Nadav's practice notes

I found this website through the Kenneth's Buddhist Geeks interview a little more than a month ago. I've enjoyed reading everyone's experiences and thought I would share mine as well.
I am a 21 year old college student. I started sitting daily about 8 months ago, doing what I now know as samatha practice with focus on the breath. I've had a few skype meetings with Kenneth and have integrated noting into my formal practice and daily life as well as 2nd gear practice.

I'll start this with a report I sent to Kenneth about a week ago:
I'm sitting for 1-1.5 hours a day, mostly 30 minute sittings.
When I sit, I follow the breath for a bit before I start noting. I note a lot of itching and tension in the neck/shoulders/upper back.
Visual thoughts of past events. I always have music going through my head. I note it as 'singing', 'hearing music' or 'visualizing music' if I'm rehearsing etc.
I start to feel more relaxed. Sometimes I get very pleasant sensations all over the skin while focusing on my upper lip/nose.
After some time body sensations become unpleasant - more itching in arms/back, jaw tension, tension along the spine and neck.
Heat in the legs. I start to feel tingling in the hands then legs. Sometimes all over the body, turning into vibrations.
Usually see some light/geometric patterns (or if I'm tired and have the eyes open, the room will vibrate and flicker).
Sometimes I feel energy moving upwards through the body. Sometimes it will reverse here - back to itching/tension then memories, etc.
Usually I get worried/startled by something (it's funny, sometimes I only realize this later). The body will tense up.
A lot of involuntary movements and big vibrations - arms moving around, etc. Legs will get very painful (throbbing energy moving back and forth, burning).
My sits were dominated by leg pain for a few days but it seems to have passed now. I get very impatient and want to check the timer.
Sometimes the sit will end here or the pain will subside and the tingling will return.
Occasionally the pain will subside and my awareness will feel wider - like I'm watching the entire body at once.
The discomfort is not totally gone but it doesn't affect me as much.. everything is kind of neutral.
This hasn't been happening very often and doesn't last for very long when it does.

A few days ago I started counting the breaths to ten 3 times before every sit per Kenneth's suggestion. It definitely helps me get concentrated and ready.
The pattern has been less pronounced in my sits the past few days - it feels like nothing is really happening but I am more willing to sit through it than before.
This morning I sat for 45 minutes. I felt relaxed and determined.
Noted some itching... a specific point below my left eye that was persistent in one of yesterday's sits too.
Lots of visual remembering thoughts, and planning thoughts.
Some pulsations in the arm and very subtle tingling all over the back. I focused on the breath for a bit and caught myself absorbed in thoughts/stories. I noted thoughts and then the other 3 foundations of mindfulness separately for a few minutes.
Noted some judging thoughts about my practice / desire for progress.
Some slight vibrations in the hands. Tension going up and down my back. Itching.
The itching disappeared and for a while there was very little body activity, but the mind was very active. I realized that I was worried about this and searching for body sensations (noted as 'searching').
About 30 minutes in, my legs started throbbing. The legs and hands felt hot. I noticed vibrations within the burning sensations in the leg.
The vibrations and burning spread from one leg to the other. I felt frustrated and impatient.

Sounds good nadavspi! I really like the way you are reporting. I try to be as descriptive as you are doing here but often fail. One of the regular users on here (Nick) really helped me develop a better reporting style - more like what you are doing here.

When I began writing here I had a lot of those type of thoughts that came about because I was writing the journal, worried about if I would remember things properly, etc. Just keep it up! A lot of what you're describing sounds familiar. When you sit see if you notice some of the same things you wrote about last time so you can start to see if there's a pattern to your meditations. Once you see a pattern you can see how you make more and more progress with it through time and build up the resolution so you'll get really familiar with the territory you are traversing.

I love this place!

Sat for 30 minutes this morning.
Started out feeling pleasant and calm. Found the breath easily. Some itching at different spots lasting a few seconds.
Some visual memories... less than usual and they didn't stick as much.
I thought that noting was difficult and a little slow (duly noted.. a problem that is its own solution)
There was some activity around me and I was worried about someone walking in. Irritated at the noise.
Felt some pleasant tingling, starting in the hands and then in the back. Like clouds of very small particles moving around.
A couple of strong pulsations (almost twitches) in the arm. One of the eyelids twitched for a few seconds.
I found very small vibrations wherever I focused my attention, beneath any other larger sensations. The feeling was different with a wider focus.
Noted some occasional back and shoulder tension which made me think about my posture and lengthen the spine.
A very cool (icy) sensation.. like being sprayed with a mist... started on the big toe and spread out a bit to the foot. It was flickering very quickly, circling around and remained until the end of the sit.
Vibrations all over the torso and arms.
Again felt nervous about someone coming in. Tightness in the back. A generally yucky feeling.
The cushion suddenly felt hard and my breathing was coarse. Some involuntary swaying. Grimace.
After about 20 seconds, a wave of coolness starting at the feet and rising all over the body. Breath became deep with a big exhale.
Very pleasant. I smile. I find myself noting as the bystander all of a sudden ("see how it...") and at a faster rate than before.
Vibrations in the hands and legs. I feel happy and content. Body feels large.

