MuMuWu's Practice Journal

another 20 minute sit

Noticed that after the itches die down and continuing to note things get more peaceful and simpler. Getting quite drowsy at this point. Again. Will continue to practice at this level.

"Thanks again Kenneth.

I just sat again for 20. I am noticing that after a point where there are a lot of itches which are easy to lock unto and note I enter in to a phase where things are much stiller and pleasant but there is also a lot less going on in terms of little things to note. What I did this time was note the pressure of my hands touching eachother. Eventually I noticed a pulse there and staying with that seemed to stir up more energy and other things to note"

Hey MuMuWu,

You could also note the pleasantness of those pleasant states. And also a good time to note the subtler stuff like, "investigation", "searching", "looking for". Sounds like real good progress and you should know that all this is gonna take you all the way!!!

Thanks again Nick.

This practice seems much more direct and seems to be taker things much deeper. Previously the noting was being used to more so dis-embed until there was a simple knowing awareness and I would watch the overall picture change. This tended to be hit or miss.

With this practice I am laying my attention on a particular sensation, I keep it there until the sensation becomes weaker than something else or moves or dissapears. While I am holding my attention on it it will inevitably change. I am now seeing a relationship between what these sensations are doing and other effects that I noted previously (raptures, rising warmth, etc.).

I also tried noting a pleasant sensation in a calmer stiller state as you suggested. A large portion of the body was experiencing a pleasant numbness/pressure. I took this as an object. It felt fairly large and as I stayed with it, it seemed to move very slowly or have an extremely slow pulse. It almost felt like syrup or slow motion or something like that. It was noticeably more solid than the itches and things like that I had been noting.

Very inspirational progress reports mumuwu!

Been noticing a fairly subtle pulse that is noticeable early on in the session that seems to be centered around the eyes and face. It feels like I am picking up my heart beat in that area. There is a visual component to it as well (a slight pulsing). The rate is about 80 beats per minute (counted for 10 seconds * 6). At times it seems to not have a center or to move to another area (my back for example). It can also feel like my whole body is pulsing. Sometimes I'll feel beat one in my hands, beat 2 in my elbows and face, things like that.

I think I'll focus on this for a while and see where it goes. It seems to lead into a bunch of itches and things which spring up around the body. Defintley seems to be a good object as it seems to be leader me deeper and requires a very subtle touch which if let wander makes me lose the pulse.

Thanks Anthony. I'm taking it back to the basics as I may or may not have been finding what I was looking for due to scripting and knowledge of the maps.

In order to get to a level that hopefully avoids some of those pitfalls we are going at it from the angle of penetrating of objects. I'm finding this fascinating. Before I was using noting as a means to keep the little me from getting diverted and then holding an open awareness and watching for changes in the overall feel of things. One of the problems with this method is that it was very dependent on my mind state at the time and made it hard to describe exactly what I was seeing.

So, I'm taking it down to the level of sensations and throwing the maps out the window for the time being.

I'm quite aware of a lot of itchy points for the past couple of days and when I get some time I take one as an object, watch it change/move/dissapear and continue to do that.

I also get a lot more of what Kenneth was saying about having the appropriate amount of pressure applied to the object (like a foam peanut in water, just wanting to have enough pressure to maintain contact but not pushing it below the surface). I am become much more adept at "laying" my focus of attention on something, using noting as a reminder to keep doing that, and then being aware of the spot for as long as possible in real time so I can watch it morph and change.

Sitting here at work, keeping part of my attention on the tingling/other sensations around the body. Noticing a lot of warm pleasant energy around the body, lots of pleasant tingling and pinpoint like sensations all over.

FUN!

"I also get a lot more of what Kenneth was saying about having the appropriate amount of pressure applied to the object (like a foam peanut in water, just wanting to have enough pressure to maintain contact but not pushing it below the surface). I am become much more adept at "laying" my focus of attention on something, using noting as a reminder to keep doing that, and then being aware of the spot for as long as possible in real time so I can watch it morph and change."

Oh man, this is great! A really clear description, thanks mumuwu!

Ian,

It's funny because Kenneth has been saying from the start that it is like algebra, do it according to the instructions and it works. Because of previous experience, misunderstandings, reading the maps, etc. my practice became a bit of a mishmash and it lost a lot of the power it had during my first few posts. It really feels like something's clicked and it all makes a lot more sense now.



P.S.
You are a great contributer on this site. I love your posts!

Man, I am right with you on that mishmash. My algebra at this point looks more like this:
bit.ly/dq91bj

Re: PS:
thanks. I really feel like making up for lost time here. Its a great community.

Been dealing with helping my girlfriend through withdrawal symptoms from going off an anti-depressent and haven't had a lot of time for formal sitting.

