Mike Monson's practice notes

Thanks Mike and Kenneth for your inspiring words to practice well.

"the big movement in my practice is in bringing a retreat-like attitude into all my non-sitting time. I'm really doing all I can to keep noting all sensations, feeling tones, mind states and thoughts ALL THE TIME. And, guess what? It actually is possible to do it for a great deal of the time. "

Awesome! I'd say the opposite is true for me right now--a lot of thinking, reading, posting, podcast-listening, and not a lot of actual practice. I seem to be putting it off until I get to the cushion, as though the opportunity to note or do bystander practice weren't available to me this very instant.
Thanks, as usual, Mike for the inspiring post.

"
"

jgroove:
(now I'm feeling like some kind of "expert" -- I got to watch that!)
anyway, one thing that really helps me in non-sitting practice is to find an "anchor" just like the "rising/falling" of the abdomen is an anchor in sitting practice.
I use the area right in the middle of my chest which is where I tend to have constant feelings. I can go along with my life, walking, talking, working, driving, watching tv, reading, etc. and it is no big effort to at least have a sense of what is going on in that area at all times. So the bare minimum is just to keep a light awareness of this anchor.
One of the hardest times to stay mindful and "note" for a lot of us, I think, is while interacting with other people, but i can certainly be aware of how my "feelings" in my chest/abdomen subltly change as I talk to people.
Once that bare minimum is down, then one can, with a little more effort go to identifying and noting what the feeling is there: "tight" "anxious" and/or "unpleasant" "excited" etc. to noting each step, each breath, various feeling tones, thoughts (lots of thoughts). The rapidity of noting and the amount of noting will vary based upon activities and willingness to practice.
And, there is no reason why one can't break down and note each movement of getting into and out of a car, of sitting, of standing, of walking, of doing the dishes. It can all be broken down at appropriate times.
And it doesn't have to be perfect or right or exact. Just jump in and start doing it. It doesn't matter if you miss something or don't note it in just the right way.
But, like I said, if one gets some continuity going, disembedding is just unavoidable and at that point amazing things will happen. I guarantee it.

Thanks, Mike. That is very helpful, actually.
I'm feeling inspired to, as Kenneth said, man up and actually do it.
Anyway, I'm simply too busy to limit my practice to the cushion--I've got too much work to do, too many responsibilities. If I don't practice off the cushion in the way that you're describing ... well, I've heard the point made many times that we need to practice off the cushion. It's really helpful to hear someone describe actually doing it.

I have done the same as Mike is talking about since I started meditating close to 10 years ago. The centring of attention, anchoring so to speak attetnion at the heart area. Most of feelings and emotions were emanating from there. Lots of negativity and positivity. I would constantly have a part of the mind aware of it so Ifelt "on top of it all". I wasn't noting when i did this.. But now that I do I find that being aware of this and noting it makes for quick uneventful dark nights. It helps with getting a teflon mind.

Now we are all watching Mike. COME ON MIKE!!!!!!

Yesterday's lunch time sit basic, not too deep, very sleepy. Spent after noon with good mindfulness. On the van ride on the way home kept up continuous noting of breath, feelings, thoughts with a real open, loose attitude. Nice.
Even over the vibrations of the drive I could feel thousands of buzzing vibes in my hands, feet and face.
Home. Sat for 40 minutes. Continuity from van ride still there, immediately felt deep into equanimity. Focused on noting breath and vibrations. Tried to note EVERY vibration as it appeared from beginning to end. Deeper and deeper. Felt a lot of tension over the self imposed pressure to keep up the continuity. Then, instead of trying to only note the vibes I started to note the pressure to note accurately as well and I was plunged even deeper to a new, cooler, smoother place -- but not without tension ("the door to the door to the door" is what is actually happening, NOT what I want to be happening). Stayed here for a while. Lots of awareness of "me," or the image of "me" and tension around the image of me. Became aware of huge pain in my abdomen and noted that. So many new things going on. Again, I felt like I was just scratching the surface of where I can go with all this (or getting to the place to start scratching). Ended session with greater than ever feellngs of peaceful joy. Went into the kitchen to make dinner and sang a silly narrative of what I was doing. Enjoyed my wonderful wife and awesome son.
Kept up the noting while eating and being with my family while watching a movie. Very grateful for my wife with whom I am so intimate and who seems to understand and support my practice completely. Very keyed into gratitute to be living with my kids after the divorce with their mother. Lots of nice intmacy with my son.
cont:

Cont.
During the movie and then later in bed had some intense fear and anxiety come through.
Found that if I did this "oh god, I'm afraid! oh no! What is going to happen? etc. -- it got worse and more awful. But, of course, when I noted it with "feeling anxiety," watch it be afraid" "watch it fear" "being afraid of these feelings" -- it went away. Quickly. Passed. Done. Gone.

