MuMuWu's Practice Journal

had a similar sit. Toward the end, same thing: building sense of warmth/energy/excitement feel like build up to something. I think the main difference here vs the buildup during 1st/2nd Jhana is the noticeable racing heart, like a real building intensity.

Timer went off too soon!

Definitely seem to be aware throughout the day of when I am moving from the witness who doesn't care to me who does care. This becomes very clear once I've done enough concentrating or noting, particularly if I have been spending time cycling through the arc and the mind is very clear. At this point I simply watch for a constriction which usually precedes thought. I note it and relax, it dissolves and I am back in clear awareness with a sense of the witness (2nd not 3rd).

Like I said, when walking the other day this broke into something beautiful (3rd gear?) and it has happened over the past few years while doing these practices.

Noting seems very worthwhile when I feel sticky and embedded but throughout the day it seems that the best way to build concentration and stay on top of things is to keep the sense of witness (once I've gotten past a certain threshold if I am embedded which noting/breath counting/steeping seems to get me out of).

Again, this is what I am thinking now, but I will play with it some more.

Life has been amazing overall since Tuesday (post 61).

Just meditated for about 11 minutes before bed, got into what seemed like high equanimity after riding the arc. I seemed to go straight to a&p after building some energy and warmth in high equanimity)

Anyways, more importantly, when I lied down I noticed that my eyes were flickering. I was focusing on it too hard at first and I think I was influencing it. I let go and it became a gentle flicker, then eventually WHOOMP, something changed, like a glimpse of something stiller, brighter, warmer, and then back to what it was before right away. Then exhilaration, warmth, racing heart beat.

I'm sitting at the computer now about 4 minutes since that happened. The energy is building very strongly all over the body, especially in the chest and face.



Felt very warm and blissful, now feeling a bit cooler and shaky, still feel amazing.


Lots of energy/pressur moving around in the face.


Feel somewhat shaky, lots of buzzing vibrations all over. Feel very blissed out.





Eyes are a bit achey now, some pressure building in the head/face.


Back to bed.

Jeez, feeling a bit crappy this morning.

I'm handling it pretty well, I'm wondering if this is mind and body again perhaps as it is fairly solid, various itches, there is energy but it is somewhat solid and anxious feeling/not that pleasant.

Will see how it progresses throughout the day.

Ok, well it just broke up, the focus widened and it got a bit chilly.

Mind feels much looser now.

Anxious energy keeps coming back. I wonder am I moving up from 3rd to Knowledge of fear and post 80 was dropping down rather than moving up as I am once again relieved of the anxiety and am feeling spacious and cool.

Ok, well I'm at lunch now and I just worked with a kasina briefly to generate 2nd jhana (staring at the wedge made by defocussing enough to create 2 overlapping circles). Noticed rising warm energy, very enjoyable. This eventually settled out into a cool, spacious, de-focused state, then then anxiety came up for a while, then some moving pressure in the face. I'm not to sure what happened next as I was interrupted.

I didn't spend much time with the kasina, just enough to get a feel for the 2nd Jhana. I'm thinking I'm getting the DN stuff again a bit more clearly than I have for the past week or so (when I seemed to just move from dissolution straight into 4th Jhana territory.

Looking forward to having a good formal sit tonight.

Was just reading, felt the anxiety come up in the background, followed by spacious coolness, then rising warm energy (descending the arc???).

By the way, these posts today are mainly about phenomenon I am noticing while I work.

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Definitely cycling. Noticed a move from equanimity down through dukkha nanas back to either 2 or 1st Jhana.

Again, I'm catching it in certain places as I am working.

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Nice, this is still going on.

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5:40 PM - Cycling still continues. Going up and down the arc now, seem to no longer be skipping any stages, although dukkha nanas are really not all that bad now. Prior to last night, since last week, it seemed like I was skipping the dukkha nanas and it felt more like a loop of states rather than a going up and a going down.

OK, I had the same occurance last night as the night before. After meditating I go to bed. This time I notice that it isn't that my eyes are flickering (moving) but it is the visual field that is blinking/flickering (not on and off or black and white but maybe slightly brighter and slightly darker). As I am watching the blinking eventually it feels like I missed, or overshot a blink and then everything gets still, the visual field gets blank (no more grainy moving stuff you see or the blinking) and still. It isn't brighter as I had written before, it is smoother and simpler. There is nothing really discernible about it other than what came before it stopped and resumed after it.

After this occurs for a brief moment it goes back to the way it was before and then I get a racing heartbeat, and a rush of excitement / energy and I feel quite blissful.

