Tim11's practice notes

2:00 today

1. Settled in as normal, this went slower than is usual, but it was interesting to have more time to see all the initial sensations. After a little while things stabilized, and it appeared to be the same place as the end of yesterday but not quite as dramatic. The primary features seemed to be seeing all sensations at the same time and an openness to everything. The body had soft tingling, and it was very comfortable to stay there and just take all of it in.

After a little while things changed again, the view seemed the same but the body came back into the foreground, there were fine vibrations and a subtle flickering. From this point to the end of the sit things became more and more tranquil, after a time there was a wave of relaxation which came over me, after that the body had soft tingling and the mind felt deep and still.

The rest:

Initially lots of quickly changing sensations, but reached the end of the last sit after a short time, the wave of relaxation was quite noticeable. Stayed there for a while and there was the feeling of deepening, and at times there was some flickery pulsing. After a time things deepened significantly, and the body sensations became more subtle. Then there was the feeling of energy all through the body, not strong but quite distinct. Things further deepened and stilled. Later there was strongish energy and a little pressure at the front of the head which strongly drew attention, and mostly light tingling in the body.

2:10 today

1. Feeling a bit tired and burnt out today, and settling in was pretty distracted, but it seemed that habit and momentum carried me past the difficulties and reached the wide view and openness of the last couple of days. This felt even less dramatic than yesterday, almost ordinary. The same feeling of the body coming into the foreground occurred again, but today it seemed more like smaller details coming into focus.

From this point to the end of the sit things deepened, the mind stilled and became very stable. Mostly light tingling in the body, with some subtle pulsing. At times towards the end there was a subtle sensation of energy in the hands and head. Slight head pressure and solidity.

The rest:

Initially struggled with distractions again, but it really seems that 80% of the work comes by itself, I just have to manage the chatter and wandering of the bit that is left. Reached the same place as the last sit however body sensations changed over time - energetic tingling, then a little coarse shaking, then fine vibrations, then fine tingling. Over time the head energy and solidity increased, the mind became more deep and stable than I have experienced before, not distraction-free but very stable and still. Later the body was mostly tingling, and the head energy and solidity fluctuated a bit.

1:50 today

Reached the same place as yesterday pretty quickly, and like yesterday things changed only subtly but proceeded to get deeper. The mind slowly gathered itself and distractions lessened, it didn't end up feeling quite as quiet and peaceful as yesterday, but it did feel more unified.

There was a specific moment when I felt the mind let go of a discursive thought all by itself, and the feeling unification increased. It seemed like a little thing as it happened but after that it has really felt like a fuller attention is available now than was possible before because there was a little piece of the mind not available

After that there were some subtle waves of energy with a slight shaking from time to time. Head pressure and solidity was mild but came and went. Things gradually became quite still and relaxed, when the stillness reached a peak there were some subtle energy movements around the body but particularly in the head. Then all of a sudden there was a very strong surge of energy through the body, I think the strongest I have experienced. For a short time my heart was beating pretty hard, but thing settled down and there was tingly energy around the body.

After that the tingly energy remained, and there were little bits of energy in the head at times, a few waves of vibrations. The feeling of focus and unification fluctuated. The mind was stirred up a bit from the energy surge, it settled pretty quickly but by the end of the time wasn't as tranquil as it was before.

2:45 today

1. After a short time I recognized being in the same place as yesterday before the energy incident, however as I had just started the mind was still distracted. For quite a long time the body had light tingling and the head had varying amounts of pressure and energy; I worked on settling the mind deeper and was mainly watching the head energy. Made progress over time, there were a few little energy movements around the body but nothing violent like yesterday.

After quite a while the mind reached a level of depth and stillness somewhat like yesterday and there was a change. It was subtle but obvious - the body tingling seemed finer, there was a fine vibration in the body, the head energy was a little lighter and swirly, the change in the mind is hard to describe but the best I can do is that it was like it was tuned to a higher frequency. There was a non-visual sense of light everywhere (I know that sounds weird but there really was that impression). The mind felt unified like yesterday but it had a light and easy feeling unlike the heaviness of yesterday.

