Antero's practise journal 3

(Cont.)

Chest area
Feeling of relief after the former, Openness, joy, friendliness, warm buzzing vibrations, flowing outward, vulnerability, seeking contact with others, affection, relaxation, easy to be in social situations, empathy

Base of the spine
Energy going down, draining out, small muscles in the face relax, all tension going away, clearness, pure silence, absence of vibration and affection, polite aloofness, clarity

10 centimetres above the head
Top of the head opening, streaming upward, Spine straightening, luminosity, feeling of union, connecting heaven and earth, sublime joy, transcendence, above all concerns, lightness, feels like I will be lifted to heaven any moment wearing white robes

Throat
Unpleasant distracting vibrations, lump at the throat, thoughts of doubt and uncertainty, no silence, face twisting, difficulty of communicating, feeling self conscious, awkwardness

Bottom of the feet
Heaviness, silence of a mountain, immovable like a rock, merging with the chair, breathing very shallow, hard to think

Third eye area
Localized sense of being, Concentration, sandwiched between the body and the heaven, there is a pulling feeling to body, feels like experiencing the world through a tube pointing forward

According to Kenneth, if none of these areas should be favoured over the others, the logical consequence must be that all of these should be included in the experience of enlightenment. All of the perspectives should be kept accessible. Even though the mind would very much like to pick one, plant the flag and declare the victory, it is possible to use these parking spaces of attention to deliberately pull the rug from under 'I' and keep it from entrenching itself.

(Cont.)

(Cont.)

It has been interesting to follow how the attention is moving around during the day and in different situations very clearly affecting how I experience everything. In the morning during my asana practise, the attention moves to the chest area and stays there during sitting and for some time after. My default mode during the day is at the head area with some excursions into the throat area. When the attention at times gravitates to the chest, it is felt as a great relief. Sometimes I just notice how the attention is naturally behaving and sometimes I play with different options. It is also possible to do some interesting cocktails by resting the attention in more than one area at once'¦

Woah. Just briefly tried that. That is freaking awesome. Gack - brain is contorting trying to come to terms with how reproducible this all is.

This is really excellent stuff as I've been teasing at the edges of disembodied openness, then switching to heartful love, then to unity and wondering what the hell religion I am practicing. "I am a pure energy spirit!" "I am Jesus - LLLLOVVVVE" "All is I. I am ALL." One could imagine this would be the perfect recipe for a schizophrenic god complex

Very very cool Antero, thanks for sharing.

Very inspiring!

I've been experimenting with this as well. Quite useful.

Would this practice be "Taking the fruit of every tree as the path?"

'Gack - brain is contorting trying to come to terms with how reproducible this all is.'
-orasis

It sure shakes one's assumptions, doesn't it? This practise has been real eye-opener for me.

'Would this practice be "Taking the fruit of every tree as the path?" '
-orasis

What a nice way of phrasing it! Thanks Justin.

I was unjustly treated. The wave of irritation was very pronounced this time. Apparently I am especially sensitive to this issue.

Constriction of the throat
Pressure at the chest
Thoughts running loose
Burning sensation behind the eyes

As I continued to watch the emerging sensations, I could not find any change in mind states, though the bodily reactions were almost obscuring the subtle states of peace. Normally when thoughts of irritation appear along with corresponding body sensations they are automatically registered and let go of. Nothing is left for further investigation. During the past months I have been pondering what process is causing these reactions as if there still was a self. Now I had a chance of finding out.

There was a mental image of the situation and an immediate unpleasant body sensation happening. There were thoughts about how I will handle the situation and what possible courses the event could take. Then more unpleasant sensations arising.

Was I blaming this person for feeling bad? No. I was clearly causing these reactions myself.
Who was feeling unpleasant? Nobody that I could recognize.
How was I feeling? Calm, peace, amusement, investigation'¦

Even though investigation was lessening the impact, mind could let go of the subject and more thoughts were generated. The attention was resting at the throat and head area and my attempt to make the focus shift or expand was in vain.

Being embedded in thoughts and old habitual tendencies?

I have a question: should we just note these things, or try to relax/change the negative mind state?

One of my biggest challenges is that when I get upset, I sometimes feel worse than if I weren't meditating, because I expect myself to be able to be better than that. In your case, you are so much further along than I am, but I suppose certain triggers remain powerful for quite a while. All the best, Laurel

Hi Laurel,

The best advice that I have ever been given is: '˜Note everything' and it does not change through the paths. Interestingly the more possibilities one has to change the experience and escape harm's way, the less one feels like doing that. One could even say that the usefulness of jhanas and other altered mind states lies in teaching how useless they eventually are

May you be happy,
Antero

After doing ten days of almost continuous and intensive binary noting (silence/noise) I have seen some changes in my practise. I am noting subtler level of thoughts nowadays and it is easier to maintain mindfulness during the day. I am also seeing automatic letting go of certain thoughts that used to produce unpleasant sensations in the body. Mind is becoming more transparent.

Then Kenneth introduced to me his Journalistic Self Inquiry technique (who, what, when, where, why and how of selfing) and now a new level of silence is unfolding in my life. Whenever I feel like thoughts or sensations of tension are pulling me from experiencing the now, all I need to do is apply one of the pointers to open the awareness and keep me from getting distracted from the blissful silence.

Some examples

Who am I?
What do I have at stake?
When am I? Was I yesterday? Will I be tomorrow?
Where are my boundaries? Where 'I' ends and something else begins?
Why do I think that these sensations are so important?
How can I tell that this body is 'me'?

