Tim11's practice notes

3. No energy problems this sit. Sat down and pretty quickly was quietly watching the white noise. This was stable for a while, however there was a bit more happening in the body than before, some head pressure, neck stiffness and a little subtle energy movement. After a while the hands gradually lost their solid feeling, it was replaced by a slight numbness but mainly the feeling of just the white noise movement. This feeling was around the body as well but to a lesser extent.

Examined this for a while and eventually there was a new buzzing sensation throughout the body. This was quite a relief as the white noise had few edges and was hard to get a grip on, so quickly got stuck into the buzzing vibration. Tranquillity increased noticeably but no loss of energy or dullness came. The buzzing gradually faded into something more like a vibration, then the tranquillity reached a peak and it was like some (unhelpful) parts of the mind machinery stopped working.

This is hard to explain, but I had noted earlier that I was quite excited about the new vibration arising and looked to release any attachment remaining to it or the state but it when I looked for it all I found was confusion over the question, like attachment to these things didn't make sense. It was odd but very satisfying. The tranquillity eased a little and sat with the buzzing vibration for the short time to the end of the sit, but it was hard to ignore the not very subtle satisfaction present. It really feels like some sort of barrier has been broken.

2:15 today

The characteristics were much the same:

Settling in took some time, tried to renew determination but it was hard to get traction
Mostly white noise vibration, after a time spaciousness would come to the mind, the buzzing vibration would come and go, and later a light tingling.
The slight numbness in the hands from yesterday appeared but it was slight.
Later on the feeling of weight and pressure around the top/front of the head was prominent
Depth and tranquillity seemed to come without much effort, however the effortlessness was a bit slippery when combined with tiredness and at times today it was hard to keep the mind on the job.

Seems like I got to the same territory as yesterday but with less focus and clarity, one of those days I suppose.
However, since the last sit yesterday it feels like I am holding things noticeably more lightly than before both on and off the cushion. It's really very satisfying and I hope it stays this way!

3:00 today

1. Settled in fairly quickly today, and after 5-10mins I reached the vicinity of where I am 'at' and actually groaned a little because of how nice it felt, not actual pleasure in the body but mental relief perhaps like when getting into a hot bath.

Sat with fine white noise vibrations for a while, the body and mind pretty quiet, just worked on accepting everything that arose and gaining tranquillity. After about 30m I reached the place of a couple of days ago where a small part of the mind stopped working . It's like something was slightly annoying but I was oblivious to it, somewhat like when the neighbour has been running the lawnmower for a long time and it finally is turned off. It had actually felt like that part of the mind had been stopped since the first time two days ago, but on reaching there today it now seems that it was just turned down, and now in meditation that part was turned down much further or maybe stopped completely.

I was aware of annoying thoughts but they could only knock on the door and not bother me, it was very quiet and I was free to notice and note unimpeded. At this time the body was soft-edged, there was light, fine white noise vibration and sometimes a little fine shaking. For a time tranquillity increased and seemed well beyond where I have been before, but before the end things eased off a little.

Contd

2. Almost immediately got to the soft-edged body and fine white noise vibrations. However, my grip seemed to have loosened and I found the mind more slippery than before, it was much easier to end up following a thought for a few moments before releasing it.

Hung with this for a while, and eventually a quietness came, I was relieved of thoughts for a while and there was a steady sense of deepening tranquillity. This slowly grew and reached a peak, then the tranquillity remained but the body became more vibrant or energised. The white noise vibration grew stronger and there was a pulsing vibration which began in the upper chest and spread out through most of the body, as this spread it had the feeling of cool water gently flowing inside the body. This phase lasted to the end of the sit, thoughts became a bit slippery again but not as bad as earlier.

After that:

Thoughts continued to be slippery but depth and tranquillity increased regardless, and things eventually reached a point where thoughts were no longer a problem as they were moving so slowly that they were easy to dodge.
At one point tranquillity seemed to reach a peak and I felt a few very subtle emotions pass over me like a wave, each one a different temperature.
Things just kept getting deeper, slower and stiller. The front/top of the head became weighty and solid.
Later on there appeared a subtle, fast vibration which had an electric-pulse character to it.

3:00 today

1. Settled in quite quickly again, and things began with the white noise vibrations for a while, then tranquillity and quietness came, sticky thoughts were toned down and there was more distance to them. Tranquillity increased and then there was a change, it was like the phase where parts of the mind shut down but it was increased such that for a time there was very little propensity for generating thoughts at all, they came back but they were very weak and slow, leaving me freer to notice and note. Tranquillity increased further to a peak and then all of a sudden the body was filled with energy, it felt like an electrical version of the white noise vibration and was fairly strong initially. This then subsided to a subtle level for the rest of the sit but most of the tranquillity remained.