Sat for 45 minutes this afternoon.
I decided to do bystander noting for this sit as it seems to help with momentum. Started at a consistent pace, noting every second or two. Some thoughts and itches as usual. I noticed a causal chain: a thought and the emotional response to it.
Fairly pleasant and relaxed at this point, noting steadily for 10-15 minutes. I feel a little sleepy at times.
Some tension in the legs arises. Noting slows down, becoming more difficult. Pinpricks and throbbing in the legs. This lasts for ~15 minutes.
The leg pain continues while I start noticing some vibrations. A very strong one on the side of the nose. Some tingling in the hands. I hear someone walk into the apartment and feel anxious about disruption. The leg pain gets worse: numb, burning, very tense. Having difficulty sitting still without swaying and stretching. Tension going up from the legs to the hips. Extremely unpleasant. I notice some vibrations and pulsations here and there, especially in the hands and legs. I feel desperate for some relief and impatient for the timer to go off. I feel angry at nothing in particular and frustrated.

A very interesting sit this afternoon.
I decided to work on concentration for this sit, so I focused on the breath and only noted when I felt that it was necessary to regain my concentration.
Felt some sadness, which manifested as tightness in the chest. Had some subtle vibrations in the hands for about a minute. I focused on the pleasantness of the breath sensation for a bit. Some pleasant tingling on the skin, didn't last very long.
Noted some back tension. Noted some doubt about my concentration and returned to the breath. I felt more relaxed and content. Some itching here and there, but everything was relatively quiet.

There was a shift in my perception of the body. Everything felt heavy for a bit, sinking down. Then I noticed that my torso felt very long'¦ like my hands were very far away from my head/center of awareness. I felt like I had experienced this before but not in a long time.
Soon after, I felt great spaciousness. This was new. My eyes were closed but it seemed like even my field of vision was a great black space extending in all directions. I felt some back tension but that dissipated.
I could only feel my hands, which at times felt tiny and at other times felt gigantic. The awareness of the sensations of my hands was huge'¦ amplified/resonating onto the great space, if that makes any sense.
This state was fascinating and new which was exhilarating, but not particularly pleasant or unpleasant.
At times I felt that I was above the body, watching the sensations and thoughts from a distance. It felt like I was in this state for a long time but it's hard to estimate. It was definitely very stable and after the first couple of minutes I had no worries about losing it and could just sit in the experience.
The timer went off after 30 minutes but I had no inclination to get up and sat for a few more minutes.

30 minute sit this morning. It's the last day of my visit to Israel so my mind starts racing as soon as I wake up.
I note lots of wandering thoughts as I start. Feel excited. Pleasant. Smile as I catch myself feeling angry at someone because of an imagined conversation with them.
A burning sensation on my back on both sides of the spine. Noting slows down and I feel less concentrated. General unpleasantness arises and I feel impatient, frustrated, doubt. Irritated at some noisy people around me then compassionate.
I get absorbed in thoughts for a bit, 'wake up' and then continue noting for a while.
My left eyelid twitches (has happened on other recent sits). Note tingling in the hands. Some pulsation in the right arm (also a reoccurring phenomenon).
Some planning thoughts. Back tension. Impatient and irritated. Things get a little more pleasant.

45 minute sit this morning. Started out noting very consistently: remembering thoughts, planning/todo thoughts, hearing music, itching, rehearsing conversations, pleasant, determined, sitting, hearing (computer fan), tingling in the legs, desire, guilt, etc.
Maybe 10-15 minutes in, I began to feel more relaxed and noting became more difficult. Numbness in the legs. Very pleasant body sensations begin with a deep, satisfying exhale. Rapture. Worry about describing it honestly without fitting it my concept of jhana. Pleasant warm tingling all over. Everything else was relatively quiet, with the rapture taking center stage. This lasted for 5-10 minutes then lost its intensity.
More thoughts, itching, etc. Legs tingling. Timer curiosity. Desire to shift posture. Arms jerk around a couple of times. Big wavy vibrations in the legs. Heat in the legs... burning sensations that become more intense with time. Pleasant and interesting at first then unpleasant. Some pulsations. The burning (many small points, flickering) spreads to the hands. Continue to get more intense and unpleasant. Impatient, desire to get up.
Eventually they subside and become less unpleasant without disappearing all together.

