Russell's Practice II

It's very possible. Things are very muddy but I am just trying to calmly observe what is going on. It is usually very clear when I pass through disgust because of the grimaces, but I haven't experienced that during this cycle yet (or that I was aware of) Maybe Dissolution/Fear? It really feels like I settle in nicely, kind of have some of those absorption type feelings, crummy imagery and then just calm, but without clarity of where I may be on the maps.

I'm curious about post-second-path practice. Is it harder to map? How many nana cycles do you think you've completed since getting second path?

Yes...wait....No...wait... I don't know and I don't know

Joking aside. To me it all feels like a jumbled mess. I think part of this is a lot of letting go of the maps and what progress really means at this point. It feels like trying to pinpoint myself on the maps (while I still try to do it) leads to more "selfing" than anything.

Last night sat 45 minutes before chatting with Ron. I feel like I have a new concentration spot that accelerates my arc by a lot. I start using my breath but my 3rd eye vibrates so much that I just have to use that as my object and when I do my whole world goes zooming into that spot. Felt like I ran up the rupa jhanas very quickly like within 2 minutes of each other. To get to the arupa jhanas I still have to nudge myself, but access is granted. Then my mind started auto noting so I went with it. However, this brough a lot of sticky thoughts that I kept getting caught up in and then bringing my attention back to noting. Noticed the thoughts were completely wild stuff and disjointed, not always complete thoughts just coming from nowhere. Not me.

Last nights sit was pretty uneventful, actually I hardly remember it because I was so tired. I did try a trick Ron told me to cultivate the witness and it seemed to work, however I could not hold on to it for too long. Maybe straining too hard? Now that I have that strong pull towards concentrating on the 3rd eye area, he said once my focus pulls into that spot, then to turn around the focus back towards what is focusing on it. Right when I tired this I immediately got absorbed with piti and stayed with it for a bit and it dropped out. I will have to experiment with this more for sure.

Turning the attention back to the witness did not work as well last night. My point of concentration kept disappearing. Maybe straining too hard? I'm going to wait till I get much more concentrated to try that again.

Tried only noting last night...harder to do than usual. I ended up doing more open awareness type practice towards the end of the sit. Maybe the added concentration practice just make the vibrations smoother. Not necessarily a bad thing, as my mind has to 'work' harder when the sensations feel more smoothed out, if you know what I mean.

Once again, I feel lost because I used to have markers for states and stages etc. However, when I sit now, I get quiet, calm equanimity all the time and I am not compaining, but it is getting boring. I am really trying to just look at the subtle nature of phenomenon and not really labeling it, just noticing it go by. The only things physically that I can say I notice are warmth and vibrations right from the get go, especially in the hands. Then, pressure/vibrations at third eye once I am concentrated. From there it just seems like I get into deeper states as my body kind of goes away. Hard to catch handles on different jhana/nanas etc though. Still have not had a fruition in a while. Seems like forever.

Last couple of days I have been having massive strobing and pulsing that takes a long time to subside when I first sit. Not sure what this is. Still unsure of progress but I am starting to have what I can only call mini-insights. They aren't hugely profound feeling but insights nonetheless. They are related to thought patterns and more along the lines of breaking down thoughts from the emotional content that I usually associate with them. Instead of noting 'planning thought' I only note 'verbal thought' then the emotional response to it such as 'anticipation'. It seems that there is really only 'imaging thought' and 'verbal thought.' The other categories I was making before were not part of the actual thought but part of the emotional reaction/response or context of the thought. Does this make sense or am I adding one too many rungs to the wheel?

"Does this make sense or am I adding one too many rungs to the wheel?"

While mind and body are inextricably intertwined, yes, that makes sense. Experience is a combination of what we usually label "mental" and "physical" and the pieces can be seen in series, not parallel (as we usually perceive them). That's dependent origination in action.

Thanks Chris!

Straight up fell asleep in 2 of my sits yesterday. Either I needed it or it's part of where I am on the path. That hasn't happened in a while.

