jgroove's practice journal: sophomore edition

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"... people were shooting off fireworks in my neighborhood."

Let's use this because it's a great example to work with. When you were sitting and you heard these sounds, what were your eyes looking at? Were your eyes closed? If so, what did you "see" when you processed that firecracker sound? Don't think about this, just tell us what you saw in your mind's eye when you heard that fire cracker.

Joel, what's made up and where is it b being made up?

You can do this!



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Hi Chris. I had some faint images in my mind's eye of people shooting off fireworks, with the lights going off, maybe some teenagers standing around. Earlier in the evening at the party, I was in a bit rougher neighborhood. When the fireworks went off there was some discussion of whether it was gunfire or fireworks. It's clear that the sound is being interpreted, through cognition (mind).

"It's clear that the sound is being interpreted, through cognition (mind)."

Exactly. So when you see, hear, touch, or taste anything.... what's really happening?

Rather than answer right away, let me practice with this question. Thanks, Chris!

Any time! And yes, practice with this when you sit and tell us what you find. Very cool.

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"It's clear that the sound is being interpreted, through cognition (mind)."

Exactly. So when you see, hear, touch, or taste anything.... what's really happening?

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Cognition follows the sense impression and then either interprets it based on past understanding, or projects into the next moment by anticipating what will come (EDIT: or does a little of both--anticipates the future based on the past). In practicing last night, for example, there was a marked difference between paying super-close attention to the arising of jhanic type of stuff and what I normally do, which is to very subtly anticipate that this will lead to some kind of increase, absorption, etc. I can see that the mind has been cognizing objects in subtle ways that I've missed and that involve creating past and future, in other words. I can see, Chris, why focusing like a laser on the arising of objects is helpful.

Nice, Joel! You've pierced a significant vein. Keep going in this direction and things might just take off on their own. Hello, dharma roller coaster!

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Nice, Joel! You've pierced a significant vein. Keep going in this direction and things might just take off on their own. Hello, dharma roller coaster!

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Thanks, Chris!
This does feel like discovering another unseen stratum of embeddedness. I'll keep practicing in this way and try to leave aside the question of the roller coaster ride.
OK, I'm off to watch for the arising of nama and rupa ...

[from above] Meanwhile, there are distinct and temporary external sounds that trigger very clear cognitive responses. The other day, crows squawking outside led to a faint, wordless thought-image involving black birds in the direction of the sound. Another good one: the squeak of the kids' metal bunk bed upstairs led to the thought-image of them bounding down the stairs in their PJs in a second or two and interrupting the meditation, which prompted mild mind states of anxiety and irritation.

Of course, this latter group of objects is no different than the continuous type: the squawk of a crow is itself just an agglomeration, one moment of noticing followed by the next, now, now, now, now, now. And the same is true of the mind states that get triggered by objects'”they are TV snow.

All of that said, I'm aware that there's a difference between theory and practice. I've done a little too much reading about the theory and need to REALLY understand this in practice. What makes sense to me now is to be skeptical of these propositions and to continue to test them and try to see if they really hold up. This actually increases the amount of curiosity and investigation during the sits, and helps me stay present. [cont.]

The pervading sense of frustration and aimlessness in my practice seems to have been supplanted by a genuine sense of curiosity about and interest in Chris's suggested approach of watching for the beginnings of phenomena and for what mind does as they arise.
My recent sits have been mostly wordless ones (i.e. not much internal or out-loud noting) with, nonetheless, relatively little drifting off, probably because the instruction to watch for the beginnings of phenomena keeps me keyed in on the present.

As I mentioned to Chris in a recent e-mail, I seem to be working with two kinds of objects, which are really one in the same: 'continuous' objects and 'temporary' ones. For example, my in-laws' perpetual coldness means that the HVAC system in our house is running constantly. If I listen to this, from one perspective there is no clear arising and passing away of the sound itself'”it's just a constant whirr. From another, the arising of the sound is happening now, now, now, now, now, and the sound itself is not a discrete object but is just the agglomeration of one moment of noticing followed by the next, ad infinitum. There are many other seemingly continuous objects: my elbows touching the armrests of the chair as I type this, or the roaring sounds in my ears when I practice and am reasonably concentrated. [cont. below]

[from above]This morning, I sat for a full hour, looking for the beginnings of sensations and watching for the cognitive process that followed. The bell went off and the equanimity mojo was in high gear, so I continued sitting for another 30 or 40 minutes. Then I got up, walked around a bit, and put another full hour on the clock (wife and kids are out this morning). This time, the sit was much, much harder. I remembered Betawave's point about the sweet spot'”practicing longer than you think you can. I was forced to go back to noting and breath-counting a few times, but continued with the basic approach as described. Very hard sit at times'”extreme pain in the hips and contact points with the cushion triggered subtle urges to get up and stop practicing, an overall restlessness.