The rest:

Continued from before but the mind had a heavier feel to it and the light was gone. Head pressure and energy continued to develop and change, it now seems clear that this increases when there are no distractions and stops or eases when the mind wanders. After a time there is a distinct increase in depth and much more intensity - the mind becomes very close to sensations, particularly those in the head. At times there are little buildups of energy and focus which ease off after a short time. Intensity increased through to the end.

2:20 today

1. Didn't take long to get into the region of the past few days, early on there was an energy buildup which broke rather suddenly, the sensations seemed similar to the energy event of a couple of days ago except there was no actual surge of energy. Soon reached the same territory as yesterday, mostly light tingling in the body but lots of energy movement everywhere and especially in the head. This would grow and subside and do some subtle but weird things to consciousness at times. Depth and stability increased over time, and about half-way through there was a distinct increase in the unification and amount of attention available. Towards the end the energy eased and there was the feeling of resting at the top of a rise, a sense of ease and relaxation.

The rest:

Continued from the previous sit, but no sense of ease and relaxation, just increasing depth and intensity. After a little while the unification and size of attention was as strong as it has ever been for me, the mind felt extremely penetrating and powerful. As time passed there was more head pressure and increasing energy in the body and head, this reached very intense levels - for a time basically 98% of the experience of the body was this energy. The energy fluctuated a bit but this was the main experience for the rest of the time.

3:20 today

1. Same place as yesterday - energy throughout the body and primarily in the head was the main sensation - however some day-to-day things were bugging me and after reaching the energy place I stayed there for quite a while just trying to settle the mind and let go of all the stuff. Eventually it felt like I got on top of it and the energy fluctuated more. Attention felt bigger than normal but not like yesterday. There were some little buildups of energy and these were more relaxing than before. By the end things smoothed out somewhat, the thoughts were under control and the energy seemed to be flowing quite strongly.

The rest:

Mind was more settled from this time on, the agitation seems to have dissipated. Head pressure and energy was stronger, and it changed shape and character, sometimes quite quickly. Eventually reached a deeper place than before, the energy and all sensations seemed more intense and vivid. Initially a strongish flow of energy up the back of the head, some eyelid fluttering. A few weird body sensations associated with this occurred, like the feeling of a small clump of my hair being pulled.

The remaining time stayed in the same place, and the energy and pressure fluctuated between intense and moderate. Some of the time working to let go of distractions, other times pretty much distractionless.

2:05 today

1. Began in the same place as yesterday, worked on settling the mind. Depth increased steadily, progress in terms of depth seems to have taken off in the last couple of weeks. Undistractedness was better than yesterday. About halfway through there was a definite moment when distracting thoughts were overpowered and they became much easier to deal with. From soon after until the end of the sit the energy in the head and body eased off. The body still had blurry edges and some energy particularly in the hands and feet, but approached something closer to normal. The head was still pretty energetic but nothing like before. By the end the intensity had mostly dropped away and felt at ease, body felt mostly normal, able to see everything undistractedly with very good clarity.

The rest:

Reached a place which had a different sort of feel. Head pressure and solidity was back and quite strong. The body felt light and insubstantial. There was a nice feeling about it all, the intensity and urgency had gone, and felt like smiling at times. This feeling passed and afterwards there was more more energy everywhere and frequent little changes to the body sensations however mostly there was soft swirling and a little sharp tingling. The head was pretty heavy with energy and feeling solid. Closer to the end there was a bit of electricity which went through my heart area, and about a minute or so when everything was flickering very rapidly. From that time to the end the body sensations seemed more electrical.

3:00 today

1. Repeated some of the same phases as yesterday, the energy place first, then settling to light energetic tingling which fluctuated in strength a bit. The voltage eventually reduced and the body approached feeling 'normal', then reached the same smiling place as yesterday but it was stronger - for a short time *everything* seemed to be beautiful, this intensified a bit and the head was gripped with strong pressure and a little sharp electricity moved through it, my head swam a little. This didn't last long, after there was a little shaking and mild waves of goosebumps. Hung around the same place to the end of the sit, still wanted to smile but the sense of beauty had mostly subsided and it was just peaceful.

