Nadav's practice notes

I started to do some noting again this week. It's fun. As always, surprising to see how much I'm actually spacing out in thought throughout the day. I'm mixing random noting with bystander ("see how it...") noting, which I find especially useful for noting attentional and other subtle stuff (see how it wants to expand awareness, see how it focuses on pain, see how it returns to the body, etc).

Virtually no formal sitting at this point, other than a couple of ping pong sessions on skype and a group sit on Wednesday.

I hadn't noticed any obvious cycling or fruitions for 2-3 weeks. I would occasionally get physical nastiness like in dark night but it didn't really affect the mindstates. Once I started noting, A&P within a day or two (noting begins right upon waking up, pulses in the head, some semi-conscious sleep noting, alertness), dukha nanas the following day (only lasted 1-2 hours) then equanimity since (wide awareness, clarity, everything is nice, subtle pulsing of the entire field of experience). A couple of potential fruitions today. Whatever all of that is worth.

Noticing some desire to get 4th path, but not enough to lead to any kind of serious time on the cushion.

Oh, if anyone reading this ever wants to do some noting on skype, hit me up! Username: nadavspi

The way things seem right now:

Awareness is constant, unchanging, timeless, impersonal, etc. It's similar to the sense of the witness but without the physical component. When I recognize awareness (i.e., awareness recognizing that there is awareness), I can look to the previous moment and realize that awareness hadn't changed - it was just previously aware of a "distraction" (something other than the fact that it's aware). It is never interrupted (except perhaps for cessations, but I haven't noticed any lately.)

I don't know where this will lead yet, but it seems to hold a key. My main challenge right now (always?) has to do with truly accepting (being OK with) the entire range of experience. This includes unhooking from cycling as well as working with challenging non-meditation-related emotional stuff. The latter is a much bigger challenge. Cycling is becoming less of an issue (my last obvious dark night was about a week ago and lasted for a couple of hours), so it's more of a question of... what now?

It's possible to take a wide view that doesn't hurt so much. This makes more apparent the process whereby attention zooms on in any new spots of tension as they arise. It seems that different jhanas/modes of experience are just changes in the selection/focus from within the entire field of experience. So, the aspects of all of them are always present, they just require a specific lens to appear as such. Don't know how this can be helpful yet either.

Some cool things have been happening.

I practiced NS with Ron on Saturday and was able to get one. Was able to do it on Sunday too with some work. I can get in the neighborhood pretty easily (sinking, then fluttering / some involuntary movements, more sinking, more weird energetic stuff) but to get the event itself is a little harder.

I had an aha moment last night. I was looking at the frustration/uncertainty of 3rd path and the subtle aversion to this moment. Suddenly I realized... oh yeah, it's just frustration, and here's a bunch of other stuff too... there's no need to look for a special experience. I saw these things as equal to everything else in the selfless stream of experience. Cool.

Something is different now, but it could very well just be equanimity nana. There's an immediacy of sensory experience similar to what I described immediately after stream entry. Tensions in the body are somehow different... not as coarse or horrible, like I'm looking at them through water. Awareness (of awareness) happens by itself, effortlessly and seemingly more often. Expansiveness. The lack of a self in the stream of experience is apparent... things are just happening. I had to spend extra time at work today... I was not bothered by it at all and time moved quickly. Any drama with co-workers was seen to be only on their end, and negative reactions on my end were seen and dropped almost immediately.

Let's see if this sticks. I'm sure a vicious dark night is right around the corner.

Very weird visual experience this evening. Kind like being dizzy, or turning on a bright light after being in the darkness. Intense visual flutters / flashing lights, vibrating in sync. Especially in the periphery. Hard to focus. It lasted for a few hours. Now it's pretty tame, like some A&P visual stuff or like after staring at a kasina for a while.

Some other weird energetic stuff happening. A pressure point at the front of the crown, above the 3rd eye. Occasional surges of bliss. Had a couple of fruitions earlier, and some cool tingling at the base of the neck. Vibrations in the head. Lots of activity. I tried to go to sleep and gave up for now.

Awesome stuff Nadav. Great to see your practice paying off.

Hoping it sticks!

I feel normal. I make mistakes, my communication skills aren't perfect, I take criticism silently but drop it and move on after 2 minutes instead of 2 hours. In a stressful situation on the road today, I cursed out of habit but when I looked, there was no resentment towards the other driver. I am more open and confident socially; I'm interested in other people and saw myself get up to talk to a stranger before self-consciousness could even arise. I can sing in the car without feeling guilty about wasted practice opportunity.

Perspective is wide and panoramic; the visual field literally seems wider. There is an immediacy/clarity to sensory experience, particularly sound and taste. I can really taste things, like a veil has been lifted. Body tension is different - either a layer of it is gone, or it's not perceived as harshly.

There are similarities to my previous post-path experiences. There is constant energetic stuff in the body. I haven't slept much since Sunday because of this. I'm in a review phase (instant A&P, random fruitions, reckless joy) but it's more intense than I've had in a while. There's an urge to preach about meditation (which remains unexpressed, for the most part).