The rest of the time was much the same:

Reached the same ground as the first sit, but without the energy phenomenon, however there were some subtle energy movements at times.
Initially thoughts were quite slippery but over time became very slow and the tranquillity overcomes them.
Medium to strong head pressure and solidity, feels like my head is being pushed into my neck/torso.
The same tranquillity and depth was there, but the experience had a more normal feel to it and sensations seemed perhaps a little more vibrant

3:25 today. Had a task scheduled which made me feel somewhat anxious, it was done in-between sit #1 & 2

1. Agitated to begin with, however there was an unusual amount of pleasure felt for a short time in the body initially, it was like the stress/anxiety was being peeled off my mind. Sat with the white noise, taken away quite often but less and less as time passed and peace had a chance to dominate. For a time thoughts slowed so that the random stuff bubbling up was not even complete thoughts, just images, concepts, etc.

2. Same as the previous sit but with the task done I was much more relaxed although thoughts were still fairly slippery. Reached the peak of tranquillity from yesterday, and the electrical white noise sensation appeared but was fairly subtle.

Contd

3. Started with renewed determination to get past the sticky thoughts by noting relentlessly through them. This worked to an extent, however it was like running full speed into a wall of jell-o, I got there a little quicker but ended up in the exact same place. I reached this new tranquil phase sooner, and it now seems very obvious what the anchorless feeling is all about.

All the sensations that are coming in have the feeling of irrelevance attached to them: my eyelids are fluttering a little, so what'¦ the head pressure has increased slightly, so what'¦ they all seem just unimportant and to a certain extent meaningless. I couldn't imagine why I was so interested in vibrations before. Thoughts aren't much of a problem, if I want to think about it, I can, if I don't then it pretty much goes away and doesn't come back.

The body mainly had the white noise vibration, a subtle buzzy vibration and downward head pressure and solidity. What remained interesting to a degree was the spaciousness of the mind, how lightly it was holding things, and the feeling of depth and tranquillity. At the peak of this the body sensations moved to the background and a sort of blackness and quiet came to the foreground. Staying there was mostly effortless and things remained this way for the rest of the sit.

4. Similar to above but got there earlier and the peak lasted longer.

2:35 today

Today continued directly on yesterday, and all the sits followed the same pattern and followed each other. Reached the peak of yesterday pretty quickly, depth and tranquillity seemed to come by itself. As seems typical, reaching the same territory a few times and it becomes much more 'normal' and so it was with this today. Everything was much the same as later on yesterday, the blackness came to the foreground and head pressure was similar but less strong. There were however some mild buildups of energy and tension. After a while everything eased off and for a short time consciousness seemed very mundane, like I had come all the way back to the beginning. Everything then promptly began again and reached the same place as before.

Reached the same place again and it became more mundane, thoughts more of an issue as well, focussing on the blackness and letting the body sensations fall away seemed to quieten things down and increase tranquillity further.

After that there appeared to be a new phase. First there seemed to be a discrepancy in the top of my vision, this moved down the body like a vibration and then disappeared. Then it felt like the mind/head expanded and the top/back of my head was open. I was still located in the same place but the mind/head felt large, sometimes the size of a beachball, other times just large and diffuse, but always above and behind my head. Part of the mind felt stuck to this sensation, the rest was free to notice and note. Initially the stuckness was quite strong and no thoughts could come, after a time this eased but the stuckness was still there. Later this phase too became somewhat mundane, and more emptiness/blackness was at the forefront. Later on there was much stronger head pressure than before, sometimes very strong.

3:15 today

1. Slow start today, seemed like minor surgery to remove all the gunk from the mind, about 20mins in reached the territory from yesterday. Passed through the expanding mind, however it was quite subtle. Like yesterday, around the middle it felt like I came all the way back to the beginning with mundane consciousness and then it all starting again. Sat with the blackness/emptiness for a while and just aimed to be more tranquil, became more and more centred on the present moment and the blackness in front of me.

After a while there was an abrupt change, what I described as 'blackness' just disappeared, it's hard to explain because I didn't think there was anything much there at all, but now it was gone and in it's place was something emptier, and to 'look' at it you understood that it was impossibly wide. There was the distinct feeling of there being nothing to hold on to, whereas before 'something' was there. When this occurred there was some minor rumbly shaking that lasted for a short time. Stayed with this until the end of the sit.