The rest:

Same region as before, but the strong feelings weren't there, it just felt peaceful. Early on there was some very strong pressure and energetic stuff in my head, however this eased off. Hung around more or less the same place for quite a while, mostly light tingling in the body but it was subtly changing all the time. A few weird perceptual changes, such as the sense of endless space around the body, but this didn't last long. Later things stabilised, and had longer periods of undistractedness. Eventually things changed, there was a slow shaky pulsing in the body, felt introspective and quiet. Through to the end of the time it still felt like the same place - deep and quiet.

2:25 today

Started off with some pulsing and light tingling, gradually depth increased and as it did the tingling turned slightly more electric but was still pretty subtle. After a while there was a very slight change, and the mind felt more spacious.

1. Eventually reached a similar place to where the smiling was recently, however there was no smiling - it was mainly recognizable by how the body felt. Everything becomes more subtle, and as it develops everything feels almost 'normal'. The mind still has the feeling of serious depth but all the energy movement dies down, the skin becomes apparent again. Then the body becomes more electric, the edges blur and there is more vibration. This slowly came and went a number of times, and for a while the mind was more stable and undistracted than it has been before - not because it was stuck or anything, thoughts just didn't bother it and they were just whispers in the background. Right before getting up things changed - the head and neck felt locked in place and there was the feeling of softly falling through the air.

The rest:

Hovered around the same place, however the feeling of normality occurred less and less, and the head pressure and energy was stronger and more consistent. At one point it felt like a thumb was pushing through the top of my head into my brain. Strong depth and clarity, some distractions from time to time but mostly pretty solid.

Yesterday: didn't have a lot of sleep due to some weird energetic stuff happening early in the morning so basically took the day off

2:10 today

1. Began with light tingling in the body, then a subtle vibration, and then energy in the body which was the main feature of the sit. The energy began moving around the end and upper chest. Through the rest of the sit it expanded to cover the whole body, it fluctuated in intensity but increased through the sit. Mainly electrical tingling, but later a shaky pulsing. Meditation was pretty effortless, but slightly lazy in that I allowed some thoughts to hang around.

The rest:

Initially light tingling, things gradually deepened and became more electrical. Still being a little lazy letting go of thoughts, so worked on this a bit ('what will the next thought be'...). Sat with this for a while, the energy increased slowly. Eventually there was a change - I could feel soft tingling and a little swirling in the body, the effort of holding the mind in in the present dropped off, and there was a strong feeling of rest. I sometimes visualise keeping the mind in the present as holding my brain in both hands out in front of me and sometimes the arms get a little tired, this was like placing the brain on a shelf and relaxing the arms. Felt very insulated from thoughts. The body sensations were constantly moving subtly but didn't change much. This lasted a little while and then it was back to what felt like manual labour by comparison.

After that the electrical feeling became stronger and edgier, for most of the time the head energy was perceptually so big that everything else was insignificant by comparison. This became fairly intense and was a little tiring by the end.

1:30 yesterday

Began with strongish head pressure, tingling in the body. The head pressure stayed and the tingling gradually became more electric. Eventually the head pressure eased, and it became more like energy in the head. Things then developed slowly, got more relaxed, the energy fluctuated a bit. At times there was a fast pulsing but it was only barely perceptible. Some variations on these sensations through the rest of the time. Lots of negativity towards practice and disinterest.

1:15 today

Initially there was head pressure and energy, some restlessness and discomfort. The head energy fluctuated but increased overall and became uncomfortably strong at times, at times there was some fear of this becoming overwhelming and losing control. This continued for a while and then all body sensations became muffled, then things came back into focus but everything was very diffuse and comfortable. The body had light tingling, there was energy in the head but it was soft, the pressure was like being gently pushed with pillows. This continued for a while, later the energy in the head built up but not in an uncomfortable way. Right at the end everything went quiet. Still quite a bit of dissatisfaction, negativity.

