Russell's Practice II

Went fishing during my sit tonight. I think I am too wound up about it. Couldn't get concentrated enough. But I tried. I think I found the same spot and I start to get increased tingling in my hands and a slight sinking feeling but nothing as strong as last night. I'll try again later reclining in bed.

Been feeling weird off cushion. Heightened anxiety and weird things happening like completely forgetting where I was in a conversation. Maybe it's just the allergies or sickness talking though.

I'm gonna play the forget this ever happened and just sit game now. I think just the desire to keep trying it is messing me up.

So something is definitely going on. I got mega concentrated tonight and without really trying I went to that spot and got the sinking again but this time I had tons of heavy vibrations in my hands and right around my heart. Never had this around my heart before. Then the damn phone rang. Grrrr. I will sit again tonight before bed.

Was very chilled out after sitting again last night. It was so easy to get concentrated and I felt very tingly, floaty and almost numb. Tried to go to bed around midnight but still couldn't sleep so I just did shamatha practice in bed.

This morning I feel groggy and anxious. Yay. About to head on a family trip. I hope I get time to sit.

If you don't have time, there's a lot of value in using the inability to sit as a practice in itself.

I say this 'cause back when I was in the midst of my big heavy re-observation before SE, I had a bunch of family over for a few days, and couldn't sit at all (or even have a moment of privacy). So I just decided to throw myself into being as in-the-moment and available and helpful to everyone as possible, no matter how crappy I felt. When everybody left, I found myself in Equanimity, and had SE a few days later. I sometimes wonder if I HAD to surrender the attitude of "needing to sit", in order to progress.

Just a thought. Enjoy the trip!

Thanks Rob, you always have great advice!

Well really only got one full sit in Friday, not really much on Saturday but last night was a good, long sit. It's crazy, I have terrible anxiety and dizziness and overall tireness off the cushion, but the minute I sit down, I can sit forever like a Zen monk. Concentration is very good. I keep feeling significan state shifts but Can't really tell which jhana I am in. Not trying to do anything as far as the NS stuff, but I feel like there is a slight pull towards it or something after 8th jhana. Still hard to say.

Reading through a members old practice log and I nearly started crying. So crazy how similar my experience is to others at this stage. I am just not as good at describing it. Very strong desire for deliverance today.

Another sit. More good concentration. I went in nauseous and feeling like crap and now I am pretty blissed out. It takes about 30 minutes but then my mind starts to try for the new territory. My body gets very vibratory and I get the sinking feeling. Now I am very chill. I'm going to go for another 40+ min after bedtime tonight as well and see if the momentum can carry over from this last sit.

Note to self: blissed out + not wanting to speak to anyone after these sits.

Hi Aquanin,

Regarding NS accesses maybe these two podcasts can help. The jhanic arc ride got me in to the pure abodes by just turning in to the hamilton guys. Have a few times experienced some type of sinking power-down as well. But I can't let go and crave too much I believe. I'm a bit frustrated actually by not being able to follow on this or call up fruitions. But something that I learned on my long jhana retreat was that pushing, tensing up with will power never worked. Easier said than done

They accesse nirodha afther 13th jhana

thehamiltonproject.blogspot.se/2010/09/episode-2.html

A whole podcast on nirodha and different techniques to accsses

www.owenbecker.com/podcast/Owen%20Becker...202010%231C836B6.mp3

Metta Erik

Thanks. I hae actually listened to these before but never tried while meditating. I'll see what happens.

Last night, about 40 minutes late at night. Good concentration again. Rise up the arc, although i can't always tell what jhana I am in. Sunk into the blackness again and actually hung out there a while, bluzzing vibrations, very pleasurable, then slowly came out. Still can't cross the 'event horizon' and I don't know what all of this means, but who cares. Would like to hear others experiences on how this unfolded. Might be time to revive the '3rd path' thread.

Just sat for 35 minutes again and at the end of the sit I can't tell if I am accessing a new Jhana or NS. Feels super vibratory. The whole field of vision gets sparkly, whole body gets tingly, feel joy, but it's not like a rising absorption. It is more a sinking. Really could sit like that forever, but somehow i slip out of it. However, all I have to now is when I get later in a sit, is just incline my mind to go there and it will.