Contd

The rest:

Reaching the same place again there was no abrupt change, but it was identified more by the feeling of nothing to hold on to. The sense of the blackness slowly faded as well, then the body felt small, somewhat insubstantial and composed mainly of a buzzy, fast vibration.

Whereas before it was all about the sense of space around, now everything was inside the body. The mind settled into this but it was slipping off the body sensations, and slipping off the thoughts unless I looked too close at them and they took me away. It was like I needed to hold the mind steady without watching anything in particular, and it was a little difficult initially. A few subtle waves of vibration/energy flowed through the body.

For a little while towards the end I was captured by some day-to-day stuff, after putting it to bed things were peaceful again and it was similar to previously but felt like looking at everything through a magnifying glass.

2:35 today

1. Reached the high point of yesterday, however there didn't seem to be the same phases getting there or they were too subtle to accurately separate. The body was fairly quiet throughout, white noise vibration eventually slowing down to a fine flickering near the end. Head pressure came and went but was mostly medium. After settling in the mind didn't want to look directly at body sensations, it just sort of slid off, the only thing that was sticky was thoughts. Worked on this and about halfway through there was a subtle but noticeable stepping back from thoughts, they seemed out there with body sensations for a while. After that there was a steady, slow deepening and increased tranquillity, very peaceful and calm.

The rest:

Same track as previous sit, however after a time the fine flickering became more obvious, all body sensations seemed to flicker or pulse very quickly. After that the mind seemed to unify more and feel very centred on the moment, there were a few little energy movements around the place but mainly the body felt as if it was glowing (didn't see anything, just the feeling) and had a lightness to it. Strangely this was all not very exciting and everything still has the feeling of uninterestingness about it.

Contd

Began to see things in finer detail, at one point I seemed to be standing in a whirlwind of individual sensations, fascinating in a way but wasn't too bothered about any of them. The feeling of uninterestingness about everything grew and became almost like negativity towards all sensations - the flickery body stuff was not interesting and thoughts were just useless droning - it wasn't pleasant but didn't really bother me as I felt quite separate from all of it.

Investigated this some more and after a time it seemed like each individual sensation had a small amount of something akin to sadness attached to it. Seeing this dispelled the negativity towards everything and I felt balanced again. Following this there was a fair bit of pulsy flickering in the body, the mind felt very solid and unified, and a sense of ease and OKness replaced the negativity.

2:00 today (apart from aborted sits )

1. Worked up to what I think was the same place as yesterday however it didn't seem all that familiar. There wasn't the pulsy flickering to it, mainly just white noise and it didn't feel as deep. Stayed there for a while and tried to centre the mind on the moment without waiting on the next body sensation, trying to be independent of everything that was happening.

Depth and tranquillity slowly increased, eventually a blackness appeared in front of the mind and there were some energy movements up my back and some energetic shaking. The head and neck felt locked into place. This was quite intense for a time, and I lost focus a little due to excitement, not knowing what was going on, etc, but regained some composure by trying to oberve and not get involved. The blackness made it feel like the mind's eye was blind or at least couldn't see very well. The energetic stuff slowly died down but the intensity lasted until the end of the sit.

2. Continued on with the intensity, and the energetic stuff slowly increased. After a little while a range of weird stuff happened, can't remember it all but my head involuntarily turned, energy moved up my spine, there was something like a bulge at the back of my throat that made me gag a little, some other little things too, mostly vaguely uncomfortable. After that felt queasy and depth seemed gone although the head pressure and solidity was there. Felt sick to the stomach and got up early.

Tried to sit a couple of times but got up, depth and head pressure seemed ridiculously strong but didn't feel capable of continuing, felt worn out and a bit sick to the stomach.

contd

3. Almost immediately there was quite a heavy feeling of depth. The most prominent sensation was pressure and energy in the head. While settling in there was a distinct phase of edgy uncomfortable vibrations, relaxing into these caused them to fade and eventually reached somewhere similar to recent sits with a sense of ease and white noise vibrations.

Hard to keep the mind on the job, a couple of random thoughts but more often trying to understand what is different than before - I have been in a groove for some time and now it's all changed. Head pressure and feeling of depth was strong and recognised reaching the same phase as earlier with energetic stuff happening but this time it was more subtle. This faded before I got up.

2:40 today

1. Settled in and sat with head pressure and white noise vibrations for a while. Thoughts were sticky so worked on those, gradually the mind came together, depth and tranquillity increased. Eventually the white noise vibration turned into a fine pulsy flickering and the mind felt pretty unified, this seemed familiar from a couple of days ago. Then the energy came to the body, like the pulsy flickering had been plugged into the power and it became stronger and electrified. Head pressure increased, and I tried to relax into all of this but found it hard to keep the mind still. The energy decreased in strength slowly to the end of the sit.

