Russell's Practice II

It seems my concentration was back last night (go figure.) I sat and felt like I could access the higher strata of mind again. Witness was strong and easier to stay with. Later in the sit I had just a huge bright while field of vision with my eyes shut and my focus wanted to finally move away from the witness and 3rd eye to the top of my head where it started to tingle.

Opposite day again. Concentration sucked last night and this morning. Last night I was dozing off and this morning I was getting caught up in planning thoughts but at least I was catching them and returing to being somewhat mindful.

Well I am glad I had a little to do with some jump starting of some practice logs. So in order to not be a slacker myself, it has been way too long since I posted that I am confused. So here it goes. I am confused. However, I started integrating more daily self-inquiy/witness type stuff in daily life, trying to notice who is doing things, feeling sensations, thinking the thoughts etc... It does help me notice more throughout the day.

Taking some of the advice from the Hurricane Ranch discussion way back on the witness/"no dog" and really trying to sit with the witness and recognize all sensations as happening without what I percieve as 'me' having anything to do with it. Great way to disembed.

I don't know why, but since 2nd path, insights are coming off-cushion more than on. (Heck I actually have no idea what is going on, on the cushion) So anyways...I went to lunch today at a very loud restaurant, and that would normally make me very anxious. It seems during certain stages, this insight disease has made me pretty sensitive to loud restaurants. I guess, because of lots of sensations all at once. Where I used to be able to just tone stuff out, I now notice EVERYTHING and it can be overwhelming sometimes.

Anyways, since I have been trying to implement the 'Who is experiencing this?' stuff during the day, I was standing in the restaurant and kind of did some self-inquiry and things quieted down anxiety dissapated a bit, and I started noticing and having compassion for all the people there and realized we were all kind of experiencing the same thing together. The only thing kind of changing my experience from anyone else's was just the sense of 'me' being involved.

Just re-read that - I am not very good at explaining this stuff.

Regardless, The daily noticing of phenomenon has ramped up significantly and I notice the beauty of things in a different way. As I walked out of the restaurant I watched two birds in a dogfight, trailing a dragonfly for their lunch, and it was just amazing and beautiful and I just smiled.

"Someone smack me! Having one of those days where I have lots of doubt about how the heck I'm ever going to get to the next path. Trying my best to look at that doubt, but it keeps coming at me."

Hang in there - this is a classic problem given where you are on the path. The journey is fraught with confusion and cycling, cycling, cycling... it seems to go nowhere and feels kind of like a let down after the nice neat progress from 0 to 1 and 1 to 2.

To step back and consider the path from a broad perspective, I've always suspected that the 3rd and 4th path journeys are as much about letting go of the path itself as about letting go of illusions in our overall lives. We become dissatisfied not with a particular nana or jhana, but with the whole thing. And some deep part of us yearns to go beyond it.

"Hang in there - this is a classic problem given where you are on the path. The journey is fraught with confusion and cycling, cycling, cycling... it seems to go nowhere and feels kind of like a let down after the nice neat progress from 0 to 1 and 1 to 2.

To step back and consider the path from a broad perspective, I've always suspected that the 3rd and 4th path journeys are as much about letting go of the path itself as about letting go of illusions in our overall lives. We become dissatisfied not with a particular nana or jhana, but with the whole thing. And some deep part of us yearns to go beyond it."

Thanks Ron! I get that. What a relief it will be when the cycling ends some day. As this things move along (although sometimes it feels as though it does not) I am beginning to understand the broad perspective point of view. At this point, while sometime I notice factors of the nanas and jhanas I dont specifically look for them. I look for everything.

OK, I have been advised to go back to noting for a little while because I am getting a bit too spacey/sleepy during sits. I has helped me stay more alert and aware during my sits. Feels like I can see the nanas when I note too. Felt like going up to dissolution and back down the arc, until I suddenly felt like I was in 5th jhana. Strange, but at least not falling asleep.

More noting last night. At one point in the sit when thoughts started creeping in, they were so bizzare and out of no where that I just laughed at them while realizing there is no way "I" could be involved in any of that mess. I was just watching (or listening) to them with wonder of how weird the stuff that comes out of our brains can be.

By the way, use those times when you get spacey / sleepy, and note the specific sensations of sleepy / spacey as they arise. I found this a big help, more than a few times.

There's this ever-retreating, ever-shrinking wall between "thoughts and feelings that I've objectified / disembedded-from" and "what really I am now". There's always something we don't disembed from and want to keep within the wall, and the biggest one is how "I" am reacting to "my" state as a meditator right now.

I've found "sleepy" to be the one we most want to own as "something really happening to me", but it's just sensations, too, and can actually be thrown over to the other side of the wall!

Also, I've noticed in the last few days, I've been doing a lot of "Witness" practice, and I feel as though the Witness is willing to stay awake even as the rest of you drifts asleep. If you can tune into that consciously as you feel the heavies coming on, it might make it easier to disembed from "sleepy".

Great advice Rob. Thanks!

I watched the tiredness last night and tried to disembed. I think you may be on to something Rob. I don't think I am falling asleep at all, I think the nodding off is just a physical reaction to being very relaxed in my sits. If I watch it closely, my head may bob, but there is no loss of concentration or conciousness. Interesting. "I" am not tired.

