in intensity. Other times they alternate in a pattern, like an EKG or seismograph, with level intensities punctuated by predictable spikes. Also, along with the flutterings, I'm noticing at the moment there's also a building tension in the top of my forehead, just back of the hairline, not as far back as the crown. With the flutterings, it's like there's a surface up there that gets stimulated by the fluttering. It feels like building friction by rubbing one's feet on a carpet. There's also a sensation of full-body energy flow, like a thermometer liquid going up and down (the spine?). It currently feels blocked at the throat. Sometimes feels blocked at the sinuses, nose and roof of the mouth. There's also tension right above the right eye.

More later. Time to get a good night's sleep!

Metta,
Ryan

KEEP GOING!!!!

"KEEP GOING!!!!"


Mike, you in particular have been so encouraging and inspiring to me, lately. Thank you!

Ok. Today's sit was broken up into two half-hour sessions. First one the new material was a sensation of vibrations in the chest area. I believe this is what is meant by harsh vibrations. They were kind of like, well, like a vibrator. Or, actually, more like the movements of a wind-up toy. Bumpy. Not pleasant. Not extremely rapid but not slow. Also some new tensions in the head, some feeling like coming from the outside in at the right temple. Also, the flutters seemed different today. More like an expansion-contraction movement, rather than a friction movement. Like part one of flutter was opening, and part two was closing. Some sensations in the forehead. Sensations one the side of the head with flutters, at times. Sometimes feels like rotating. Other times feels like poking. Or just tension/tightness. But, if there's a tension sensation there, is there also a relaxation sensation, too? I want to see the variation there, because it feels like there is some. Sharpness, softness. That's part of it. There's still a lot of dullness, particularly when it comes to the ending of things, the passing away. They seem to arise too fast after they pass away to really see it clearly. And the "arising" seems like a separate sensation from the "passing away," creating a crazy-making attempt to see the "passing away of the arising". Does that make sense? It's like fractals. Stuff is shifting so fast. For instance, saw the hoola-hoop motion in the wrist, and then it changed into a buzzing, which then looked like not buzzing but moving up and down.

I'm having a really hard time with the difference between imagination and witnessing right now. To put it in other words, what am I seeing and what am I creating? Sometimes this is a crucial distinction, but other times there's no difference. Like...if it's there...well, don't complicate things....it's there. Suggestions?

Where does the witnessing start? Where does the imagining start? If the witnessing is other than thought that's where I'd look.

"
Where does the witnessing start? Where does the imagining start? If the witnessing is other than thought that's where I'd look.

"


The issue feels like a red herring at the moment, but at least out of courtesy I want to respond to your questions.

The witnessing starts the first moment of seeing something clearly. This is also what feels like "being in the present." Just noticing phenomena.

The imagining starts when things get foggy and hard to see clearly. Phenomena are hard to notice, and the ability to create stuff in the absence of a blatant presentation of what's actually happening comes into play.

To put it differently, are these sensations in the head happening because of progress, or because I associate sensations in the head with Equanimity and I want to be close to Stream Entry? Suggestibility, deception. Those are the concerns.

Again, feels like a red herring at the moment, away from simple noting / noticing.

From Telecaster's "Dos" Thread:

Mike quotes Kenneth: "" luckily, enlightenment is an objective phenomenon that does not have much to do with what we believe. The real enlightenment is the grown-up kind. That is fortunate for us because if we practice, this process unfolds irrespective of our desires or beliefs about it. That is the beautiful thing about development."
Kenneth Folk"
beautiful for sure - MM"

This is why all that "imagination vs. witnessing" stuff feels like a red herring. I just need to keep practicing, with confidence in my ability to truly move forward and patience when I don't seem to be moving anywhere.

I was actually referring to when these things start in microscopic terms. Think dependent origination and the very fast process of perception. If you are imagining an object it does not arise as a raw sensation as it would when you "actually" touch, see, hear, taste a thing. Of course, that may not be what you're looking for in an answer, in which case I've missed again.

"
I was actually referring to when these things start in microscopic terms. Think dependent origination and the very fast process of perception. If you are imagining an object it does not arise as a raw sensation as it would when you "actually" touch, see, hear, taste a thing. Of course, that may not be what you're looking for in an answer, in which case I've missed again.

"



Yeah, no worries, Chris. And I half-understood what you meant, but I can't see what's happening at that level. I can only say what's going on more superficially. Your replies to my questions are quite good, I'm just not advanced enough to grok them (i.e. that 'look for the map in your head' thing). I appreciate you for trying to help. : )

Ok. Sat for ten minutes just now. Record: Fluttering, fluttering, tensing-unpleasant, twisting-unpleasant, hearing-neutral, dullness, fluttering-pleasant, tension-pleasant, air-pleasant, expansion-pleasant, tension-unpleasant, wetness, pressure, tension-unpleasant, swallowing, expansion-pleasant, tension-unpleasant, squinting-neutral, itching-unpleasant, shaking-unpleasant, expansion-unpleasant, unpleasant, imagining thought, remembering thuoght, amusement, itching-unpleasant, remembering thought, imagining thought, unpleasant, twisting-unpleasant, itching-unpleasant, scratching, coolness, tension-unpleasant, wetness, tension-unpleasant, twisting, unpleasant, coolness, expansion-pleasant, warmth, contraction-unpleasant, tension-unpleasant, itching-neutral, itching-unpleasant, weight-neutral, pressure-unpleasant, tension-unpleasant, tensing, excitement-pleasant, anticipation, remembering thought, remembering thought, imagining thought, wetness, pressure-unpleasant, expansion-pleasant, contraction, twisting-unpleasant, rotating, interest-pleasant, irritation, judging thought, calm, ease-pleasant, rapture, pleasant, expansion, yawning, tension, tension-unpleasant, pressure-unpleasant, tension, sharpness-unpleasant, shaking-neutral, pressure, contact, irritation-unpleasant, tickling-unpleasant, expansion-pleasant, unpleasant, twisting, imagining thought, hearing-unpleasant, tension-unpleasant, release of tension-pleasant, tension-unpleasant, shifting, shifting, tickling-unpleasant, tickling-unpleasant, remembering thought, imagining thought, remembering thought, remembering thought, remembering thought, tension-unpleasant, expansion, coolness-pleasant, dullness-neutral, amusement-pleasant, tension, movement in forehead, shaking, movement, opening movement, forehead, eyes, pulsing, absence of pulsing, {break of two minutes or so in noting while honing in to observe pulse sensations}, pressure, dat, dat, dat, dat, daaat, dat, dat, daaat, dat, dat.