2 & 3 very similar: Immediately had strong head pressure with same energetic feeling from the end of the last sit, but it took some time to gather the mind together. After a while things did come together and felt pretty unified. A little while later things changed and there was a very strong level of OK-ness with everything, felt like there was glass between me and everything, the mind felt very centred and unswayed. After that it seemed like a balancing act to maintain this, and the effort required eased over time. Relaxed into this over the remainder of the sit.

Wow, seems like a lot of us deal with this head pressure/energy. Hope yours stays manageable.

Regards,
-John

Hi John

Yes I don't think it's all that uncommon. For me it has been quite strong, even alarming at times but it often shows up when the mind is relatively focussed and undistracted, both on and off the cushion, so I usually take it as a positive indicator and relax any resistance to it.

1:45 today

1. Feeling very tired and mentally weak today, however slowly reached the energetic phase from yesterday, but the mind didn't feel very deep and was more easily distracted than normal. The energetic feeling was medium intensity, however there were some stronger waves of energy around the heart region - these felt perhaps like the same sensations as elsewhere in the torso but much more vivid and intense. The energy came and went for the rest of the sit, as did a few distractions.

2. Little energy so employed a zero-effort approach, but things moved forward surprisingly well. Perhaps distractions lasted a little longer than otherwise but the mind gathered itself anyway. Reached the energetic phase but it was subtler than before, this settled down and next came a fast vibration in the body a bit like a low-frequency hum. This faded as well, then there was the same energetic feeling that was in the heart area last sit but in the head. After that I think I recognized the same place as the peak of yesterday with the strong Okness and centredness.

2:50 today

1. Felt much sharper today and things progressed to the energetic phased of yesterday fairly quickly. There were waves of energy, mostly around the heart region, along with the white noise vibration. After a time things quietened down and moved to the strong Okness and centredness as per the last couple of days, and from this point on there was a steady deepening.

For a short time most thoughts were extremely slow, like 2-3 notes would go past while an image was bubbling up, this didn't last long however they did remain slow and easy to deal with for the rest of the sit. Things began to get very quiet, and the body lost a lot of substantiality, replaced by a mild electrical pulsy tingling throughout the body which most sensations seemed to be made up of. Tranquillity and stillness of the mind kept increasing through the sit, and by the end the electrical sensations in the body became fine subtle vibrations.

2. Began around half-way through last sit, not as much stillness but depth and energy around the body. Then a little eruption of energy passed from my heart up to my head, after that for a little while there were energy buildups which felt a bit like when a sneeze is coming but slower and not as sharp. This all then settled down and the mind got quieter, ended up around the same place as the end of last sit.

Contd

The rest:

Continued from the energetic phase and settled in deeper. After a time everything started flickering very strongly, and there began to be a strong flow of energy from everywhere in the body up to the top of the head. This grew in strength, but unlike previous times it wasn't alarming at all and was quite easy to stay relaxed with, there was however a little shaking at times. All the action was centred on the head, I was aware of the rest of the body but it was very much in the background. The flow plateaued and then very slowly decreased as time passed.

2:20 today

Not so much fun today, for the first half of the sitting time I was very distracted by thoughts. It seemed as though the most trivial thought could completely take me away. Renewed determination didn't help at all. Noted lots of frustration, anger, etc - these felt quite strong but a lot of the time these were observed rather than things I was really involved in.

Early on the electrical feeling around the body arrived, this settled and then a medium pulsing became apparent. Later everything smoothed out to diffuse energetic tingling. A few energy buildups but they were subtle. Felt pretty deep and solid but always thoughts were an issue.

The second half was much improved, but still scattered and distracted compared with normal. Some medium head pressure early on and strong at times later on. Increasing energy in the body and especially in the head, for a time it seemed like a subtler version of the energy flow from yesterday.

Subsided to energetic tingling around the body, and some subtle energy flows. Later there was a fast pulsy vibration. Still seemed solid and deep, the mind was finally gathering together a bit.

3:15 today

1. A stark contrast to yesterday, the mind wanted to go very deep straight away today, and it really wanted to stick to things, thoughts came but I could take then or leave them. Sensations in the body changed slowly throughout the sit. A the beginning there was white noise vibration with the occasional feeling of energy. After a time there was quite a sudden deepening, with a strong sense of slow-motion, and some subtle flickering and tingly pulsing which became very vivid for a while, like I could see all the individual tingles coming and going. This settled a bit and there was some subtle pulsy vibrations and increased head pressure.