Quote from Kenneth Folk:
"To reach the highest levels of enlightenment within this system requires a tremendous amount of concentration, which in turn requires great dedication and for most people many years of dedicated effort and considerable sacrifice. Nonetheless, it is possible and well worth doing; balancing concentration and insight brings about what I call "physio-energetic" development, a kind of human development that seems to be optional. In other words, the majority of people on Earth will not develop their potential in this arena and many will not even believe that such a possibility exists."

I went through a period of intense anxiety and I found that the practice Nick described (which I came to through reading Eckhart Tolle) worked in first allowing me to take it as an object and also to see the triggers. I came to the conclusion that I had an anxiety problem my whole life without even being aware of it!

But yeah, awesome practice.

Okay - I'm seeing something I think.
This happens to me and probably others.
Note and disembed note and disembed. Continuity.
More things come up and since there is continutiy there is disembeding.
Somewhere, at some point, a new level of "good" is enjoyed. And, because it is new, and because I am inexperienced, I forget to note and disembed and keep the continuity going -- I just indulge in the goodness for a while.
Then, the disembeded me goes "looking for" the good again, boom -- it's gone.
Then, after a second or a mintue or a month or a year or a lifetime of feeling like **** about it -- note, disembed, continuity. And, again, a new level of "good" is not disembedded from. For a while.
I am a sneaky, insidious, tricky entity!

Another thought (from which I will disembed -- soon): I love that I and many of you can enjoy this wonderful life of practice without having to join religious organizations or become monks, that we can do it just fine while in our lives, jobs, and families.
It is all I want.

I wish I could really describe what this weekend was like for my practice, but I'm sure words will not suffice. But, I'll try.
I can't remember much detail about saturday except that I kept my noting momentum up pretty well between sits and I started to experience a real sweet, pleasureable feeling for the first time ever.
Sunday:
Alone a lot of the day. Kept up mindfulness between sits. Able to feel increasingly strong and varied vibes while doing normal activities. Beginning around four or so had three sits in a row that were very unusual and in between each one was huge momentum of disembeding style noting mindfulness (that's a mouthfull!). Example:
50 min sit - immediate plunge into strong pulsing vibrations all over my body. The pulse would vary constantly and change based upon where I put my attention (feet, hands, scalp,etc.) Now, here is what is brand new for me -- I had access to a lot of intense pleasureable feelings. Basically, i could do three different things: 1. note rising and falling, stopping. This would be lovely, smooth, blissful. 2. Note the vibes and ignore the breath. This wasn't quite as blissful but still very interesting and new, can't describe yet. 3. do a combo of one and two -- note rise and fall as well as sensations in abdomen while breathing. Again, this is hard to describe but very blissful and new and I had a lot of urges to just .... let go to some kind of awesome emptyplace.
Now, I don't know what all this means. My beginners hunch is that Ive finally hit the ability to enter the jhana strata of mind which would explain the new found bliss states. Did I also get near the frution place?(what i mean is -- did I stretch out to the outer limits of high E or just hit jhanas?) Don't know. Barely care. Will keep going.

Hi Mike,

I came across the 4th jhana by accident when instead of noting during high equanimity, I just immersed myself in the sensations and pleasantness of the 11th nana. Then I felt myself shift over to an absorbed state. That was 4th jhana. I then used that newly found access when I sat down to meditate to quickly go up to the 4th jhana and keep noting. Next day I got path. WOOOT! Keep on keeping on, Mike!

This is like watching a repeat of the Titanic again. We know what happens but the ending is all good times!
mudita!!!

"Hi Mike,

I came across the 4th jhana by accident when instead of noting during high equanimity, I just immersed myself in the sensations and pleasantness of the 11th nana. Then I felt myself shift over to an absorbed state. That was 4th jhana. I then used that newly found access when I sat down to meditate to quickly go up to the 4th jhana and keep noting. Next day I got path. WOOOT! Keep on keeping on, Mike!

This is like watching a repeat of the Titanic again. We know what happens but the ending is all good times!
mudita!!!"

Right, Nikolai, that SOUNDS like what is going on with me: get into 11th nana and then relax into the pleasure. Can't help it.
However, the state isn't very solid or strong and I feel like I just kind of dip in and out in an exploratory kind of way.
Didn't the hero of the movie "Titanic" drown to death in freezing cold waters at the end?

"Right, Nikolai, that SOUNDS like what is going on with me: get into 11th nana and then relax into the pleasure. Can't help it.
However, the state isn't very solid or strong and I feel like I just kind of dip in and out in an exploratory kind of way.
Didn't the hero of the movie "Titanic" drown to death in freezing cold waters at the end? "

Heheh! You can be the woman. She survived!

Everytime I go on one of the philosphical-discussion-oriented threads I have a strong urge to add some pithy little silly funny comment. I will fight that urge from this moment on.