Overall I feel very concentrated but I can watch my mind slip away into some thoughts but I just watch it, then suddenly my attention comes right back to my object and then this repeats.

Sounds great Aquanin Exiting to follow....

Wow, I was in a daze when I posted that last night. Here is what I mean by that last sentence and in general how things feel right now. I get very concentrated, pretty easily now in my sits (for the time being) Although I am primarily doing shamatha technique, I am clearly doing vipassana because i can notice everything and everything has a distinct ring to it. By that, I mean, if i hear a loud sound I can not only hear it, but I can feel it and see it. Usually I see a bright light that accompanies sound and vibrations are felt through the body, like the sounds truly rings through me. This make all sensations feel like they are on the same playing field, like a sensation is just a sensation; hearing is no different than seeing really.

So anyways, as I sit, I can feel a distinct state change, usually a perspective change sometime accompanied by slight rising energy, then i can watch my mind get bored and wander around until the next state shift comes and snaps me back into full focus on my object (3rd eye area.) It is almost as if I lock on to a jhana, get bored with it, then my mind moves to the next, then repeat. Last nights sit, my bell rang, and I inclined my mind to go back to that new found place and it did it. Stayed with it for a minute or so and then came out of it. Interesting stuff indeed.

However, off the cushion, I feel like **** Ohh well. This obviously has come and gone all the time in my practice, so "hello again, good seeing you. Thank you for stopping by, can we get this done with yet?"

More of the same but lots of thought distractions last night. I think I had several fluttering fruitions before I fell asleep last night. It feels like I can just make them happen, not sure through which door. I think impermanence. Really its just quick flashes of light, but it seems like I can make them happen.

Tingling (vibrations), numbness, bliss, etc are predominant in my sits. Don't even care to get up after timer goes off. Realized I am trying to manipulate my experience when I get close to the newish territory I have described above in the last week, so I am trying to quit the manipulation. It came on by itself without me trying to make it happen, so I figured if I leave it be it will come again.

I just remembered as I lay in bed before sleeping last night I kept getting like a flickering/fluttering/vibrating in the visual field and then a bright flash of light. I have gotten this before many time but I think I just realized they are anicca fruitions.

Starting to get some of those tiny off cushion insights again during today. Just seeing more clearly how anxiety manifests in the body and separating it from what I typically called my anxiety symptoms. Hard to explain. I get dizzy, it causes anxiety, which seems to cause more dizziness. I usually lump all the anxiety symptoms as dizziness but I saw anxiety as separate from the dizziness today very clearly. After that I have had relief all day. Hardly any dizziness or "anxiety".

Ok, having one of those days. I'll keep the forum going since it seems everyone is at the Buddhist geeks conference. I just sat and am 99% sure I accessed at least PL1. Just sitting, strong desire to focus on the 3rd eye as usual. But then it felt like I became my 3rd eye and I was slowly sucked upward. Whole body was vibrating. Extremely pleasant to say the least. Felt like I was floating off the ground. But still had some strobing in and out, like my eyes were slightly squinting, tension there. I could stay there for 30 seconds or maybe a minute but came out of it. Super blissed out now. Wow.

Accessing the same new territory last night. I went in with no intention to manipulate myself there and accidentally did so it wasnt as strong, felt it start to build and then it left. Off cushion - I guarantee this won't last (what does?) but for the first time in a long time i have almost a completley anxiety-free day. Now that I put it down on the interweb it is bound to come back with a vengance

45 mins last night. Just making a formal resolution to get into PL Jhana terriroty gets me there, but I need to learn to relax and let it happen. If i effort too much in any way, when the 9th jhana comes it fades fairly fast. It built very slowly last night, energy rising until it got to my head and slowly faded back down quickly.

35 min - mostly shamatha with a constant open awareness aspect. Ride up the Janice arc to a softer version of PL1. Pushing, manipulating too much when I get to 8th jhana. Will sit again before I talk to Ron tonight. Going to try to recline and relax a bit more instead of just sitting.

Exciting stuff Russell