Just a brief description of what is unfolding from when I get up to about now:
-Wake up feeling quite normal
-Start paying attention to breathing/other sensations to become more present
-begin to feel some tingling/warmth on the skin
-notice some itching points on face/neck/etc
-hold my attention on one of these points, watch it change, vibrate, pulse, etc.
-eventually more of these points become visible
-able to watch several at once
-over time more raptures/warmth/vibrations on the skin
-eventually the whole surface of the body seems to be vibrating/tingling/buzzing (not a distinct pulse unless I look at one by itself, or an overall pulse is noticed)
-the mind seems more focused, less distracting thoughts, stiller, wider
-returning to look for pulses and greater detail when I have time to do that (I am at work).

Just sat for about 20 minutes in the bathtub.

Stared at the faucet (it has a round backing) for a couple of minutes until tingling sensations and rising warmth are felt around the body.

Noting tingling, itching (many itching points), pulsing (notice a full body pulse that when focused on will sometimes involve a couple of parts of the body - lub in hand - dub in face/visual field), itching again, eventually able to hold several itches in attention, noted almost painful itching, wetness, coolness, movement as many beads of sweat began to run down the face. Noting these becomes almost unbearable for a while. By the end of the sitting it felt like the focus in the visual field had widened or perhaps less separate from the other sensations in the body. Less of a sense of being embodied, more of just sensations being noted.

25 minute sit

Noticed the big pulse right away (indefinite location, seems to be mostly around the upper body/face). This is definitely a heart/blood thing (I think). Stayed with this for a while, noticed that it occasionally disappears and reappears. Note itchy pinpoint like spots. Occasionally the pulse spontaneously becomes more prevalent for a while, then the itching. Noting itching at one spot until another spot becomes more prevalent. Note that sometimes the itch becomes a multipoint bubbling or tingling sensation. Seems complex like guitar distortion.

Sensations around lips become prevalent. Note tingling, tingling, become aware of a faster pulse at the lip, lip seems to be quivering with it. Seems to jump to the foot and become an aching pain. Noting the pain, it eventually jumps back to the lip (or the lip stuff suddenly takes the attention). Am aware of many tingling sensations all over the body (more like the skin has a subtle burning or vibration to it)

Also notice that about 10 minutes in and the tingling on the skin, pulsing, etc. dies down. The mind becomes very calm and open feeling. Definite difference in the feel of the visual field/spaciousness. Feels easier on one level but things seem more subtle. Note searching. Note pressure (at hands). Begin to notice some tingling at hands then mouth and various other places in the body. Notice that I am getting sleepier. Notice that the visual field is somewhat interesting. Stay with it for a while noting seeing. Seem to stay in this calm state for a while. Notice that there are occasional itches or aches but it doesn't have quite the urgency to it. Feel much simpler, less defined in terms of a body.

End sitting relaxed

I used to get the body pulse a lot too, but now I rarely note it being particularly pronounced. Sometimes, I felt like a tall flag pole gently oscillating back and forth.

Thanks Tom. I went back and read your first few posts. Sounds exactly the same as what I was seeing. Even to the point where you are taking it as a meditation object (as an alternative to the breath).

I think I've got a hold of this thing now.

Just a quick update, noticing more aches and pains today and a pain in the teeth/jaw.

Probably normal physical ailments, but a data-point worth recording.

Sat for 10 minutes

Some staring at Kasina / Breath counting to start

Noted slight itchy points on head and face
Noted rising falling
Noted tingling
Noted itching itching itching itching
Noted pulsing
Noted itching point became burning/tingling patch on hand
noted tingling tingling tingling, patch spread to other hand and lips
noted tingling tingling tingling/pulsing pulsing pulsing
noted shift in focus or some change visually
noted peacful
noted open
noted coolness (not all over body/slight)
interrupted by dog

itching itching typing tingling tingling looking itching pulsing looking rising falling rising faling judging spaced out itching itching itching brightness itching itching itching coolness itching tingling burning lips pressure tingling tingling bubbling many quick pulses in a pile

- 2 minute test of typing and noting. Should do the recorder thing instead (although this works ok).

20 Minute sit
Sort of drowsy starting off

Counted breaths for 4 cycles of ten starting out
-results in feelings of pleasant tingling around the body
-begin to feel a distinct pulse
-begin to note pulse, pulse seems to be made up of sensations from several areas
-as I stay with the pulse notice a shift visually. Things get simpler / more spacious and pleasant
-note some wandering thoughts/drowsiness
-begin noting some itchy sensations until they get more complex / spread out
-note tingling, patches spread out, more patches
-notice another visual shift
-feel very peaceful
-note drowsyness

-difficult to recall detail in detail, however a general trend is starting to be noticeable and the focus on staying with sensations is working well. I am fairly sure I noted in a lot more detail than what I've listed above, that's about the overall trend of the session, though without using something like a recorder and being somewhat tired it's hard to be accurate.