No, Mike! Your comments are witty and cool.

"I wish I could really describe what this weekend was like for my practice, but I'm sure words will not suffice. But, I'll try.
I can't remember much detail about saturday except that I kept my noting momentum up pretty well between sits and I started to experience a real sweet, pleasureable feeling for the first time ever.
Sunday:
Alone a lot of the day. Kept up mindfulness between sits. Able to feel increasingly strong and varied vibes while doing normal activities. Beginning around four or so had three sits in a row that were very unusual and in between each one was huge momentum of disembeding style noting mindfulness (that's a mouthfull!). Example:
50 min sit - immediate plunge into strong pulsing vibrations all over my body. The pulse would vary constantly and change based upon where I put my attention (feet, hands, scalp,etc.) Now, here is what is brand new for me -- I had access to a lot of intense pleasureable feelings. Basically, i could do three different things: 1. note rising and falling, stopping. This would be lovely, smooth, blissful. 2. Note the vibes and ignore the breath. This wasn't quite as blissful but still very interesting and new, can't describe yet. 3. do a combo of one and two -- note rise and fall as well as sensations in abdomen while breathing. Again, this is hard to describe but very blissful and new and I had a lot of urges to just .... let go to some kind of awesome emptyplace.
Now, I don't know what all this means. My beginners hunch is that Ive finally hit the ability to enter the jhana strata of mind which would explain the new found bliss states. Did I also get near the frution place?(what i mean is -- did I stretch out to the outer limits of high E or just hit jhanas?) Don't know. Barely care. Will keep going. "

Awesome, Mike! Thanks for the posts!

It is no surprise to me that the more extreme aspects of Sunday night have not been repeated since. In my experience I often "swing" to a new place one day then it will take a varied amount of time for that place to become more normal and easy to get to. It's just the way it is. Since then my sits are typically like this:
Last night, 50 min:
Immediate strong vibrations all over body, strongest in feet and hands. In the left foot there is a rhythmic shooting wave of fast buzzing vibes. I anchor on the rising and falling of my abdomen while mentally "hitting" the various vibes. Vibes will get stronger and then fade to almost nothing. Sometimes it will be more of a strobing pulse. If my focus is on the breath the vibes in my abdomen will increase and my head will get lighter and emptier. Sometimes my face and skull will feel like a steel mask. At least half of each sit is characterized by noticing a LOT of tension.
I often think I should be "doing" something different and I'll try different activities to see what happens. Such as dropping the noting and kind of just merging my brain with the vibrations while totally letting go. I've been noticing weird stomach pains from time to time. If I get strong continuity going on noting vibes sometimes everything can feel just right -- no pain, no friction, free energy.

zen
one of the things that always apealed to me about the zen culture was the sort of empty/starkness/bareness of it all. the constant refusal to go on flights of fancy regarding spiritual things.
this is often absent from the non-zen dharma/spiritual world (Tibetan, Theravada, yoga, the various hard to categorized "new age" movements).
I mean, I STILL can't wrap my mind around something so simple and unfancy as the concept of "primordial awareness" -- aren't things just so truly impermanent and empty that there is, essentially, nothing to see, nothing to fall back on, nothing to find, nothing to look for, nothing to count on, nothing to hold on to?
to me, that is just the most beautiful thrilling possibility -- gives me chills

Note: this is not a hard and fast position that I want to hold on to and defend, I'm just musing, you know? As always, I'm open.

Hi Mike,

I just started reading this thread as your mention of Zen caught my attention. Really inspiring stuff here! Very clear descriptions, and also very open. I love how you don't hold anything back.

As a Zen practitioner myself, your description really kind of shook me up. I've been feeling really lost in my own practice and have recently switched over to Noting (for which your, and everyone's, descriptions here a really helpful as guides). One downside to the Zen refusal to go on flights of fancy is that it makes it very difficult to get into discussions like the ones I find here. Really detailed, helpful explanations and comparisons of practice.

I've been feeling a real lack of appreciation for Zen lately, but your musings here made me realize how much I'm just feeling sorry for myself, in a "grass is always greener on the other side" kind of way. There's great things about both practices, we're better off celebrating them as they are! Its the same territory, after all, just different ways of looking at it.