Strange day. Doing inquiry starts the waves of vibration up my spine and cool blissful tingling rains down from the crown. The central channel is left open. Subtle tension is felt in the channel as the bottom of the spine is pulling down and the top is pulling up. The attention is easily resting on the spine as a whole.

I am using the pulling feeling at the both ends of the spine as a handle to keep the central channel open throughout the day. When I close my eyes, the limits of my body dissolve and I feel a huge hollow tube running the length of my torso. The both ends of the tube connect me to vast emptiness all around. I feel like extending to infinity. This must be what has been meant by 'being one with everything'. It is so ridiculously simple that I have to stop myself from laughing aloud in the train.

The bliss waves keep on coming all day long and in the evening there is a cap of tension on top of the head.

"Strange day. Doing inquiry starts the waves of vibration up my spine and cool blissful tingling rains down from the crown. "

Bang!

Hi Antero, can you tell me more about the rain that you are describing?

Thank you

"Bang!

Hi Antero, can you tell me more about the rain that you are describing?

Thank you"

Hi LocoAustriaco,

This form of rapture has become more common as I have started to experience more silence in my daily life, so these two maybe somehow connected. Inquiring type of practise (see previous posts) very often triggers this phenomena but it may also happen on its own.

It usually starts with a contraction at the root. A wave of tension and contraction and a feeling of vibration move up the spine to the top of the head. There is tingling and a pulling feeling at the crown. When the tension hits the crown area, release of tension happens and a bliss wave descends down starting from the top of the head. Often there is a feeling of cool tingling coming down the upper back. Whole body relaxes and the mind is blank for some time, no commenting of the experience happening, just perceiving what is. There is also a feeling of unity with the universe, everything seems simple and obvious and the sense of being is suspended.

Hi Antero,

Thank you very much for your precise description. It must be great if it happens on its own.
I experienced this "on it's own" only one time in my life. it changed everything and never came back. Incredible gentle. Nothing left untouched.
There is a lot of "going up" but for the "coming down", the rain-effect, I don't seem to be very talented.
Anyway, I will intensify my inquirypractice as you suggest. Thank you very much.

Hi Loco,

I don't think the special effects or raptures are a good measure of success on this path. At times I have even thought that both bliss waves and unpleasantness are more a sign of friction as the process is trying to unfold within us. Sometimes they are quite convenient for our practise motivation though

[Edit: typo]

For the past ten days I have been trying to figure out what has changed in my life. There was a time period when this state of being came and went during the day, but now it looks like it has become my default state for the moment.

Thoughts of irritation do not arise from things that used to bother me. 'Why is she leaving her thing around disrupting my harmony' or 'That person is invading my private space. He should mind his step.' When these things happen, it does not seem such an important thing. No tension or negative sensations are felt in the body.

Worry thoughts have been surprisingly absent also. There is a possibility that the car may be breaking down and we were planning to go for a holiday trip day after tomorrow. Somehow this does not seem to make me start going through various scenarios for that eventuality. The fact is recognized and let be as there is nothing I can do about it at the moment.

The mind is quite quiet these days and if I have no reason to use my brain for anything particular, it seems to be content in observing what is happening instead of making up things and telling stories all the time. This leaves more room for paying attention to others and silence, which I do not mind at all.

Nice!

"Hi Loco,

I don't think the special effects or raptures are a good measure of success in this path. At times I have even thought that both bliss waves and unpleasantness are more a sign of friction as the process is trying to unfold within us. Sometimes they are quite convenient for our practise motivation though

"

I understand.

Yes Laurel, nice indeed and hoping it will last

It seems to me that I am less likely to get stuck in certain ideas or ways of doing things. This may be because I have less desire to be in control of situations or think that my way is somehow superior to others'.

I am also finding that when interacting with other people, I am less concerned with what others might think of me. This used to create tension and restlessness in the body in some social situations. Less judging and self-conscious, more open and accepting.

Narrative thinking does not seem to be supporting the self image the same way as before. There may still be thinking going on in the background, but it is somehow quieter and more concerned with what is happening now. It dies out instantly as I choose to pay attention to the present moment. It is almost like these two modes of thinking can be switched on by demand. I am eager to see if there still exist some situations or issues that would hijack the attention and take it on a roller-coaster without my volition.

Thank you Antero, for your willingness to openly share your practice, and answer questions. I wish I had more to add then a deep appreciation for the inspiration you provide with every post. Maybe one day I will, until then Thank You, and all the best!
Hope the cars OK and you have a great vacation.

"Thank you Antero, for your willingness to openly share your practice, and answer questions. I wish I had more to add then a deep appreciation for the inspiration you provide with every post. "

Yes, the only reason I haven't posted my appreciation and admiration any of the dozens of times I've felt like it, is just feeling so out of my depth in your journal. Thanks so much for your generosity here.

RevElev and Kacchapa,

I could not hope for more rewarding feedback. Thanks!

Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
Definition of SELF-IMPORTANCE

1
: an exaggerated estimate of one's own importance : self-conceit

2
: arrogant or pompous behavior


The freedictionary.com:
self-im'¢por'¢tance (s lf m-pôr tns)

n.
Excessively high regard for one's own importance or station; conceit.


A lot of what I normally do is connected with feelings of importance or superiority. I am seeing this clearly now as if I was watching some exotic insects in a terrarium: the pride I take being skilful at work, enjoying showing my prowess to my kids and even posting here and hoping some fellow yogis would realize how advanced stuff I am getting

Of course that is never the sole motivation for doing any of those things, but self seems to find a way of using all of these occasions to strengthen its position.

Now I almost feel guilty for the complements. Maybe a video from the "Fourth Path Gangsta" could be an antidote to the feeling of self importance? Still waiting to see that one. Just kidding!!!