Russell's practice thread

Still unsure if that was stream entry or not, only time will tell. All I can say is I probably had the worst anxiety day in a while yesterday until the evening last night about 24 hours after that event. Things have calmed down it seems but I haven't had a sit yet today to see what the heck is going on.

Just sat for 35 minutes. Not sure what is going on. Sits are somewhat similar to before. It feels like I get to EQ, but I have much more energy going on it seems. Lots of swirling lights with my eyes shut, my eyes seems to shift and flutter more, also, i was shaking a little bit, almost like a nervous energy, could feel my body tensing. I can't incline myself into certain states (I tried) Still may be too early to tell.

Pretty sure it was a near miss. Whatever it was, brought on a whole bunch of energy and anxiety. Anyways continuing like it was a miss. So, last nights sit was much more "normal" as far as how my sits have been going. High EQ buzzing, finally got my groove back on, was really nice. My mind seems to want to just focus on the breath when I get there. Either that or the third eye area. Lots of vibrations. Keep on keeping on.

This mornings sit was a typical morning sit. Much harder to get concentrated. Planning thoughts get in the way, try to note them as much as possible, but its an onslaught. Going to try to get a bunch more short sits in today when I can sneak away for a break. I almost feel like I need to take a day off for a mini self-retreat. Hrmm...that is starting to sound like a good idea.

A couple more shorts sits so far today. Seems like I power right up to EQ fairly quickly like before. I haven't re-experienced anything like I did last Friday, not that I am expecting to. Just trying to steep in EQ as much as I can.

One last sit last night before bed. Total time yesterday: 2 hours. Really groovin last night but It's still hard to let go and drop expectations, or at least it feels that way.

It sounds like it might have been a near miss. Which is really good, because that happens when you are getting close to SE. Right now it is best to just enjoy high EQ as much as you can. Soaking it up and letting go is the right combo for where you are.

Thanks Ron. I feel like the only time things are OK are when I am sitting. Having a really tough time off-cushion again. Anxiety like crazy. Maybe its some kind of built up tension like a balloon filling up waiting to pop, but it's affecting me pretty badly.

Making strong resolutions to get stream entry at the beginning of each sit. I think I might have had another near-miss tonight. About 15 minutes into being in EQ I got a huge build up of anticipation rising up through my crown and expanding and I kind of freaked out. Instead of just observing things I began frantically noting, even noting that I was noting. Surge, and then back down. 10 minutes later I really had a sense of confusion of who was having 'my' thoughts etc. Really got a feel for my mind just randomly making things up, it was pretty cool. Then my timer went off, and something made me resolve to get stream entry in the next 5 seconds. (I honestly don't know where I am thinking of this stuff) so I counted backwards in my head from 5 and nothing happened. Then blip, like I lost balance for one second (kind of like I tipped back and caught myself) and then opened my eyes. Double near-miss? Who knows, but that was a great sit.

I have a Dr appointment tomorrow at noon. I might stay home and do a mini retreat to sit for longer tomorrow morning until my appointment.

I have sat for about an hour and a half so far today. Nothing spectacular, lots of thoughts, monkey mind is racing today. Not sure why. Constant songs in my head, all kinds of thought just popping up. Trying to disembed from them as much as possible, but it became a bit frustrating for some reason today. I really do get concentrated best at night I guess.

Chalk it up to where you are at in the cycle.

"Chalk it up to where you are at in the cycle."

Yeah, I try not to get too frustrated or anything and just take it for what it is. If I keep going it will eventually happen.

I sat for 1 hour this morning and it took forever (at least 35 minutes) to finally calm my mind and get to my cutting edge. However, that sit really set the wheels in motion today. I got to work early and just sat at my desk and got into EQ within maybe 10 minutes. I'm going to try to keep having little sits like that throught the day today.

path thoughts, path thoughts, path thoughts, path thoughts....arrggggg....STOP IT....just sit.

OK, I got it out of my system.

This might help:
you can never know when it will happen,
you can never know what it will be like when it happens,
you can never even know if it will happen...

so what are you really even thinking about?

It does help. Thank you!

"This might help:
you can never know when it will happen,
you can never know what it will be like when it happens,
you can never even know if it will happen...

so what are you really even thinking about?

"

True words of wisdom!

I had a great sit last night. Got some more of those rising excitement bliss waves when in High EQ. I am not sure if they are Jhana type absorptions but they dont last long, I just let go when it happened this time instead of freaking out, and it rose and then fizzled. They seem to happen when I kind of step back and look at things in 'watcher' mode i guess. This time my attention was on the third eye area and it was tingling and pulsing like crazy and i realized I was watching it from a distance more so than it was happening to me, and then the bliss wave started to rise. Feels like strong absorbing warmth that slowly rises up through the top of my head and spreads out then fades away.

As the day goes on I am realizing the only way to get those bliss type waves for me is to move from a short concentration session. (Does not take long for me to get concentrated anymore) Then move to noting, then once things get really vibratory, try to shift to 2nd gear, as in look at the sensations as like they are not happening to 'me.' Tried this for 15 minutes earlier and go those same rising bliss waves only to be interupted by someone at the office. I still don't know if thats what I am looking to do specifically but, It seems I can almost will those things to happen when I do that. Also, eye fluttering is very prominent right when I sit today. It calms down but it's almost like strobing right when I close my eyes and sit. I can even do it right now. Close my eyes as I type this and I get flashy strobing lights, no raptures or anything, but strobing and tingling in hands starts very rapidly.

Pretty frustrating hour long sit just now. Tried laying down for a little bit of it because I just couldn't get comfortable like usual. Lots of frustrating. Finally decide to just not do anything, but that didn't really work that well either. Was getting caught in thoughts pretty easily. Trying to disembed but it's getting harder even when my new sense of just watching all these sensations happening to something other than me.

It seems those long frustrating sits don't matter because it sets the wheels in motion. When I have a sit later in the day, for example, after the sit above, it makes for a quick entry into high EQ. Last night I just sat on my bed with no expectations and got into lots of vibrating/strobing where it seems like everything was phasing in and out. Lots of anticipation and felt like something was building and then I got interrupted. Was very, very dazed after the sit. Almost drunk feeling, but felt like there was something left undone, but it was very late and I needed some sleep badly.

Also, off-cushion, I have been having the same anxiety but yesterday during lunch I got all anxious but was able to disembed and ground it better than I have even been able to in the past.

Yesterday 2 sits. One 35 minute and one 45. 1st sit didn't seem to get to high EQ, but second sit got to strobing, major pressure on thrid eye area. Getting kind of bored. Only did 20 minutes right after I worked out this morning so far and was dozing off (that never happens) I am very glad I get to talk to Ron tonight.

"strobing, major pressure on thrid eye area.

Getting kind of bored.

dozing off (that never happens)"

Some good indicators of equanimity

Talking to Ron - Good idea!

"Some good indicators of equanimity

Talking to Ron - Good idea!"

Yeah feeling that 3rd eye pressure off-cushion now too. Even as I type this. One question, I don't know if I have heard anyone say this before but is it possible to have a cessation (a first cessation/stream entry) off cushion?

"I don't know if I have heard anyone say this before but is it possible to have a cessation (a first cessation/stream entry) off cushion?"

I'm pretty sure it is. No idea how common it is though.

Thanks, it was really just a curiosity. Just sat for another 40 minutes. More boredom. Lots of forehead pressure, fizzing, tingling, frustration, path thoughts, forecasting thoughts. Getting blips of rising energy but they fade quickly.