Maybe this is because I am reading Nirmala and Adyashanti but I am getting this curiosity/fascination about watching my body do things on its own. Simple things like brushing teeth or watching my hands type this email and seeing how it's truly not 'me' doing it. It is happening without a 'me'. I am not telling my hand to all this intricate stuff. It started when I was using the hairdryer on my kids hair and it's continued today.

Thus we pull back the curtains and find out what's really been going on all along

Welcome to the Club of No Agency!

Thanks Chris. It is weird how this stuff is unfolding at this point. Lot's of off-cushion stuff/realizations almost daily even though it feels like i have no sense of progress on the cushion.

I think I finally had several cessations last night. It had been a while. The last few sits I have been really working on surrendering to the where I am and surrendering to my stuff off the cushion. So, for the past few days in my sits, as I have been surrendering, things are becoming more clear. I am having insights on-and off the cushion and sometimes I will just be sitting and suddenly space just opens up and expands and I realize 'Hey, I am in the arupa jhanas (5th).' Anyways last night after I sat I went to lay down in bed and continued meditating and i got what i think were 3 fruitions the first 2 came one right after another followed by flashes of light and a little bliss I smiled and told myself to set up for another one and I felt like I almost made it happen. I just set the conditions up for it and pop -> flash -> bliss ->smile. Then I went to sleep. I almost forgot that it happend this morning, but on my dirve in I remembered clearly.

This is beautiful stuff Aquanin!

Thanks Ron. I think I was getting more fruitions last night. Was very late and hard to remember my sit though. I do remember quite a wandering mind though. I will sit a couple more times before we chat tonight. I have never been able to call up fruitions at will for some reason, but I think I may have been able to do it since the other night. Need to test it again. It's weird, I will ask/tell myself to have one in the next minute or something along those lines and my mind starts chattering away it seems, then as soon as I realize how much chattering is going on and bring my attention back, thats when it feels like a cessasion happens. Almost like a quick reboot in a way. Does that make sense?

Just to compare notes, are your cessasions like the power going out for a split second? I used to think it was just the power in my house, but when summer arrived I was sitting in a sunny room and realized that the brief blackouts couldn't be the power in my house.

Yes an no, almost less than that. I have had ones like that before but these are only really noticed by what happens afterwards. Kind of like a bright flash of light behind the eyelids and small bliss wave. When I try to remember what happened right before the flash, I can't. It's like a true gap in anything.

I have had the "power going out". This initally happened a number of years ago before I read MTCTB and before I had any idea of maps. My initial thought was that I might be having a stroke, as there were a number of blips. Then I thought the power might having being going off and on - but the clocks were not blinking off like they normally would when the power was cut. There was definitely some concern at the time. This happened again on a few subsequent occassions, and I just got used it as being harmless. I'm still here.

I did not have any fruitions in my sits last night, but I had some before bed again while lying down and meditating. I finally had to just tell myself to go to sleep because they kept happening. Anyways 2 sits last night and I think I am accessing 8th Jhana now but it is still unstable. Anyways, it is something new that has come up twice now. What happens is I feel my 3rd eye area start to vibrate and as my attention goes towards it, it won't lock on and keeps slipping off. Almost like if you were trying to grab a greased watermelon. OK, weird analogy. I think I shifted back down to 7th when I couldn't lock on. Going to work on cultivating this a bit more.

Also, over the last few days, the witness is finally starting to become helpful in my sits. I think I am getting the feel for it and also realizing that I can also witness 'the witness.'

I have to tell you that your experiences as you post them bring back so many memories for me that it's uncanny. Thanks for the commentary!

"
I have to tell you that your experiences as you post them bring back so many memories for me that it's uncanny. Thanks for the commentary!

"

I really need to thank all of you for making this place what it is! It's uncanny to me as well how all this stuff unfolds. And, as you guys have done in the past, I feel I owe it to everyone here to at least show some kind of contstant progress reporting because I know how helpful it can be to others, as well as myself.

Greased watermelon! Ha!