The rest:

Continued with energy moving around the head with white noise in the body, then some strong downward head pressure and energy moving randomly around the body. There was a little tingling and some coarse shaking in the body at times.

I noted at this time that perception was more unusual, and I found it harder to put together descriptions of what was happening. Initially I thought it was just the slow pace of change and perhaps not enough effort into remembering. However after watching this for a while it seemed to be because sensations were all passing out of the mind so quickly. It was like the mind was getting very close to the leading edge of experience, and the amount of time being viewed was getting smaller and smaller. As soon as each moment happened it was let go of and completely gone, and each moment was like starting afresh.

This sensation of speeding up intensified for time, vibrations got finer and finer, eyelids were fluttering a bit and energy building in the head and body. This subsided after a while, there were further buildups but less intense. The rest of the time there was mostly pulsy tingling around the body and fairly intense static energy in the head. The mind seemed solid and stable but didn't intensify or speed up.

2:40 today

1. Began with white noise in the body, this slowly changed to an electrical feeling then a soft diffuse tingling. About half way through there was a sudden increase in energy, the soft diffuse tingling became electrified. There was another sudden increase in energy shortly after, but this was more subtle. Later there was lightness in the body, and everything was subtly pulsing. Energy ebbed and flowed from time to time. Throughout the sit the mind was pretty focussed, effortless depth and relatively undistracted.

The rest:

Continued with the electric tingling which slowly intensified. Some time in the attention started becoming quite stuck on body sensations as a whole, this feeling grew until I felt like the body stuff was surrounding me, like my head was located in my torso - quite a curious sensation - and during this time the mind was very undistracted. This faded, and there was light, soft tingling throughout the whole body, strong attention, a nice feeling of ease, restfulness and that no effort was required.

For the rest of the time moved between these two phases and at times they felt merged, however attention wasn't as strong. Later on there was more energy in the head and body.

2:25 today

1. Sat down and immediately felt light tingling in the body, the mind felt good and immediately began gaining depth. The strange thing is that the body sensations remained basically the same - there were none of the usual things during settling in and in fact the main body sensation stayed more or less the same from the first minutes to the end of the sit.

The mind steadily went deeper, after a time there was a strong sense of slow-motion and glueyness about everything. The body sensations seemed to be the same but slowed down a bit. Then later a lightness and energy, it felt like there might have been the slightest hint of a surge of energy in the body - the mental sensation was mild but similar to when this has happened in the past. The mind felt as deep as it has ever been, the odd thought was interesting but none of them were a problem. The lightness and ease lasted through to the end of the sit.

2. Much the same but less preliminaries and a little more variation in body sensations. Got deep pretty quickly, and the mind was more tranquil, a couple of times when tranquillity reached a new plateau there was some energy movement around the body. Very tranquil by the end.

3. Settled in with light tingling, mind got pretty deep. After a time there seemed to be some sort of resistance when noting, like I was reaching out and grabbing the object with each note. Tried to release this and note without grabbing, with this came a sense of surrendering completely to the experience, giving up any sort of control over what is going on. After that the body sensations changed to flickery pulsing, then to fine vibrations and eventually to the same tranquil place as at the end of the previous sit.

1:50 today


1. Settling in was back to normal today, but clarity seemed to be very high. For the first half of this sit I went through a series of phases clearly recognizable from recent sits - energy in the body, darkness and slow-motion glueyness, etc. About half-way through there was the phase from yesterday where I needed to not grab the objects, surrender more completely.

After that things changed more slowly and were not quite as clear. Mostly light tingling in the body with various subtle sensations from time to time like head pressure and energy movement. For a time things seemed very deep and dark, but by the end the depth was still there but the mind felt light, agile and open.

2. Picked up from somewhere towards the end of last sit, flickery pulsing for a while then after a while fine vibrations. Things deepened, and consciousness seemed to become very centred, eventually this became extreme and it seemed like 'I' was something the size of a bean somewhere inside the skull of this big and complex machine/body - I received a lot of sense data from the machine and had limited control over it's operation.

After a while then there was a distinct change, consciousness expanded and sort of merged with everything. The body and the air touching it both seemed to vibrate the same, there was no foreground and background - all sensations were equally in the middle distance, I was equally watching everything at the same time, and all senses except thought seemed to arrive the same way - the difference between hearing and touching was subtle. Thoughts were different but not a problem, I could take or leave them as they arose. It was very peaceful, comfortable and stable, and lasted to the end of the sit.