Tim11's practice notes

Hello everyone!

I had my first Skype session with Kenneth about a month ago where he introduced me to the verbal noting practice. Prior to this I had been doing some daily concentration practice for a few months, and before that only meditated sporadically - so I'm very much a beginner. I'm very glad Kenneth is available to teach, his approach is seems very straightforward and practical to me. I'm also grateful this community exists to support practice and I look forward to talking with you.

Most of the time I have been sitting for about 2-3 hours per day, and the experience has changed somewhat since the beginning. There were a few interesting things that happened along the way, but a typical sit at the end of the first two weeks would be as follows:

Pressure around top and back of head almost immediately. The default sensations for me are subtle subtle tingling, shaking, swirling in hands and feet, head pressure to a lesser extent. After maybe 5-10 mins there would be the feeling of getting into the zone, accompanied with a dim pulsing light. Later some itching and crawling sensations, sometimes strong and in multiple places at once. Sometimes after itching finishes there was the feeling of getting over a hump, some effort dropping away, and a subtle feeling of disorientation/floating for a short time. The tingling/vibration in hands/feet would change to become finer, almost like light numbness. Sometimes some shaking/tensing of upper stomach, and sometimes a 'boiling' sensation in hands and feet. There was one incident of a strong 'energy' surge up my back.

Contd

From the second session with Kenneth I understood that the strong itching was likely to be the 3rd nana and some other indications including the boiling/bubbling were indicative of reaching the 4th. Since then however things have changed again, and most of these signposts have disappeared:

I was really getting into zooming into the strong itching, but it has now all but disappeared. I haven't had periods of strong itching for about a week now, when I do get an itch it's very exciting!
Strong head pressure was a constant feature, this dropped away but has started to return.
Strong shaking/tensing of upper belly has gone away, and the energy surge has not recurred
Have not felt like going over a hump, effort dropping away
Tingling/shaking in hands/feet remains the same as in the beginning; as does the dim pulsing light although I look for and notice it less and less. Sometimes I think it just becomes slow-moving splotches.
I feel concentrated in that my mind is sticking to the present moment, feels still, I can get close to sensations, etc but the feeling of 'depth' is gone.

So most of the strong markers haven't appeared for a while, this along with the feeling of shallow concentration made me feel a bit lost and disheartened, but I know that at least for now it doesn't really matter where I am - it will become clear over time and the instructions remain the same in any case. One thing I can be sure of is that things will change again!

The first sit yesterday was typical of late:

Eventually was with the present moment fairly solidly, but the whole time felt like I was splashing around in ankle-deep water compared with where I have been before. Basically no head pressure, and almost no unusual sensations, just the usual tingling and pulsing around the body. No struggles with mind-states, a few planning thoughts but nothing troubling, apart from the dissatisfaction with the meditation.

As of the second sit yesterday I felt back on track:

At last felt like I was getting somewhere. Decent concentration to begin with, pulsing light was as normal. A little 3C itching 15-20mins in. Nothing else vivid but the last 10mins were a feeling of little tingling sensations over my whole body. At one point it felt like a 'wind' of tingles was coming from the NW direction. Also a slight floating sensation. All of this very subtle, not strong at all. Also, the pulsing light seemed to go in reverse for a little while - circles getting larger rather than smaller.

Tim, Welcome!
By the sound of things I've been practicing about 15 minutes longer then you have, lol. So no advice just wanted to say Hi.

Thanks for the welcome RevElev.
I've been following your topic with interest for a while now, and had a great laugh about your plan to kill off your ego!
Obviously I can't offer advice either but I am rooting for you!

Hi Tim and welcome!

It seems to me that you are doing good progress! Be sure to note those feelings of being lost, disappointment, expectations, hoping, striving, doubt... That's all there is to it

Antero.

Thanks Antero. I certainly will try and note all of those, there is no shortage of material!


From yesterday:
Continued feeling of slightly increased depth
More head pressure
A few moments of moderate itching
Subtle shaking, tingling and swirling is appearing in more places around the body - not just hands and feet.
Towards the end of one sit there was a fairly definite shift to a wider perspective, accompanied by a subtle floating sensation.

Yesterday:

Lots of energy and commitment today, feel renewed.
Continuing feeling of increasing depth and stability
Subtle feeling of 'electrification' at the end of the first sit causing a not-unpleasant stiffening of the back and neck
A bit of strong itching near the start of the 2nd sit, then maybe 40mins in some subtle tingling rising from legs/bottom up the body and strong pressure upwards on the top of the head.

Hard to get started but the mind felt focussed and quite stable all day today.