With attention, it's obvious that there's no "me" to which all of this is happening. Or, that idea is equal to the feeling of my knee against the table, the sound of my computer's fan, etc. It's very hard to describe what has changed. It's a huge change, but also not much of one. I don't feel "done" per se, because I can sense that there's a lot of deepening that could still happen from here. There's tremendous relief though. Could this really be the end of insight disease? Time will tell.

I'm very much in the immediate re-orientation phase, so we'll see how this all settles and what remains. I'm becoming more convinced that this was 4th path but it's way too soon to be sure. It feels significant, anyway. Just wanted to share what my experience is right now.

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I'm very much in the immediate re-orientation phase, so we'll see how this all settles and what remains. I'm becoming more convinced that this was 4th path but it's way too soon to be sure. It feels significant, anyway. Just wanted to share what my experience is right now.


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All that sound pretty much like 4th path to me. In any case: awesome job Nadav!

Good stuff! Yeah!

When I think about how I was when I was in my 20s and first discovering meditation, I'm struck by how many years I wasted by sitting around and studying all of the world's religions, burning incense, watching Joseph Campbell videos, listening to sitar music and Indonesian gamelon bells, cooking up vegetarian recipes as though I were a Hindu, getting into the Tibetan trip, Krishnamurti--floundering from one new thing to another. Legitimately awake moments happened, but were gradually engulfed by what Adyashanti calls 'spiritual guy''”the new center that I created around the discovery of meditation. What has struck me so much about your practice, Nadav, is its utter lack of spiritual materialism and immaturity. It is so impressive to me that you have maintained this sharp focus on awakening in such a straightforward, no-nonsense way. The results are inspiring and instructive. Way to go, man! And thanks so much for sharing your practice on the KFD forum.

"I had an aha moment last night. I was looking at the frustration/uncertainty of 3rd path and the subtle aversion to this moment. Suddenly I realized... oh yeah, it's just frustration, and here's a bunch of other stuff too... there's no need to look for a special experience. I saw these things as equal to everything else in the selfless stream of experience."

Nice! That's a pretty big sign, IMHO.

What happens at night, when you hit the pillow and want to goto sleep? What does that feel like now?

Thanks for your comments and encouragements, everyone. You've all been an inspiration.

Chris, last night was the first night that I wasn't hit by energetic phenomena when I went to sleep, but it was late and I can't exactly remember how it happened. I have noticed a difference in waking up - it doesn't feel like a "shift" into consciousness. In the past, this shift would be more or less jarring and/or immediate/clear depending on where I was in the cycle but currently it's as continuous as getting up from a chair. What's happening right before I get up is still a mystery.

I've taken naps the past 2 days and it didn't feel like I fell asleep, but both times I found myself in black stillness. It felt like awareness continued the whole time, but when I got up longer had passed than I expected and I felt like I would after a usual nap. Hehe.

Do you mind sharing why you're asking this, Chris? I suspect you're hinting towards a more conscious experience of sleep. Is this something that can be cultivated (and for what purpose?), or does it just happen?

"Do you mind sharing why you're asking this, Chris? I suspect you're hinting towards a more conscious experience of sleep. Is this something that can be cultivated (and for what purpose?), or does it just happen?"

Sure!

At some transitions (paths) in my practice one of the most notable changes was sleep activity. During the progress of insight I would have very energetic phenomena going on at night while sleeping and often wake up realizing that I had been in various jhanic states, vividly experienced. It was still sleep but there was more consistency of consciousness all night long. Then, at a point, that all just stopped dead. I would lie in bed and couldn't go to sleep at all. There was a giant, huge, enormous *nothing* there that seemed to encompass the entire universe, luminously, and it was so wondrous that I would lie there in bed just marveling, probably with a stupid, silly grin. The same sort of thing would happen when I sat -- nothing. Objects seemed to be all but gone and there was no activity happening at all. For someone used to taking an object this was weird and miraculous.

That's what I was getting at. But let me also say that everyone's experiences of these transitions differs, sometimes by a lot, so my experience is not necessarily any kind of benchmark for anyone but me.

I've been practicing metta for a few days. I ilke it. Mostly directing it at myself or the surroundings, and also Owen's skandha metta which is awesome. And remembering to smile, a la Bhante Vimalaramsi. This practice made a mediocre gig that I would've dreaded in the past really enjoyable. Directing metta towards obnoxious drunks is very different from my typical response, but it works a lot better.

I sat for 10 minutes this morning then had some unpleasantness / anxiety for a couple of hours at work. It didn't affect me as much as it used to, more of an unpleasant distraction. Eventually this settled and I got into the direct mode groove. By the end of the day I was calm and relishing sensory experience.

My center of gravity has shifted down to the middle of the body. Noticed it a couple of hours ago, might just be a random thing. Attention rests on the stomach by default. I.e., if I 'return to the body', attention goes there first, and the tension up at the head (jaw, forehead right now) will be noticed afterwards by consciously including it.