Anyway, just wanted to say how much I appreciated your "just musing". Thanks for sharing. : )

"zen
one of the things that always apealed to me about the zen culture was the sort of empty/starkness/bareness of it all. the constant refusal to go on flights of fancy regarding spiritual things.
this is often absent from the non-zen dharma/spiritual world (Tibetan, Theravada, yoga, the various hard to categorized "new age" movements).
I mean, I STILL can't wrap my mind around something so simple and unfancy as the concept of "primordial awareness" -- aren't things just so truly impermanent and empty that there is, essentially, nothing to see, nothing to fall back on, nothing to find, nothing to look for, nothing to count on, nothing to hold on to?
to me, that is just the most beautiful thrilling possibility -- gives me chills

Note: this is not a hard and fast position that I want to hold on to and defend, I'm just musing, you know? As always, I'm open. "

I share your appreciation for the elegant-- and sometimes hilarious-- evocation of 'emptiness' that the zen folks do so well, in practice as in decor. [loved your remarks on the SFZC bathroom]

What the 'fancier' traditions do well [at their best, not always] is giving language to the staggering multiplicity of 'form'. And this serves as a corrective for those who would otherwise vanish into emptiness. The preference for emptiness is NOT nonduality; it's that amputation of half the dynamic known as 'monism'. It is the interplay of the two poles of experience that makes for a dynamic and not a frozen stasis.

The Heart Sutra is the fundamental statement of Buddhist nondual understanding. If you consider your own ordinary life experience, could you honestly prefer the starkness of 'mind and body fall away'-- 24/7-- to the pulse between that and a radically refreshed intimacy with the phenomenal world of 'all-my-relations'--?
I, too, am just musing...

Mike: "I'm just musing, you know?"

Roomi: "I, too, am just musing..."

Aren't we all just musing?

La la la la la la la la la!
~Jackson

"zen
one of the things that always apealed to me about the zen culture was the sort of empty/starkness/bareness of it all. the constant refusal to go on flights of fancy regarding spiritual things.
this is often absent from the non-zen dharma/spiritual world (Tibetan, Theravada, yoga, the various hard to categorized "new age" movements).
I mean, I STILL can't wrap my mind around something so simple and unfancy as the concept of "primordial awareness" -- aren't things just so truly impermanent and empty that there is, essentially, nothing to see, nothing to fall back on, nothing to find, nothing to look for, nothing to count on, nothing to hold on to?
to me, that is just the most beautiful thrilling possibility -- gives me chills

Note: this is not a hard and fast position that I want to hold on to and defend, I'm just musing, you know? As always, I'm open. "

It is beautiful and true, as long as people don't start holding onto it and defending it. The "non-dual fundamentalists," as Adyashanti amusingly calls them, come to mind. Talking to a certain type of Zen person can be as difficult as talking to a certain kind of "everything-in-the-Pali canon-is-literally-true-and-you-are-a-heretic" type of Theravadin.

"Hi Mike,

I just started reading this thread as your mention of Zen caught my attention. Really inspiring stuff here! Very clear descriptions, and also very open. I love how you don't hold anything back.

As a Zen practitioner myself, your description really kind of shook me up. I've been feeling really lost in my own practice and have recently switched over to Noting (for which your, and everyone's, descriptions here a really helpful as guides). One downside to the Zen refusal to go on flights of fancy is that it makes it very difficult to get into discussions like the ones I find here. Really detailed, helpful explanations and comparisons of practice.

I've been feeling a real lack of appreciation for Zen lately, but your musings here made me realize how much I'm just feeling sorry for myself, in a "grass is always greener on the other side" kind of way. There's great things about both practices, we're better off celebrating them as they are! Its the same territory, after all, just different ways of looking at it.

Anyway, just wanted to say how much I appreciated your "just musing". Thanks for sharing. : )"

Thanks.
Hey, this IS me holding back! I wonder what you would all think if I said all the stuff I have the impluse to mention but self censor. (A lot of it is really unrelated such as the impulses I always have -- but deny -- to go on and on about how awesome my son, my daughter and my wife are. In GREAT detail.)
Anyway, I agree on zen vs. this sort of vipassana culture -- I'd rather have flights of fancy if it means getting all the direct and real info we get here. Lovely as it can be, the lack of good, practical specific instructions towards a clear-cut goal makes zen lose its allure for me.

"Thanks.
Hey, this IS me holding back! I wonder what you would all think if I said all the stuff I have the impluse to mention but self censor. (A lot of it is really unrelated such as the impulses I always have -- but deny -- to go on and on about how awesome my son, my daughter and my wife are. In GREAT detail.)
Anyway, I agree on zen vs. this sort of vipassana culture -- I'd rather have flights of fancy if it means getting all the direct and real info we get here. Lovely as it can be, the lack of good, practical specific instructions towards a clear-cut goal makes zen lose its allure for me. "

That is exactly the thing that turned me off and "drove" me (thankfully) to this practice. Time enough to explore the elegance later, after a Path or two.

"The Heart Sutra is the fundamental statement of Buddhist nondual understanding. If you consider your own ordinary life experience, could you honestly prefer the starkness of 'mind and body fall away'-- 24/7-- to the pulse between that and a radically refreshed intimacy with the phenomenal world of 'all-my-relations'--?
"

Very nice! A great point.