Nadav's practice notes

Only had time to sit for 30 minutes yesterday.
Felt very anxious and restless this morning. Sat and got up after 10 minutes. Waited a bit and just sat for 45 minutes, noting out loud.
Felt very sleepy at first with lots of yawning. Went through the 4 foundations one at a time.
Back tension, itching. Noted a persistent itch at the top of my head for about a couple of minutes. Some anxiety at the beginning, very little for the rest of the sit. Lots of thoughts. Pleasant and relaxed. Gross tingling all over the body. Noted rising, falling for a while. Tension, remembering thoughts, calm. Eyelids fluttering. Impatient. Legs start to feel numb, turns to heat and then burning over a few minutes. Feel myself going deeper. Hard to note. Follow the breath without noting for a bit, until thoughts and body sensations come up and I note them. Rising, falling. Very relaxed. Subtle tingling on the surface of the skin and pleasant 'flow' of energy deeper in the body. Mapping thoughts. Impatient, planning thoughts, anxious, curious about the timer, desire to get up. Heat in the legs turns to coolness. Cool tingling. Pleasant at the first then a little irritating.

Sat for 25 minutes. Noting out loud, but focused more on rising and falling. It's awkward to note 'rising' out loud so I did it silently for parts of the sit. When I do that it feels more like concentration practice - very pleasant and relaxing. Lots of itching, remembering thoughts, planning thoughts as usual. Had a sudden wave of coolness somewhere in the middle of the sit - very pleasant. Impatient at certain points. Heat/burning in the legs towards the end. Back tension. Very similar to all my recent sits, just more pleasant and deeply relaxing than average.

Feeling pretty out of it today. Set the timer to 45 minutes this morning. A few minutes in I had a great idea for a project I'm working on. Started day dreaming about it, really wanted to stop and get to work. Decided to get up and walk for the rest of the time.

Just sat for 30 minutes. Felt relaxed going in to it. Went through the 4 foundations. Mostly unpleasant at the beginning, then sort of neutral for the rest of the sit. Sleepy, dozed off at one point. A few itchy spots. Body sensations became more fleeting towards the end of the sit. Doubt, desire for progress. Heat all over the body. Burning in the legs, turned to coolness in the middle and then back to heat. Tension, stretching. Hearing, amused (dog was snoring next to me). Switched to 'rising, falling' occasionally, never needed for more than a breath or two. Had some tingling, and a vibration in a leg at one point. It's hard to remember the exact order of things.

" It's hard to remember the exact order of things.
"

It still sounds like you are practicing well regardless of not being able to remember everything. Keep that up and that progress you so desire is inevitable. Trust me when I say that what you are doing will eventually lead to a happiness that does not depend on conditions. Keep swinging on the rope, nadavspi!

Thanks Nikolai. I'm actually less worried than ever about identifying what's going on in my practice / knowing where I am on the map. I am following the instructions, and that's enough for me. Desire for progress is just one more thing to note and disembed.

And the way you are approaching the practice is the best approach in my opinion. The less "analyzing" and "fretting" over where you are, the better and faster the progress will be.

Mudita!

"Thanks Nikolai. I'm actually less worried than ever about identifying what's going on in my practice / knowing where I am on the map. I am following the instructions, and that's enough for me. Desire for progress is just one more thing to note and disembed. "

Dude, you've got it! What you've written here is yet another Post-It note that needs to go on my forehead.

20 minute walking meditation. Counted breaths then started noting. Pleasant, coolness, tired, itching, tension, planning thoughts, remembering thoughts, reflective thoughts, doubt, anticipation, hardness, hearing, softness, smelling, curiosity, aversion, nervous, unpleasant, embarrassed, etc. Back tension was present at first then disappeared for a while, and came back. Noted physical sensations and then my response to them (aversion/desire). Vibration in a finger for a few seconds. It wasn't quite a 'cell phone vibration' but definitely stronger than just tingling. I'm still amazed at how much easier it is to note consistently when doing it out loud.

nadav,

When you list the things you noted, is that each object you are taking at the time, before moving onto something else? For example, are you taking "pleasant" as an object and watching what it does until "coolness" becomes the most prevelant and you stay with that until "itching develops" which then leads to "tension" which causes you to have "planning thoughts," etc.?