Anyhow, I will keep an eye to see if it keeps happening.

Feeling very overwhelmed right now. Rough day at work had me feeling super tight around my chest. Now I'm racked with anxiety and occasional waves of nausea as well as sadness. Trying to work through it, but it is hard stuff now.

Probably the roughest day since I ran into the dukka nanas a couple of weeks ago.

Head up mumuwu. These times are perfect moments to put your noting practice to good use. Note the hell out of those sensations like it was your last day on earth. See what happens when you do that for one hour versus not doing it for a whole day. I am sure you will see some results!

Lots of metta for you!

Sat for 20 minutes.

Was very anxious sitting down.
Noticed that even though this was the case, rising warmth and pleasurable sensations started immediately when I sat. Then I had some wandering thoughts, but kept noting "thinking" and returning to breath. Noticed that eventually the warmth suddenly began to grow brighter, more sensations of vibration on the body, wider focus in visual field. This stayed for a good while, eventually noted some cool sensations around the body, an overall change in the vibrations throughout the body, they become more diffuse and somewhat more defined in the points where they are arising. Eventually notice a rise in energy, but it isn't very pleasant. I associate the feeling with anxiety. Along with the anxiety comes some pains, itches, and moving pressure in the face. The anxiety quickly becomes the less prevelent while the moving pressure begins to build. Somewhat solid and intense sensations around the body, not pleasant. This eventually slopes down and isn't too bad at all. I eventually notice a calm along with anticipation for some signs of the 4th Jhana/equinimity. Instead, I notice rising anxiety again, but milder than the first time, followed by some slight pin point itches and moving pressure, which increases slightly. Eventually the negative tone becomes less prevelent, although I am still feeling some energy on the skin, which I associate with anxiety, but it is not perceived as a bad thing, just a thing. The mind feels much calmer now, although it isn't very deep.

At this point begin manipulating and focus on infinite space. I don't get a very good sense of it, but I do notice a shift in focus. I eventually notice a brightening of the visual field and a shift backward into a solid focus. I also notice some rising energy that I typically associate with being concentrated. I eventually allow the focus to drop away.

I am now focusing on the fact that there is nothing. It feels very wide and calm, but there is seemingly a center of some sort as I am concentrating, but there isn't an object to hold. Eventually I let this sense of holding go and things get weird. It is like a lot of blah going on that I can't even describe. Like stuff happening in the darkness here and not happening there. No central point of focus, very strange. Busy but calm.

I stay in this state for the remainder of the sitting. It seems to deepen and get stiller, but there isn't much time spent here before I get up.

I feel much much better than I did before sitting.

I have a new theory that I am testing these days:
The amount of time an unpleasant feeling lasts decreases by exactly the amount of objective mindfull attention it is given.

Counter intuitive I know, but I think it is true. I've found that before knowing this (and still -- I'll be blunt) it is actually harder to note and disembed from an unpleasant sensation because I'm afraid that if I fully acknowledge it it will grow in power and take over. But the opposite seems to be true.

Of course, that doesn't mean they will ever stop appearing.

Guys thanks for the awesome replies!

I just spent 20 minutes with it and it was wonderful. Just as you guys recommended and you were both right.

I love you all!

Mike, I think I really built up a protective barrier to try and put some distance between me and my work (I am the IT guy for a group of 6 companies). I was trying to get everything done because I wanted to take a day off tomorrow to spend with my girlfriend.

In doing this, I definitely was operating from a very small focus and frankly I'm not surprised it had the negative impact it had. I really had to get out of small attention, ignoring the pain mode to open, accepting, allowing the house guests to have some tea and be on their way mode.

"Head up mumuwu. These times are perfect moments to put your noting practice to good use. Note the hell out of those sensations like it was your last day on earth. See what happens when you do that for one hour versus not doing it for a whole day. I am sure you will see some results!

Lots of metta for you!"

Nick,

Do you mind if I call you Saint Nick? You are one of the kindest, most encouraging/inspirational individuals I've come across on this old internet. Thank you so much. This is exactly why a Sangha is a refuge.

Metta to you times infinity!

"Nick,

Do you mind if I call you Saint Nick? "

ROFL!!!!! My fiancee would laugh in your face, mumuwu. The fact that I sometimes fart on purpose in our bedroom makes her think I am the devil incarnate. And today I got pissed off for 10 minuteswith our internet provider, stupid bastards...ahem...so no, no saint here.

Edited to be honest about the time I was pissed off...hehe!

Yeah, well it can't be any worse than my dog. He actually answers to the name farty. He also sleeps in our bedroom. Also don't fart on your girlfriend's leg. Ever. You won't live it down!

