Howard's Practice Notes # 2

20th April
9am, 30mins
As yesterday, but with 25% turbulence extra free.

11am, 45mins
Same, same. I had an interesting insight about how much of the process of perception is self. Often it appears that one is looking through various mental filters in order to perceive reality. Today it occurred to me that those filters are reality.

21st April
8.30 am, 30mins
Felt really normal. All kinds of stuff happened, just that it all felt 'normal.'

4pm, 30mins
I had to do some stuff that made me very tired today, but as soon as I sat down I went immediately to that spacious, tranquil place that is becoming so familiar.

22nd April
7.30am, 40mins
Hopelessly distracted.

Off the cushion, at work
Pretty good, mindfulness came and went in waves. It was a bit like playing keepie-up with a soccer ball. I did a couple of structured 10 min sessions that helped.

10pm, 30mins
A fairly solid, stable, spaciousness. Perception appeared to throb or pulse. I had a lot of energy moving around at the end; strong enough to distract.

23rd April
7.30am, 30mins
Not so bad as yesterday but still bad

Off the cushion
I'm having some fun with this at the moment. With spacious awareness some odd visual effects kick in. For instance I can just notice movement against the spacious background or just lighting effects, very nice.

3pm, 30mins
Nice, I was very fatigued but in between nodding-off, it was nice.

24th April
7.30 am & 11.30am, 30mins x 2
It does not seem to matter what nyana I'm in at the moment; if I can stay with the physical sensations of that nyana, spacious awareness is stable and consistent.

3pm, 30mins
A bit fragmented, so 1st gear all the way.

Off the cushion
So So.

25th April
9am, 30mins
The trend in my first thing practice is towards a sharper awareness, with less distraction.

12.30pm, 45mins
I went back to old school noting, very solid. Spaciousness is pretty much standard now. I have no I idea what nyanas I accessed, I've kind of lost interest in that again.

3pm, 20mins
Not so bad considering it was only a little'un.

Off the cushion
I was very tired today as it's almost the end of a busy week. Theoretically the sensations of fatigue are just as valid a meditation support as anything else. The reality is more difficult, so mindfulness was less reliable today.

26th April
8.30am, 30mins
Pretty sharp and spacious considering the hour.

11am, 30mins
Taking the sensations of fatigue as support, found the nyanas cycling really clear and strong.

2.30pm, 30mins
Just recently I've started noting out loud again to combat the increased distraction I am experiencing. It appears to be working.

Off the cushion
Mindfulness or 'awake fullness,' whatever. This usually happens in a fragmentary manner with me. But it happens a lot, so it's more like a sine wave, coming and going. After reading a bit of Adyashanti I started looking for the things that were stopping me from waking-up rather than the 'wakefulness' itself, as a result I had a nice long dose of an hour or so, nice.

27th April
8.30am, 30mins
1st gear, nothing fancy

Off the cushion
Awake-o-meter 2/10.

28th April
9am, 30mins
Just one trip up and down the nyanas, very clear though.

11am & 5pm, 2 X 30miins
I'm really liking 1st gear right now. I feel a strong urge to immerse myself in tactile stuff. It feels like I've got the grunt to do that right now.

10pm, 30mins
Intense. When I go up to 2 hours a day I usually get a 'burn' towards the end of the second hour. It is feels like exactly like that, a burning sensation all over my body. No clue.

Off the cushion
Awake-o-meter 2/10

29th April
8.30am, 30mins
1st gear, nothing fancy.

11am, 45mins
I feel really tense even when all my muscles are relaxed and I'm lying down. The tension is a very specific whole body sensation. Sounds like Re-Ob to me.

5pm, 45mins
That wave of nastiness lasted for a few hours and eventually dissolved during my next sit. Then it was back to flowers and fluffy bunnies again. Honestly, it's all go today.

Off the cushion
Rather up and down, but over all an awake-o-meter score of 1.5/10.

30th April
7.15am, 30mins
I appeared to spend most of this session in the dark night, but with a strong sense of peace and spaciousness. Odd.

3pm, 45mins
I found that using the sensation of touch on the ends of my thumb tips in mudra anchored me into a strong sense of spaciousness and peace. Other sensations came and went but against this spacious back drop.

8pm, 45mins
As above but stronger and deeper, consciousness appeared to have the consistency of treacle. The irritating distractions that occur in this state are caused by the subtle but previously unnoticed sensations of the nyanas cycling through.

Off the cushion
Awake-o-meter, 3/10

1st May
8am, 30mins
I see a pattern developing. After a particularly sublime meditation I often get a backlash; either in the form of an intense rage that feels like re-ob, or a feeling of being hung-over for no reason. I have the latter this morning, my suspicion that it is practice related was confirmed when 30 mins of noting appeared to fix it.