Strong itching in the first sit for a short time, followed by a feeling of the mind settling deeper, and the appearance of some sensations which sort of appeared and disappeared fairly rapidly. For the last couple of minutes of the sit experimented by stopping noting and staying with the breath, interestingly head pressure came almost immediately after it had been absent for the rest of the sit.

Immediately at the start of the 2nd sit my voice sounded like it was recorded, nasal and unpleasant to listen to Later swirling appeared throughout the whole body along with a little sharp head pressure, was almost fearful, swirling gradually settled.

Later on the whole-body swirling recurred, tension and fear initially, gradually calmed down a bit but not as subtle as previously.
After the last sit and writing notes my head/mind felt clear and steady like a rock, eyes comfortably at half-mast, subtle waves of tingling travelling up my back.

Brain felt weak and achey first thing, and took a while to get going again.
Not much itching but at times felt a common itching place crawling and getting ready to itch.
Main feature of the 1st sit was tingling over the whole body appeared, more subtle than yesterday, stuck around for a while and intensity stayed the same or dropped slightly.
Later on a similar experience however some light bubbling occurred as well, mind felt very focussed and stable.

Immediately upon closing my eyes for the first sit I felt weariness and frustration. I asked myself "who is weary and frustrated?", noted "amusement, satisfaction" when nobody answered This probably sounds pretty obvious but it never felt this real before, it really seemed to be just some sensations turning up rather than something inherent in 'me'.

No itching to speak of today, but a little buzziness on the skin early on. After a while the tingling and swirling increased in intensity, noted a little fear and tenseness. In the second sit there was a new level of head pressure, like a giant hand was holding and squeezing my skull, noted some fear and worry over it.

It seemed possible that I have been stuck in striving/grasping for concentration, progress, etc and locked into some sort of over-effort mode. So, today I tried to keep the mind on the present moment with the lightest touch possible.

The tone and feeling was very different. For the most part, sensations were subtle, a little itching earlier on, then later a 2-3 instances of a subtle 'thrill' . Tingling, swirling and a little bubbling occurred, mostly subtle. Focussing on the hand felt like it increased depth. Compared to previously, a little easier to get taken by thoughts but not much and never for long. Still hard to ID subtle mind states but am trying.

Intended to continue to be careful of striving and to use a light touch. Sat silently for a few minutes to begin with, I could hear a buzzing noise (inside my head) which stayed the same but became more prominent than the background (real) noise the longer I concentrated on it. For about the first 40mins there was the typical subtle tingling and swirling in various places, however later on the mind became quite stable, at one point I noticed the subtle wavering stop almost completely, it felt absolutely still for a time. The sensations that followed were basically slightly less-subtle tingling/swirling but I felt much closer to them. At one point I felt hairs prickling and 'something' coming, as on previous occasions this caused a kind of tensing up (flinching) and heavier breathing. This gradually subsided but the stability and clarity mostly stayed until the end of the sit.

In the second sit the mind felt stable, however some over-effort/striving crept in which was released. One 'flinch' moment, happened when something very subtle moved down my back. No other unusual sensations except for one time when the mind felt like it was pulled forward into something/nothingness - really hard to describe.

Mind felt stable again today, the normal light swirling and tingling occurred for about 25mins, then when the feeling began to wash over me I didn't flinch - just let it come. It was like a flow of tingly bubbling all over, not very strong, and a slight light-headedness. Head/neck/brain felt not-uncomfortably stiff and fixed most of the time.

"Mind felt stable again today, the normal light swirling and tingling occurred for about 25mins, then when the feeling began to wash over me I didn't flinch - just let it come. It was like a flow of tingly bubbling all over, not very strong, and a slight light-headedness."-Tim11

You are in the A&P, Tim. Nothing is coming except the dukkha nanas (#s 6-10); anticipate all you want. ;-D (All right, and then after that, equanimity and Path. But it will all come in the proper order, so the dukkha nanas are next for you.) Just keep noting as have been doing and especially notice the way you are holding onto the pleasant sensations and rejecting the unpleasant. It's all normal, expected, and inevitable, but it must all be noted. You are doing great, so keep it up.

Thanks for the diagnosis and encouragement Kenneth, I will do as you advise! The dukkha nanas are sure to be an interesting challenge...

From yesterday:

All day there wasn't the stableness of mind and depth which has been apparent recently, although it did improve during the day. This has happened before so I know it will pass. Mostly the usual subtle tingling and swirling, and there were no distinct events like the feeling which washed over me the previous day. At the end of one sit there was very solid downward pressure on the head and the mind felt pretty still, felt like I could peer quite closely at things.

