jgroove's practice journal: sophomore edition

Wow, congrats!

Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

Wow, very nice. Congratulations Joel!

BONZA! Nice work Joel - huge congratulations.

I knew it would happen for you, Joel. I am SOOO happy! Mudita exponentially.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fantatstic! Congratulations, Joel

Congratulations, Joel!

Joel, nice work.

As we say in Mexico: Felicidades señor!

As we say in Iowa, Mazel Tov.

Wow. Thanks for all the support from everyone!
I'll keep practicing and will try to stick to the facts with the reports.

Yay. This unfortunately points to a need for more effort on my part

Hi Joel,

Sorry to be so late to the party Congratulations! I know how hard you worked for this.

Congrats! Just saw this now.

Sat for 60 minutes this morning.
For the first 20 minutes, I tried to be with the breath at the nostrils as fully as possible and kept coming back to it. However, I noticed feelings of sadness and anxiety in the abdomen and chest. During this first 20 minutes, the roaring sounds would surge into awareness and then fade periodically.

After 20, I dropped the breath and tried to pay attention to the continuous arising of sensations and mental phenomena. At times, the mental phenomena seemed like "me," but then in the clearest moments the painfulness of being identified with that stuff was easy to see, and it was like I took a step back and could see that both the physical and mental stuff were arising on their own.

The roaring sounds would surge back periodically. I was looking for discontinuities as Kenneth instructed. A couple of times, I noticed that the body had jerked, and then the roaring sounds would come back.

I wasn't doing much noting'”just trying to watch for the beginnings of sensations. I'd get embedded for brief periods and would note just a bit to get out of it. A lot of spaciousness and near-absorption, which seems to be great for watching the mental response'”there's almost always some part of me that wants to go '˜ooh ooh' and try to make this kind of stuff deepen and increase. Taking that grasping as object and trying to watch its continuous arising seems super-liberating. Things do seem quite vibratory. At one point the vibrations were so strong that, sitting at my desk, it was almost like I couldn't move my arms. If I tune into what's happening, it seems like it's easier to feel the body as just a pattern of vibratory sensations.
I'm trying to look at the arising of the sensations of the neck and head and shoulders. Thinking about doing some MM noting.

60 minute sit
For the first 20, tried to pay total attention to the rise and fall of the abdomen as a samatha practice. The abdomen felt very sensitive and open'”lots of feelings of sadness and anxiety. When the attention strayed, I sensed that the roaring sounds and intense vibrations at the third eye and in the head generally were in there in the background, almost like they were waiting to burst onto center stage, but I'd go back to the abdomen. At other times, the sadness and anxiety, which had a kind of sweetness to it as well, would be noticeable higher up in the body, like at the heart center.

After the 20 minutes, I started noting silently: roaring, blackness, brightness of the visual field. Tried to watch to the continuous arising of objects such as birdsong, the steady hum of the HVAC unit, the pressure and slight aching of the contact points on the cushion, but also tried to watch the intention to watch, as well. At times, the whole body seemed like fine and intense vibrations. I tried to pay careful attention to the mental response'”any tendency to cling; investigation itself; '˜watching, watching,'; '˜see how it looks'. Used '˜what's happening right now?' Noted reporting thoughts, remembering, future thought. The roaring sounds would come and go and, at times, got quite intense. There were two or three discontinuous moments where it was like I went from relative dullness to having snapped back to bright attention, with a little hiccup of the body. Some strobing. A moment where the eyes seemed to automatically focus on a very silent and still place in the visual field. Some spinning sensations. Ended the sit in a very equanimous, spacious place but with sadness as well.