If so I think I've got the point of the noting down now. Before I was more so trying to use the noting to get deeper into the object, rather than just labeling the current meditation object at a certain rate until it changes into something else or something else takes it's place. If I wasn't doing that I was labeling one thing, then another, then another in an attempt to note every little thing that is going on very rapidly. Now I am more so noting at a constant rate or as much as needed in order to stay with the current object until it changes or something else takes it's place.

Thanks for your clear and concise reporting. Best of luck!

sat for 30 minutes. While counting breaths before I sat down, felt pleasant tingling all over the skin, realized I was focusing a small area of my face around the nose while following the breath. As soon as I realized this the focus became wider and the tingling subsided. I felt very relaxed and there was a pleasant flow of energy deeper in the body. This has been happening in many of my sits but usually only the skin tingling occurs while counting the breaths.
I sat down and continued counting breaths for a bit. Got some vibrations in the legs at the start - big 'cell phone' vibrations that lasted for a minute or two. I began noting halfway through the vibrations and continued for the rest of the sit. Physical sensations (namely itching and tension) were not as continuous from the beginning of this sit - I rarely had to note anything more than once or twice consecutively.
Maybe 10-15 minutes in, I felt more concentrated, very relaxed and calm. It was pleasant and alluring and I switched to 'rising, falling' for a couple of minutes and then started adding other stuff. I was very still for a few minutes. 'Content' was noted repeatedly. Eventually I 'woke up' a bit and started swaying a little bit, stretching. I felt impatient, curious about the timer. For about a minute I felt generally unpleasant, frustrated, anxious, boredom, desire to get up, tension etc. Some planning thoughts came up too. The unpleasantness passed and I felt more relaxed again. Felt content again, things were pleasant without much mental activity.

"When you list the things you noted, is that each object you are taking at the time, before moving onto something else? "

Yep, that's pretty much it. In my last conversation with Kenneth he suggested that if something is sticking, I should stay with it and note it repeatedly. (itching... itching... itching) This is what I have been doing. There are times when things don't stick so I just move on to whatever else is grabbing my attention at that moment. There are probably times when I move on before the first object passes completely, if it feels right at that moment. There are definitely times when I note other related things between the current object (itching, itching, aversion, itching, pressure, etc).

Thanks again. This is wonderful.

Eventually are you noticing a widening of the attention such that multiple of these objects are viewable? If I am noting a single itching point, for example, it might eventually seem like another point has arisen and I can include both of them in my view and then when one becomes stronger or changes I can zoom in on that one or perhaps the multiple single points will transition into a patch of pressure or burning.

Thanks for the repeated noting to break up a sticking sensation tip...

20 minute walking meditation.
Pleasant, relaxed, coolness, softness, itching, tension, warmth, anticipation, remembering thought, judgment thought, remorse, planning thought, curiosity, hardness, hearing, softness, excited, happy, tired, impatient, tingling, itching, tension, aversion, stretching, remembering thought, analytical thought, remembering thought, remembering thought, dream recall, neutral, unpleasant, nervous, angry, amused, coolness, gratitude, irritated, impatient, timer curiosity, hungry, pressure, fear, etc.

Just spent about an hour waiting at the DMV. Noted (silently) for most of it. I paused and counted the breaths for a while in the middle... I now understand the 'car window' analogy for access concentration.

Sat for 30 minutes. Felt relaxed and sleepy at first. Took a few minutes to gain noting momentum. The same thing reoccurred later in the sit. Vibrations in the leg in the beginning, and again later in the sit. A few minutes of unpleasantness, frustration, irritation, impatience with the beginning of numbness and throbbing in the legs. A couple of times I found that I was very calm and still, deeply concentrated, with a clear 'view' of the entire body and not much activity. This would be followed by me 'waking up' (feeling less concentrated) and feeling restless and moving around, stretching etc. Legs were burning at the end, lots of pressure, impatient, helplessness, desire to get up, etc.