2:15 today.

Began with energy in the head, swimming on a couple of occasions. Pretty soon it changed to pillow-pressure and diffuse tingling. After a while the body became really insubstantial, at one point it felt like there was a soft, cool breeze blowing right through it. This came and went, and the energy fluctuated. The mind felt very stable and deep.

Over time there were more distractions, hard to stay interested. Then I tried willing myself to be present, the mind became focussed and a few moments later there was strong chunky energy moving up the body to my head. I actually stopped and opened my eyes because it was too much. Things settled but the energy was stronger than before, at times hovering at the point of making my head swim.

Much less negativity today, basically neutral, but the optimism and happiness which was around most of the time recently has not returned.

1:40 for today and yesterday. The sits were all mostly the same - no settling in or sense of moving through territory, just increasing energy in the head and lightness/tingling in the body. The head energy is most often strong or very strong, and makes the head feel pretty heavy. Depth comes easily but the mind is slipping off into thoughts very easily, hard to keep focussed.

Hi Tim,

Whenever you notice energy in the body, get more specific with it. What is energy anyway? In other words, how do you know you are experiencing it? Are there physical sensations? Images? Ideas?

Note all of that instead of being satisfied with "energy." In this way, you will sharpen up your perception and continue to make progress. Keep on keepin' on!

Yes, the head 'energy' is a package of sensations and I haven't been looking at it very closely. I'll dig into it next sit and try to take it to pieces. Thanks Kenneth!

1:30 today

Well "sharpening up" was the focus this morning and what a difference it made!

The head 'energy' arrived as soon as I went to close my eyes, and began picking it apart. Today it was primarily pressure and solidity inside the skull. The pressure felt like an outside force pushing in, it was smooth and centred on the front of the brain, behind the forehead. The solidity was distributed over the same region, and felt like the contents was hardening or perhaps swelling and being constricted. The skin on the scalp wasn't very noticeable, but there was the slight sensation of hair pricking up, and occasionally a very slight itch on the face which seems similar to the hair pricking.

This was pretty solid for a while, noted aversion and a little fear towards it, but it seemed relatively easy to focus on. After a while there were some faint vibrations becoming more evident in the body, and at the same time the head sensations started to move around a bit, the solidity lessened and the pressure was changed shape - mostly it was a wide band going from the temples across the top of the head. A little bit later the body had faint flickering and a feeling like little particles swirling around inside as if blown by a breeze. The head effects were weakening now and moving around. Around this time the mind really came together and felt very unified, the body felt very restful and relaxed, and there were some cool almost-shivers on my back.

After that the head pressure still moved and fluctuated but was mostly weak. There was scalp tightness and hairs pricking up. The swirling in the body returned but was more viscous. The hands became indistinct, just a tingly blob. The mind got more still and sharp. Felt peaceful and focussed but had to stop...

Thanks again Kenneth for getting me past that little hump

1:55 yesterday

No preliminaries and no sense of territory, just felt like going deeper. Light pressure on the head with some movement around the front and top. Body was fairly quiet. The head pressure became most evident as a band across the top pushing down, like a very wide belt placed across the top of my head and pulled down from each side.

For the majority of the time there was the sense of slowly increasing depth, most effort going into watching for thoughts. It was difficult at times, tried to take an extra step back from everything which helped a little. For a little while later on they were like images coming and going but this didn't last.

There were some slightly strange perceptual changes, pretty hard to describe but there were some moments when it seemed dark and hard to see, times when normal sensations provoked a slight sense of confusion, but mostly everything was moving very, very slowly. There were a few little waves of movement around the body, and for most of the time the hands, lower arms and an area around my lap were all just an indistinct blob. For a time there was a very centred feeling, and in the upper torso there was tingliness, lightness, subtle numbness of the skin and hairs slightly sticking up. The body went from particles moving about, to magma moving slowly, to something like glue. Head pressure moved about to different places.