I feel your internet provider's pain. LOL.

oops.

Started with awareness of breath. Good noting practice throughout this sitting.

Started by working way up to 1st Jhana (warmth, tingling on skin, pleasant) via awareness of breath (noted rising and falling, noted sensations at resting points of breath). Noticed brief wandering of the mind followed by some itchy points on the skin. Noted the itching points rapidly, noted rising warmth, pressure in face, pleasant feelings, then the itch would return, noting of itch, return of 2nd Jhana like sensations.
Started to steep in the sensations. Went fairly deep into 2nd Jhana. Noted this, will STEEP MORE next time. Noticed arising of coolness on skin, felt change in focus at eyes (noticing this between states much more) noticed a change in the feel of tv-noise like sensations around body - they spread out. Noticed a rising pressure in the face and some itching. Noticed a change in focus, a brightening of the visual field and a pleasant overtone came over the experience. Began noting sensations around the body, although this was a bit more difficult to do than earlier. Sensations are more subtle. Noticed a change in focus, and a darkening of the visual field. Feel very spacious. Feel as though I might be coaxing myself into this state somewhat. Continue to note. Notice another changed in focus. Feel hard focus, rising warmth, focus has moved back. Visual focus. Eventually feel another change in focus. Focus loosens, but still feel concentrated. Eventually feel this let go. Deep stillness. Feel like I am not doing anything to maintain this state. Very still. Seem to be mainly aware of background noises in the room and occasional bodily sensation. Very peaceful. Eventually notice the visual field is somewhat interesting. Cross my eyes slightly and see more interesting visuals. Feels like it has a different depth to it. Notice moving gobs of energy. Very subtle. Still feel very relaxed. Stay with this for some while and then get up.

A quote I liked today:

"Because this root is where even this feelings and thoughts ultimately arise from, this is where we need to entrust them. However, hearing this, people often begin to think that the body and the feelings and thoughts it gives rise to are something to be despised. Daehaeng Kun Sunim cautions people about this view, saying:

There has to be a physical body in order to know the Buddha-dharma. You need to be aware that throwing away your body is not the way to know the Buddha-dharma. To think that the flesh is worthless and must be thrown away because it's only a temporary combination is an extremely misguided idea. Without the body, you cannot develop, cannot broaden your wisdom, and cannot become a Buddha. Because the son exists, you can know the father; through the existence of the servant, you can come to know the master. By understanding visible phenomena, you can understand the invisible essence, the non-material foundation that gives rise to and animates all visible phenomena, and which always works together as one with all things.(p. 14)"

Kenneth has suggested I focus on penetrating objects and to orient my practice/journalling around this go forward.

I just sat for 20 minutes. I started by using a photo on my wall as a kasina. I stared at it until I started to feel warm sensations on my skin as well as tingling on the surface of the skin, especially around the mouth and lips. At this point I close my eyes.

There are several itches (in the form of points, not patches) around the body, mainly on my arms, face, neck and head. I note itching until one becomes particularly strong. Focusing on one of these, noting itching to maintain attention on it until it changes. It goes from a point to a more spacious itch, bubbling would be a good description. Occasionally one itch will fade out and another will take it's place in my attention on another part of the body. It feels like the original itch jumps locations.

Focusing on the itch will sometimes cause it to change into a sparser bubbling sensation, as it become subtler a rhythm becomes discernable. It is often very fast, and if I continue to focus on it a subtler, slower rhythm becomes discernable. This does not happen with all of these points but when it does, if attention is held on the pulse, often the same pulse is picked up in a broader sense or in another body part or itch. It also is accompanied by rising warmth, exhileration and tingling around the body.

Sometimes noting the itch will cause it to become a moving sensation of pressure or the itch will spread out to a wider tingling sensation in that area.

I also eventually noticed that at some point the mind became simplified and stiller and the itches became less prevalent.

I have been paying attention to this throughout the day as well (paying attention to itches - watching them change, move, bubble, fade, reappear, etc.).

I will continue to practice at this level.

Nice job, Mu. This is the way forward.

"Whatever is happening in this moment is the door to the door to the door."-Bill Hamilton

Thanks again Kenneth.

I just sat again for 20. I am noticing that after a point where there are a lot of itches which are easy to lock unto and note I enter in to a phase where things are much stiller and pleasant but there is also a lot less going on in terms of little things to note. What I did this time was note the pressure of my hands touching eachother. Eventually I noticed a pulse there and staying with that seemed to stir up more energy and other things to note