30 minute sit. Began with vibrations in the leg again, lasting for a couple of minutes. Itching, lots of back tension. Went through the 4 foundations. Difficulty noting. When I got to feeling tone, everything was unpleasant with the occasional neutral moment. Same with mind states: irritation, self-loathing, angry, fear, irritation, etc. Things became even more miserable as I continued. Back, shoulder and neck tension, lots of itching, heat, burning & throbbing in the legs, angry, frustrated, pity, judgment thoughts, doubt etc. Noting was difficult and didn't seem to help. I decided to count the breaths for a bit to see if I could get some balance back and disembed. Did 3 or 4 cycles after which I felt calmer and a little more concentrated. Things were still nasty but I was able to distance myself from them better. Continued noting out loud. Occasionally I'd still wake up and realize I've been silent, lost in a thought. Leg numbness and burning was stronger towards the end. Tension, hunger, planning thought, frustrated, anxious.

Had another sit yesterday that was a lot less unpleasant than the first.
Just sat for 30 minutes this morning. Experimented with pairing body sensations and feeling tones like Kenneth recommended in another thread. This sit was much like all my other sits.
Itching-neutral, tension-unpleasant, coolness-pleasant, planning thought, nervous, remembering thought, pulsation, itching-neutral, itching-unpleasant, pleasant, hearing, curious, relief, irritated, impatient, pressure, relaxed, pleasant, aversion, etc.

Thanks for the great reports, Nadav. I've been working with the pairing also. Good way to disembed from two birds with one stone. Wait. Does that make any sense?
Talk to you later.
Joel

30 minute sit. Tired, heaviness, dullness, itching, tension-unpleasant, neutral, itching, itching, planning thought, planning thought, remembering thought, softness, coolness, aversion, coolness, tingling, curiosity, vibration (uneven, continuous), vibration, curiosity, remembering thought, vibration, itching, pleasant, remembering thought, gratitude, hearing, softness, coolness, desire, lust, relaxed, yawning, sleepy, rising, falling, rising, falling, pressure, heaviness, desire, itching-neutral, tension-unpleasant, itching-unpleasant, itching, itching, itching, itching, desire to itch, irritation, amused, dream recall, frustrated, timer curiosity, fear, planning thought...
Felt very relaxed at one point in the middle... there was a shift in the body feel (able to feel more of it at once, joyful energy flowing in the body) and the visual field (eyes closed) became softer. I caught on quickly and continued noting. Pleasant, pleasant, wow, calm, worried, relaxed, desire, rising, falling, rising, falling, rising, falling, itching, remembering thought, anxious, planning thought, fear, remembering thought, disgust, judgment thought, analytical thought, desire, impatient, timer curiosity, desire to get up, frustrated, coolness, unpleasant, aversion, impatient, numbness

This is great, Nadav. Keep on keepin' on. See about keeping up the continuity of mindfulness throughout the day so that your time on the cushion is just a subset of a larger practice opportunity that lasts all day. The tortoise always wins this race.

20 minutes. Felt very tired and thought I was going to fall asleep in the middle so I got up and walked. Decided to try having a drink while noting like Mahasi describes.
Softness, hearing, sitting, stretching, rising, falling, rising, falling, itching-neutral, itching-unpleasant, tension-unpleasant, tension, itching, tension, aversion, coolness, coolness-pleasant, rising, falling, tired, yawning, anticipation, remembering thought, excited, remembering thought, proud, itching, pressure, itching, itching-unpleasant, frustrated, intending, itching-unpleasant, rising, falling, coolness, twitching, tingling, coolness, vibrations, vibrations, vibrations, rising, falling, sleepy, anxious, planning thought, hearing, intention, timer curiosity, impatient, worried, tired, relaxed, standing, stretching, walking, right, left, right, left, coolness, hardness, hearing, anticipation, softness-pleasant, planning thought, planning thought, pleasant, itching, itching, rising, falling, rising, falling, rising, falling, proud, yawning, thirsty, intention, imagining, stopping, lifting, grabbing, lifting, lifting, unscrewing, grabbing, lifting, drinking, drinking, relief, lowering, screwing, lowering, placing, proud, amused, self-conscious thought, coolness, softness, walking, rising, falling, planning thought, remembering thought, desire, impatient.