I tried to watch the arising of the pain-objects now, now, now, now, now and also to see the resultant mind states now, now, now, now, now. The difficulty faded at a certain point, although I had to shift and inadvertently looked at the clock with about nine minutes left. When I finished the sit, the equanimity mojo was back in full gear.

Admirable jgroove! Concerning continuous sounds and aches during sits: have you noticed how they disappear into the background when other objects claim the foreground of your awareness? I find this especially interesting with aches that one moment seem unbearable and the next are almost forgotten, until they are in the front again ... and so on.

Hi Omni. That's a great point. This seems to fall nicely into the 'gone' side of things. I'll watch this as well. Thanks!

Hi Joel, this is ¡muy mucho inspirador! Something thats impressed me some times recently is that, when I think about what sounds to me like an advanced practice, like seeing how the mind processes sensations, I imagine myself lifting my practice up to that level on like an analog scale of increasing effort until I reach the target. But I think that sometimes with sustained interest -- like you are doing -- might sometimes be followed by a flip where you're just suddenly seeing something new out of the blue.

Yeah, I agree. If you think about the seven factors of enlightenment, investigation, which increases, and is also a product of, interest, is, like, No. 2! I'm pretty sure my practice has been lacking in investigation, curiosity, questioning, etc., even if at times I've put in a decent amount of effort. Hmmm...

Post 134 is awesome!

Groovy... JGroovy

Nicely done, Joel, and nicely written too.

" I'm pretty sure my practice has been lacking in investigation, curiosity, questioning, etc., even if at times I've put in a decent amount of effort. "

From your journal, it sounds like the factors are starting to line up! Thanks for the inspiring work.

Sat a half-day retreat, 10 to 2, with a group yesterday.
Did my best to watch the continuous arising of phenomena and the concomitant mental processes/reactions. I'd use noting, breath-counting or narrowing in on the rise and fall of the abdomen whenever things got drifty. Lots to work with--people sneezing, breathing heavily, shifting, sighing, whispering to each other in the adjacent room. Crows, dogs, aircraft, target-shooters (rural area) and the like making lots of noise outside. Bursts of subtle, energetic phenomena that gave quick rise to hopes of 'something big' or something more happening in their wake.

A lot of gabbing before this thing. When the memories of a previous conversation pop into your head, they are no different than someone shooting a gun outside, or a crow squawking in a nearby tree. Can you see those mental objects arising now, now, now, now and be aware of the concomitant mental and physical reactions--the stuff that keeps it all snowballing?

Likewise, when you leave the retreat and are in 'everything sucks' mode rather than 'everything is OK' mode (thanks, Nadav), can you take the same approach to those physical and mental objects? Can you watch the arising, arising, arising of the sad feelings in the chest, the vague sense of regret, the ennui, the aches and pains in your neck and shoulders--whatever DN crap happens to be coming up--and arrest the samsaric process right there?

60 minutes this morning.
Felt way too tired to sit and was tempted to take a nap, but sat anyway. Very drifty and diffuse. Noted aloud some but probably not enough. Seems like I forgot what I was doing quite a bit on this one. A lot of imagining thoughts, future thoughts, fantasizing, planning.

I talked with Kenneth today and described for him some of the phenomena that have been happening in my practice. I noted that after a few days of working with Chris's pointer, I had a brief period where I felt really great. The sense of well-being and the ease of practice were noticeable enough that I wondered whether some kind of shift could have happened. (This was not an 'angels singing' type of deal--it was pretty low-key.) I told Kenneth that I've been having a lot of intense stuff going on in my sits'”sudden roaring in the ears that eventually fades, coolness on the skin followed by pleasant bliss waves, the onset of anxiety, sleepiness or other difficult stuff that then disappears and is replaced by the roaring once again. I've been thinking of this as all being part of Equanimity ('the equanimity mojo') and maybe as a gradual deepening of Equanimity, but Kenneth noted that this diversity of phenomena and clear and rapid cycling aren't characteristic of Equanimity but of review. He asked me for a phenomenological description of what was happening and saw signs of rapid cycling as we talked. Kenneth said the likely scenario is that I'm now in review phase a.
I plan to keep working with Chris's suggested approach but also to look carefully and see if I can see the arc more clearly, catch discontinuities, etc.
Regardless of how this shakes out, a big thanks to Chris for the help!

Translation: it looks to me as though Joel attained stream entry about two weeks ago.

Congratulations, Joel!

This practice works, people. Keep on keepin' on.

Kenneth

PS Thanks, cmarti, for your excellent coaching!

YES!!!!!

Awesome! Congrats Joel!

Congrats, Joel!! You've worked incredibly hard for this... but also nice to see you nail it outside of a retreat.

Your practice continues to be inspirational...

Alright! Excellent!