40 minute sit this morning. Decided to focus on the breath and only note as needed.
Counted breaths before starting. Felt pleasantly concentrated when I sat down. Focused on the nose and upper lip. Very quickly after sitting, pleasant tingling all over the surface of the skin. Noted occasional thoughts and music. I prompt the witness periodically throughout by asking 'who am I?' or non-verbally looking for the source of sensations as they arise.
Focus widened after a couple of minutes. Still watching the breath but looking to a wider plane in front rather than just the nose. Skin tingling subsides. Pleasant energy now flowing deeper in the body. Happier and more relaxed than before. My left eyelid twitches. I stay here for a while and note the desire to move on. Embedded in thoughts for a little bit until I 'wake up' and note them. Re-focus on the breath.
An unexpected, deep and pleasant exhale begins cool vibrations all over the body. Exhales get the emphasis now and I see some dancing geometric patterns (eyes closed). I feel energized. The vibrations are similar to the tingling of the first experience but smaller, more subtle. Somewhat more pleasant too, perhaps because the initial effort isn't involved. I'm just watching things happen on their own now, other than occasionally guiding my attention back to the breath and noting distractions.
The vibrations subside after a couple of minutes, as does the coolness. Realize I'm going back down. Left eyelid twitches again. Warm energy bubbling in the body. Soon, I find my focus narrowing again to the nose and upper lip. The initial tingling on the surface of the skin return with greater intensity than the first time. Large vibrations going up and down the skin. They're pleasant but also annoying in some way, like a scab you can't help but pick.
Focus widens again and the vibrations move inward.

cont below..

Again, the earlier experience returns with greater intensity. I feel more vibrations this time around, particularly in the hands, and also relief from the annoying quality of the skin vibrations. I feel happy and content. Eye twitches again. Sooner than last time, I feel the cool, smaller vibrations (like chills almost) all over the body. I stay here for a while.
The room seems to light up and the vibrations become stronger. The body tenses up for a second then relaxes. Feel a sense of release. Very strong and fast vibrations all over the body. Extremely pleasant, overwhelmingly so at times. I try to note but there's too much going on. These continue for a while. Eventually things calm down a bit. Vibrations are still present but more localized to the hands and legs. My dog starts crying so I get up to check.

30 minute sit this afternoon, noting. Good to work with some negative emotions.

Restless, lots of planning thoughts, back tension, itching, irritated at noises, eyes fluttering.
Hearing music in my head, aversion to hearing music, want it to stop, etc. Dullness. Remembering visual thoughts.
Very subtle tingling in the hands. Heat in the legs. Impatient. Postural discomfort, swaying. Searching, confusion, frustration. Searching for body sensations to note. Amused, laughing at my striving.
More relaxed towards the end. Some pleasant tingling in the hands and legs. Impatient, anxious.

30 minute sit.
Hearing some music in my head. Wandering thoughts. Small movements/vibrations/pulsations at many spots on the body.
Notice some causal links between thoughts and emotions.
Back tension. Some persistent itching. Aversion.
Subtle vibrations, evenly all over the body. Pleasant, joyous. Harder to note, easier to become embedded in thoughts.
Shoulder & neck tension. Heaviness. Still improvising a bass line in my head - aversion. Memory images. Planning thoughts.
Neck tension is released as tingling. The same feeling of evenly distributed vibrations. Room seems brighter.
Vibrations continue but are different in some way. Chilled out. Slump a bit.
Sudden grimace. The vibrations become irritating. Unpleasant. Whole body feels tense. A thought about the timer being broken somewhere in there. Desire to get up. Frustration. Legs start burning, but not as intensely as in the past.
Unpleasantness subsides a little bit. Neutral. Notice some vibrations that are hard to localize. Feels like they're behind the neck.

20 minute walking meditation. Noted aloud. Noticed some specific points that would itch, dissolve for a few minutes, then return. Tension. Planning and remembering thoughts. Coolness. Tired.
Noting out loud works... I did not get lost in the content of thoughts as I usually do.
Half way through, walking becomes uneven, coolness turns to heat, unpleasantness, frustration, anxiety, doubt.
Boredom, impatient, amused, etc.

50 minute sit. noting out loud to avoid spacing out. it works.
Went through the four foundations, spending a few minutes on each.
Coolness, some tingling. Focused on some itching spots - solid and persistent. Memories and planning thoughts.
Whenever I found myself searching for something to note I switched to the 'rising' and 'falling' of the abdomen until something else came up... usually immediately. Proud, amused, embarrassed.
10-15 minutes in, I felt much more relaxed. Pleasant sinking feeling. Flickering lights. Numbness in the legs. Noting became very difficult so I noted 'difficulty' and switched to rising, falling. I returned to other objects after a little while with greater ease and speed than before.
Body seemed to contract. Pleasant tingling all over the skin. A momentary pulse in the arm. Body sensations aren't as solid at this point. Itchy spots move/vibrate slightly and dissipate more quickly. Interesting sensation in the foot... breathing, like getting a massage. Curious. I watch it for a while. Room gets brighter. Rising energy. Coolness.
Desire to get up. Frustrated, impatient, angry, heat. Unpleasant. Tension, tightness. Desire to move around... start slumping a bit. Anxiety, fear. Swaying, stretching. Impatience and frustration become more intense, turn to anger at the peak. Very unpleasant. Heat, aversion. Itching, tension.
Unpleasantness subsides a little bit. Still impatient, but not as excruciating. Excited, happy, impatient, frustrated, pleasant, unpleasant, etc. Swaying, stretching.