2:15 today

Began with subtle pulsing around the body, there were various things happening in the head but initially not too strong. The head pressure was changing quite a bit and it moved to the top and back of the head, some spikes in pressure were quite strong. After a while the body was mostly light tingling, and the hands and lap area a big blob like yesterday. The head pressure eased to the feeling of pillows pushing gently from various angles, but mostly from the top.

Most of the time I was working with thoughts, watching and letting go. There were a few interesting phases - initially they would command attention but be let go as quickly as I could note/notice them, then they would gather power and try to reach the foreground but often fail and just disappear, after that there were a couple of moments when they were quite objective and out in front.

However the most interesting thing was later in the first sit I watched a thought occur in slow-motion, it was a future thought and considering whether to do something. It was like the mind constructed a complete fantasy of what it was going to be like to do this very mundane thing, run through the fantasy and then wait to see what the reaction was in order to decide whether it was a good idea or not. It was all over in a moment but quite amazing.

Continued in the same vein, and there were some distinct but subtle changes in quality of attention, feeling 'bigger', quieter, and more present. Thoughts became a little transparent, so that the body in the present could still be seen while the thought ran on for a few moments. There was some stiffness in the neck and a few sharp twists. Later on intensity increased quite a bit, sensations felt very close and detailed. For a short time the mind seemed to lose interest in thoughts altogether, and attention really came together in the body, accompanied by a buildup of tension.

2:35 today

1. There were three distinct phases to this sit. First was similar to yesterday, began with subtle pulsing and light tingling. Primarily was watching thoughts, the mind gradually came together. There were very subtle changes - a few little feelings of movement in the body, some changes to head pressure, but mainly just the sense of depth increasing.

The second phase was when things began changing, there were body vibrations that came and went, at one point there was discordant vibrations, like two out-of-sync vibrations at once. Some stronger changes to head pressure, the odd pleasurable vibration on the shoulder blades, some more feelings of movement in the body. Thoughts came thick and fast at this time, it was hard to keep up with watching them and letting go.

The last phase was when everything stabilized. The body was mostly soft edged and tingling, the head pressure was gentle and but slowly fluctuated and moved. I was still primarily watching thoughts and noting them, and around this time I found that watching them was causing them to fizzle out before becoming recognizable or anything more than an image. The only ones which would slip through were ones relating to what was happening right now, descriptions, etc. This felt very stable and not just effortless - getting up and doing normal things seemed to require more work than staying there, so sat through the timer for a little while

The rest:

Seemed to encounter the same three phases but the first one was very short. Spent most of the time in what felt like the third but the complete effortlessness with regard to thoughts didn't return, most of the time it required a little effort to watch them. However, later on thoughts could run on for a few moments in the background before being released, it didn't matter much as they didn't have much stickiness to them. Intensity increased over the sitting time, sometimes it seemed the sensations were a couple of millimetres from my 'eyes'.

The body became very relaxed at times, and there also were tension buildups especially towards the end with goosepimples, waves of tingling moving up the head, hairs sticking up, sense of movement inside, and one time there was a mild surge - all centred on the head. The body was tingly and fairly indistinct at times, especially during the buildups.

2:25 today

1. After 5-10mins seemed to be in the same place as later on yesterday. Worked on thoughts, there were plenty of them but it was relatively easy to watch them and not be taken away. For quite some time the scenery remained similar, the usual pressure in the head however the pressure was mostly mild and not uncomfortable and it changed shape almost constantly. After some time I found that I no longer needed to watch thoughts preferentially, I could keep an eye on them while watching the body. Sensations seemed to have a high intensity - everything was very alive.

After that there was a change, there was an initial feeling of movement of particles in the body, muscles slightly activated, hairs pricking up on the arms. My body seemed to shrink down to a very small size, it felt like a blanket was thrown over my head, everything was still there but hard to see, inward was more in focus. For a little while thoughts came thick and fast, but didn't manage to take me away much. Thoughts died down and the mind seemed to be very stable to the end of the sit.