Anyways, having more, "duh, obvious" type insights all the time. Dukkha seems to my flavor of the week. As I sit in my office and realize how I constantly want to be somewhere else, I slowly realize that if I got up and actually went there, I would start the cycle over again and strive to be somewhere else. What is wrong with where I am? The grass is always greenest right here, even if it is all dried up and makes my feet hurt when I walk on it.

"The grass is always greenest right here, even if it is all dried up and makes my feet hurt when I walk on it."

I love that To paraphrase Pink Floyd, "As a matter of fact, it's *all* green".

While I was having a bit of a sleep-in on Sunday morning, I felt that if I really tuned in on the witness perspective, I could observe the whole process of falling asleep (or maybe more like, the whole process of falling asleep would be observed). That would just be a party-trick, really, but it was cool to try.

Strong witness practice again last night. Got very pleasantly absorbed, not a spacey. Noticed some state changes, then some more, without knowing where I was or what it meant. After chatting with Ron, I watched my mind as I fell asleep. Very interesting.

Lots more bobbing of the head, as I call it, last night again. Have a strong sense of the Big cycle, small (fractal) cycles going on. Overall, seems like I am in the Dissolution type phase where I feel like I have backslided, can't concentrate, etc... But I have smaller cycles throughout the day as well as when I sit.

Did about an hour last night 30 minutes of head bobbing, witness practice and 30 minutes of noting later on in the evening. Overall, there is less sleepiness with noting than witness practice for me right now but either way its practice and I feel momentum is almost the most important thing of all right now.

Sat for 35-40 minutes last night very late after a long day and I figured I wouldn't last more than 10 before the head bobbing started. However, it was the most clear, alert sit I have had in a while. Funny. Started noting then just dwelled as the witness for a good while just noticing everything.

Today has been a bear of a day. Working in the yard to get a play set for the kids installed and nothing was going right and it's over 100 degrees outside. I was just moody and pissy the whole time and I knew I was being a jerk but still decided to be that way To top it off I was trying to fix a plumbing leak and broke the whole damn pipe. Came in the house and sat for 45 minutes. Very tired during that one. Ugh.

Sits finally feel less sleepy even though I should be much more tired after all the work I did this weekend. Have been getting alarming fear-based 'formations' I should call them. Thoughts really, but they make my heart rate go up and feel very real.

Once again I feel confused as to where I am but it does feel a bit like BIG CYCLE (moving out of 5th nana into 6th nana) then lots of mini cycles within that all the time.

When I start to come down with a cold or sickness of some kind; I really notice how much 'selfing' I still do. I am constantly clinging to how 'I am not feeling well', 'I am sick', 'I wish I was somewhere else', 'I am too tired to sit' WOW. Lots of nice impermanent labels there causing more suffering because I keep making them seem so much worse as I attach them to a 'me.' 3C's at work in real-time. Maybe I should get sick more often.

Sat for 45 mins today. Some noting then witness then something weird happened. I found myself in a very spacious place like what felt like 5th jhana to me. Then I felt like my attention went from the spaciousness to into my head and down low like everything was sinking and things slowed down a lot. It was almost hard to come out of. At first I thought I was moving into 6th jhana but it felt different because it didn't go back to that spot in the head where the witness seems to be. This had an incredible sinking and tingly feeling and I was almost looking for thoughts etc but they couldnt even show up. Very odd. At first I though, is this NS?, but I don't see how it could be, but had a resemblance to what people describe here as powering down sort of. But I did not fully power down so to speak. Thoughts?

Hmmm... try repeating it and see if you an get it to happen again. Can you find that spot in the head where the attention went to just before the sinking feeling began? See if you can find it (sort of like feeling for a bit of food in your teeth with your tongue). You'll know pretty quick if you found it because the sinking feeling will begin happening. Once you find it keep your attention locked on it, like holding down a lever, and wait and see what happens.

Please let us know what happens!

Trying to remember all that happened, but mind mind went right to a spot, then started sinking. I'll try again. Could be nothing, but it definitely felt like a pull down and I didn't feel like I could easily come out of it. I didn't fully power down though, I tried to nudge myself to the next jhana but the state wouldn't budge.

I assume I need to get good and concentrated for this, because I just gave myself a massive headache trying to root around in there after just a few minutes of sitting. Me = Dummy. OUCH.

"I assume I need to get good and concentrated for this, because I just gave myself a massive headache trying to root around in there after just a few minutes of sitting. Me = Dummy. OUCH."

for those searching for the Nirodha:

It is more easily accessed from 8th jhana, so you could try to do a couple of rounds of jhanic arc to get concentrated. When you start to sink in, do not push the button, but try to be the button, merge with it. That worked for me and some others better than imagining pushing the point down. Keep on merging with it until you get past the event horizon, you might experience some energetic turbulence before that.

You could find these Nirodha related post in my old practice journal useful: #87, 97 and 101-110

kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/41...et=100&maxResults=20

Happy exploring!

Thanks Antero. Wow what you are describing sounds like the beginning of what I was experiencing, but I somehow freaked out and pulled myself out of it. Now I am even more confused. I havent access PL jhanas or had another path moment in a while. Interesting. Still. I have to see if i can repeat this.