"noting out loud to avoid spacing out. it works."-Nadav

Hear, hear! Yes, it does. If everyone noted aloud, I would be out of business. (People would easily move through the Progress of Insight and no one would need a meditation teacher.)

Here's to my early retirement! May you all awaken immediately.

Kenneth

Kenneth,

I've been thinking about doing that with a tape recorder to both help with noting and journaling.

Perhaps I'll give it a shot.

"Whenever I found myself searching for something to note I switched to the 'rising' and 'falling' of the abdomen until something else came up... usually immediately. [...] Noting became very difficult so I noted 'difficulty' and switched to rising, falling. I returned to other objects after a little while with greater ease and speed than before." ~Nadav

I just want to say that what you describe in the above quotation is precisely what you want to be doing. When noting gets difficult for some reason, or perceiving refined body sensations isn't quite clear, it's very appropriate to go back to noting the rise and fall of the abdomen. Things tend to pick back up once mindfulness is brought to whatever changing sensations you're able to notice right then and there.

Keep up the good work!
~Jackson

Feeling tired so I decided to walk. 30 minutes.
Counted breaths for a few minutes then began noting as before (out loud, anchored by the rising & falling of the abdomen). I was surprised by how quickly and easily I was noting. So much going on... all the usual stuff plus the hardness/softness and temperature differences of the floor/carpet, hearing my footsteps, weight distribution, anticipation relating to all these, etc.
I was overwhelmed at times by having to 'choose' one thing to note at a time.
The session was mostly pleasant, with lots of coolness, planning & remembering thoughts, reflective thoughts, some tension, stretching, excitement, curiosity about everything, some impatience towards the end.
I was following the abdomen at one point and the movement become pretty subtle.
I focused on it more closely and noticed how what I generally perceive as one big continuous movement was actually many small discontinuous ones. Pretty cool.

Sat and noted for 30 minutes this morning. Same technique as yesterday, similar results. Pleasant, coolness, happy, lots of thoughts, then very impatient, frustrated, angry, etc. Also noted for ~40 minutes standing in line at the post office.
Decided to try using a kasina. Counted breaths then sat for 20 minutes. Within a few minutes the visual field started moving and changing colors (kind of like staring at the sun). Closed my eyes for a while. Felt very relaxed, also very sleepy.

Sat for 30 minutes tonight. Started with lots of negative emotions: lonely, bored, self-loathing, restless, anxiety, etc. Lots of itching (at first solid, lasting for a few seconds. became more fleeting later in the sit) and remembering thoughts (mostly visual images), tension. Coolness, hearing the AC and crickets outside, feeling softness of the cushion and my clothing. Mood improved towards the middle: relaxed, happy, amused, planning thoughts. Body felt small. Tension, bored, impatient, proud, frustrated, restless, nervous. Felt very, very relaxed. Sleepy, difficulty noting (switched to the abdomen for a bit). Pleasant, joyous, doubt, analytical thoughts, impatient, tired etc.

Keep up the good work... sounds like you are noting... looks like progress through the stages of insight is inevitable...

Hi Nadav. Sounds like you're doing great with mind-states, in particular. It's good news that you're recognizing and disembedding from all of those changing (and otherwise painful) emotions. Did you feel like you were able to step out of those by virtue of labeling them? I seem to be having trouble actually picking up on the mind states that are going on--I certainly can't see one per second the way Kenneth can. Anyway, thanks for the update!
Joel

""Did you feel like you were able to step out of those by virtue of labeling them?""

What seemed to make it work was not just labeling these emotions that usually get me stuck, but seeing them in the context of the whole stream of sensations. OK, so I feel frustrated, don't want to do anything, but here's an itch, and the AC still feels cool, and oh, I'm actually experiencing some mind-states that I like between all these 'nasty' ones, etc.

"What seemed to make it work was not just labeling these emotions that usually get me stuck, but seeing them in the context of the whole stream of sensations. OK, so I feel frustrated, don't want to do anything, but here's an itch, and the AC still feels cool, and oh, I'm actually experiencing some mind-states that I like between all these 'nasty' ones, etc. "

Nice. That's great!