11am, 45mins
Awful DN ickiness.

10pm, 45mins
Back to spacious tranquillity again. This yo-yoing between the sublime and the horrors is getting old.

Off the cushion
I had a migraine so this hardly counts.

2nd May
8.30am, 30mins
Fairly concentrated and fairly pleasant.

1pm, 1hr
Ping pong noting with 3 others. Interesting but confusing.

10pm, 30mins
Pleasant and spacious, but I was too tired to explore it properly.

Off the cushion
So so.

3rd May
3 sessions; one of 30 mins, two of 45
Not too bad, I had a theme of mild anxiety running through the whole thing. Concentration came and went, nothing special.

4th May
9am, 30mins
Solid first gear, it felt effortless, nothing fancy though.

2pm, 45mins
Same as above, a bit more spacious maybe.

5th May
8.30am, 30mins
Stable and unspectacular again.

11am, 30mins
As above but more stable, with a strong sense of energy moving up the central channel.

7pm, 45mins and off the cushion.
The sense of sublime spaciousness and the deep discomfort are starting to merge. I was finding that when in a spacious state, my mind would drift off a lot. This appears to be because of un-noticed tension in my central channel. By firmly noticing this I can reconnect with spaciousness.

6th May
7.15 am, 30mins
Very solid 1st gear, nothing fancy but also very little distraction.

8.45am, 30mins
As above.

10pm, 20mins
I was too tired to sit in Burmese, so I lay down instead. But I kept falling asleep, eventually I gave up and played playstation instead. Ha!

"eventually I gave up and played playstation instead. Ha!"

Wonderful--that's a hoot!

Sometimes "Cave man" is the only solution!

7th May
9am, 30mins
Solid and stable, tight though.

2pm, 45mins
Dense, heavy and intense, good concentration though. Probably re-ob.

7pm, 1hr
The re-ob lifted almost immediately, and moved in to a much more relaxed spacious place.

Off the cushion
Always a bit sketchy in re-ob.

8th May
7.15am. 30mins
A wholly unspectacular session, but focus was good.

3pm, 30mins
'Better.'

10pm, 30mins
Top stuff, very strong wide spaciousness into which other sensations appeared to dissolve. Shame I was too tired to appreciate it.

Off the cushion.
I'm going for a more structured approach. I'm targeting specific activities that can be set up as a formal noting practice; driving and walking for example. Results are mixed but some periods are as productive as my sitting practice.

"Off the cushion.
I'm going for a more structured approach. I'm targeting specific activities that can be set up as a formal noting practice; driving and walking for example. Results are mixed but some periods are as productive as my sitting practice.
"

This is a terrific idea. I've tried to do the same, but with uncertain results because I so easily get distracted. You seem to be really focused these days.

Yes, I think the shamata I did a month or so ago sharpened me up. Also if I am moving into EQ I have a big incentive to get busy. As regards off the cushion, I don't know what to say, its all so slippery. I find that some situations lend themselves to mindfullness for no apparant reason, meetings, belive it or not. No idea why. Any habitual activity is good, driving (carefully), walking, showering sometimes. Hence why im trying to identify and home in on the bits that work.

9th May
8.30am, 30mins
Light and spacious

11am, 30mins
Started fairly spacious, but then the familiar dense, intense heavy re-ob stuff returned. Boo.

2pm, 30mins
Ping pong noting with a friend. Okay, I did not notice nyanas or spaciouness or anyting except the next sensation. I suppose that makes it a good practice.

" As regards off the cushion, I don't know what to say, its all so slippery. I find that some situations lend themselves to mindfullness for no apparant reason, meetings, belive it or not. No idea why. Any habitual activity is good, driving (carefully), walking, showering sometimes."

Yeah, driving is a big one for me. When I started, I'd lose track very often. So, I set a reminder to chime my phone every 2 minutes, then every 5, etc... Now, when I get into a car, either as a driver or a passenger, it's automatic.

Showering is another good one. For me, it starts before I get out of bed. If I can remember to start being mindful when the alarm goes off, then I can usually carry it through the end of the shower.

It's when I interact with other people that it gets "so slippery" for me. Sometimes, it's easy, other times I can't do it to save my life. Depends on the time of day, my attitude, and probably my altitude, longitude and phase of the moon to boot.

I'm playing with setting my phone to vibrate every 60 seconds, and then carrying it around in my back pocket. Sounds like crutches, but maybe it will get to be like the car -- automatic after a while.