Sat for about 20 minutes again.

Am having an eye out for changes in overall tone.

Definitley seeing places where the mind is restful / where no effort is really required and the mind feels open and peaceful vs. places in between these states where there's more going on and things are more dynamic.

Start out with breath counting, 4 cycles of 10
Notice a pulse at about the 2nd time through
Stay with the pulse, watch tingling and pleasant warmth arise
Watching these I catch a thought beginning to form and note that, a transition to a wider darker stiller space is noticed
I soon begin to note itching points, starting with one or two. Remaining with these they either become more complex or disappear and are replaced with a new itch. Eventually one becomes a pulse as I stay with it. I note tingling patches around the body and notice another shift in focus into a more stable open state. I notice that there is less to note and begin focusing on some slight tingling which becomes more pronounced. I note the air blowing against my body and coolness along with the tingling. Notice another shift in focus to a wider more spacious state again. Continue to note tingling and notice a cold shiver, notice some areas of tension arising. Not painful, but uncomfortable and intense. Notice feelings like this in face and neck mainly. Notice another wide, easy space open. Again, noting of sensations are possible, but would also like to rest here. Continue to note tingling/points/warmth. Notice several more shifts. Begin to notice rising exhilaration/excitement/warmth. Quite peaceful.

Seems to be a bit more of a ride than previous sits.

There's a lot more going on that I am aware of it the sit, but it seems like watching itching points>tingling patches>more complex patches>pulses and noting these is bringing me deeper and deeper. After the sitting the trend in these seems to be what I am recalling.

Last night while driving home around 1:00AM, I was pretty concentrated and was excited to meditate. I was also listening to "Be Here Now" by George Harrison. Anyhow, I started to feel a lot of pressure in my chest and head as well as tingling. Just before I got home, I noticed something strange had happened. It was like someone had cut through my consciousness on an angle with a sword (it had a diagonal slashing quality). It was a sudden blip, hard to describe followed by bliss and then some pressure and such around the body.

It was similar to what I have experienced before, but I was right in the middle of driving when it happened.

Felt the same as posts 61 & 78.

Will have an eye out for this in the future.

Feel quite at ease today.

details scanty....

Feel very alive. Don't feel stressed, lots of casual joking. Not irritated by small talk.

Feel very right today. Also feel quite concentrated all day, can very casually close the eyes and get quite pleasant and absorbed. Also, finding it quite easy to focus on the present. Not a lot of heavy feeling thoughts in the head.

In regards the eye flicker it seems that if I do it he eyes eventually come to a rest. At that point I get blissful sensations all over the body and rising warmth and energy. I stayed with the energy and eventually felt pressure in and around the face I repeated the process and felt very blessed out almost silly. I seemed unable to get the eyes to flicker at this point. Right now I feel amazing. Very pleasantly warm around my face and chest. Very happy very joyful intense.

Last night got a real sense of how I can easily direct my focus into a smaller or wider circle. A small circle results in rising warmth and energy and pleasure, slightly larger and those sensations increase, slightly larger and immediate cold sensation, I can also let it go all the way out.

Also, yesterday I had probably the most intense raptures I've had. Seems to be a lot of activity in the head throughout the day in the way of pressure right in the middle of my head radiating out.


----

Tried the Jhana's by manipulating circumference of focus thing again. Works amazingly well. Can definitely sense the transitions and can go in whatever order. Third seems to be very obvious compared to 2 (when the focus is widened, very clear coolness that isn't there in 1 and 2) and 4 is very recognizeable as well as the focus is all the way out 360. Playing with this for a couple of rounds makes the rising energy/warmth/pressure very intense and it usually comes up around the head.

Not a lot of time for practice. Last night found out my Mom's younger sister has breast cancer so I was pretty occupied on that front.

Just some general stuff:

Seem to be able to get things moving very quickly upon sitting. Picking up pulsing and vibrating fairly easy (within 1 round of breath counting).

Once concentration is developed can manipulate focus to enter into various concentration states (first 4 Jhanas). Jumping between these causes a good bit of energy flow

Seem to have access to some formless Jhanas as well by focusing on particular aspects of consciousness (space, knower of space, let go of knower, let go of everything).

The eye flicker seems to get energy moving up the body which can get quite intense. Sometimes it crests and I get a sense of relief and bliss. I am not seeing an obvious gap or anything accompanying this.

Hopefully some time will present itself for a better writeup. Overall the mind feels more powerful and less agitated by personal type stuff. I really noticed a lot of smells yesterday, particularly outside, though typically I don't notice that.

Also, meditated last night before bed, at some point I felt a good bit of pain in my neck and down my back. I assumed a better posture and then it felt like there was a pole shoved down my head right down my back. I seemed to be able to feel it all the way down the back.This was very intense and unpleasant.