The rest:

Continued from the same sort of place, however no strange sense of size or the blanket. Watched thoughts again, even easier as time went by. The experience changed constantly, however all the changes were of the same elements - head pressure moving around and varying in strength, tingling in the body was mostly light but sometimes stronger and heavy, at times the body seemed very insubstantial and/or light and floating, the hands and lap were mostly a tingling blob and sometimes the whole body was an indistinct blob.

Mentally I was watching thoughts as much as I needed to, this became easier and easier. There were still some grabby thoughts and occasionally one would take me for a second or two, but mostly they were under control and I could watch them equally with the body. The mind felt like it was going deeper and deeper, it was very stable and extremely stable and unperturbed by almost anything at the end.

2:40 today

1. Very slow start, got only a little way before it seemed clear that I was stuck on something. Thoughts didn't appear to be too much of an issue, after some searching around found some subtle frustration and hurt, noted these and eventually they let go. However this took a while, but once they were let go of things started moving and depth came steadily. The body was more substantial than recent sits, and for the latter part of the sit there was a fine tingly vibration. Head pressure was light and moved around a lot.

The rest:

There was a sense of depth came immediately, the hands turned into a tingly blob, and things moved much quicker. Head pressure was a little stronger but still relatively light, and initially it was solid all around the head.

Continued to work on thoughts, things progressed and after a while reached a place where there was a strong sense of ease and rest. There was very little effort required to handle thoughts, they could be watched and noted without difficulty, one thought took me for a few seconds and the mind seemed to give it up of it's own accord and return to the present. Relaxed into this and the feeling of ease intensified. It was difficult to look at individual body sensations, had to take in the whole body and surroundings at once.

Relaxation intensified and then there was a mild surge of tension, the neck and head were held in place, the openness was reduced. This faded and the openness returned, but things weren't quite as easy from that point on. Still easy to watch thoughts but needed a little effort to note and release them. There were a few further tension buildups which was mostly felt around the head and neck, with the sensation of lots of particles moving around inside the body. Intensity seemed to increase in steps the rest of the time.

1:30 today

1. Began with medium head pressure around the front/top of the head, worked on thoughts. During the first part of the sit the head pressure increased to quite strong, there was some shaking in the body, and it felt like the mind steadily went deeper. In the second part the body became very insubstantial in a way I've not experienced before, and for a short time it seemed to be barely there at all. Later in this part it was harder to not slip off with the thoughts as they arose. The third part the body was more 'normal' - some vibrations but mostly light tingling and some parts indistinct. The mind was mostly at ease but not the absolute ease of yesterday, still had to watch thoughts but not much effort needed. Head pressure was lighter and moving a bit more.

2. Began almost immediately with the insubstantiality in the body however this time it felt more like the mind was somewhere else than the body disappearing - a curious sensation. After a short time reached the same place of ease as at the end of last sit, however there was a lot more spaciousness, so much spaciousness that multiple thoughts were arriving at once along with body sensations and it was all fine because there was plenty of room for all of it. This was very comfortable and lasted a while but then things changed - the tingling in the body grew stronger and more electric and there was a little tension around the body. The spaciousness was still there but it felt like I could only really see the body tingling and I was blind to everything outside. It was slightly claustrophobic after how things were just a short time ago, but it faded away slowly and I was left feeling pretty 'normal'.

1:45 yesterday

Almost immediately back to a similar place as later yesterday - mind felt very stable, light to medium fluctuating pressure centred on the top/front of the head, light body tingling and the hands/lap indistinct. There was spaciousness in the mind but it wasn't as obvious as yesterday, it just seemed easier than previously to note and release thoughts.

The depth and stability gradually increased through the sit, by half way through it was more still and stable than I had experienced before and increased further over the rest of the time. When the mind wandered it didn't seem to wander completely, there would be a large part watching the present.

The body was mostly quiet however there were times when the tingling grew stronger and there was a feeling of flowing particles. Once or twice I noticed that the breathing was extremely shallow. Very little effort needed.