Started noting while still in bed this morning, continued to note while showering and shaving.
Sat for 30 minutes. Consistent out loud noting. Rough reconstruction:
Sitting, softness, adjusting, lengthening (the spine), stretching, itching-neutral, tension-unpleasant, itching, itching, tension, heat-unpleasant, determined, pressure, pressure, planning thought, imagining, hearing music, rehearsing (a future conversation), planning thought, curiosity, worried, itching-unpleasant, itching, itching, itching, intending to itch, itching, swaying, tension-unpleasant, tension, tension, rising, falling, rising, falling, rising, falling, hearing, relief, gratitude, coolness, lengthening, vibration, vibration, itching, curiosity, vibration, tingling, tightness, pressure, judgment thought, amused, remembering thought, timer curiosity, itching, itching, itching, itching, itching, rising, falling, rising, falling, rising, falling, rising, falling... calm, pleasant, excited, planning thought, hearing, nervous, hearing, curiosity, listening, amused, itching, remembering thought, light, brightness, flickering, searching, uncertainty, rising, falling, rising, falling, rising, itching, tension-unpleasant, lengthening, tension, numbness, irritated, tension, impatient, frustrated, angry, self-loathing, impatient, desire to get up, imagining, impatient, impatient, frustrated, irritated, labeling thought, impatient, desire to get up, rising, falling, rising, falling, rising, falling, relief, calm, happy, impatient, timer curiosity, itching, planning thought, rising, falling, rising, falling...

Walked for 20 minutes earlier, noting out loud. Added more stuff about movements and intentions.
Just sat and practiced concentration for 30 minutes. Counted breaths and watched the breath silently. Haven't done this in a while... very pleasant and relaxing, but also felt very tired. Amusingly, found myself noting automatically at first.
I've been noting silently off-the-cushion for most of the day. Mostly 'rising, falling' and movement stuff but also thoughts and mind states.

"Walked for 20 minutes earlier, noting out loud. Added more stuff about movements and intentions.
Just sat and practiced concentration for 30 minutes. Counted breaths and watched the breath silently. Haven't done this in a while... very pleasant and relaxing, but also felt very tired. Amusingly, found myself noting automatically at first.
I've been noting silently off-the-cushion for most of the day. Mostly 'rising, falling' and movement stuff but also thoughts and mind states."

Waking up noting, silently noting most of the day--that's really impressive, Nadav! Way to go!

25 minute sit. Seemed to start where I end up in most sits.
Vibration-unpleasant, vibration, itching-unpleasant, aversion, itching, tension, itching, desire to itch, tension-unpleasant, tension, planning thought, tightness, frustration, yawning, sleepy doubt, irritated, impatient, desire to get up, judgment thought, numbness, coolness-pleasant, remembering thought, sadness, fear, frustration, itching, itching, itching, tension, tension, tension, tension, rising, falling, itching-unpleasant, itching, tension-unpleasant, misery, frustration, planning thought, pressure, heaviness, yawning, postural thought, reflective thought, irritation, stretching, itching, itching, itching, itching, tension, etc.
Somewhere in the middle I felt more concentrated and pleasant... calm, coolness, softness, relief, desire, amused, etc then the nastiness returned for a while.
Towards the end I switched to rising and falling for a while. No strong mind states, just sort of neutral. Didn't feel very concentrated/deep, but pretty clear. Numbness, heat, heaviness. Some itching but less frequent or glaring than before.