Depth and stability started a little weak but improved during the day. Twice the same feeling came over me but the sensations were slightly lighter/subtler - cool-tingly-numbness starting in the legs which spreads everywhere as tingly-bubbliness - there was some light flinching at the moments it occurred but it didn't seem to stop it.

1. Felt like good stability and focus from the start, nothing unusual until about 25mins in the feeling washed over me again, it happens the same way each time - tingly-numbness in legs then a moment of diffuse electrification and then tingly-bubbling throughout the body. Sometimes at the moment it happens I am lost for words (notes). Tensed up a bit but this didn't stop it. It hung around for a while and slowly subsided a bit. Some very subtle waves of pleasure on the lower back.

2. Well that was quite different. Struggled a little with wandering mind at the beginning, gained reasonable stability if not the feeling of depth from several days ago. After about 30mins I 'saw' out of the corner of my eye an indication (don't know how to describe this better) of joy/pleasure, as soon as I directed my attention at it it vanished. Then a few minutes later I felt something coming, then quite strong waves of tingly pleasure flowed down my back. This repeated a few times but each was a bit less intense, all the time in-between I felt comfort, a calm sort of joy, along with a little excitement and anticipation. Pleasant tailing off of all the nice stuff before getting up.

Began meditation feeling very weary of mind-chatter, expected a difficult time but after 5-10 mins the mind settled down very nicely which was a pleasant surprise.

Mind felt stable and very clear today, although depth was hard to gauge. No strong sensations or events, however about 30mins in noticed a definite shift to wider perspective and a change in quality of body sensations - less on the surface and more subtle/deep vibrations along with a drop in effort. Right at the end there was a subtle feeling of the mind/vision being sucked down into something, sort of like being pulled down a plughole.

I like the sound of this, Tim. You seem to be getting past the stage that is traditionally called the "corruption of insight," which just refers to the very common tendency of the mind to become attached to the pleasant sensations at the stage of the A&P (Arising and Passing Away of Phenomena). The reason that kind of attachment to pleasure is such an obstacle to progress is because the stages that come later to not include that particular kind of pleasure and some of them are downright disagreeable! So in order to progress, we have to let go of everything as soon as it comes. It's a process... you are doing great. Keep on keepin' on.

Kenneth

Thanks for that Kenneth, I will try to make sure that all the nice stuff is noted and doesn't become an obstacle.

Yesterday:

Mind felt fairly stable today and at times the meditation felt quite deep, but not so clear.
Some strong head pressure, at one point it was accompanied by downward pressure on the shoulders and limbs
A couple of times a subtle feeling of something coming and then a tiny bit of tenseness, but very slight compared with other recent sits.
Some strong itching during the last sit, and towards the end thoughts were taking me away, hard to stay present.

Overall today the mind felt stable and clear, and the meditation felt deep as well. Sensations felt very close and vivid, and some strong head pressure early on. After maybe 30m the feeling washed over me in the same way as previously, quite strong but I felt like I could see it clearer. Some tensing up but being sharply focussed on the sensations helped a lot. It really seemed like the tingly/bubbling was entering around my feet/legs/bottom and flowing up my back to my head. The initial shock which brings/causes the tensing/flinching just seems to be the more-intense leading edge of the same thing. The flow continued with a few more subtle waves, and slowly subsided.

Maybe 15m into the 2nd sit the feeling washed over me (earlier than usual), not as strong as recently but strong enough to be sure it was the same thing. Then a period where the mind was very quiet, sensations weren't strong but I could watch them pretty clearly. Then a mild surge of tingling over the whole body, and afterwards the mind felt more stable then I can recall feeling previously. I could just note 'peace' and marvel at the silence. Sensations were not strong but the mind was still and quiet so it was easy to observe. At one point noted some visual strobing - not lights but darkness. The latter half of this sit seemed to have a different character than I have experienced before.

All the sits today had the same characteristics:
- a subtle tensing up occurred early in the sit, perhaps 10 mins in. The notes for the last sit say that it felt like 'fast-forward': - a moment of itching, a couple of moments of tensing up, then all of a sudden I'm back to where I was for most of the previous sit.
- the rest of the time there were coarse vibrations felt mainly in the torso, or equally around the body. This was relatively unchanging until the end of each sit.
- Mind felt stable and reasonably clear. There was a sense of depth however at the same time there was a sense of no depth at all. At one point it seemed like both were present and I could move my attention between the two. Other times it felt like there was no depth whatsoever despite the mind being still and able to look fairly closely at sensations.

Very similar to the previous day - some mild tensing up early on, then subtle changing vibrations around the body, primarily in the torso. For a time the mind felt more steady for longer than I can recall, but despite this there was still a question mark over depth, sometimes it felt like no depth at all.